I am just plum worn out. More than anything I want to get away by myself for a few days and it is simply not possible. I WANT A BREAK!!!!

she says the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over andover and over andover and over andover and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and... god it pisses me off!

Oh yea..I almost forgot...my mothers side of my family is like a bad Jenny Lake show. God I hate those people.

My mother never had much time for me as a child. To self envolved. Now, all my time is spent keeping her from walking down Main Street naked wearing galoshes and a sun hat. I never liked her much. Over the years I felt guilty about that. Now she sits there drooling pissing and crapping all over the place..just hanging on. Payback is a bitch I suppose. Oh yea, my grandmother at 96 is still alive too. She simply hated me...now I have to take care of her neeeds as well. Constant calls from the nusing home worring about her fucking flu shot and trimming her fuckink nails ... I guess I'm just fucked.

i am full of hate hate hate hate hate. i have to be civil to you and i hate with all my being and it's making a hole in my gut. i hate your guts to the core and dream of smacking you in the face. i hate your guts. i'd like to make a voodoo doll of you and put it under the wheels of my car. i hate you becasue you are selfish and becasue you say the only resaon i'm taking care of dad is becasue i have nothing going on in my life, and that if i was doing anything i wouldnt be doing anything. you treat me with a mixture of pity and amusement and i hate you for it. just because you have a high paying professional job you think your life is more important and your time has more value than mine... and of course i should do all the caregiving...because , hey well, you're you! It woks out perfect for you that I take care of your lowest priorities while you go out and accomplish all the things you dream of...and live your life for you. You speak to me with this phoney sensativity oblivious to your narcissism and utter self absorbtion. i hate your guts more than you'll ever know or could imagine.HATE!

To the person that responded to my note on here thank you ..I understood what you meant its ok ))) Happy Valentines day to you all and to my precious Gram..I love you. I know you wont remember what a great day today was for you but I will always remember and look back and smile when I think of the sparkle in your eyes you had today. God Bless you all. Love Granddaughter

Correction to my entry below: When I said, "why don't you print out this letter, it's so beautiful...", I meant, why don't you print out the beautiful letter that YOU wrote, it so beautifully proclaims your love for you grandmother. : )

To Granddaughter, the love you have for your grandmother is expressed so powerfully. You did the right thing, getting your grandmother diagnosed, the aricept can make a HUGE difference... it may ENORMOUSLY improve the quality of her remaining years. Your dedication to her care is inspiring. If something ever happened and for some reason it was impossible for you to give care, remember the wonderful care your grandmother GAVE as a nurse... There may be other wonderful nurses out there to help you if you needed it. Your sound like a wonderful granddaughter and I'm sure your love will always lead you in the right direction. Why don't you print out this letter and save it.. it's so beautiful. Good Luck.



From boy am I confused.. To the person that aknowledged my note THANK YOU. I also feel that my new friend helps keep my mind streight so i can do a better job at what must be done. You are placed in a hard spot trying to handle this disease and to go without a kind word, a hug, or thanks is so hard for me. I have never been with another man until this. After much thought I am sure that I have done right not just for me, but also my husband. Thanks again & god bless.

Hello everyone, My family and I have just found out that my grandmother. who is 75, has alzheimers. I have suspected that she has had this for over a year now and have spent the last year trying to get my mom to realize that her mom needs help. Now that we all know the truth I almost wish I had kept my mouth shut. I am my grandmothers main caregiver. I have three children under the age of 4 and my grandmother is a 75 yr old child also. I have sat for hours since I was told what she has and gone thru all the emotions. Now I am to the point to where I am just very sad and trying to spend as much time with her as possible. I try to give her back some of the memories she has lost but sometimes it is very hard. I dont want her to know how sad it makes me that I know sometime in the near future not only will she not know who she is but she wont know who I am. She requires 24 hr supervision. She can not take her own meds, I give them to her everyday as needed on time. She cant even remember to eat so she has lost alot of weight.This wall is for venting I understand. I am going thru so many things right now I am not even sure how to describe them. The only thing I know is how much I love my gram. She means so much to me it hurts my chest when I think about the future that she is going to have. I try to make things as easy on her as possible. I tell her everyday how much I love her, especially when I give her medication. She is on aricept and she so far is doing ok. I dont want to vent how angry I am I just want to get out my thoughts. My gram has been giving me alot of her very special things that she has. She has given me all her bells, and all of her beautiful sun catchers. She told me as she gave them to me that she loves me very much and to always remember how she was before she got this horrible disease. She was a nurse and she took care of people all her life. Now she has this horrible disease and there is not a single stinkin thing anyone can do to stop it or slow it down or just flat out make it go away. I cant sleep. I am having problems eating. When I take my showers I cry because I know it is safe and that my precious Gram wont hear me. I dont want her to ever see me cry, she has always told me I have a smile that would light the world up if it was dark. I know her future is one filled with uncertainty and pain. I know eventually this disease will win. But it hasnt won yet. I still see a sparkle in her eyes and a smile on her face. We are making new memories everyday as I gobble up all the seconds and minutes and hours that I can with her. I know as time goes on it will get harder but I also know love will see us thru. Gram I know you wont ever be able to read this but I want you to know how much I love you. You mean the world to me. You are not a burden and you never will be. I chose to take care of you. I wont let a stranger act like they love and care for you just because its their job. I want you to know I chose to take care of you of because I love you so very much. I sit here barely able to see my screen because of the tears running down my face. Already this disease has taken away my Gram as I once knew her. Someday it will take her completely away but it will never take away my memories. I am tired but I wont give in. To this disease that has taken away my precious Gram as I once knew her, and will eventually completely take her away...KISS MY ASS I HATE YOU!!! YOU WONT WIN!!!! I WILL ALWAYS HAVE MY MEMORIES AND YOU CANT TAKE THOSE AWAY!! SO YOU WILL NEVER WIN!!!To my precious Gram I will carry you within my heart and mind always and we shall never really be apart. I will love you forever and long after you take your last breath. Till them tomorrow is ours. I love you so very much Gram dont stop fighting. You will NEVER be a burden to me. I CHOSE AND DEMANDED to care for you.I will until your last day on earth. You will forever be my Gram. God Bless you Gram Love always Your granddaughter

