I am so pissed off at my disabled, AD-diagnosed husband's two sons (my step-sons) who don't seem to give a damn about what we both go through with this horrible disease, even though I've sent them all the doctors' reports, have kept them well informed via phone calls, mail & in person for the past five years & asked for their help dozens of times. Oh, I've gotten promises, promises & more promises for this or that service or help & so far nothing much has come to fruition from them. Tho I suppose I should be grateful for the financial help we've gotten from one of his sons, even though we've paid it all back to him. My own two grown kids from my previous marriage & my son-in-law from who live near us are over here several times a week doing household repair work, fixing my computer or upgrading it, fixing dinners for us & bringing them over, helping to heat & serve them, caring for both of our cars to save us money, helping me move furniture or put up holiday decorations or helping clean our home or yards. Do his kids or their wives offer this kind of help? Never!! When I've asked them to help with household repairs, they said "We're Jews & Jews can't fix anything". What a G.D. lame excuse!! Oh yes, the son & his wife that live 10 minutes from us have invited us over for dinner about once a month. Big deal!! They have their father (in-law) at their home only that long & no more. They don't even ask him to stay there for a few days or even over night to give me some rest in my own home. No, it's always me who'se got to leave our house so I can get a break. My kids have even given me the keys to their homes so I can get some respite there if I need a place to go to take a nap in a quiet place or just watch TV or catch up on paper work or whatever. But does my husband have keys to his boys' homes? NO! This just isn't fair since his sons have large homes, much larger than our 2 bedroom townhouse. One son has a huge home & a guest house in back. He also has two apartments, one in California & another in New York. So it's not as if they don't have the money or the room for their father (in-law) This is the pits, especially when both sons make twice or more as much money as my kids do. Even more than I or their dad has ever made. One of their wives, the local one, had the nerve to tell me she was mad at me because she says I haven't had them over to our house for dinner....ever. She said her kids have never seen the inside of our house. That's BS! We used to have them & their kids over here at least once a month for dinner until my husband became disabled five years ago. At that time we all agreed it would be better to have monthly dinners at their home as my husband became so agitated & upset & hostile when he helped me cook dinners before and then got even more upset & demanding when he couldn't cook anymore. So it's a lie they've never been here for dinner. Their kids have absolutely seen the inside of our house many, many times from the time they were babies until they were about 5 & 6 years old. It's their mother who forgot...it's their mother who's got no right to be mad at me when she's known full well I am semi-disabled myself with chronic pain to deal with. I haven't had dinner parties here for over five years even for my own kids. And they never complain because they know the problems we're having here. In fact, MY kids bring dinner over here for holidays & fix the whole thing themselves if they want to come here. His sons & wives could do that also if they had any brains. Sometimes I think the whole G.D. family has dementia!! She said she doesn't have ESP & that I haven't told them anything about what help was needed here. Again, that's a pile of crap. I've asked & asked. They're never home or are too busy or don't know how to do it or have to go out of town, or to their kids' ballgame or whatever excuse they have as they seem to think they're the only ones who have busy lives. Geez....when are they gonna make time for their dad??? When he's six feet under???? The local son is oh, so eager to take over the job of keeping our budget & writing our checks & having control of our bank accounts. But he sure hasn't offered to give any care for his father either at their home or elsewhere, aside from the monthly dinners or to drive his dad to the store a couple of times cuz his dad can't drive anymore as of about a month ago. Their whole family sucks!!!! I told my support group about this & that my attorney advised me to get a divorce. My support group said I should divorce my husband's family, but not my husband. Frankly I'm seriously thinking about how to work out an amicable divorce before this whole thing makes me so sick it kills me or makes me so exhausted & incapacitated I can't do anything, even take care of my own needs. His kids ought to stay here for a week or so & caregive him 24 hours a day or keep him at house for a while. They have no concept of how stressful it is. They don't have him verbally abusing them as I do. They don't have to deal his hostile stubbornness. They don't have to hear him scream & yell & curse at the full-blast TV for hours & hours because he refuses to wear his hearing aids. They don't have to deal with the incontinence messes in his pants, in the car, on the hallway floor, the bathroom floor & walls & rugs & cupboards & bathtub & toilet seat & on & on every single day. They don't have to deal with his not wanting to do a darn thing except watch TV & listen to his radio sports programs all day long & all night till 1:00 AM while I suffer from noise pollution listening to his diarrhea of the mouth routine. They don't have to go downstairs to turn the TV down everytime I want to talk to him or when he calls me at the top of his lungs. They don't lose sleep at night when he wanders around the house as I do cuz I'm afraid he'll fall down the stairs or leave the stove burner on & burn the house down or turn the heater on even on warm days. They don't have to deal with all this all the piles of paper work & forms I have to fill out for doctors or lawyers or whomever. They don't have to deal with driving him to appointments sometimes 2-3 hours away to take him for special medical services. But I sure wish they did have to deal with it. Then his DIL wouldn't be trying to give me advice about how to get along with him when she's had screaming arguments with him herself. Where's all the patience & kindness & sweetness SHE doesn't have when only I'M supposed to have it all? Pissed off in California ------------------------------------------------------------ I went to the hospital emergency room a month ago with stabbing chest pains thinking I was having a heart attack. They said my heart is normal (Thank goodness) & I was having stress-related muscle spasms. Then I went to my own doctor a week later & she told me I was physically, emotionally & mentally exhausted & I needed a two week vacation away from home. That was enough for me. I left to stay at my daughter's house for the next two weeks & sent word to his local son & wife I was sick & at my daughter's & their dad was alone in the house & needed to be attended to..someone to stay with him or to take him to their house or however they wanted to arrange for his care. So I did the responsible thing and notified him I was sick, left home & their dad (in-law) was alone as we had agreed I would do years ago. His son came over & took his dad shopping to get some groceries the next night. The day after that they both left town for the 3-day memorial day weekend & didn't tell anybody (except my demented, disabled husband) they were leaving town. So they left him all alone here for three days & nights & didn't call my daughter or my son or me, tho they had all the phone numbers. Geez, was I mad when I found out they did that!!!! I was SOOO pissed off!!! And horribly disappointed too because I thought I could trust them, especially in an emergency like that. I don't understand why they think I have to notify them if I'm out of town even overnight to visit my stroke-victimized mother about three hours drive from here, but they don't think they have to tell anybody if they leave their dad (in-law) all alone for 3 days & nights. Something's really rotten in Denmark here & it ain't me. They know their dad (in-law) falls down in the hallway or bathroom or out of bed when he has to go potty at night. They know he's fallen down the stairs a few times & bruised himself. They know the stairs are dangerous for him & he needs someone here at all times in case he knocks himself unconscious or hurts himself badly. So there is no excuse for their irresponsible behaviour. They're supposed to be intelligent, professional, responsible adults & parents. But their actions toward myself & their dad (in-law) really stinks. They say they are so concerned about him & so worried but somehow they just don't have the time when the going gets tough. I'm so disgusted I'm really planning to divorce my husband soon as he'll have to go into assisted living soon anyway as I can't lift his weight with my bad back problems as he twice my size & weight & he's hostile & combative when he needs help with his diapers or the catheter he had on for two weeks or dressing or bathing or a whole raft of other things that're coming down the pike faster & faster every day. The only way his sons are every going to really "get the picture", wake up & smell the coffee & really get into doing something practical & necessary to help their dad is if move out, file for separate maintainance or divorce. Then they'll HAVE to provide for him financially & for his future care whether or not they want to have anything to do with at all. They'll have it 100% of the time, just like I have for 24/7 for the past five years.

