The general backstory's been posted elsewhere. My knee-jerk reactions are mostly posted somewhere else. So I'll keep this brief: I have an Irritating, Ignorant Coworker (aka IIC) who will, and has tried to do anything to have me fired. I'm her whipping post; she sneers to my face and behind my back. She gossips. She does the same to our fellow coworkers. Most of all, she continually derides me for taking care of Mom. You get the idea.

Her mother had a massive heart attack over a week ago resulting in complications. Now, the nice thing about IIC is that she BROADCASTS EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING ABOUT HER LIFE for ANYONE TO HEAR. So I know all about the stents and medical atuff; I know that the mother CANNOT POSSIBLY STAY with Sister #1 BECAUSE SHE SMOKES AND DRINKS and can't stay with Sister #2 BECAUSE SHE'S (hush hush bipolar) AND I CERTAINLY CAN'T TAKE HER BECAUSE I NEED MY HEALTH INSURANCE. Honestly, you should've heard the way she kept trying to rationalize the reasons. At one point I wanted her to stick a sock into it, but hey, I know this is her way of thinking, so I let her be.

That is, until she dropped a bomb:

"You know, they think my mother might have ALZ because she's forgetting everything and I REFUSE TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THAT BECAUSE RELATIVES X, Y, and X DIED OF IT AND LOOK'S WHAT IT DONE TO YOU!" Yep, she spat this right in my face.

Now I'm usually a spiteful sort. After my knee-jerk reactions here and elsewhere, I like to step back and reflect.

It took all of my reserve NOT to burst out laughing right in her face:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! IT COULDN'T HAPPEN TO A "NICER" PERSON! PAYBACK'S A BITCH, ISN'T IT?

YOU KNOW DAMN WELL YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO SUCK IT UP LIKE I DID AND PROBABLY QUIT (WHICH I HAVEN'T) BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE ANYONE TO HELP YOU AND I DO!!! BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

AND YOU HATE ANYTHING YOU CAN'T CONTROL!!! ISN'T THAT A SHAME? WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD BECAUSE THIS IS THE ONE THING YOU'LL NEVER, EVER BE ABLE TO CONTROL!!!

I'll spare you everything else I thought

Now IIC's looking at me to be her savior for everything ALZ. She's now asking me questions left and right. I perfunctorarily answer, but that's it:

Because WHY should I extend myself? YOU are the one who's ridiculed my taking care of Mom these past few years. YOU are the one who tells me to shut up and just stick her somewhere. GOD FORBID if YOUR MOM should move in with you because that'll be the UTTER END of your fucking Better Homes and Gardens house and THE END of babying your 14-year old son!

And most of all...and see, I know this is the part you REFUSE to believe...YOU WILL PROBABLY GET STUCK WITH HER BECAUSE SHE CANNOT STAY WITH EITHER OF YOUR SISTERS BECAUSE OF THEIR ISSUES! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

I've said it elsewhere and I'll say it here:

If she had never derided me about taking care of Mom, I wouldn't be saying all this.

If she had never sneered at me whenever I mentioned a Mom issue, I'd be more generous with my empathy.

If she hadn't (and still does) telling me point blank that I'm going to have to quit work to take care of Mom, I certainly wouldn't be saying any of this.

But she has and still does. So I retaliate.

Not very mature, I realize. But you know what? There are certain times when taking the high road is an impossibility at the outset.

I SPIT IN YOUR FACE!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

quote:

Originally posted by embersmom:

Heh, I found out yesterday that she tried applying for my position when she found out I applied for a transfer elsewhere (I wasn't considered because I submitted my application too late). She was told not to bother because my position would be eliminated if I left. HEE HEE!!!

LMAO! And the "hits" just keep comin! Ya gotta love Karma!

quote:

Originally posted by Bunnys_grl:
See! LOL! Scarey woman on the loose! LMAO!
Lets see if I can get ya to understand that behavior Em!
These women who act like this are "defining themselves by their relationships" They have no idea who they are outside of being a wife a mother or a coworker, and attach very easily to anyone who shows an interest in them. Alot of my hunny's family is like this because of the way they were brought up (very sheltered especially the women) And the range of emotions from these women??? They are eitther painfully shy (to the point of still calling out "Mommy/Daddy" Oh that just kills me!) or nasty lil snakes. You got the latter on your hands there.

Yeah, I can see that. She only worked sporadically out of the house when both her kids were little. Otherwise her entire world was wrapped up in the house, being a mommy, etc.