I miss my sweet husband of 35 years. I miss him so much. He went home to be with the Lord a year and half ago, and I still miss him as much today as ever. This is the most difficult thing I have ever had to face in my life. He was only 55 years old and such a precious man! I love you Harry!

To "Boy am I confused". You are taking care of yourself, and that is most important. To be able to care for your husband and maintain your sanity you need to put yourself first. Like on air flights, put the oxygen mask on yourself first, and then take care of the other person. I did that over a year ago, and have great loving relationship. Damn what society has to think, let them walk in our shoes, taking care of a spouse's every need for 24/7. My friend is good for me, and good for my wife with early onset dementia. My wife is presently at stage 6. Without my friend, I would not be able to provide the quality of care my wife receives at home. It certainly helped me maintain my sanity. Good for you, and I'm please that you posted it on the "wall".

Boy am I confused. Been taking care of my husband for what seems like an eternity. I'm 67. Met a man 20 years my junior at a library while getting books to pass time. Long & short-- We talked he ask me over to his place. on my two hour break a week,thanks to a friend. I cried to this stranger about my situation-he held me-talked to me made me feel alive.. I had sex with him (and enjoyed it-boy I miss a real life, I now meet him every couple weeks for stress relief. I feel terrible but I feel alive again.

To all of you, you are doing the BEST that you can, don't let anyone else here or anywhere make you feel guilty for the decisions you make. There are many who choose to care for the LO's in there home, for many, it becomes impossible with time. Whatever choice you make, don't ever let ANYONE make that choice for you, especially based on guilt. No one has that right, whether they think they know what AD is like or not. Not all cases and situations are the same. In some situations, the nursing home IS the best and safest option. There are many good ones, just do your homework, and visit on a regular basis. Remember, this is an Anger wall for venting, not to create anger amongst caregivers. This job is very hard, we need to support one another WITHOUT JUDGEMENT. So let's all play nice.

She is stealing our joy and happiness. That is all that I am angry about and that is quite alot if you think of how much effort goes into trying to keep her happy and cared for....

i did not attack you. you attacked 1st never forget that here. i responded to u. i did not like what u said so harshly.i responed to u.i did not react like you did. i said something real and true and it hurt u. i had no intention of hurting you . however you hurt cruelly many people here it is not ok even if you did'nt mean to do it. your reaction added to the burdens. please don't do it again.

I'm glad we understand each other better now. I should have not responded so harshly to the first attack...we should all be able to vent here in peace. So, I'm sorry to everyone here for my vulgarities and starting a big brou-ha-ha. We ARE all in the same boat. Thanks for the good wishes, I hope your doing ok too.

I READ YOUR REPLY, LOOKS LIKE WE'VE BOTH MADE UNFAIR ASSUMPTIONS. MY OPINION ABOUT COWARDLY ACTIONS ETC. WAS DIRECTED FOR THOSE WHO DO COP OUT AND WHO ARE TOO SELFISH TO GIVE A LITTLE, OF THEIR TIME & THEIR SELVES TO CARE FOR THE LOVED ONE. SUCH AS MY 3 SIBLINGS & THEIR ADULT CHILDREN. ACTUALLY YOUR STORY SOUNDS A LOT LIKE MINE. I DEFINATELY WASN'T THE FAVORITE MANY ISSUES THAT RUN VERY DEEP. LIKE YOU ALSO I HAVE A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF WHY THINGS HAPPENED THE WAY THEY DID & I'VE MADE MY PEACE WITH IT. GOOD CAREGIVERS ARE LOVING COMPASSIONATE PEOPLE WHO SOMEHOW FIND THE STRENGHT TO CARRY ON EVEN WHEN WE THINK WE CAN'T. UNFORTUNATELY AT SOME POINT WE WILL ALL PROBABLY HAVE TO MAKE THE NH DECISION FOR MEDICAL REASONS OR EVERYOTHER MEANS HAS BEEN COMPLETELY DEPLETED INCLUDING US THE CAREGIVERS. I TOO AGREE HAD YOU WRITTEN THE FIRST RESPONSE IN THE MANNER MINE WAS ADDRESSED YOU WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ATTACKED. I ALSO BELIEVE THAT HAD THE RESPONSES NOT BEEN SO HARSH YOU WOULD'NT HAVE RESPONDED SO CRUDELY BACK TO THEM. THE BIG PICTURE HERE IS WERE ALL CAREGIVERS OF LOVEDONES, WERE NOT THE STRANGERS HIRED TO CARE FOR THEM, EMOTIONS RUN HIGH & I HONESTLY BELIEVE MOST PEOPLE HERE HATE & FEEL RAGE TOWARDS THE DISEASE ONLY BUT THAT DOES NOT COME ACROSSED IN THEIR POSTES. WERE ALL IN THE SAME SINKING BOAT, WE GET ENOUGH GREIF FROM OUTSIDERS, NO NEED TO COME HERE & FIGHT WITHIN THIS COMMUNITY. WE NEED TO RESPECT THE FEELING & OPINIONS OF OTHERS AS WE WOULD WANT THEM TO RESPECT OURS. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF, I TRULY HOPE THINGS GET BETTER FOR YOU & I'M VERY SORRY YOU MISUNDERSTOOD & FELT i WAS ATTACKING YOU ALSO.