Ok it started in 1994 we were told my dad, and yes I am a daddy's girl, had AD. At the time I think I can handle that, my mom will be the primary caregiver and we will do what we need to care for dad and yes to get the word out. We have been on TV in newspapers and we have even shared our story at a Legislative Forum. In the midst of all this dad has to go in a NH. Mom spends $50,000 plus for his care. We have to sign up for Medicaid, it is only a lone when mom and dad are gone it will have to be paid back. Dad worked all his life never complained most he ever m,ade was $12,000 he would not want to go on living if he knew what was happening. Now my husband is going thru the mid life crisis, does not want to work for any one wants his ouw business. I quit my job in retail after 20 years had I known he was going to pull this I would have tried to stick it out. I feel overwhelmed. OVERWHELMED Patricia

Well I've finally done it I've done the one thing I vowed I'd never do---My Mum is now in a residential home which is specially for EMI. I have written on this anger wall before because I know it helps. I have looked after my 75 year old mother for what seems to be most of my life. I remember at thea early age feeling jealous of other children who had young parents I was born when my Mum was 40 ( a menopause baby) My Mum first needed looking after when I was 11.She had an illness that affected her walking so I had to look after the house etc. Then in 1990 ,I was pregnant with my 2nd child my Mum was given only a few months to live without an emergency opperation.I was so scared, I thought I was going to lose her. I was 25. She had the operation and seems to improve. Then she started having mini strokes each one taking a little bit more of her away from me.She came to live with us but that was just a nightmare she wanted her independance. She moved into sheltered accomidation for the elderly. She never seemed to improve in fact continued to get worse.Three years ago we were told Mum has dementia and AD. I have struggled to look after Mum since . My children are now 8 and 11. I left my abusive ex husband 7 years ago and met a wonderful man who I married 4 years ago, Mum was already showing symptons ( why do I have to be in the photographs I don't know the bride!) but he's hanging in there. We cried today when we went to visit Mum .Maybe seeing it every day you just get used to the changes. I love my Mother so much and feel so guilty for the times I was annoyed or frustrated with her .I feel so damn ANGRY because this disease winning. I would gladly do everything again if I could have just a few more years with her. I used to believe that everything depended on quality of life but now I don,t want to let go!! Sorry I can't let you go Mum -- you're suppose to live for ever - every one knows that their Mum's will always be there for them so I can't let you leave me!!! Please fight it,make it go away like you did, when I had measles.Please don't give in to it we still need you.

I don't sleep much anymore. Each day seems the same, even the respite days; I spend them doing errands and trying to figure out what to do next. There is no one to help; her other children either are too busy or too far away. I don't have time to spend with my grandchildren. Will they remember me for all this bitterness? I hope not. Why does trying to do what is best for her make me feel as though I am the one dying? Too many questions; not enough answers.

