I came in here because I was ready to rant - having one of those weeks - just finished cleaning the bathroom for the third time in three days because apparently my mother has forgotten she is a girl and has been trying to pee standing up...

But what I find is you all talking about wringer washers... I used to stay with some older relatives in western PA in the summers - the one they had was electric and ate fingers faster than the crank kind. Then I read farther and find bacon grease - duh! you can't fry eggs or potatoes in anything else! Then, to make it even harder to stay mad, someone has to mention fried cabbage and noodles!!!! I just bought a head of cabbage so I could make that - it's one of my all-time favorite comfort foods. I ALMOST forgot I was mad. Now I'm just mad and hungry.

So, I'm trying to convince my mother that she is not properly plumbed to pee standing up, no matter how much easier it seems than sitting on the toilet. I've tried to find the right question to ask to figure this out... nothing hurts, the seat isn't too cold, it wasn't "too late" to sit down... so I don't know what the problem is. And there's no excuse in the world for not telling me there was pee on the floor and letting me find out by walking in it at eleven thirty at night. To add to my frustration - she blamed it on my dogs. I don't care how hard you squeeze him, a mini wiener dog can't pee that much, and even if the beagle helped... nope - impossible.

I'm having major issues with cleanliness. Her personal hygiene is actually OK (except for this latest wrinkle)- but she is perversely proud of the fact that she doesn't "keep house." (Thank God my grandmother lived with us and did "keep house.") When I went to get her in August, her condo was a pig sty with food and trash everywhere, filthy bathroom, not one square inch of flat surface anywhere that didn't have something stuck to it - and that was WITH a cleaning lady coming once a week. I'm surprised the woman didn't run screaming after two visits.

I am certain this is going to be the thing that decides whether mom stays with me or we find other arrangements in some kind of assisted living. I don't have the luxury of an apartment or suite I can give over to her. I have two bedrooms and one bathroom. That means we have to share and if you've ever had to mop up a bucket full of pee BEFORE you can get to the toilet to use it yourself late at night... well you can maybe imagine the profanity laden pee pee dance... or maybe you would rather not.

It occurred to me today that I do love my mom, I just don't like her very much. And maybe it has been that way for a very long time. Mostly I am mentally exhausted from trying to be patient and tolerant. I'm not so much physically tired, but I find myself to be very resentful that time I could spend with that amazing man, or doing something else I enjoy, is instead spent cleaning and deodorizing the bathroom, or washing poopy clothes, or cleaning the kitchen for the fourth time in a day, or whatever else has become my responsibility.

I'm not feeling very graceful, or grateful, at the moment.

quote:

I'm not joking about the bucket...

I didnt think you were
This is exactly what my patient did, a small bucket that she held between her legs as she voided.
Im guessing your mom didnt do that then, hence the piddle on the floor

So her SSI is going to cover the Adult Daycare, have you checked into your church for help? They may have something available or know if something is in the community you reside.
If she is not making enough on SSI have you asked for extra help?
Contact a Medical Social Worker through your moms PCP they would know if anything is available for your mom.

I'm not joking about the bucket... apparently this is something she did several times throughout the day - so it was a cumulative sort of thing and had plenty of time to seep into the wood real good and work up a good aroma.

I'm looking into the grab bar/arms thing - the height of the seat isn't an issue, but she needs something to hold on to when she stands up.

And Dochka - I know I'm not the person to do this for the long term. The plan was always to get her here, get some medical attention, figure out what we're dealing with and find appropriate living arrangements. I'm barely home enough to take care of my dogs, let alone a person. I know things are only going to get more difficult and she will become more needy. She already needs more time and attention than I can give. I have to work full time if we want to have a house and food. I found an adult day care we can afford for three days a week, but that still leaves her home while I'm at work the other two. She does OK on those days, but when something like this incident happens it makes it all the clearer to me that this is only a band aid - and one that doesn't stick very well at that.

Dear Jakespumpkin,

Do not feel you HAVE to do this. Not everyone is cut out for it. It is far better to be honest with yourself than taking on being a caregiver and HATING doing it. It's a VERY tough road as you can see, and to be blunt (sorry) it doesn't ever get any easier. It gets progressively harder.

Take your gut feelings seriously. Most of the time they are right.

quote:

I don't care how hard you squeeze him, a mini wiener dog can't pee that much, and even if the beagle helped... nope - impossible.

Gosh, That's a lot of pee landing on the floor. At least she is going into the bathroom This whole story makes me glad that where I live, I can go outside if I need to.

Like some others have said, (BG) a higher toilet seat and a grab bar or "arms" may help her to sit with out being afraid she won't be able to rise. Does she have any knee or hip pain that you know of?.

Hi all well I made the halushki today YUMMY, I think I made some others hungry too, that sure is some good comfort food and sort of healthy I think, well at least the cabbage is!!!

Woops I almost forgot try a raised toilet seat you can get them through a medical supply house theres a few different models one thats removable and another that clamps onto the toilet bowl itself which is the one I prefer for safety reasons this model also has hand grips on the sides to assist a person up and down.
I stand 5'3" and it really doesnt take much muscle to get back to a standing position from this model

**chuckle** Sorry Jake thats what we do here we try like hell to get folks laughing again cause in the grand scheme of things this is but a moment in time that will soon fade then what? We look back on this moment and kick ourselves for blowing up at something so insignificant?
Naaa I choose laughter Iv had quite enough anger
This is where thinking outside the box comes into play my dear....
I had a patient who loved voiding standing up, did so for a few years wanna know why?
It was a way for her to retain her independence.
Hey that bowl is pretty dang low on a good day now add age and an inability to move like you used to and YOU will find yourself getting creative too nowaddimean jellybean
And dont think for one moment I dont know how easy it is to piddle standin up she made me try
Said if I wanted to know what all the hooplaa was about piddlin like a dude I oughta try it
Well I dont back down from a challenge so I did...hafta say Jakey I wanna come back in my next life as a dude now

I hafta also say moppin up piddle before bathroom use is WAY more better than wearing both piddle and poo 2 yes TWO things I am intimately familiar with
Commode tipped MIL went one way commode came straight at me....just freakin lovely....and dont ask I cant even begin to explain that one.
So my dear that is just the tip of my iceberg when it comes to excrement in fact Id say me a poop...were best friends