This is for the person below my post (unless somebody else posts as I am writing). If you are the same person who wrote using the obsenities before, I can perfectly understand your anger at some of the other posters. This is just my opinion, but I think if you had written your next to the last post first, nobody would have "flamed" you. I totally agree with a lot of what you are saying, I know how hard it is to fnd a competent, caring, caregiver to take some of the load off the relative full time caregivers. Alzheimers is such an ugly hated disease that so many people do not understand, even those who deal with it on a daily basis. I don't think I could be a caregiver for a person that I did not love with all my heart. Sure, I still get angry, pissed if you will, but my anger is directed at Alzheimers, not my Dad. Sometimes it isn'[t even anger I feel, but total rage at the ^%#@%# disease that robbed my Dad of his dignety, his memories, his ability to communicate and left an empty shell in his place. People who don't have to deal with Alzheimers on a daily basis really don't know what we as caregivers do, what we have given up, that our lives are on hold for a indefinate time frame, that we do feel anger, rage, hatred and pray for a release for the torment that holds our loved ones hostage. I sum it up by wishing you & all the others posters courage, stamina, and peace one day.

My last comment to the person WHO WRITES IN CAPS. I read your comments and responded, addressing you has a decent person... I must retract that! I had missed your comments which called me cowardly and the other nasty, jugemental, moronic insults you hurled, which are a staple of the idiots on this board! So, ignore, my thoughtful remarks and just substitute in another string of appropriate obsanities...

The response below is for the person WHO TYPED IN CAPS

The only reason I am responding again is because of the last entry. The last person who stated their opinion is clearly a thinking, thoughtful, honest, and caring person able to discuss the issue, although they made several incorrect assumptions about my situation. I am talking to this person, not the idiotic others. Although our opinions differ, I respect your opinion. In fact, I have been living with Alzheimer's 24-7 for many, many years. The disease has torn my mother apart, ravaged her so she is only a shadow of her former self. I'm fully involved in all the knitty gritty of cleaning her, wiping her, the hours of negotiation for a simple task, I live it every day. It was a big hurdle for me to take this on because growing up I was always my mother's least favorite and she treated me VERY poorly, so it has been extra hard taking her later stage mean comments, handling her outbursts, and the whole insanity of the disease with the necessary tenderness ...she never would have been able to take care of me as I have taken care of her, but I accept that because through the process I have learned much more about her, why she was not able to be a good mother, and I have been able to forgive her. My sister has mostly dropped out of the picture...she can do little things, but has affirmed that she will not give up her life, she has to live for herself, so she does a little here and there at her convenience. Over the years I have hired helpers to come in and help when I have to go out, or need a break. Many of the people have been awful, totally uncompassionate, and the biggest problem has been with those that get angry at he repetition, the nonsence or when my mother does something weird, inappropriate, or troublesome...in the face of these commoon difficulties they have treated her rudely, disrespectfully and forcefully. There were actually several incidents when people from town even called me to report horrific treatment they had witnessed in public when I had a caregiver do some driving for me. I have found that their anger and impatience made them totally incapable of caring for a person with Alzheimer's....even if they are fine, human beings, they were unable to give good care to a person with Alzheimer's . Not a federal crime, just a fact. I often thought, gee, they treated my mother so poorly, if THEIR mother ever got the disease I shudder to think what will happen. It's possible to love your mother (and some people hate their mothers, it's true) and still be so angry that you can't give proper care. My statement was, if a person feel RAGE toward the person they are caring for, I think they would get better care somewhere else, even a nursing home, assuming the caregivers at the nursing home are competent. I have compassion for family members.. the disease is evil, destructive and requires ENORMOUS patience and understanding, difficult even for the best people, under the best of circumstances. I admire people who can do it well, who are up to the challenge, but I don't disrespect the choice of admitting when you can't do it. There' no shame in it. It's actually smart to recognize when you've had enough.... becasue the most important thing is GOOD care. Anyone who gives good care knows that everyone can't do it. In my situation, I'm ok becasue I really don't have much anger towards my mother, although I can feel ENRAGED at my sister who is beyond belief in terms of lack of consideration, rudeness, and disrespect. I can get FURIOUS at the situation because of what I've had to sacrifice. Sometimes I get frustrated at the daily absurdities and how long it takes to do simple things, but I'm pretty much used to it now and make it into a joke and actually can appreciate the tender moments. If I ever get to the point when I feel rage and hatred towards my mother and wish her to die because I can't take the caregiving (I guess anything is possible), then I will relinquish care with my head held high. An after thought.... the rage I feel towards my sister, I can't imagine sacrificing my life to care for her. I would help her get the proper help, but I don't think I would do it.