BUT...most of my female in-laws are the same way. Except for two, none of them work outside the home. Most of them have little kids and can afford to stay home, so that's one thing. None of them are in any way like IIC [the Irritating Ignorant Coworker]. If anything, they'll just acknowledge Mom at family get-togethers and go on their merry way. But that's a subject for another rant.

Heh, I found out yesterday that she tried applying for my position when she found out I applied for a transfer elsewhere (I wasn't considered because I submitted my application too late). She was told not to bother because my position would be eliminated if I left. HEE HEE!!!

See! LOL! Scarey woman on the loose! LMAO!
Lets see if I can get ya to understand that behavior Em!
These women who act like this are "defining themselves by their relationships" They have no idea who they are outside of being a wife a mother or a coworker, and attach very easily to anyone who shows an interest in them. Alot of my hunny's family is like this because of the way they were brought up (very sheltered especially the women) And the range of emotions from these women??? They are eitther painfully shy (to the point of still calling out "Mommy/Daddy" Oh that just kills me!) or nasty lil snakes. You got the latter on your hands there.

quote:

Originally posted by Bunnys_grl:
Oooweee HELL NO MB then she just might stick to Em like glue!

2 ole sayins to live by...
Dont let your aligator mouth bite you in your hummingbird ass...
And last but NOT least....
Never shit where you eat.

Ih gawd, don't start in on the lunch thing. She's already trapped our assistant. The poor girl has told me in cvonfidence that she has no idea how to get rid of her, because, really, she would like a little alone time once in a while...

You see, I prevented her from latching onto me a long time ago. I don't think she's ever forgiven me. The rest of the department knows and understands that lunchtime and breaks are the only times I have to be truly alone, and I cherish that. It has nothing to do with unfriendliness.

IIC, on the other hand, cannot conceive of the concept. She HAS to BE WITH SOMEBODY all the time, even to the extent that she screws up everyone else's schedule so she can go with somebody. She admits time and again that whenever her son visits the ex on the weekends, she has no idea what to do with herself.

*(shaking head* Now [u]that[/i] I don't get. My mom went through the same thing after my dad died. I didn't understand it then, and I still don't understand it

Oooweee HELL NO MB then she just might stick to Em like glue! LMAO! Good God Em that nasty taste is the last thing you ate...yeah thats it! You had NOTHING to do with payback she brought that to her plate all by herself without a thought to who she might hurt in the process...maybe your just having a little "sympathy pang" is all! You can be nice if thats what you want to do but remember she has shown herself (true colors) to you are you ready for that mess?
2 ole sayins to live by...
Dont let your aligator mouth bite you in your hummingbird ass...
And last but NOT least....
Never shit where you eat

Blam! Shes guilty on both counts!

quote:

Cosmic justice can be a wonderful thing, but now it's leaving a nasty taste in my mouth.

So maybe take her to lunch?

Whew! It's taken me a couple of days to calm down enough from <i>that</i> rant. I'm still simmering, though.

This is part of the backstory:

I am her supervisor. However, don't tell her that or you'll get blasted till kingdom come. However, I'm NOT her manager. My words only have so much pull...and I usually have to resort to somebody "higher up" for anything to make any impact.

She's been written up countless times for her behavior. What she did to me is only a small part of it. HR will not fire her outright because of a variety of reasons, ranging from "she's a hard worker" (which she is when she's not flapping her mouth) to "she's a single mom going through a very bad time" (which is true). The last time we had her hauled up there the store manager told her point blank to get some therapy before her behavior upends the entire department. Has she? Nope. We didn't think she would.

ANYWAY.

Yep, karma's a bitch From what I've gathered, neither of her sisters inform her about how her mother's currently doing. She makes phone call after phone call trying to track either of them down. If she's lucky, her mother will answer. Whatever the mother says sends IIC into a fit of raging tears saying, "There's NOTHING I can do! I HAVE to work!" She won't talk about it, and, knowing how prickly she is, none of us will go past the tentative "Is everything OK?" We all know it isn't.

My secondary knee-jerk reaction is, I'm watching a trainwreck-in-the-making. And then that's when my bitchiness subsides because, seriously, 1) I can see the handwriting on the wall if nothing is resolved; and 2) there's nothing I can do about it. For some reason that makes me more angry than my own mother's behavior does.

