It seems that miserable family members stay miserable, even after our loved ones pass. I'm trying to deal with life insurance, cremation,having Dad interred next to Mom out of state, breaking the lease on this house, packing, cleaning, finding a new apartment... the list goes on and on.

I've started to get phone calls from some of the out of state relatives who I haven't spoken to in decades. It seems that they saw the obit I placed in Dad's hometown newspaper, and called my brother (who got dad to sign over the house, and kept the same phone number). Brother's crazy girlfriend is telling them that I kidnapped Dad while little Bro was out of town visiting her, and that I stole thousands of dollars worth of antiques out of the house when I did. She's also saying that her and bro aren't convinced Dad died of natural causes. Then she gives them my unlisted phone number so they call here screaming at me.

The move out here was planned weeks in advance. I can have my attorney get depositions from Dad's neighbors, friends, and some of the relatives to prove this. The will also all swear that Dad did not own antiques. Or much of anything else. And all we took from the house was his bedroom furniture and his mobility aids. We left the living room furniture (I had paid for), the television (I had paid for), all the kitchen appliances (also paid for by me), etc.

Of course, now her slanderous accusations have been passed on to Dad's doctor, and to the medical examiner here. So they are holding up the death certificate, and I am under investigation for elder abuse.

I hired an attorney yesterday. We are having everything in this house appraised, unless I have a receipt to prove that I owned it before Dad moved it. Even Dad's socks and underwear. And I will guarantee that if we have to sell all of it, it isn't worth enough to pay the attorney fees. I had already paid for the mortuary/crematory fees out of my pocket. Now we are billing those to the estate.

End result is that both little bro and I are going to owe a substantial sum of money when this is done. Family heirlooms - none of which have monetary value - will be gone at the partition sale. And I still don't think Bro knows that life insurance is outside the estate. Dad made me sole beneficary 15 years ago when I helped take care of Mom. He said he knew I would take care of him, and he wanted me to get that money, not little bro.

How can family members - and one miserable greedy woman who isn't even part of the family - be so hateful?

I wonder what would happen if you told him you do not have money to waste on lawyers and allow him to encure the lawyers fees to find nothing.He knows you have so little income and health isuues.Possibly he wants to make your life misearble for doing something he proved to be a failurs.Looking after your parent which he forgot was his also.It seems the more money people have the more they want.Possibly the onlything that gives him self worth is the dollar..Too bad there is not away for you to have his pay all the costs you have experienced.
DO YOU EVER WONDER IF YOUR PARENTS REALLY GAVE BIRTH TO SUCH A PERSON.?

The sad part is that every thing Dad owned has a total monetary value of maybe $1000. There was $5000 in life insurance. Every single other thing he ever had he gave to my brother before he moved out here. All the real estate, all the furniture, everything except a few changes of clothes, and his bed and dressers. Funeral charges were $3250. Why can't they do the math? All this fuss over so little. My legal fees are already more than the whole estate is worth. I just want it to stop. I'm on disability for anxiety, and I don't know how much more I can take.

I was hoping you'd be done with this too Jo. I had been wondering what happened since your last post and felt sick when I read this latest update. Your brother should fry.

JoO , These lawyers will take any case that smells like money.Shame on brother for not being satisfied with his own wealth.You know when people have done things under the table they always need to believe everyone is less then honest.I would ship all of the things to his home and have it cash on delivery.Be a thrrn in his crown for a change.People like this make you want to smack them just once,

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I really resent the fact that I'm being forced to pay a lawyer for this. I make $800 a month on disability. Little bro is worth... maybe $200,000, not a penny of which was ever spent on Dad. I just don't get it.

I am so sorry, Jo! I HOPE that at some point SOON, he will realize that his behavior is just hurting YOU and will not net him a single DIME more than is there! His attorney SHOULD inform him of this, but in case he doesn't, you might suggest to him that the fighting is COSTING money that may just offset or totally eat up anything either of you would be getting... It hurts so much to know that the people who get the MOST oftentimes from our parents' estates are the attorneys...

