Hi all...

I am a caregiver for elderly, homebound and disabled individuals in their homes. I love my job but I get frustrated when I spend time with one individual and she gets frustrated, angry and gets mad at me for things not going her way.
She has either early onset Alzheimer's or dementia thus there is no reasoning with her. I just try to take a few deep breaths and realize it must be so hard and painful living the limited life she lives with Alzheimer's or dementia. She gets mad at me quite often usually after she gets confused. She almost always apologizes to me for her getting upset and tells me she isn't upset with me, she just gets upset.

How do others deal with people getting upset, irrational with them? It is quite taxing on an individual!!

Thanks

Amy

SB, welcome here! I like hearing from the CG, let me say that you come in when the family needs help the most. Our family could not function without the CG's we have.

The most effecive CG we have had, was very patient, and knew when to joke, and when to pour out affection. His whole shift was about giving undivided attention to my inlaws. At first, he was hated, and it was a very rough go of it. Then, when they started to trust him, you would have thought the world would stop spinning if he was not there, he was amazing. He had been threatened with a flashlight, cussed, had racial slurs spit at him, and he kept coming to work. We even told him that when he got tired of it, we did not expect him to stick around, we understood if he could take no more. He stayed through the death of my fil, and for a few months afterward, we miss him, for he was worth more than we could pay him.

SB, I know you are doing a good job, thank good ness for the CG's!!!!!

Thanks to everyone for replying to my post!! I so appreciate the kind, thoughtful replies

Sprigof,

Yes I do work through an agency. I did mention my concerns to the agency and to her son. I have been seeing this woman for a few weeks, this is the third week. A notebook is a great idea and I will start keeping one- great idea! Thanks so much for your reply.

Bobcat,

Thank you for your reply. Kudos to you for caring for your Mom. Good for you- I applaud you for doing that. I did bring this up to the son and hopefully he knows I am concerned, not upset. Thanks for the reply!

Moms_Buddy,

Thank you for your reply. I have been doing caregiving on and off for a number of years- I started as a care partner, then a nurses aide then got my medical assistant certification. Before I went to school for my med. asst I worked with this company for varying clients. I have been working with patients with Alzheimer's on and off for close to a year I think maybe a little more. This is my third week with this individual with Alzheimer's.

Thank you for all your ideas and suggestions! Thanks for the reply,

Amy

Welcome, Seabiscuit! First let me say thanks to you for the work you have chosen. It's a tough job! Have you been doing this for awhile? Is this your first experience with a client with AD? Aides for clients have a tough job. They are not family, but they frequently have as much "hands on" time with their client as the real family does! I have noticed that each aide develops a certain "style" of relating. The really successful ones use common tools like redirection, reward, silence, joking, distraction and other methods to manage their patients. AD folks are rough because the brain damage affects their personalities so much! First, remember to detach your personal self from whatever gets thrown at you. Patients with degenerative brain diseases and dementia symptoms are not mentally competent. Their inhibitions and senses of judgment are impaired. A nice person who never said boo to a goose in their lives can become a screaming, cursing madwoman at times. You can frequently see their personality swings coming on and you can learn their "triggers." A lot of it is like improvisational theater! You fly by the seat of your pants! Sometimes, you can comfort, other times you can gently chide, still others get the silent treatment... The main thing is to realize that even though the abuse is directed at you, it is NOT personal. That person might be abusive of anyone and just as quickly, be nice as pie after a tantrum.

When you feel ready to explode, try to remember that it is not pleasant to feel so confused and angry as these folks can become. They do not mean harm and they cannot understand what has happened to them. The time you spend with them often is a rare spot of social contact in their lives. Smiling, agreeing and joking your way through the thunderstorms can make a positive effect on the outcome. But sometimes, there is simply nothing you could have done that would have changed the outcome. If she fusses at your for something, keep on doing what you are doing and agree with her "Well, if I felt that way, I guess I'd be mad, too!" Then change the subject or distract her attention so that she does not obsess on whatever your "sin du jour" is... I have used things like, "Oh look at that silly bluejay outside!" Or, "Wonder who's on "Oprah" - let's check..." or "I understand how upset you are! How's about I get you some ice cream to make up?" , or "Uh huh. Here's your juice - let's get a napkin in case I spill."

Many blessings to you for your service.

Seabiscuit, Welcome in, I take care of my Mom, in her home, along with a team of CGs. (I live in my own home 1/2 hour away.) We have had a running notebook for CGs since my Dad was ill to help keep comminications open. It is just to hard to try to remember everything to tell the next person.
These types of episodes are what I want there, (although in our case they are few and mild). I think some go unmentioned, either because they are brief and mild, or the CG thinks I will find fault with her for upsetting Mom.
I spend 2 24 hour stretches with her a week in part so I will know for myself what is going on, through out the day.
Chances are that the son deals with these things himself but thinks it's just him and doesn't know what to do. That often happens when your experience is limited to your loved one, and he may not realize that this could signify a change in her medical condition. If you say nothing, he may be frustrated and feeling alone in this.
Bring this up. It could be very important or he may be able to reassure you about this.

Good luck and welcome again.

Hi Amy, If you don't mind answering, I have a few questions. Do you work through an agency? If so, you need to report any changes or concerns with your client to the nurse in charge of the case right away. If this is a private case, then you should , for sure, bring your concerns to the son. How long have you been looking after this woman? I always kept a note book in the client's home to note all daily interactions with the client for myself, the family and any other CG's to read and make notes in. I'm sure you know any notes are concidered a legal document but a great way to keep up to date on the client and note any changes. To me, a running note book is much like telling important information to someone who will not forget.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Sprigof,

Oh just lovely thats abandoning a patient?! Ok Im tryin to adjust to HHC baby I swear this irritates me to no end....
This is so not the way to handle an AD patient whos agitated but hey I guess we gotta get creative here huh?
Ok when she gets to this point does she really "see" whats goin on around her? I mean is her room big enough to where you could like say sit behind her out of visual range and just be quiet till the rage passes?
And GOD yes there are medications for her PLEASE if you have an open line of communication with her son Bring it on! Talk to him just do the little eggshell walk with him to feel him out knowaddimean he may be on a denial train ride and if thats the case he probably doesnt want to hear his dear mom has what you think may be AD.
Thats just me lookin out for your paycheck feel him out first ask him what he thinks may be wrong

Hi Bunnys_grl,

Thanks for the reply and welcome!! Thanks for saying what a great thing I am doing, it is my way of life, how I make a paycheck. Unfortunately, I am not allowed to walk out of the room where the client is because that is abandoning a client, I think. great idea though! I have thought about bringing this up with her son who takes care of her, but I don't want him to think I am complaining, am I concerned about her. I wonder if there are medications that can help. You are totally right, she doesn't know what she is doing. Thank you for your reply!

Amy

Amy welcome in
First let me say what a great thing your doing not many people can take on one let alone several.
Mercy girl!
First you have to realize they dont know what they are doing or saying once in an agitated state and the best thing for you to do in that situation is walk out of the room and let her be until she gets calm.
You say she may have AD well then I think whomever this person belongs to had better get her in to her PCP to FIND OUT now thats not just for them sweetie thats for you as well that way they can get her on some medication to quell these behaviors and to at least slow down the progression a little. Have they done this?