Some of you seem to have it worse than even I. That makes it better. I left my husband and took our precious 7 year old 300 miles to live with my parents to take care of them -- he with multiple strokes, she with AD. Too much for a saint, and I ain't one!! 15 loads of soiled laundry a day, couldn't touch it without gloves. My dad pooped diarrhea on my pekinese pup -- who evidently sat under the wheelchair then came in where I was reading goodnight stories to my son. I didn't get to bed til 3 that morning, after bathing my father and my dog, cleaning chair, carpet, and hardwood floor, and laundry. Anyone who hasn't been there has no idea. My mom denying, saying what was I complaining about, this is the first time it ever happened, but the housekeeper says it's the 10th. Where are my parents? This ain't them. They're in an assisted living home now, although I swore I'd never do that. Mama hates it, but keeps feeding my dad (who can't swallow it if it's not pureed). She doesn't even know what she's doing, I guess. If I get there, please someone put a pillow over my face.

THIS IS DIRECTED TO THE ONE WHO CAME TO TRY AND SIT IN JUDGEMENT OF OTHERS AND DECIDED THAT THE MORALLY RIGHT THING TO DO IS PUT PEOPLE IN NH'S. MAYBE FOR YOU BUT NOT FOR EVERYONE. MY MOM HAS AD,SHE IS MY LOVED ONE WHO HAS A DREADFUL DISEASE NOT A PATIENT (NH TERM??) THANKYOU. YOU SAY THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH PUTTING THEM IN A NH IT BEING THE BEST RESPONSE. I'VE BEEN FIGHTING THIS LOSING BATTLE FOR TOO LONG ALL ALONE, AS MANY OF US ARE HERE. I'M TIRED & YES I'M ANGRY. I'M ANGRY AT THE DISEASE, THE FACT THAT IT'S TAKEN AWAY HER LIFE AND MINE, THE REST OF THE FAMILY & FRIENDS ABANDONED HER WHEN THEY HEARD AD. I CONTINUE FIGHTING BECAUSE I LOVE HER, I WANT HER TO BE SAFE AND WHEN POSSIBLE UNAFRAID, I STAY HERE, PUTTING MY LIFE ON HOLD FOR WHO KNOWS HOW LONG BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT IS THE MORALLY RIGHT DECISION FOR US. I FIND IT HARD TO BELEIVE YOU'VE LIVED WITH AD 24/7 IN YOUR LIFE AND YOUR HOME---UP CLOSE & PERSONAL YA KNOW---. ANYONE WHO HAS KNOWS THE EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER WERE ON, NOT TO MENTION THE PHYSICAL AND FINANCIAL STRAINS WE DEAL WITH SOMEDAYS HOUR TO HOUR. THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH PUTTING THEM IN A NH? PERSONAL OPINION I GUESS, MAYBE THAT'S WHY YOUR SO ENRAGED WE DON'T AGREE WITH YOU--LITTLE GUILT OF YOUR OWN??--. NORMALLY I DON'T EXPRESS MY PERSONAL OPIONIONS HERE BUT TODAY I WILL MAKE AN EXCEPTION. MY OPINION IS THE ONLY TIME A NH IS AN OPTION IS IF THE L/O MUST BE PLACED FOR MEDICAL REASONS OR EVERY OTHER ALTERNATIVE HAS FAILED. CAN'T REMEMBER WHO SAID IT BUT "DOING THE RIGHT THING ISN'T ALWAYS EASY,SO PEOPLE MAKE EXCUSES & RATIONALIZATIONS TO JUSTIFY THEIR ACTIONS OR LACK THERE OF". SOME PUT THEIR JOBS FIRST, THE OTHER FAMILY FIRST, THEIR SOCIAL LIFE FIRST. WHEN THE TRUTH IS THEY'RE TOO SELFISH & SELF CENTERED TO GIVE A LITTLE. THEY CAN'T STAND TO SEE HER LIKE THAT. WHAT EVER YOU NEED TO TELL YOURSELF TO MAKE YOUR COWARDLY, UNFORGIVEABLE, COP OUT OKAY SO YOU CAN GO ON ABOUT YOUR NORMAL LIVES. I TRULY HOPE I'VE NOT HURT ANYONE WITH MY OPINIONS, EVEN YOU THERES SO MUCH ANGER HERE. BECAUSE THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS PLACE IS ABOUT. IF YOU CAN'T COME HERE AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND, THAN DON'T COME HERE. THIS IS A PLACE FOR ANGER, NOT GUILT, I'M SURE WE ALL HAVE ENOUGH OF THAT WITHOUT FINDING IT HERE TOO. TO ALL CAREGIVERS & FAMILY MEMBERS OF AD L/O'S. GIVE YOURSELF A PAT ON THE BACK, WE DO THE HARD WORK, WE MAKE THE HARD DECISIONS DAY IN AND DAY OUT AND WE DO IT OUT OF LOVE. MY PRAYERS TO ALL WHO ARE WALKING THIS JOURNEY THRU THE UNKNOWN.

Only low class, low mentality people cannot express themselves without using vulgar language. You come here to make accusations and are upset when others will not agree with you. Reality is A/D is extremely difficult to deal with on any level and for you to say that a caregiver can not give good care when they are angry is absurd. Don't you understand that it's the A/D people are angry with and not the loved one who has it? Is a parent a bad parent who gets angry when their child does something they shouldn't? Is your superior at work a bad supervisor when they get angry if an employee makes a mistake? I doubt if there is a person alive who does not get angry at times. Does that make them a bad person who cannot deal with anger? Are you suggesting that an angry person can not vent in a healthy way and carry on with daily life? If so, then you have a serious problem.

Mom comes home today. Thank you my wonderful brother and his wife for giving me a much needed break. I have regained a little bit of my sanity, and hopefully can get back into the regular grind in a better mental state. Wish me luck, and bless you, Wall, and all of the beloved Caregivers on it.

