who do i think i am? after this weekend i realized just how arrogant i was in thinking i could make a big differnce in this world by volunteering to care for daisy. although i have a lot of love and compassion for people i can't stop alzheimers. it will take it's course no matter how hard i try. most are caring for your loved ones out of love and duty. i got involved because i must have a diety complex. i can't change things!!! this diety complex also makes me think i should be doing something more, saving more unsaveable people. i am so frustrated i guess i am just feeling the impact of the fall from my pedestal. did i do anything noble? i don't think the majority of her family thinks so, it's just a waste of their inheritance to them. i did not even receive a christmas card or sympathy card from them when my own mother passed away. i needed a reality check, number one I AM NOT GOD! number two, NO ONE CARES! is this what my was saved for? i don't have the answers!

FD&H Hope you have a great trip and make some good memories to go to when needed. You deserve time to recharge and be happy. I know all about the pitty party myself and yes...it is a lot of energy spent. My son has off July 21 and 22 and when I get my paycheck this Fri. I'm making reservations down the Jersey shore.
Take care and prayers your way for a safe ride.

Oh Happy, I hope I am not too late to wish you well before your trip!

Go enjoy yourself. My goodness...you sure have some exciting plans. Live it up to the hilt, lady...and then live and laugh a little more for us

We are with you in spirit---it sure does my heart good to think of you enjoying so many wonderful dreams coming to fruition for you and your family!!

Enjoy!

quote:

i might not be mother theresa but i'm ok.somebody kick my butt fast if i get on that path again. it's just a huge waste of time and energy, energy i am going to need hang glaiding!!!

... and don't waste energy beating yourself up for beating yourself up!

You have your head screwed on straight, FD&H. This trip sounds like the "opening night" of a LOT of life goals you have been working your way toward! How WONDERFUL that you are now able to try things you never could undertake before!

Have a GREAT time, show off your new clothes and enjoy feeling free of the 200 pounds of cinderblocks that used to tie you down! Hang gliding sounds like a BLAST, although I draw the line at bungee jumping and jumping out of aircraft that are not on fire! I hope you take lots of photos so you can share them with us when you return!

Happy, good for you, bright colored clothes, new things always lift the sprit. When you come home and get back intot he swing of things, please tell us how you lost 200lbs? I know I can't be the only person here struggling.

You get out there and do those fun things while your body will let you. Your son is never going to forget the fun on this trip!

And what stores were you shopping in, to find pretty bright colors. I can only find dark green, brown and black! Nothing fun!!! I refuse to buy winter colors in the summer!! I love bright colors, and can't seem to find them right now!!!

Have a great time honey!!!!!!!!!

this is to everyone. thanks. it was just a temporary lapse. i'm back. been sorting new clothes and doing laundry all day. i am going to look great up in the mountains and no one to impress! this is the first time in years i ditched what i call my fat clothes, not due to size but old attitude and bought some fun, bright things. what fun some color makes in the and outlook! i feel like a peacock! i have gotten over my oh poor me thoughts and have re examined things. i am doing good, maybe it is for one person but it is one of God's own and that's enough for me. i am furious with her kids. her eldest was a minister but for him it's all about him. once again i had to chase him cross country to get paid so i could pay the respite worker. he never even asked about his mom! just said he'd try to get to the checkbook! he's very righteous and worried about others morals and souls. i hope he has his own covered!!! i guess i was crying for both daisy's situation and anger, both the anger i feel and the anger she can't feel. i am the first to say what doesn't kill us will only make us stronger, one day at a time, and the words i hate most, yada yada yada! in other words if i am goingto talk the talk i had better be ready to walk the walk. ok, i'm done. i'm back. i will put on my new clothes and sit here smiling at how good i am going to feel dressed up and acting like an adult. my son soesn't know it but i have arranged for hang gliding!!! that will be something just for the two of us, a memory to share. a guide will fly with me. it sounds crazy but i was HUGE for so long i was literally earth bound for most of my life. now that i have lost 200 lbs. i am going to be a kid on vacation until i break the necessary bones it takes to function! i truly do love life now. i have an invite to visit the neighbors cottage and will kayak this summre, didn't used to fit in one. i will go tubing, again never fit in the tube. we are packing gear to hike in the mountains too. there is a draught going on so i'm not sure about that yet. i worked in children's recreation for so long that i don't know if i ever grew up but i was physically unable to enjoy my attitude. i'm back and ready to kick butt!!!thanks for the words i needed to get back on track. i can never tell you how great you all are, each single person doing what they can IS what makes the difference. i might not be mother theresa but i'm ok.somebody kick my butt fast if i get on that path again. it's just a huge waste of time and energy, energy i am going to need hang glaiding!!!

Maybe you aren't God and having trouble accepting these things go on their course at their own pace regardless of how much we try to stop them or slow them down. Still you are God sent for Daisy. Do you think any body, could give her better care as the dear woman goes through this?

I know each little bit of ground she loses feels like a personal failure unless you rethink this a bit. This job is to see her through it, Teams of Doctors and researchers, have only made nominal progress, . Mentally, this is like trying to stop a derailing freight train. Personnally, I think the hardest lesson that I am still studying on this earth, is that as much power as I think I may have, I do not have ultimate power, I'm not clairvoyant, I'm not omniscient. But that is not an excuse for not doing what I can. I still have a lot of the little kid in me that wants to say if we aren't playing by MY RULES, I DON"T WANT TO PLAY AT ALL. Fortunately for the people around me, I've got it down to about once a week when I'm home alone. Very few would guess. Maybe my Bro remembers this about me, but my Mom seems to have completely forgotten that part of me.

Baby, You really need his break.

Happy honey, it is SOOOOOO time for you to get a break.

I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom. If I could have, I would have sent you a Christmas card, a condolence card, a sunshine card, a smiley card... , anything to soften the sadness of your loss.

Remember, you are doing a service for God, for Daisy...not for anyone else. Forget the rest of them, do the best you can and make the best of every day!!!!! You have a family and a life too!!! Now live it darlin!!!!!

Are you packed????

FD&H, I think you were bein' a leedle hard on yourself. I don't think ANY of us think that we are gonna make bigtime strides against Alzheimer's DIsease or any of the other things that are ravaging the people for whom we care - at least not after the first six months or so!

What we DO is offer caring, personal care to people who no longer can advocate or care for themselves. Personally, I can't think of a better way I could have spent this time... Giving care to those who are so challenged and at the end of their story is important, humane work in a society of mundane, hands-off, NIMBY, corporate inhumanity. It's called doing what's right for human beings. It's called giving service to the sick and infirm. Perhaps it is work that much of the rest of the world doesn't want to do, but then again, the important stuff IS frequently stuff other people don't want to do. Sure, it's a tough row to hoe, but none of us ultimately does it for the glory - we do it out of love and devotion to fellow human beings. Failing to be omnipotent does not mean we are failures at our job of giving care.

You could at least have left some beer... Now I gotta plod all the way to Harry's for a libation... Poor, poor pitiful me...

With a vacation looming, don't you have anything better to do than giving yourself a beating? Make a list, buy a new outfit, make sure you have comfortable shoes, get some sunscreen or something... The entire world and our raison d'etre is not defined by Alzheimer's Disease nor caregiving! Go live a little, willya?

i should have thought twice before hitting send. sorry about that. a pizza and a six pack would turn that into a major pity party. each and every person is important to God, forget the family! daisy is content and happy in her world so who am i to question. sorry, all.