Today she threw out her breakfast. Today she spilled soup on her slacks. Today she tried to sneak a pen into her pocket(she hides them in her bra with the cap off resulting in black spots on her skin). Today she said she didn't think she needed a bath(she does). Today she does not have a clue as to how she(and it is her and the disease, yes I know that) is destroying me, my family and any love I ever had for her. Today is just a day. Pray it will pass, please. I can not pray anymore.

I am angry (a lot) frustrated, overwhelmed. But, on the flip side I am learning things like unconditional love, patience (and oh boy do you need that one!) and most of all I am experiencing being grateful and thankful for all I DO have in my life. I truly appreciate the fact that I can get up out of bed and go the bathroom, I can get ready and go to work...I can walk, see, hear and speak. I am so very lucky. My Dad has AD and is the most innocent, sweet, kind person I have ever known. I love him so much I cry just thinking of the day he dies. I don't know what I will do without him around. I am very absorbed in his care, taking care of his finances, his house, his shopping and all his needs. I appreciate the fact that I am 'needed' by someone. I definitely get sad and wish this wasn't happening to me ( I am the sole caregiver) but I think there has been some positive moments as well. Thank you

i AM TIRED OF YOU VENTING YOUR ANGER AT THE WORLD OUT ON ME

After knowing my grandma for 20 years of my life she is slowly slippin from the realms of reality. Why does it have to happen to a woman who has loved, cherished and adored her family all her life. It shouldnt happen to anyone. id like to hear from young people who have been through this too Please e mail me at motorcitybabe@nme.com. It would be greatfully apreciated

A 84 YEAR OLD ,WHO READS OR SHOULD I SAY LOOKS AT THE PICTURES IN THE ENQUIRER ,,WITH THE LIGHTS OFF, FLY SWATTER CLOSE AT HAND, RUNS OUR HOUSE. SHE SITS AT THE KITHCEN TABLE ALMOST ALL DAY FLIPPING PAGES. SHE LIKES TO FLIP..IT IS REALLY SAD THAT THIS IS WHAT HER LIFE HAS COME TO BUT SADDER YET THAT I HAVE TO WATCH IT. SHE CAN OUT POUT AND EVEN OUT SMART YOU, HER LIP ALL A QUIVER WHEN SHE DOESN'T GET HER WAY...I CAN GET TO HER THOUGH, ALL I HAVE TO DO IS TURN ON SOME LIGHTS OR PUT ON MUSIC AND SHE RETREATS TO HER ROOM. THIS IS A SAD LIFE.

Reading so many stories that I could identify with. I've had my motherinlaw living with us for over 5 years now. Seven years of the disease that I know of. I too was not a "favorite" daughter-in-law. But, like so many other families, everyone else bailed out when mom came here. So, with divorce and death among the siblings, they've written her off years ago. So it's my husband and I doing the day to day care of mom. And, not only is it devastating to us, but our children as well. I feel it's taken a chunk out of their growing up years. Years when they won't have friends over, get tired of the constant "messes" and "smells".... and no family vacations to look back on with fond memories. I'm so afraid their memories of "home" will be overshadowed by these years caring for grandma. My husband and I, thanks to a dear friend who we payed to look after mom, finally after five long years got to spend a night away from home at the shore. It was wonderful... I feel nothing for mom now. I don't know if I ever loved her, as I did my own mom, but any warm feelings have disappeared as the disease has progressed and robbed me of my own life. She left the care of her own mother to her "sisters" and went on with her own life, and now depends on us to care for her. Of course, she's beyond knowing any of this. There are no words anymore, at least not many that make sense, and just pureed foods to sustain a meager existence. My daughter says she will not cry when grandma dies and don't expect her to. I can say I would be surprised if I had any feelings of sadness when she passes too. It has been such a long ordeal and time and energy robbing and I resent giving up all these valuable years of my own life at a time when the remaining time is getting shorter and even more important. I am sorry if this has gone on too long, but it really feels good to get it out. I have to go change her and feed her now. She is getting angrier at this end stage now at me. Maybe she senses my hostility, even though I do not feel I am acting out. She is more submissive to my husband and does not give him any of the grief or stubborness she gives me. But, I am just going through the motions now. I am devoid of any personal feelings towards her. What a terrible way for her to end her life...but also what a terrible was for me to live my life. So disconnected and having to acknowledge the anger and resentment you feel to your husband's mother. Every morning I check to see if she's still breathing and still alive...and I know some deep part of me wishes it was all over.

Angry, depressed, sad. I look at this person who used to be my mommy...the person who let me lie with my head in her lap, while I told her teen-aged woes and young adult confidences, while her fingers stroked my hair. Now all I see is a shell of a human being. Her once warm and laughing eyes vacant, a smile that doesn't reach her eyes... Sometimes I look deep into her eyes and swear I see something, but it's not happiness. I can't bear that she may be scared and feel abandoned. I can't bear that we had to break a promise to my dad before he died and to ourselves to never to put her in a home. We tell ourselves that it's not a nursing home, but an assisted living facility, but is it really so different? Maybe just a little less institutionalized and maybe a bit more caring staff. I miss her. I love her. I just want her to go to my dad...to be together as they were for over 65 years before he was taken and she was lost. And then I will be lost wihout the both of them. FDS

I take care of my 79 year old Mom who has AD. Today I dropped her off at my brother's and cried all of the way home. None of my siblings want to take my Mom, not even for a week-end. I have not had a break in months. I am with my Mom day and night. And I had to shame my brother into taking her for a couple of days because I am about to crack up and my husband and I need some time to ourselves. It makes me feel like I'm pushing Mom out and it makes me feel real guilty!!