Jo is there any way you can request that once the case is done your brother pays for the legal fees incurred because of this witch hunt of his? Ide ask your lawyer

Ok, so they finally issued a death certificate and dropped that whole mess.

We still will have to fight through probate. I even offered to truck every piece of clothing, furniture, etc. to little bro's house and let him have it, but he is so sure I am hiding a fortune. His attorney has supoened my bank records, as well as Dad's. Thank heavens I kept receipts and spreadsheets for everything, and all my banking and bill pay was done online, so it should be pretty darned easy to show where the money went.

I still don't know how I am supposed to prove I don't have these non-existant antiques, though. I had to rent a storage locker since I can't dispose of any of Dad's clothes, or anything, and I am moving into a 400 sq ft. apartment Saturday. The lawyer had 2 people inventory everything in my house, and everything that went into storage. And he has the only key. I really resent the fact that I'm being forced to pay a lawyer for this. I make $800 a month on disability. Little bro is worth... maybe $200,000, not a penny of which was ever spent on Dad. I just don't get it.

And another thing, the tracks on your brothers girlfriends arms will follow like any good track record in any court in the U.S. She will be held accountable for these false claims, mark my words here. This will create her undoing and your brothers too.

Ya know Jo, I hear over and over and over again horror stories just like yours and I've got some of my own as well. I just don't get it. The one who contributes the most, becomes the recipient of all the disgusting actions from others who have one thing only to attain and that is a whole bunch of somethings for nothing. It's amazing how these people were never around when you would have appreciated their contribution to the caregiving and equally amazing how they all of a sudden are soooo available to make false claims and try to claim it all when it's all over with! I know life isn't anything like, Ozzie & Harriet but I didn't know it resembled any outrageous horror film so often in the caregiving world until I stepped into it.

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Originally posted by Jo O:
Then she gives them my unlisted phone number so they call here screaming at me.

It's none of their damn business! They read about your fathers passing in the paper which obviously means they weren't around to call and say, "Hello. How's everything on your end" when your father was alive but they'll immediately take a non-relatives venomous, slanderous remarks against you and hold them as gospel. Amazing how dangerously stupid people are.

Mae you said a mouthful! I hear you I commend you and I stand right by your side in this.
People have lost their sense of honor and loyalty to their families whether its blood or by marriage. Shame on them all! May they never have a moments peace in their lives.
And by the sound of it Jo your brother and his girlfriend never will have peace since they are defined by the path they are walking now...filled with both hate and lies to comfort them in the cold nights ahead...pretty pathetic existance wouldnt you say??? Dont waste your time with thoughts of them anymore let the courts handle them you are a wonderful human being who took on a task worthy of a medal when you didnt have to. You Are A Caregiver.
Anyone talkin crap out the side of their mouth who has never lifted a finger to help another person in need doesnt deserve to breath the same air as us its as simple as that in my book maybe a little harsh but oh well thats just how I feel Im dam mad for you Jo you dont deserve to be put in this position to make your brother feel better about the fact he couldnt lift a finger here for his own father and sister! How do you like the guilt brother dear?! I gotta few more choice words for him if I ever see him on the street Jo! not to mention a big ole club to bonk him on the head with!

Bunny girl well said.Anyone who cares about another human gets angry when they see them being wronged, especially friends..
From my experience friends do try to help and give advice.We know what they are saying is right but not always easy to apply to our situation.Why, because we do not get plearure in hurting people, even though they would stomp on us give the chance.
I finally learned you have to learned to look at for number one, your self.Nice guys come in last , as they say.
My mother always gave my sister in law the benefit of a doubt.Never wanted to rock the boat.She was not a combative person at this stage in her life.My sister in law has so many insecurites , from family problems, that she became so jealous of anyone who had a relationship with my brother.He goes around stroking her ego to keep from having to do battle which she wins as she goes for the jugular.I told my brother he would gain much respect from her and his grown children if he had stood up to her.No dice.mOTHER WANTED TO KEEP REACHING OUT IN HOPES.wELL, i DO NOT NEED THIS KIND OF HOPE AND STOPPED REACHING OUT THE DAY AFTER MOTHER PASSED.When we were at the gravesite I told him he is welcome in my home but not her.Most there heard me.IF WE BECOME FED UP WITH SOMETHING BAD ENOUGH WE WILL GET MAD AND DO WHAT .
NEEDS TO BE DONE .My anger is because she treated my mother so bad and allowed my mother to believe she was the problem.AAnger just thinking about it makes me boil.So I never think about her .Besides I do not think I could stand time in the pokey.

