well I have posted on other forums on here but I think he is lossing it. we buried my MIl a week ago and he lives at home with my BIL who does nothing for him, he soils himself with urine has a severe UTI and was told he needs to wear depends,he got into it with his ex DIL , who does alot for him, told her to get out of his face,he has the house locked up tighter than a tick,wont eat , sent meals on wheels packing, and Iirs told him if he didnt take care of himself he would end up at the convelecent home,he said he didnt care, doesnt want to eat, he wont take a shower , he smells.my aunt and I are going over tommorow and getting rid of his soiled clothes and make sure he puts on the depends, dont know if he is taking his meds or not.if he doesnt listen to us, then a phyciatric social worker I think is in order. OMG this is sooooo hard

well back from the trenches, and it didnt go to bad. he is wearing the depends but he thinks there washable , threw those out, did his pills,went to the store got stuff and made him a few dinners,cleaned out some of my MIL clothes, and also took his boxers and and soiled t-shirts and washed them and put them away far back in his closet, so I didnt throw them away just put them away left the paper to have a aide come in for my BIL to take care of, so today , went o.k.
who knows what tommorow brings

thank you all for your support,he is being treated for UTI, well we got the meds now if he is taking them its a whole different story,I will put a call into his GP, his Dr is a peach and I think will do whatever is necessary to help him, I will have to probably be the one who calls on the social services end of it so far ive been the one to do all the leg work,unless they come and take my BIL in cuffs,he will do all in his power to push off any of the caretaking to anyone else.
Alot of this is my MIL fault, she would make 2 different meals at 2 different times because my BIL wouldnt sit at the table with his parents.My BIL adored his mother , and I dont know what happened between my FIL and him, but its gonna be one wild ride thats for sure.
will keep you all posted and thanks for all the great info

GM how do you know he has a severe UTI?
Is or should I say was he being treated for one before his wifes passing (BTW my deepest condolences on her passing)
I would call APS on this matter if the son doesnt help, first though, you may want to inform your BIL being as how he resides in that home and is technically CG of record most likely, that this is a very SERIOUS matter that WILL put him in jeopardy with APS and the laws that may govern your state.
There are some very bad stories (factual) out there that have been documented where CG's got in some very hot water with the law because they failed to provide care to their LO's.
I have even been on the receiving end of an APS visit as well as a few others here and lemme tell you pleasant isnt exactly the word Id use for those incidents
Maybe by doing so he will step up to the plate to get his dad treated which IMHO is the best thing all around.
The behaviors I would say are caused by the UTI as well as his other illnesses but this is very common for elders to act out like this when they are suffering with a UTI.
It hits them so much more different than the younger groups.
I hope all turns out well please keep us posted.

Often, intervention can only happen when there is a need to go to the ER. As I remember, he was there after a fall for a dislocated shoulder shortly before his wife, your MIL passed away. He was not admitted.

I wish you good luck on your mission of mercy. Be prepared to have to change your plans if he is difficult. Even if soiled, his clothing is his personal property, to get rid of it, might be stealing in some states (in fact, in most states). Please proceed with caution.

The UTI may wind up being why he ends up in the ER. Please talk to his doctor and a social worker. You could actually put your own self in jeapardy if you try to force the issue.

Depression can cause all of these behaviors. Problem is getting them in to see the doctor, then getting them to take the medication consistently for a long enough period (usually takes a month for the effects to really kick in).

You are right. It's very hard. (((hugs for you)))