I am not the only person who disagrees, you are the idiot. There are more than one that disagree with you. Can you make a valid point without using foul language? Who is the idiot here? Are you sure you can care for your loved one, when YOU are so filled with anger? Or must you just make sure you get the last word? Any more foul language? I thought this was a board to take out your frustrations at being a caregiver, now we have people who dish judgements on people's anger, then can't handle the results. Go ahead, add some more of your pathetic flames. You confirm that you are an idiotic moron.

By the way stupid, you're AN EXPERT at dishing it out. Something tells me I'm not the only one to get your mindless wrath, you shit head.

You're stupid and you just can't shut up. You're a fucking idiot.

Get over yourself. Don't judge, lest ye be judged. Can't take it? Then don't dish it out. Yes, there is anger here. How would you know if someone is taking good care of their loved one? Just because they are angry and vented, you made an assumption. You said it, now take your medicine.

I HATE HOW I HAD TO GET MY DAD HELP!!!! My MOm thought because my Dad was a vet with a purple heart - they'd help us! What a joke - when she knew the anger was out of control in December the first she could get help was April 4. 10 days ago I had to leave my Dad in the Psyco Ward - I thought for over night so we could get HELP!!! MY Dad deserved better than that!!!! All this so we could get some help paying for a Nursing Home for 60 days. The cost was not worth it to me - now my Mom is possibly have to use all their savings ($50,000. ) and cash in their life insurance policys. This world sucks. It's either all or nothing. Forget about Afganistan and all those other countries - CHAIRITY BEGINS AT HOME!!!!!1

I HATE THE HORRIBLE OLD BITCH THAT HAS INVADED MY MOTHER'S BODY. I HATE HER CONSTANT COMPLAINING AND ESPECIALLY THAT SOMETIMES SHE ALLOWS MAMA'S PERSONALITY TO COME BACK IN FOR A SHORT TIME TO BREAK MY HEART. I HATE MOPPING UP BEHIND HER AS SHE PEES HER WAY THROUGH THE HOUSE -- REFUSES TO WEAR DEPENDS AND THOSE STUPID PADS ARE WORTHLESS. TEN PAIRS OF PANTIES A DAY SOAKED YELLOW AND STINKY. I KNOW SHE DID IT FOR ME BUT NOT FOR 6 YEARS AND HEY BABIES ARE CUTE.

They are the Professionals! They came to tune up the company. Instead with no one to stop them, they destroyed the company, my dedicated work for low pay for 5 years, all my skills, long long hours to vreate, build, make a reality a truly innovative technology for good, my beloved Telechron Radio set/controlled clocks, still the only radio set clocks that work indoors on this planet. They destroyed my career, my health - my colon, and still I bleed 3 years on. A judge sacked them, but too late, they had ripped off and destroyed everything. They call it "corporate recovery" an acronym for corporate destruction. They all have an MBA, a license to destroy, a license to terrorize. Another company wanted to buy out and invest a million dollars, but no that was no go, as only a week wages for 3 guys on $400 an hour, in the end they went for 3 months... and destoyed all... and mysteriously lost the companies financial records... A rival company of A.A. of four foul letters starting with K and ending in G. Osmma Bin Laden would do well to study them, for they are the Professional Terrorists!

The foolish, foolish armchair "psychologist" who knows so much about me...and can tell me that I hate myself because of what their own comments. How in the world would you know ANYTHING about me? How in the world would you know what I think about you? You ACCUSE me of being a hyocrite, you ACUUSE me of hating myself, you ACCUSE me of of hating what you say, you ACCUSE me of condemming people, you ACCUSE me of making judgements. You have absolutely no idea what you're talking about you moron. You know nothing about me or my situation, and you have a ot of gaul making such ASSUMPTIONS you asshole! Can you read above the first grade level, stupid? All I said was RAGEFUL caregivers can't give good care. This comment set you off because it's you! Well, wake up, it's a lot of people and the truth makes you mad you hyppocrit! You set me off becasue youre such a hypocrite! You attack me for that simple statement in a tyraide ACCUSING me of knowing nothing! Well, you stupid fucking jackass, I've been living with this for a decade, so SHUT YOUR STUPID MOUTH and attack someone else. Next time, pick someone who actually insults you, fuck head!

By the way, to the piece of garbage who suggested I might be better off with Alzheimer's.... you're DISGUSTING! You have just revealed who you REALLY are! Wishing people to get Alzheimer's, SICK! Go crawl under your rock you piece of shit!

Listen you fuckin stupid,stupid, stupid, assholes who left the last few remarks attacking me because I commented that there is anger in this room... you stupid fuck heads... there IS anger in this room!!!! If youre angry about me saying that, direct it to your stupid, moronic selves. How DARE me????!!! How DARE YOU assume anything about me! You stupid, no nothing PIECE OF SHIT! You know absolutely NOTHING about me, my experiences or where I'm coming from! And you stupid, stupid asshole, I do have some experience in this disease, and if you don't like my opinions, too fucking bad! Keep your hateful mouth shut! I hate people like you! You are so fucking stupid! Rage and anger is understanable, but such stupidity makes you a loser who will just damage others! You make me SICK!