My life had turned around quickly as we learned my precious mother had Alz at the age at 56. The news was very devasted for me as we learned it two days before the wedding. I was scared so was my mom. I am not good in writing this but this diease really had taken my mom away from me. She is not the same person anymore that I know. She is not my mom. I love her dearly and we gave up our honeymoon so we can spend time taking care of her. In time she gotten worst and frustrated and scared. Her health gotten worsten. The doctor had ordered her to place her in the nursing home which I never wanted to do that especially at her age. God know in my heart I will do anything for her but her conditions just was not for us to take care of her as she was in very sereve stage. It alot harder because we are deaf and at time we caught her walking out the door middle of the night and good thing I got up that night.. Since then we had to take turn sleeping to have one of us to watch her. Taking to the nursing home was the hardest as I couldnt bare to watch her to walk in as my hubby did. Everytime I visited, I laughed and cried with mom. She thinks she is going home with me and that is hard. Now she dont even remember me which I hate the most cuz when I need to talk, I have no one but her. She is my best friend and a precious mother who I love. It was only the two of us.... I promised my mom before her conditon gotten worst, I will do something about it but we need to spread the awareness out because it is affecting alot of people. I am meeting friends and family who has one in their family. It is scary but if we can work together and make it sucessful by doing what we can and to get it cure or to prevent it somehow. I never thought my mom would be one of them. Especially at the young age. The lord been good to us and taking good care of her but I still carry the guilt with me because she had always taken care of me and always been there for me but I cant do that for her... Sad huh. Let do something and figh for this. I share your pains. I know my mom want to die as she been begging to the Lord let me go home... I hate to see her go but again I hate to see her suffering in the nursing home when she just lost her both legs due to diabetic. Let pray for each other and think about the good times. Time will heal our pain........

dad, at six feet, 225 lbs, dark tan q-bald head, dark beautiful eyes. you were always so feared by my boyfriends, back in high school. Your loving hugs, i so miss. I am angry that the fear of alzeihmers took away a part of you, even before the onset of the actual alzeihmers. the things you might of said to your sons, wife, and daughters. the grandchildren may of seen a side of you that would have made both there memories, and your last few years before it was bad so special. i love you, you were on such a pedistal, but then fear gripped you, liquir drowned the fear, and any special moments we may have had together. I pray that as your children whichever of us that may end up with symptoms, faces our fears, spends quality time with our children, and grandchildren. I pray my siblings, one in particular, whom has already got a dependency on drugs problem, snaps out of it, and realizes that he is only making it worse. that perhaps we can learn from our father, not to live in fear, not to live in denial, but to live our lives to the fullest, as God intended. I pray "I" can do as you couldn't. Daddy, I forgive you, your fear and I miss your big warm hands, and your sparkling brown eyes.

THERE IS NOTHING ELSE TO BE SAID OF OUR SITUATIONS...... ONE WORD SUMS IT UP. 'OPPRESSION' 1.THE ACT OF OPPRESSING,ARBITUARY AND CRUEL EXERCISE OF POWER..2. SOMETHING THAT OPPRESSES. 3. A FEELING OF BEING HEAVILY WEIGHED DOWN IN BODY AND MIND. 4. THAT WHICH OPPRESSED, A .

