What set me off today is a small thing, in the grand scheme, but particularly irritating because it's root is the same problem that has been driving me insane all along: everybody seems to know what's "best" and wants to tell us what to do. We're just getting hypersensitive to criticism particularly from people who don't know all the background or facts. We're tired of having to explain ourselves to every Tom, Dick and Harry to comes along. And yes, that includes the doggoned care staff at the nursing home. Do they not communicate with EACH OTHER? ARgh!

The current aggravation is over her soft drinks. She has gotten downright obsessed with them to the point where we believed it was unhealthy. We noticed that her intake had been accelerating and talked to the RN about it. We agreed together to bring a limited number of them each week and asked the staff to ration them. Well, she's been downright unmanageable refusing to eat, take medications, and making angry phone calls to us. She will literally sit at the table or go to the nurse's station and pound on the table chanting loudly, "I want coke! I want coke!" It's been rough on her (she isn't able to be rational), it's been rough on the staff, it's been disturbing to the other residents. Some family and staff agree with her when she says, "I'm 85 and I can do what I want." So at the last care plan meeting (doctor, RN, primary daily aide, nutritionist, social director, social worker) we brought up the issue. All present, including the doctor, decided that it was a quality of life issue for her and that as long she was physically doing okay in spite of unlimited soft drinks (we're talking a six pack a day on some days!) that it was okay. We agreed to allow it, and went back to keeping her fridge stocked.

So NOW, every time we go in we're hearing complaints from other staff who deal with her that she's drinking too much soda and that WE needed to quit bringing them to her.

I told the woman who called me this morning about it to take it up with the doctor and the head nurse because THEY were the ones who advised us that it was okay to no longer limit her unless actual physical effects were observed. She still wanted to scold me about it!

It's difficult because none of them has ill will toward her; they are trying to act in her bet interest. But for Pete's sake! We're tired of being damned if we do, and damned if we don't.

This on the heels of receiving news of some family criticism when a family member who sees her maybe once a year came and checked her out to attend a special function relating to that side of the family. They were upset because she had nothing to wear that was dressy. Well, yes she does. We keep her nice things that require dry cleaning at my house and I take them over on the morning they need to dress her in them. She has a tiny closet, and we just want to keep her nice things from getting ruined or lost.

quote:

Doctor said, "She's 85 years old! If she wants a coke, just give her the damn coke!" I almost kissed him. LOL

No foolin'!!! In the grand scheme of things and all the bad stuff that can go wrong with elderly folks, this is a grain of sand!!! It's hard for me to comprehend ANY health care professional with two or three functioning neurons who would carp about this. Kinda tells me that either the ones doing the carping are morons or have WAY too much time on their hands which could be better utilized by paying attention to patients with direct nursing needs and not those who suck down sodas, ferchrissakes.

Well, we got another opinion. We were in the ER then overnight for tests. The doctor had to call the SNF and speak to the nurse to get some information. (Truth was, I wasn't clear on why they sent her to the ER and doctor wasn't either.) Nurse brought up the cokes issue. Doctor said, "She's 85 years old! If she wants a coke, just give her the damn coke!" I almost kissed him. LOL

PS: My husband and I were talking and think that some of the lethargy the nurse was worried about was caffeine withdrawal.

Oh, golly. I sympathize, I truly do, but I had to smile at the image of your mom pounding on the counter demanding her soda. Don't let the cola people find out or they'll have her in their next commercial! ;-)

I just wanted to mention there was a time when most of my liquid intake was cola, too, and it turned out the main reason was my caffeine addiction. (I discovered that when I had to cut caffeine from my diet because it was tearing up my stomach -- I found out right quick how much of a junkie I was.) I wonder if the sodas she's craving are all caffeinated? If so, then her demand for them is likely to keep increasing as her tolerance to caffeine keeps building. It can be hard to find non-caffeinated soda but ginger ale, 7-Up, cream soda and some root beers are free of it. Decaf Pepsi is tolerable, too. Don't know if she'd accept anything but Coke but if she will, I'd try it. (She'll have a trememdous headache for a few days from caffeine withdrawal if she switches, but it goes away as the addiction fades.)

Just a thought. :-)

There it is about opinions again , the fashion sense is a perfect example.

I really do understand that you are trying to make it as easy as possible for others to be a part of her life, but I am still steamed about someone showing up once a year to check her out and not telling you in advance. What if you had had other plans? And then to be critical,,I mean it, HOW RUDE I stand by MY opinion. JERKS

Yeah, you're right about that pulse jump. In our case, often as not it's her. Their policy is that if she wants her family called about something, the staff has to do it. They do a pretty good job of talking her out of overnight calls, and know that if she's in high dudgeon over something that she will settle on down after she's talked to me. It's a clannish thing; she never has trusted anyone who isn't "family" and now its a reflex.

And no, they didn't ask. They don't have to. In spite of the accusations, we WANT people to visit and take her on outings. Nobody wants to deal with her incontinence, etc. But they didn't give us a heads up either or else I'd have taken something appropriate over there. The aides are sweet to her, but don't always exercise good sense in dressing her. I wonder if a few of them are color blind, in fact, because of some of the combinations they put her in. LOL I've even tried assembling things on hangers in a full outfit, but they freestyle and get the sets all mixed up.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: T.O.R.P.,

Jeezlouise, that stuff about the soft drinks is especially frustrating, because you have been through it and thought the issue had been resolved. I minimize calls to bro because to see my number on caller ID always stresses him and he returns my call with out even hearing the message. Maybe you are accustomed to calls for any reason from the NH, but I still bet when the phone rings and it is them, you feel a quick rise in your pulse. You are generous to acknowlege that the attending staff has her best interest at heart. (Will she drink caffiene free coke, I hate artificial sweeteners, but less caffiene is usually a good thing)

Now the family member criticisng your mother's wardrobe is really out of line...
Did they ask you in advance of the day about their intentions to check her out? How outrageous of them to assume anything about your mother that way. Clueless jerks