I just want to say how much I hate this goddamn horrible body-snatching disease. It leaves the body I recognize but not the personality that was so wonderful and loving. Mama is still loving to me, but so nasty to others, especially the aides at the home. I overheard an episode last night, (she forgot I was on the phone) where she was telling the nurses that he is HER husband and they are to leave her to take care of him. He has some kind of horrible dementia but not Alzheimer's, and she has AD which is worsening quickly. She and all of us would have been so much better off if he'd died on the operating table when he had a piece of his colon removed 6 years ago. He has never been the same person since, just nasty and demanding. I think it was the anesthetic -- elderly people just can't handle it. I just wrote a long long Wail on the Wall and lost it with a flick of the button. Too exhausted to start over. Thank God I found this site -- it's nice to know others have as hellish a life as I do .... that doesn't sound nice, does it, but you all know what I mean.

Just found this site. wish I found it much sooner. yesterday I had to put my dad in a nursing home. i'm sad and pissed off at the world right now. no one seems to understand what we go thru 24/7 i hate the health care system in this good ole usa.no one seems to care. when you get no help from your own family and have to deal with health "professionals" (assholes) and at the same time try to keep your sanity.now i'm just ramblin'. i don't have anyone to vent to. i feel like crying but can't even do that. what's wrong with me?????????? weel i have alot of reading to do here. thanks for the anger wall. and a special thanks to all the people here who are just as pissed off as i am and letting others know we aren't alone. tahnks for listening!!!

Mr./Ms. "so much anger here" Did you happen to read the title page? There is a REASON it is called "the anger wall". How DARE you come here to voice your opinion on something that you have NO clue about! People like you make me sick! You need to take your amature psychology and stick it where the sun don't shine! Caregivers who vent here HAVE to have a RELEASE. UNTIL you have cared for an A/D person 24/7s, you don't have a clue what any of us are experiencing. We do our caregiving out of LOVE, not HATRED. The wonderful loved ones with A/D have become alien to us, they are NOT the loving, kind, fastedious, caring, reasoning people who raised us. A/D has robbed them of their minds & their bodies. I look at the shell of my best friend, my confidante, the person who has loved me my whole life, the person I loved & respected and I wonder where she went. Tell me again what a lousy caregiver I am as I clean feces from under her nails, spend an hour coaxing a half cup of soup into her, dress her, brush her teeth, change her diapers & bedding, spend my nights alert to ANY sound coming from her room, spend HOURS on hold trying to get some help from an agency---any agency, or beg for a free afternoon from one of my busy siblings. Tell me again how horrible I am and how much I hate my Mother that I don't want to see her suffer as I have watched the past 12 years as she loses ALL her abilities including the ability to eat, drink & breathe. What a rotten person I am to want my Mother to die and end her suffering that has gone on too long. Just what do you think we do to our A/D loved ones that makes it impossible to give good care? Do you really think we would take care of a person we hated? Please do all of us a favor and find some place else to state your disgusting opinions. Or maybe you could take some of your precious time you seem to have so much of and sit in on some A/D seminars and actually learn a little bit about a subject that you obviously know nothing about. I never thought I would wish the A/D experience on anybody, but I think you would have a better understanding if YOU had it!

Dad died Saturday. At last he is at peace and with Mother again. Through all of the pain and frustration I would not have done it any other way. He is at peace now.

to peer pressure sucks! u so eloquently put into words how i feel u r not alone it is not ok but that is how it is in the real world proud of you for being free u cannot chain an independent soul freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose janis joplin been there , done that, fire and rain

to u who had so much opinion and so full of assumption, apparently u came to the wrong site did,nt u read the instructions? this is the anger wall WITH OUT GUILT!!!!! u r supposed to be aware of other peoples sensitivities u r supposed to spit it out and get rid of it. this is not a sitefor nice passive aggressive people who assume and preach without knowing the facts. let me educate u. yes there is alot of anger here. that is the whole purpose. to be able to vent without some person preaching or trying to fix. an interesting thot for u to ponder how do you know so much about other peoples relationships without checking out the facts 1st? yes it is horrible to care 24/7 alne and unsupported. and as for nh. how do u know that these sick people r'nt in nh.'s? u can feel tons of anger. feelings r neither right nor wrong they r feelings and if they don't come out they come out in passive aggresive ways like u did by preaching based on assumption with out full knowledge of the facts.as for wanting someone to die this is a very "normal" thing for all caregivers. and because they r expressing truth it is a cleansing confession for the soul and one is cleansed and healed and energy rushes in so i believe the people who vent perhaps r giving better care as a result.as for denying reality knowledge is power over superstition, a balance for hope, a levelor of anger, and a contoller of denial. another thot to ponder and ask yourself, when u condemn another u show the world you r a hypoctrite because u do the things u condemn and hate it soo much in yourself that u hate the people even more for being honest and real. they don't come here to do anything more than vent and have a safe forum to vent in., by your words and thotless and insensitve remarks i think u need tro go somewhere else to get help and why r u here anyway?i think u are not supposed to be here and i think this is not for you, that is ok it isn't for everyone but leave these people alone who appointed you to judge so foolishly some things r better left unsaid. that is why this anger wall is anonymous. we come here to vent and go on with ourlives so please do us a favor and let us. live and let live. u don't know what u r talking about .