I just placed my mother in the nursing home for the third time yesterdy. Since Dec. of 99, she has mostly been in the psych ward of two local hospitals---suffering from dimentia/alzheimers. I tried to bring her home to stay with me. She got up in the night screaming, beating the walls, tearing down the blinds, scaring the hell out of my three grandsons (ages 5, 9, & 12), ad telling everyone we were beating her. I had to call the paramedics because I couldn't get her in the house with temperatures in the 30's. She told them my husband, daughter, & I had beaten her & locked her up. This was certainly not the truth. I had bruises where she had hit and kicked me! She seems happiest when she is in the hospital psych ward. I put her in two different Personal Care Homes where she would fight the caregivers, curse, spit, yell racial remarks, and do all kinds of terrible things to the other residents. So after doing all they could to take care of her, they finally gave up and told me I had to take her out. I put her in a nursing home, which is what everybody told me was the best solution, due to the experienced workers, etc. Well, that lasted almost 2 weeks. She slapped a CNA and I was told they couldn't have her beating up the staff. Back to the Psych ward. They released her yesterday saying she was calm,etc. ready to go back to the home. They called me & said she'd been biting, kicking, screaming racial remarks, hitting, blaming me for stealing her car and locking her up in that room. This morning, however, she's calm, coherent, and doing fine. My mother used to work in a nursing home and has always begged me never to put her in one. I feel so guilty and I can't sleep at night because I know she just wants to go home. But when I brought her home, my life was more hell. I couldn't sleep then either, afraid I'd dose off & she'd get out of the house and be gone. She climbed a 6 ft. fence at the Personal Care home and I just happened to drive up as she was trying to get into someone's car.One psychiatrist told me the only solution was to medicate her until she can't do anything and put her somewhere to be taken care of. I couldn't do that to my mother. The other one said give low doses and do behavior modification. Let me be the first to tell you, that will not work with someone who cannot remember 5 minutes ago. She hates me and tells everyone I'm mean to her and I've NEVER been. I have to deal with her twin sister who thinks I should bring her back to her trailer and let her live there and they will keep an eye on her. That's how she got in the shape she was in when I got her---not eating, forgetting to take her medicine, driving and not knowing how to get home,being cursed out when she asked for help, told that she was crazy---.She had lost from 130 lbs. down to 86 lbs. My brother is no help. He's moved in her trailer and is paying no rent and helps neither monetarily or otherwise. He's only been to see her three times in almost 8 months.I'm at my wits end. She begs me to take her home with me when I go see her. I almost don't want to go because I can't stand to see her that way. I've been told it is just going to get worse. She is on Serequil and aricept and some other drug at night for sleeping plus Adavant if she gets really wild. God, is ther nothing that can be done? I can't live a normal life and am having marital problems and feel like I may just mentally lose it myself. Everybody sympathises, but does nothing to help.I told my husband that I was going to go get her, load up her stuff, take her dog( I got that animal,too. He's old and just as cantankerous as she is), and take them all to her trailer and tell my brother it's his turn. HELPPPPP!!!!

I don't know if it is okay for me to post here. I just wanted to say that Alzheimer's can be mis-diagnosed Lyme disease. Lyme can cause complete dementia. I could not remember my child's name some days. I got lost going to my best friend's house. I was always saying, WHAT am I doing in this room>? Forgetting things, important things, not just the what but the why of them. see http://www.angelfire.com/punk/lymedisease/memorial.html Read the story of Shirley Forsman. It is a true story. My 3 year old has Lyme too and sometimes I just wanted to scream and run away when she was in terrible pain. I just couldn't WATCH her. I got very angry with myself- Sorry if this is an inappropriate posting- you probably SHOULD trash it BUT please spread the word about Lyme/Alzheimer's. It is true. It does happen.

I AM STUCK WITH MY MOTHER-IN-LAW. I DIDN'T CARE FOR HER THAT MUCH BEFORE. SHE WAS ALWAYS SELF-CENTERED AND HER OPINION WAS THE WORD. BELEIVE IT OR NOT SHE HAS A DOG THAT SHE WALKS IN MY FRONTROOM. SHE CAN'T REMEMBER TO FEED HERSELF, TAKE A PILL BUT SHE CAN FEED THE DOG..SHE IS A SNEAK AND A LIAR I THINK ITS FUNNY THAT I AM GRACED WITH THE QUEEN MOTHERS OMNI PRESENCE SINCE I WAS NOT ONE OF HER FAVORITES BEFORE.. THIS WOMAN ALWAYS SAID WHO HER FAVORITES WERE. HER FAVORITE SON, HER FAVORITE GRANDCHILD,HER FAVORITE GIFT. MY, MY TO BE SO LUCKY.

Reading this wall brings tears to my eyes. Knowing there are so many other's with the same feelings and frustrations. I have gone BEYOND caregivers burnout. Feel like I've been chasing my tail for the past 1 1/2 yrs. Running into brick walls looking for help. Full of resentment towards my mom, for never having 'intimate' conversations, not wanting to do much with me or her grandchildren. She had PLENTY of time for her other 8 kids and the other grandchildren. She figured I'm the least dependent therefore I didn't need her. Now with dementia, strokes, plain ole' deterioration, she can't communicate, hardly can move... is more or less trapped inside her own confused mind. Here I am taking care of her....she's sucking the LIFE BLOOD outta me. At least 2 of my 5 brothers help. They have no choice! They live in HER house. I sleep there 3-4 nights a week to help them out.(Lot of good it's doing my marriage and kids.) The problem is that house should be condemed it's such a disaster. Heck I'm NOT gonna do any more cleaning etc. I resent my siblings for not agreeing to admitting her to a Nursing Home 16 months ago. I was the only one that could see the sense in it. She would have BETTER care, more socialization and stimulation. Sure they aren't like your own home, but her home is now just her "house". WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO "LIVE" LIKE THIS???

I agree, Dementia does take away the laughter. But I have replaced it with a new laughter.. It's called, "I'd rather laugh than cry."..

I loved my mom. She is now cantankerous and unreasonable. Refuses care. Gets mad at me. anger isn't what it is...it's something else. I have made friends with some elderly since my mom has gotten worse...they seem to fill a void for me. I miss my mother very much....is it wrong to replace her before she's really gone? I have trouble seeing her anymore...she has turned mean. It does not seem fair, to her or I,that our relationship has changed for no real reason but this dementia. I resent that she is mean to me, even though I know it's not her. This dementia has taken away my laughter.

