Can anyone tell me why my MIL comes into the kitchen and stares at me when I'm cooking? She also makes odd remarks about what I'm doing; such as: "Well, SOMEONE will eat it, I guess." This behavior unnerves and frustrates me! I guess I'm trying to make some kind of logical sence out of unlogical behavior?

The worst emotion is knowing these diseases are beyond our control.The best we can do is hope we have the strength and ability to deal with the ups and downs that be something we have never been prepared for.
Too many feel they are failures because others deal with a situation differnt then us.You can never compare your self , your situation with another.That is a road to self destruction to the one giving the care.Each thing we try allows us to know what works and does not work.The main thing is you tried

How's it goin', DObba? Is your MIL still staring at you making that stuff that SOMEBODY'S gotta eat? Come to my house! My secret it to make 'em wait until they are so hungry, even used kitty litter would taste great!!

OK. I'm lyin'... I don't make 'em wait THAT long, but I am somehow always amazed that it's suppertime and I am totally clueless...

Good dang thing, too, 'cause if I remembered to eat more often, I might not be able to squeeze my fanny into these jeans...

I wish we had more selections for take out and delivery here - pizza just doesn't cut it and I am sick of Chinese...

You got any of those hot springs near you? Man, if I had one, I'd STAY in it!!

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Originally posted by Moms_Buddy:

Wish someone had reminded me earlier today that I was gonna have to fix dinner AGAIN tonight - I continually DENY that one... Which is why I call it the Nightly Miracle...

MB is this why Im gittin yelled at all da time?! Im spose to MAKE dinner??? Well hell I wish someone would send me a daggum rule book!

And Hannah good to see ya! Baby did you say a mouthful! Ya learn ya put that crap to memory then some wiseguy comes along and changes the rules! Ya ever wonder why we go around mumblin to ourselves all the daggum time?!

I don't think there is a 'WHY'. I used to ask that all the time; why is Mom cutting the legs off her clothes? why is Mom hoarding cash? Why is Mom buying the same items over and over and over.... The only 'why' is the disease. Not a nice answer, but a true one. Sorry. But all I have learned from this is that just when I think I got it figured out, everything changes and new stuff surphaces.
~Hannah

WHY, i think that is the most used word when dealing with those who have an illness.When my mother passed I did not ask why because I knew why.But the day my aunt passed I went around her room pounding on anything and everything crying , why, no, why.All through the process we find our selves asking why .To the doctors etc.Many times we find no answerss, others ones we understand but find hard to accept.

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I want to deny that she's "going, going, gone", but I needed a "reality check".

Don't feel like the Lone Ranger, Dobba - I think we ALL don't wanna believe that this is really happening... it's real difficult sometimes but having others neaby who are experiencing similar events really DOES help a lot... Glad you found us and that we could help... tomorrow it may be one of us who needs YOU to straighten us out and get the reality check into motion!!

Wish someone had reminded me earlier today that I was gonna have to fix dinner AGAIN tonight - I continually DENY that one... Which is why I call it the Nightly Miracle...

Thanks Moms-buddy! I appreciate you taking the time to give me some great advice. I want to deny that she's "going, going, gone", but I needed a "reality check". If it wasn't for this online support group, I would be lost. I mean that! You help me so much. Thanks for being there for me.

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an anyone tell me why my MIL comes into the kitchen and stares at me when I'm cooking? She also makes odd remarks about what I'm doing; such as: "Well, SOMEONE will eat it, I guess."

Hi Dobba. This is not the most unpleasant of remarks that you may hear before all is said and done! It sounds like she's hanging around you while cooking because it's something she can still relate to - the action is ALWAYS in the kitchen... I would have chuckled at her remark and asked if she thought SHE would be one of the "someones"... It might be her way of telling you that she doesn't like a particular dish... You could also have tried to engage her in some conversation, like... "You think it's THAT bad? What do you think I could fix that people might like better?" Maybe she will tell you what she would like better; maybe not. Please try to remember that, as their minds take the long walk to permanent vacationland, they have trouble articulating exactly what they want to say and their impulse control (what keeps us from opening mouth and inserting foot) has left the building with Elvis. Sometimes the wrong choice of words may surprise and sting us, but they can't do any better... It isn't a personal thing! Because articulation and conversation are important skills to retain, never miss an opportunity to TALK with her about ANYTHING she wishes... You may have to carry the load of the conversation, but if no one talks to our loved ones much, they lose the ability to communicate more quickly.

You need to detach yourself from "normal" responses to the bizarre or unpleasant things your MIL may do or say... her brain is deteriorating and unwinding right in front of you and she is no longer responsible for her behavior. Sometimes they do seem sneaky and clever but HONEST - that's NOT the same thing as when the kids sneak cookies under their pillows. The kids can LEARN - your MIL cannot. The reason she behaves this way is that her reasoning ability is going, going, gone never to be seen nor heard from again. Don't let clever sneakiness delude you into thinking she's playing with a full deck and just doesn't like you or something... Light may still be on from time to time, but there's nobody home and they ain't comin' back.

If this is the crummiest most aggravating thing she ever does before she bows out of the picture, you will be a VERY LUCKY woman!!

Good luck!