There is so much anger here. I think the angriest voices are from those who find themselves caring for people they never had good relationships with to begin with. How horrible to have to withstand the inevitable &^%$&%&^ from a person who treated you poorly when they were healthy! There is nothing wrong with putting someone in a nursing home, infact, morally it may be a better choice if you feel tons of anger. If one is so angry, the want the patient to die, and hate the patient, YOU CAN'T BE GIVING GOOD CARE. ..IF YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU ARE DENYING REALITY. YOU ARE GIVING BAD CARE. It's impossible to give god to care to a person you feel RAGE against, and dream of death for. So, do the moral thing and put them in a nursing home. It's the right thing to do. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not condemming the rage and the anger, I'm just suggesting the best response to it.

my day has been so bad.At school all my classes got changed that pissed me off os bad I wanted to scream.my little brother has been driving me crazy. He's leaving on Feb 5th I glad because we won't fight anymore but I think I might miss him. Last night My little brother was shooting me in the face with rubber bands an I told my mom an she aid that she would take care of it well guess what she didn't. so he came back in there an started shooting me again so I told my mom that she needed to do someting about himn. I got in trouble an had to go to my room.

i want her to die and she does'nt do it why. she keeps hanging on for what i;m tired of this living hell. please die i can't take it anymore. why r u still here i don't want to deal with u anymore. why does she still live. all the health in the world but no mind. why do i have to be the responsible one why don't i run away why do i stay and put up with this why do i care.i'm so filled with pain and sosick of being sick and tired how good it feels tolet this poison out of me, i can never thank u enough u lovely anger wall all holier than thou hypocrites thanks for being here so i have a target for this rage, this killing pain finally i can tell u what i really thank in an acceptable forum without others telling me not to be who i really am in this nightmare. i hate loathe and despise u u make me so sick to my stomach i hate how you make me feel like the bad guy it is u who r the bad guy i'm sick of people who defend u in their fake world of denial la la land where r the real people wwhy they r here to tell the truth about how it really is.

i'm pissed at this warning be aware of other peoples sensitivites if u choose god i need people to be aware and sensitive with me. soo tired and burnt beyond belief i hate this disease it gives me the crreps!! i am repulsed by what is required the smell makes me want to puke!! i'm fed up with docs who have degees and play god with my life! i'm fed up with people who r out for themselves and don't care!! i'm fed up with people who r self righteous and have to preach and load up on the burdens they place on me and don't lift a damn finger to help. i'm fed up with all the good intentions that suck bigtime. i'm filled with toxic rage and i'm fed up with people and their hidden agendas and i'm fed up with a lack of response to my pain and have so much to say about solutions when they know squat about the problem i'm soooo pissed and i can't take it anymore and it just keeps coming light a freight train from hell. i'm weary and burnt and am so grateful for this wall. it is time to let it out. but i'm so sick and tired and fed up with desperately trying to get some relief for the pain and so few are able to listen without trying to fix, i'm tired of people who assume and misunderstand me why do i keep going in spite of all this. what does'nt kill u makes u stronger so they say, let no one preach this to me i believ god does give us more than we can handle so all self righteous holier than thou people, hypocrites who lack nowledge of their dark side can kiss my ass!!! this feels sooo good to relieve this pent up pressure how close am i too blowing , soo much pain and anguish underneath this toxic rage. sooo sick of feeling i don't want to stuff and repress my choice, let others beware god help u if u cross my path and try to fix me without listening and bewaring not of my pain

The most beautiful woman I know, mother to my 2 year old boy came to me last week after being beat up by her crack dealer/boyfriend...save me...save me...let me come back...help !!! Im clean and I want out...I bought her medications last week she responded well to them...shes bipolar2/borderline personality disorder...moved her stuff into storage...Ill be home for dinner...just a couple loose ends to take care of...never made it home...shes at the crack house...I love her so much...whats wrong with me?

I go through each day with a smile and inside I am dying. I hate having to care for my husband with no help from his three, wealthy children. They could easily pay for a week of care for him and a break for me but that's not going to happen in my life. Yes, we get along fine as long as I don't ask them to help financially or come and care for him. This life is the pits. NO ONE knows what it is like taking care of a spouse. It is harder. I think I am going insane some days. I will get a break this summer if I have to sell my house. I am going on a cruise and be waited on day and night. Anyone want to go?

There is no easy way out. What works for one family will not work for another one. I dont judge anyone for placeing a love one in a nurseing home. I just know that would not work for me. I care for my alzheimers hubsand at home and it has been a rough hard ten years now. I dont have very much outside help. I get one three hour sitter day a month and I use that to go to the grocery store, And I run the whole time Im gone. I know the guilt would eat me alive if I put him in a nursing home. I feel like I have been a prisonier and I dont have a life of my own, I havent been to church in so long. I dont know what it is like to go to the beauty shop ( not that it would help anyway) BUt I still wouldnt trade places with my husband. Love is the only thing that alzheimers cant steal. So all of you just hang on. If you do deal with rest homes make sure they know where you stand let them know they are responsiable for your love one. Drop in unexpeted when visiting hours are over.

Yay!!! A round of applause for the post a couple below. We have another critic on our hands. Wake up, smell the coffee, get a clue, people on this wall are DOING THE BEST THEY CAN, but, get this, here's the kicker,YOU AREN'T IN THEIR SHOES, HOW MUCH DO THEY HAVE GOING ON IN THEIR LIVES, how do you know how much anyone here can handle? OK you deserve the prize, CLAP CLAP I wish I could hand you the purple heart. Guess what, I care for my Mom, work overtime to pay for it all, and am a single mother to boot. I am so tired, but I love my Mom so I do it. There will come a time when I and everyone here has to come to a decision to put their loved one in a nursing home, WHO ARE YOU TO DICTATE WHAT IS RIGHT OR WRONG FOR THEM? WHO ARE YOU TO LAY A GUILT TRIP ON PEOPLE WHO ARE ALREADY WRACKED WITH GUILT ALREADY? I AM SICK OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS WRONG HERE, YOU ARE ANGRY AT PEOPLE WHO'S CIRCUMSTANCES YOU DON'T KNOW SO JUST SHUT THE HELL UP.