I dunno...I've been trying to piece all this together, and I still haven't come to any conclusions. I don't know if there are any. Cosmic justice can be a wonderful thing, but now it's leaving a nasty taste in my mouth.

quote:

Originally posted by Moms_Buddy:

OR you COULD just give her a link here to see what people who DO give a crap about one another think of gals like her... Nah - that might be TOO evil...

Nope PERFECT idea!! names are changed and all and what happens outside of the workplace has no business bein brought in to the work force! Sounds to me like this bitch needs a little Human Resources intervention on how to properly work with individuals in workplace environments. Sounds a little like harrassment to me and she deserves the FATTEST write up I have ever seen. Is this a superior of yours Em. Cause she obviously doesnt honor HR protocol!

EM, I dunno where you work, but I would put up with that sh*t in a work environment about as long as an ice cube lasts in hell. Her personal problems, while important to share with coworkers to the extent that they can understand what's happening with a fellow worker and offer appropriate support, are NOT the reason that work environment exists.

I HOPE that you will not keep your feelings about the way she has treated you to yourself another freakin' day. I don't think it would be right to leave the fractious bitch hanging when SHE needs help (like she has done to you...) BUT I DO think, before you take an interest in her troubles, that you should simply TELL HER how her remarks have upset you. Telling US is a way to blow off steam, but SHE needs to hear this.

Instead of biting your tongue or having a fist-fight, it behooves you to simply TELL her when she's saying something that is insensitive, ill-advised, mean-spirited and generally idiotic. That you ALLOW her to talk to you and say such things, without comment from you, only encourages her to continue being blissfully abusive.

Personally, I would tell her POINT BLANK that while I am sorry for her troubles and that I stand ready to assist however I am able, the next time she makes a disparaging remark about MY caregiving, etc., I will cheerfully punch her lights out and give her a REASON to be unkind towards me. That being said, now what's her question?

OR better yet - when she points out (again) "what it's done to you," why not look up right then in front of God and everyone, and calmly ask her, "Exactly what HAS it done to me, BIGMOUTH? It's presented me with challenges I never knew existed but I am in there pitching, doing the best I can do EVEN in the face of nasty, ignorant remarks such as the most recent one YOU just made, and am sincerely HOPING that I come out of the deal a more compassionate human being than YOU are."

I would do this for 3 reasons.
First, because her rudeness and lack of consideration for you are beyond what is acceptable and she deserves the full reaction that her statements cause.

Second, because you obviously NEED to learn how to confront assholes like her and still come out with your manicure intact.

Third, because you need to get this issue out in the open, so she can realize how AWFULLY she has behaved toward you. She then has the choice to make amends so that you CAN be a friendly resource for her (which IS the idea of helping others around us, forgiving people for stupid things they do, right?) or she can take her troubles on the road and stay the hell outta YOUR face until she chooses to join the human race.

OR you COULD just give her a link here to see what people who DO give a crap about one another think of gals like her... Nah - that might be TOO evil...

Oh yeah, and give your hubby a hug today from me - thank goodness he IS there for you and your mom so that you CAN continue working, etc. It may be a tough row to hoe, but it could be a helluva lot worse without his help, as many folks here can vouch...

quote:

There are certain times when taking the high road is an impossibility at the outset.

Taking the high road does not mean laying down when someone insults you, then asks for assistance. It simply means not behaving as badly as she does. Letting her know that her remarks have been injurious to you and that now that SHE has a problem, you feel conflicted about helping her is NOT getting down in the muck with her - it simply is stating how it T.I.Z.

...shaking head... whadda princess THAT co-worker is...

---

Mar, I HOPE that since life is teaching your friend some NEW lessons, maybe y'all can get past her bad behavior and help and support one another.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Moms_Buddy,

Em, that Karma really bites them back sometimes. We are not mean people but....we are HUMAN. I had an old girlfriend who's afraid of my bedridden mom and has not come over e-mail me that her mom's forgetting things and on top of it all her husband had to quit work for helth issues and will probably end up in the hospital for quite awhile and she's sorry she didn't realize what I went through...went through????? am going through you mean??? As much as I love her mom and husband and wish they were not going through this I'm glad she's getting a taste of THE REAL WORLD too. and that is not like me at all but it comes out every now and then

Boy Em thats a sad thing to have happen to her mom but as I always say Karma! She a hummer!
You should always be aware and try not to step on her toes cause she can knock you the hell back on your butt for sure! Shes not so cocky now huh!
And just for the record tell her well I cant really help you as each person is different and theres too many variables involved with each patient. That should shut her up for a moment!