Uh Dobba you said a mouthful lmao! It was priceless! I have her monitored by a tiny cam now...shes still tryin to figure out how I know all!

Sneaky Behavior is my MIL's middle name!!! OH MY I can just see the expression on you LO's face when she was caught!

Mae I truly believe with all my heart my MIL (despite our rocky road) also trusts me in the things I do, but also at the same time makes those nasty little faces or comments about being a scrooge because so many things we have had to take away for their own safety and health gave them so much joy...Hopefully when and if the time comes we wont be so bad?! I hope....

Dobba your so very welcome...anytime
It helped alot back then that she was not suffering from AD so the process was fairly easy for me (not her) but it was very successful even the docs were amazed at how quickly her BSR came down..as of today she is med free for the diabetes due to the diet. THe only thing I will tell you is since the confusion in your MIL is apparent it would be a really good idea not to have these foods accessible in the home! lol! Im laughin only because when the confusion enters the picture so does the sneaky behaviors! Good god almighty!
So much so that the lil munchkin (my mil) would sneak downstairs at 3:30 in the am rifling through the pantry for something to eat (usually bread) nothin like catching your mil in the act with her mouth stuffed with the lil delicacy she has found in the dark no less (all lights in the house were off) hence the locks on all the doors including the pantry door!

Ya...we get to be the "enforcers" don't we? My MIL is the same way, and you know what...I'll probably make faces behind my caregiver's back too...I'm awful stubborn
You don't know how much it means to me for you gals to give me this feedback. You have given me the courage to speak the truth in love to "Nana", as we call her. You know, if I didn't love her, I wouldn't be so concerned about her taking good care of herself. I want her to be around for a long time because she is teaching me so many things.

Bunnys Girl , your approach is right on the money.My aunt would second guess me when I was told to do something different for her.Food she could not have, salt.So many things.It came to the point where I had to be honest with her and tell her what could happen if she would not cooperate.
It was so funny, when the nurse or doctor would suggest something she was all smiles.But when I had to carry it out she would make faces at me behind my back.
I was not always her favotite person when it came to yes or no.But she was always in my life and felt so secure with me.She new I would keep her safe and assure her safety.
I was the daughter she never had and was always so good to me.She would have given her right arm if I needed it.

WOW! I really admire your perserverance.I've printed off your VERY HELPFUL email. All I can do is TRY and KEEP TRYING. I appreciate you SO MUCH.THANK YOU!

Not funny but you could always scare the beegeebers outta her by tellin her if she doesnt adhere to a strict diet BSL's arent the only thing to worry about theres blindness, micro/macrovascular disease, kidney failure and thats just to start....
You know Baby alot of people dont know about sweeteners and decaf either its not only you, trust me... Ive been doing for my MIL since 97 taking BS readings and couldnt figure out why they were still spiking so...I sat there one day creating a chart (I know...your suppose to take BS readings in the morn only for accuracy) but I decided to experiment thank god she was a willing participant! Although her fingers suffered
For each meal I took readings varying food each time (man this took a minute!) one day I decided to take out caffeine...not bad...then replaced the sweetener with regular unprocessed sugar better still then with honey Walaaa! Success! I did the same with beef pork fish and chicken (the best numbers were with the fish and chicken) Now mind you no frying, baked broiled or boiled. Canned veggies verses fresh... also fruit. Now I know there are ney sayers out there about the fruit issue but it simply is not true these people (the ney sayers) are taking BS readings round the clock of course they are going to spike after a meal but if they really look at the readings like I did you see the numbers are pretty normal. My MIL's readings never go above 120 and the only time they ever hit a 300 reading is right after she eats (within the hour of eating and testing) then the numbers decrease to around 120 or less after the first 2 hours readings in the morning 95 steadily for the past what 7 1/2 years...

She is on medication-two kinds-they worked for years, then just recently they quit being effective. I think she just counted on the meds working and quit eating properly...I try to get her to eat more soy protein, vegetables and to stay away from the carbs...it takes a LOT of persuading!!!

Ya..you are right about involving my husband...he says he wants to know...I just need to try to wait and talk to him when I'm CALM!
I did not know that sweetneres would spike blood sugars! Of course, she CRAVES carbs and sweets and it's SO HARD to convince her to eat more of the good stuff. I'm a health nut myself...have been for years, but she's just been used to eating whatever she wants until a few months ago.
Patience is a virtue I wish I had more of!!!!

Dobba glad to see ya back
Ok first things first DO involve your hunny its his mom your talking about. You dont want that to come back and bite you in the butt later on down the line
Now since I deal with this situation on a day to day basis (Diabetes and HBP)
You need to start with her diet in the end it will solve or at the very least make it better.
Take all white out of her diet and by that I mean all processed sugars starches flour products ect And absolutely no caffeine and no to decaf, also sweeteners they spike blood sugars bad. If you need to sweeten things do so with unsweetened applesauce or honey and try and get her to eat oatmeal in the mornings if you dont already.
If she is still eating beef cut this too it also does a number on BSL,
If you need any more just holler! I gotta a whole list!
Afterthought
Now whether shes taking meds for the Diabetes (and I hope she is) if she is not eating properly (alot of sugars and starches) BSL's spiking will produce this behavior also...

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Bunnys_grl,