Damn!!!!!!I just talked to our local alzheimers assoc. to get help for a 7 day and night stay somewhere for my mother in law. Instead of helping me they just complicate things! I need one week the first of october...I have had her 24/7 for almost 2 years with NO help. I don't know how but she is going somewhere. Hell I can't even get the 'traveling nurse' to come here and asess her. Alzheimers assoc says bring her to a nursing home, oh yeah like the money for this consultation just grows on the tree out in the back yard! I can't even take her for a ride cause she trys to jump out of the car.

Alright MR. ever heard of a nursing home??? I cared for my granny at home & am now caring for my mom with AD at home. Yea I've heard of nursing homes, as a matter of fact I worked in a few several years ago which is why I made the promise to mom & granny. Get better care, have you lost your mind?? The average nurse aide makes only $7.00 an hour, Do you think are family members would be cared for by quality people??? Not to say that there aren't caring wonderful NA's out there but would you want to take the chance that you or your family member be cared for by someone just there to collect their pay check!!!! Our loved ones deserve better than that. Mediacally there comes a time when we all may end up having to make that awful decision but until I can no longer care for my mom at home because of medical reasons she will stay here with me where I know she's safe. She will sleep in her own bed & not be surrounded by strangers. What a selfish person you must be, it makes me sick to think that people think it's okay to lock them away somewhere they can be taken care of. What a cop out, this is the hardest thing I've ever been thru, I've given up so much & would do it all over again if I had to. Our parents give up so much when we are children & young adults but for some reason people seem to make excuses or rationalize why they can't help care for someone when the bottom line is it's hard & they don't want to do it, they don't like the idea of putting someone else first. What a throw away sociiety we've become. Our elderly put in homes, divorce is so high, our childrens needs are so often not put first etc. We do this for different reasons, out of love, sometimes out of obligation but the bottom line once again is we're here doing the best for them that we can regardless of how hard it is or how much we have to give up. People such as your self amaze me constantly, until you've walked in our shoes keep your advice to yourself. Get a clue, this is called the anger wall for a reason & if we weren't already angry before we got here once we read messages such as yours we sure are. I hope if you have children you've made your views known to them, does a nursing home sound like a place you'd want to live???? Think about that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

endure be strong people need you

i am lost, no where to go, nothing to do, no one cares anyway- is there an easy way to just shrink and disappear- i wish i knew how

It would kill Mom to go to a nursing home right now. That may have to happen later, but not yet. It may be hard caring for her now, but I will bite my tongue and do it. My brother has been helping me more, he sees the light now, so we will do this together. All I want is to come here and spout the hate that I will never truly feel or show to my Mom, who is turning into a shell. I don't hate her, I hate AZ, why did this happen to my Mom, who was so active, beautiful, and vibrant 4 years ago. She is gone, and this frightened old lady is what is left. Just let people come here and vent, all of you people with holier-than-thou attitudes stop placing a guilt trip on everyone. We are dealing with this in our own way, so God Bless em for trying, no matter what path they choose.

YOU ARE OLD!!!! WHY AREN'T YOU DEAD YET?! YOU MAY HAVE CHANGED MY DIAPERS...BUT I WAS ONE! YOU ARE EIGHTY!!!!! AND PRUNNY....AND WRINKLED....OLD SHRIVLED..NEVERMIND... AND SECONDLY...I DON'T WANT TO BATH YOU...HERE'S A THOUGHT...DON'T TELL ME YOUR NAKED!! AND MOM....WEAR A BRA, FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!!!! HOW COME YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE SATAN IF I DON'T WANT TO CARE FOR YOU FOR THE PRIME OF MY LIFE...I'M TWENTY!!!! WHY SHOULD I FEEL GUILTY FOR PUTTING YOU IN A HOME! EAT YOUR SHIT, AND DIE!!!! JUST DIE!!!!

Sir or Madam "ever heard of a nursing home????", It is beyond obvious by your tone, words, excessive punctuation and all the free time you've got on your hands to correct and admonish the caregivers on this anger wall that you are not and have not been in their shoes. It takes a certain kind of person to do what you won't. How much love for them will return - hmmm, sounds like one of those siblings/family members/friends that simply don't have the time to waste people that "will be dead soon, anyway". How hard it is to watch it all from a distance! Get a brain and use it, why don't you? Did I get that right? If you visit them on occasion you love them more than you give your life, time, money, energy for them? Okay, we're now leaving Oz. Let's start heading back to REALITY. Diseases don't come with high horses. Only those not doing the working, caring, loving have time for such nonsensical dribble.

Sir or Madam "ever heard of a nursing home????", It is beyond obvious by your tone, words, excessive punctuation and all the free time you've got on your hands to correct and admonish the caregivers on this anger wall that you are not and have not been in their shoes. It takes a certain kind of person to do what you won't. How much love for them will return - hmmm, sounds like one of those siblings/family members/friends that simply don't have the time to waste people that "will be dead soon, anyway". How hard it is to watch it all from a distance! It a brain and use it, why don't you? Did I get that right? If you visit them on occasion you love them more than you give your life, time, money, energy for them? Okay, we're now leaving Oz. Let's start heading back to REALITY. Diseases don't come with high horses. Only those not doing the working, caring, loving have time for such nonsense.

I just want to say to all of you that are so full of hurt and anger and pain.