This is kind of funny.. Mom mom kept accusing me of taking her to this house and then destroying all these mailboxes etc..Every visit she brought this up, and I kept telling her I didn't do this.(I was afraid she'd tell other people and they'd believe her)..Well, I trurned to my dad one day and said.."Would you tell her I didn't do this?".. He looked around and said' I'm staying out of it,; I don't know what you did... MY mouth dropped, then I laughed out loud cause I forgot who I was dealing with...They "BOTH" have ALZ>>> Ya got to know when to hold'um and when to fold um'.......Duh!

(sigh) I was angry for hours today until I came here and read all the emotion....and I just got tired. I have variously the same things going on....it's long, and puzzling, and draining. My mom? Dementia. starting to pick up speed,know all about it, but have absolutely no control.People in control are in denial, and she balks at any care with their encouragement. She forgets alot,sleeps alot, forgets to eat and take meds. Sits in her chair basking in the warmth from the big picture window, false teeth sliding out, slumped sideways with drool. Has trouble walking,getting dressed. Can't open cans and has difficulty with packages. Can't use the phone most of the time, can't work the tv. Has Parkinson's and has had one bad/good stroke and possibly some small ones. Doesn't drink fluids as she does not want to "dribble" and so gets somewhat dehydrated periodically. I can do nothing. She refuses Day Care,homemakers or meals on wheels. I live an hour away and have taken several months off trying to get things arranged.....and today was the last straw. She is canceling the lifeline... she was angry and petulant in her announcement that she was canceling that lifeline. My brothers think she is better off sinking as she is....maybe this is so. I am no solomon.I have tried for about 6 months and am at the end of my personal limit. I am backing out early and getting on with my life. I suppose there is going to be some fabulous guilt coming on any time now....there is nothing I can do. I am sorry I had the opportunity to hear her say she wants to die. I can't help her there either. and every time I forget something, or lose something....

I don't mind being at home..I really don't.. I have wo wonderful daughters that really help me with my mother..they come and let me have braks.. but its still soo flusterating..because whenI get back from running errands..she is mad and sulky..its so like having another child to bring up..but this time she is 77 years old instead of 2..she asked how old she was today.. I told her she was 77.. she got mad when I told her that..insisting that she wasn't but 70, just turned..she wanted to know why I thought I knew so much when I didn't... She wants me to go take her SS check out of the bank.. I told her she has some money here..enough to be "pocket money".. she told me it wasn't enough she wants more money.. I refused.she got mad.. In the doctors office she kept asking did I see the ants on the floor..there were none and got mad when I suggested maybe it was the carpet pattern she was seeing instead of ants..informed me I was the one who didn't know anything,she wasn't crazy , she knew ants when she saw them..I try not to argue with her..I know its easier if I just go along with it and agree..but somedays and sometimes its a hard thing to do and before I know it she and I are arguing and then she gets my words all turned around and it can get very nerve racking with her following me and arguing when I ask her to please just let it go that it really isn't anything to fuss about..then she cries andfollows me around telling me she's sorry.. and in thenext breathe is back fussing...please someone tell me the cycles of this horrible disease.. I know she has all the symptoms of the early stage..but how long does that stage last till it progresses?? we have tried the medications...aricept and all..too many bad side effects so I guess we're our own on that....I just wonder what kind of time span I may be dealing with..5 years? 10 years?? I have written on the wall earlier and weing and reading all the stories from others. I know I don't have it as rough and as bad as they do right now...I'm really scared of when the day comes when I have to face alot of these things...I just hope and pray to have the strenghth to face all this.... t

I hate you for abusing me and I hate myself for allowing you to abuse me. But things have changed now. I do not have to answer to you anymore. The rules have changed, and I am looking for you. I will find you. I will torture you without mercy. More than a year later I am still trying to recover from the damage you did to my life. But I swear I WILL recover. When I find you, you will not. You will pray for death when I find you.

I feel like I am the oldest 30year old woman alive. I have two beautiful children ages 7 and nine a loving husband a nice home .But I do not get to enjoy my immediate family. I spend all of my damn days at my MOTHER and Grandmother's home.I drop off the kids at school 9am.I go to my Moms house where she takes care of my demented grandama. Go grocery shopping for depends and baby wipes for my grandmother. Fix breakfast for my Mom and grandmother.Run errands for my Mom . My mom is 71 and takes care of my 91 year old grandmother.I am a companion to my mom the brunt of her anger and frustration is taken out on me.I help bathe grndma clean her pooh wipe the toilet all day.Then when it's all done I have to pick up my kids and start dinner at my house. Then I go back to Moms and bring dinner or babysit grandma so my Mom can get a break.When I get home it's after 8pm. My mom is exhausted I am exhausted and no one in the family seems to understand. I have siblings that never even visit us. They call and sympathize but that doesn't help me or my MOM. Why us ?

I'd like to respond to the person who wrote; (condensed); I thought my life was bad till I read your all's letters and realized my life wasn't that bad...I laughed and smiled cause you are so right!! Reading these letters really humbles me sometimes, cause I think; "I've got it bad, but they"ve got it worse.. Then for that moment I appreciate what little I have with my parents.. I think we all need to be reminded that it could be worse! I know,...or better

wHY IS IT WHEN AN ANIMAL IS WAITING TO DIE THEY SAY, PUT THAT POOR THING OUT OF HIS MISERY...HOW CRUEL TO LET AN ANIMAL SUFFER LIKE THAT...WELL THEN, WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING TO HUMANS???????/ DAMN THEM FOR MAKING MY MOTHER LIVE THIS WAY. SHE WS A NURSE AND ALWAYS TOLD ME, GOD I HOPE THEY HAVE A PILL I CAN TAKE SO I DON'T HAVE TO GO IN A NURSING HOME..WELL MOM, DO YOU KNOW ME TODAY?....WE'RE STILL WAITING ON THAT PILL....

