Mil is having so many issues right now. She is going on her 2nd week in the hospital, her Dr. called me this morning, her white count has been up to 57 and is slowly coming down, she has a fungus in her esophagus which is responding to the anti biotics. He says that she is 83 in the body of a person 90 yrs of age.

She fell out of the bed yesterday, the person who was with her at the time left the room for a break. I think the rails on the bed were not raised, they checked her out and she does not seem to have any injuries, actually, it was more of a slip down to the floor than an actual fall. Everyone is on guard, and blaming each other, nurses, aides and the person who was with her. Right now, I am just relieved that she has no injury and am not in the mood for a bunch of finger pointing and acusations. I dont expect anyone to sit by a bed for hours on end without taking a break, getting something to eat or drink, or just walking to stretch the body. I have been the one to sit for many hours with no relief and it is very hard on the body,mind and spirit. So, right now, I just want to move on.

The Dr. says that she is very weak and will probably not get stronger, she has so many ailments, severe arthritis in the lower back, fungus in the throat, strictures at the throat and base of esphogaus and a hiatal hernia, not to mention all of the veins in her arms are gone, she has a Picc line right now, not sure how that works if it will stay there, or come out. I was driving when the Dr. called, had my grandson with me, could not pull over because of traffic and am having a hard time remembering everything he said. He wants us to talk it over and get ready for her to come home with Hospice on board.

H and I understand all of this, problem person is my H brother, he thinks the DR. is not doing enough for his Mom, he thinks that she should be moved to another hospital. I told him that if he wants to do that, I would give him the number for the ambulance service to have her transported, as well as the DR., and told him the hospital to take her to in the big city...if he wants to do this, he is on his own. I have worked with this Dr. for almost a year and he has been awesome.

I am tired, having and IBS flare up that I have not suffered from for over 2 years, every day I feel myself getting more overwhelmed and feeling sick. I also have a diagnostic mammogram in about 8 days, my anxiety level is out of the roof. I had a roast in the fridge last weekend, was at the hospital Sat and Sun, totally forgot about it , found it on Thursday. I had to throw it away, I can't believe I forgot about it, I am beginning to get paranoid and thinking I need to be evaluated. I can't even remember where I put my own clothes.

This has been going on so long, I do have help, but the responsibiltiy of making sure I understand the Dr's and passing it on to every one in the family, and having them understand and dealing with their questions is pushing me over board. Frankly, the only perosn I am worried about right now is my H, I only care that he is comfortable with is Mother's situation. He knows that she is worn out, she has lost all desire to live, and wants to go home. I think we all should honor her wishes and do everything we can to make her comfortable.

I don't know what else to say, except I just want her to have what she has told me for years.....'don't keep me alive when it is my time to go...'.

I am not going to deal with the people who arent happy any more, they are going to be told that if they don't like it, then they can take it over. How much can you do for a poor little tired, worn out, sick little body? I don't know right now.

My mother also fell out of the bed at the hospital in Tx, and she got like 6 stitches from it.

Really made me mad, as thats why they put rails on those beds in the hosptial to begin with.

I feel your frusteration as I have been there this week. My mom also says she doesn't want to be kept alive artificially.

One more thing, I appreciate you girls more than you will ever know!!!

Your support means so much to me! Thank You!

I have done as suggested, H and his brother have an appt with the Dr. tomorrow {Tues} afternoon. I also spoke with the gastro, he is going to try a partial Endoscopy tomorrow afternoon and try to stretch the Esph., if the fungus is still strong, he will not attempt it, he wants it to be healed first. I do understand and appreciate that, so does H.

Bil wants all that can be done to extend her life ASAP, at the same time, he told me that he is going to give her cigarettes when she comes home. She has been without them for over 2 weeks, I told him if he does that, he is going to be in charge of Hospice and everything else.

I understand her wanting to smoke out of habit, at the same time, if she comes home and smokes, she will be back at the hospital in 2 days. I don't think bil understands what the implications are. I can only say, if it were my mother, I know that I would be doing whatever needed to be done to contain what little bit of health she has as we know it now.
H is not going to put up with his brother's back and forth mentality. I am going to step back and let them both deal with it as they should.

I don't want to sound callous, but I know how my Mil wants to go, and I say, let the end begin.

When dealing with family who need to have answers, guide them to the doctor and let them get the information from the source of origin.With hubby , I had family calling and wanting to second guess me.I reminded them they have permission to talk to all medical personel connected with his case.I know they were seeking positive answers but , sadly, there weren't any.It got to the point where I did not want to explain anything to anyone.I told them go to the hospital, see hubby and ask questions.
We all hope for miracles.Sometimes they come to be and others they are not meant to be

Good morning Blue!
I'm sure you're busy cooking right now, and later this evening I hope you can be glued to the television, with family around to enjoy the game.
Is your MIL alert and oriented at this point?
It would be a good idea for a doctor's conference with her and her two sons. That way, Mom can express her wishes to both "boys", and the awesome doctor can explain things directly to all 3 of them. I don't mean you should stay away or out of it, but in that case you wouldn't have to worry about taking notes and getting the correct information to pass along to anyone.
Have a fun fun day, Blue - and all the rest of you, too!

NOW yer talkin' SENSE, Blue!!
SUPER SUNDAY, YEAH!!
In between all the angst and fingernail biting and worry, we have to squeeze in living, too!! There has to be time for OTHER people, for other aspects of living which understandably take a back seat sometimes when crises occur... But if there's nothing to be done until Monday morning, that leaves an opening for a great Sunday!!

So what's on the menu besides sensible food?

You are right MB, I will tell H that he and his brother need to go in and sit with the DR. and discuss this. They will take over the handling of getting MIl home and where she wants to be, her own bed.

I will be here to run the house and see to it that everything manages as expected.

I am going to have my kids over for superbowl Sunday, gonna cook, eat, cook, eat some more!

I will probably eat sugar free jello, bananas, and rice to get my tummy back on track!!!

Thanks for the reply!!!!

quote:

I am not going to deal with the people who arent happy any more, they are going to be told that if they don't like it, then they can take it over.

The hospital is not the issue - her doctor is who writes the orders...

Your husband has DPOA, right, Blue? I think if his bro has any problems with the course of action he could suggest that he:

1) Speak with your MILs doc and ask their questions directly of him
2) Find a doctor willing to consult on the case and make all the arrangements themselves
3) Take a long walk off a short pier.

These are his relations and your DH is the one who is gonna have to deal with them - they aren't gonna accept it from you, Blue.

This is a very common reaction at the end of the line - people wanna miracle, another doctor, another opinion... and I understand how they might feel that way, but the onus has to be on them: if THEY want it, THEY have to do all the consultations, etc. to arrange for it... It REALLY is a good idea for family members to have a conference with her doc... most folks actually listen to the doc better than they do their sibs.

I know it seems cruel of him, but can you see that he is just grasping for straws? Refer him to the doc and let Doc do his job and explain things to bro.

I think y'all need to just chill out and have a nice day tomorrow and relax as best that you can. This is such a difficult time for you all and people are BOUND to get on your last nerve...