Well said Mae!!! Lets hear it for Mae! Hip hip hooray...and as you said Mae divorce them scumbags ! Hunny I did this myself and with much pleasure!
Jo girlfriend alone this is a matter of public record give your attorney a heads up on this he can access her files and if your bro has been toosed on his ASS in jail that is a matter of record for the attorney to get a hold of..Personally I would stop these two deadbeats in their tracks and counter sue them making them pay you. Defamation of character comes to mind false reporting of a crime and then stick em with the lawyer/court bills I would stare them down tellin em this lets see how far they wanna take it then! Ok Im gittin all fiesty here!

I had a sister in law that was lower thhen cow dodo.My mother would never allow me to say anything.When mother passed I told my brother if she ever comes to my home there will be 2 hits.I will hit her and she will hit the floor.I told her she is never welcome in my home and if he cannot come with out her to stay away.

sHAME ON THE ONES INVESTIGATING FOR NOT CHECKING THEIR BACK GROUNDS.They have proven their brains are fried and they are unable to function.This burns mt butt to hear all this.

When I read what all of you are dealing with I want to take the villians and mop up the floor with them.Evidently they have no idea what illness is about and the affects.But they never want to know as it makes life eaier for them to make unfounded accusations.You will find those who make the accusations never show their ugly faces when needed.They just get pleasure adding stress to the one who did what they failed to do and could not do.So lets cause the one who did all life through hell.To thinks such things is a reflection of who they are..wHEN THIS IS A SAID AND DONE i WOULD SEND THEM ALL NOTICES THAT YOU HAVE DIVORCED ALL OF THEM AS RELATIVES

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Jo I hate to ask you this but do they suffer from any illness that might relate to this behavior? (Im truly sorry I have to ask...please know I am) but it might help even just a little to show the authorities these accusations are baseless.

Little bro is an alcoholic pothead, and his girlfriend is a schizophrenic former heroin addict who is now on methadone, but nearly od'd a few months ago from shooting meth. You'd think that would make them less than credible, wouldn't ya? Still, I am apparently guilty until proven innocent here.

Awww Jo I went through this too believe me when I tell you it gets worse! Keep ALL RECORDS! Take Pics of EVERYTHING. You can call your old bank and have them print out microfish (sp?) copies of cancelled checks and statements pertaining to the purchases as long as there within a 7 year time frame. Do this now. Gail also brought up a nice little idea here since I just dealt with APS go around to your neighbors and ask them to write out their comments on your CG skills towards you dad and if there is anyone that knows brother/girlfriend have them write their opinions on them and sign it. Jo I hate to ask you this but do they suffer from any illness that might relate to this behavior? (Im truly sorry I have to ask...please know I am) but it might help even just a little to show the authorities these accusations are baseless. Copy the records of the funeral reciepts give to attorney. Hell Ide threaten to sue your Brother for half that sittin in your shoes.
Any transactions that are from your dads leftovers in the bank do not touch have the teller place in an envelope seal it and have her/him sign across the sealed portion of the envelope and put the time and date. (does that give you any indication of what I had to go through here when my mom passed?!) Deliver it to your attorney without stopping ANYWHERE. He can then "take delivery" of envelope and also sign and date it acknowledging it came straight to him. Cover your butt here Jo if you need any other tips give a hollar I got em in spades here!

JO O, I am so sorry you are going through all this.I cannot believe what families will do and say.They lie and steal, that sums it up.