It has been two months today since i watched as my beautiful, loving mother drew her last breath. i am now trying to find a life of my own. I am not at all ready to say goodbye to the woman who was and still is the most important person in my life. how do you say goodbye....i spend a lot of time at the cemetary, talking and crying. where do you go when you are finally freed from the pain and heartache. i suddenly feel so lost and empty. i realize that her pain and fear are now over and someday we will be together but in a way i feel so selfish, because i want her back. i long to laugh with her one more time. i just wanted everyone to to think . i know forst hand how horrible all this is but it gets worse when their gone. through all the frustsration and heartache remember .... when they are gone there are no more chances to say i live you please hug your loved one today, and remember the wonderful person they used to be.

To the person needing advice, go to www.planetrx.com, go to discussions, Alzheimers Disease, Caregivers Corner. There are lots of folks there who have been through it all.

I just read the post by 'overwhelmed', that could have been me. My husband is going through some mid-life crisis or maybe he's always been nuts and I never noticed. He quit his job, doesn't know what he wants to do, every day it's some new harebrained scheme. Then there's my mom with AD and it's getting worse, she hates us and especially my husband. She's getting more restless and resentful. Her behavior is disgusting and she would die if she knew what she was doing. My kids hate her and I'm constantly telling them to be nice, grandma doesn't mean what she says, grandma is sick, grandma doesn't want to be like this. My jerk brother had the nerve to call me the other day and tell me about all the vacations he's going on this summer. I won't have a vacation until mom goes to assisted living.

I am so freaking mad at my mommy and my daddy because there are so mean

I was going to write, but I read instead. I was about to leave my problems on the wall and read yours. I am taking mine back. It appears that ya'lls lifes suck and mine aint so bad after all. I feel much better.

Please,we need your advise. Our doctor advised us to get Mom back to daycare,but when she gets ready to go,she hits me with her cane. Today,she started to hit the people at the daycare And I get so stressful, I start to cry. She is 85 and my dad is 88. He takes care of her along with us. My dad needs her to go as we do too as we need a break. Because of the stress,he is ailing in health too as she keeps him all night so he catches up on his sleep then. PLEASE give us some suggestions

I am so pissed off at my disabled, AD-diagnosed husband's two sons (my step-sons) who don't seem to give a damn about what we both go through with this horrible disease, even though I've sent them all the doctors' reports, have kept them well informed via phone calls, mail & in person for the past five years & asked for their help dozens of times. Oh, I've gotten promises, promises & more promises for this or that service or help & so far nothing much has come to fruition from them. Tho I suppose I should be grateful for the financial help we've gotten from one of his sons, even though we've paid it all back to him. My own two grown kids from my previous marriage & my son-in-law from who live near us are over here several times a week doing household repair work, fixing my computer or upgrading it, fixing dinners for us & bringing them over, helping to heat & serve them, caring for both of our cars to save us money, helping me move furniture or put up holiday decorations or helping clean our home or yards. Do his kids or their wives offer this kind of help? Never!! When I've asked them to help with household repairs, they said "We're Jews & Jews can't fix anything". What a G.D. lame excuse!! Oh yes, the son & his wife that live 10 minutes from us have invited us over for dinner about once a month. Big deal!! They have their father (in-law) at their home only that long & no more. They don't even ask him to stay there for a few days or even over night to give me some rest in my own home. No, it's always me who'se got to leave our house so I can get a break. My kids have even given me the keys to their homes so I can get some respite there if I need a place to go to take a nap in a quiet place or just watch TV or catch up on paper work or whatever. But does my husband have keys to his boys' homes? NO! This just isn't fair since his sons have large homes, much larger than our 2 bedroom townhouse. One son has a huge home & a guest house in back. He also has two apartments, one in California & another in New York. So it's not as if they don't have the money or the room for their father (in-law) This is the pits, especially when both sons make twice or more as much money as my kids do. Even more than I or their dad has ever made. One of their wives, the local one, had the nerve to tell me she was mad at me because she says I haven't had them over to our house for dinner....ever. She said her kids have never seen the inside of our house. That's BS! We used to have them & their kids over here at least once a month for dinner until my husband became disabled five years ago. At that time we all agreed it would be better to have monthly dinners at their home as my husband became so agitated & upset & hostile when he helped me cook dinners before and then got even more upset & demanding when he couldn't cook anymore. So it's a lie they've never been here for dinner. Their kids have absolutely seen the inside of our house many, many times from the time they were babies until they were about 5 & 6 years old. It's their mother who forgot...it's their mother who's got no right to be mad at me when she's known full well I am semi-disabled myself with chronic pain to deal with. I haven't had dinner parties here for over five years even for my own kids. And they never complain because they know the problems we're having here. In fact, MY kids bring dinner over here for holidays & fix the whole thing themselves if they want to come here. His sons & wives could do that also if they had any brains. Sometimes I think the whole G.D. family has dementia!! She said she doesn't have ESP & that I haven't told them anything about what help was needed here. Again, that's a pile of crap. I've asked & asked. They're never home or are too busy or don't know how to do it or have to go out of town, or to their kids' ballgame or whatever excuse they have as they seem to think they're the only ones who have busy lives. Geez....when are they gonna make time for their dad??? When he's six feet under???? The local son is oh, so eager to take over the job of keeping our budget & writing our checks & having control of our bank accounts. But he sure hasn't offered to give any care for his father either at their home or elsewhere, aside from the monthly dinners or to drive his dad to the store a couple of times cuz his dad can't drive anymore as of about a month ago. Their whole family sucks!!!! I told my support group about this & that my attorney advised me to get a divorce. My support group said I should divorce my husband's family, but not my husband. Frankly I'm seriously thinking about how to work out an amicable divorce before this whole thing makes me so sick it kills me or makes me so exhausted & incapacitated I can't do anything, even take care of my own needs. His kids ought to stay here for a week or so & caregive him 24 hours a day or keep him at house for a while. They have no concept of how stressful it is. They don't have him verbally abusing them as I do. They don't have to deal his hostile stubbornness. They don't have to hear him scream & yell & curse at the full-blast TV for hours & hours because he refuses to wear his hearing aids. They don't have to deal with the incontinence messes in his pants, in the car, on the hallway floor, the bathroom floor & walls & rugs & cupboards & bathtub & toilet seat & on & on every single day. They don't have to deal with his not wanting to do a darn thing except watch TV & listen to his radio sports programs all day long & all night till 1:00 AM while I suffer from noise pollution listening to his diarrhea of the mouth routine. They don't have to go downstairs to turn the TV down everytime I want to talk to him or when he calls me at the top of his lungs. They don't lose sleep at night when he wanders around the house as I do cuz I'm afraid he'll fall down the stairs or leave the stove burner on & burn the house down or turn the heater on even on warm days. They don't have to deal with all this all the piles of paper work & forms I have to fill out for doctors or lawyers or whomever. They don't have to deal with driving him to appointments sometimes 2-3 hours away to take him for special medical services. But I sure wish they did have to deal with it. Then his DIL wouldn't be trying to give me advice about how to get along with him when she's had screaming arguments with him herself. Where's all the patience & kindness & sweetness SHE doesn't have when only I'M supposed to have it all? Pissed off in California ------------------------------------------------------------ I went to the hospital emergency room a month ago with stabbing chest pains thinking I was having a heart attack. They said my heart is normal (Thank goodness) & I was having stress-related muscle spasms. Then I went to my own doctor a week later & she told me I was physically, emotionally & mentally exhausted & I needed a two week vacation away from home. That was enough for me. I left to stay at my daughter's house for the next two weeks & sent word to his local son & wife I was sick & at my daughter's & their dad was alone in the house & needed to be attended to..someone to stay with him or to take him to their house or however they wanted to arrange for his care. So I did the responsible thing and notified him I was sick, left home & their dad (in-law) was alone as we had agreed I would do years ago. His son came over & took his dad shopping to get some groceries the next night. The day after that they both left town for the 3-day memorial day weekend & didn't tell anybody (except my demented, disabled husband) they were leaving town. So they left him all alone here for three days & nights & didn't call my daughter or my son or me, tho they had all the phone numbers. Geez, was I mad when I found out they did that!!!! I was SOOO pissed off!!! And horribly disappointed too because I thought I could trust them, especially in an emergency like that. I don't understand why they think I have to notify them if I'm out of town even overnight to visit my stroke-victimized mother about three hours drive from here, but they don't think they have to tell anybody if they leave their dad (in-law) all alone for 3 days & nights. Something's really rotten in Denmark here & it ain't me. They know their dad (in-law) falls down in the hallway or bathroom or out of bed when he has to go potty at night. They know he's fallen down the stairs a few times & bruised himself. They know the stairs are dangerous for him & he needs someone here at all times in case he knocks himself unconscious or hurts himself badly. So there is no excuse for their irresponsible behaviour. They're supposed to be intelligent, professional, responsible adults & parents. But their actions toward myself & their dad (in-law) really stinks. They say they are so concerned about him & so worried but somehow they just don't have the time when the going gets tough. I'm so disgusted I'm really planning to divorce my husband soon as he'll have to go into assisted living soon anyway as I can't lift his weight with my bad back problems as he twice my size & weight & he's hostile & combative when he needs help with his diapers or the catheter he had on for two weeks or dressing or bathing or a whole raft of other things that're coming down the pike faster & faster every day. The only way his sons are every going to really "get the

i'm pissed that i forgot what the hell i was gonna write on this wall and it makes me wonder if i have AD too

I'm pissed too!I'm pissed because i gave away a perfectly good husband cuz i had an affair and now i am alone. left alone with a mother who is suffering from dementia and other illnesses and i have no one to lean on. it's my fault and i am mad at me. i have no one else to blame. i don't know how to live with myself.