Stupidly I thought that once the funeral was over, it was OVER. Today I am mad about two things that happened at my Mom's funeral. In June my brother and I had banned my Mom's ex boyfriend from visiting her because nurses notes indicated he had fondled her and kept trying to force her into private areas against the rules. At the rosary service the night before the funeral, HE SHOWS UP! I was stunned that he would be so calous. My daughter and my nieces were all upset - they knew what happened. The next morning, before the funeral, I called him. I told him that I thought he had alot of nerve showing up at the rosary that I would appreciate it if he did not intrude himself at my Mother's funeral, and that if he did show up, he would be asked to leave publically. While waiting for the funeral to start I told my brother what I had done and he was annoyed with me and called me "bitchy". I said that I thought we set a bad example to our daughters to let an abuser pretend nothing was wrong just because we were too wimpy to speak up. My brother turned away from me. I don't care, I'm glad I did it.

The second thing that made me mad was when several people told me after the service that they were shocked and thought it was wrong of me to list the cause of my Mother's death in her obit as "complications of Lewy Body Dementia". They said it embarrassed her memory for people to read that she had dementia. They thought I was wrong to request donations to LBDA instead of flowers. I said, "She had a neurological disease, not an STD!" I don't understand this attitude. Even if I was ignorant about the cause of someone's death, I wouldn't go up to one of the family at the funeral and critisise them for it.

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~Hannah

So sorry about your Mom's passing. Thats so hard on many of us, after we've cared for them the way they once cared for us.

My Mom says she wants all her flowers while she's alive.

And she donates to cripple childrens hospitals, and wants in leiu of flowers to go to them.

She says she can't smell them once she's gone!

Family is going to squawk, no matter what you do.

Glad you set the ex-bf straight. Its your right!

You did what you felt was right, so puckum! Folks will feel like they want to feel no matter what. You can't control what they feel or say, only know in your heart you did what was right.

Years ago I had to learn, I had control of nobodys actions and feelings but my own. That was a hard one to learn. People will agree or disagree. Don't matter to me now.

Hi Hannah,

You absolutely did the right things and I just hope I have as much strength as you when the time comes.

Good for you for taking care of that creep of an ex-bf. Let's hope you never see or hear from him again.

Now is the time to heal so be kind to yourself. Take good care.

Robin

Thanks all. I feel good about both my decisions. Bobcat I too have run into many people who tell me about their love one with "parkinson's and ..." This is my Mom's story too. First diagnosed with Parkinsons, then Parkinsons and AZ, then LBD. Nobody I know had EVER heard of LBD before including nurses and doctors and nursing home personel. Its hard not to "diagnose" another person's family member when it sounds oh so familiar. I usually direct them to the LBD website.
Thanks for the support all!

Dear Hannah,
Thanks for sharing this with us.
I am proud of what you did and of all my friends here who have given support.

You go girls!

Im sorry WTH would they have said if your asked in lieu of flowers please donate to the American Red Cross or the Cancer institute?! Its done all the time where are they from Mars ferchrissakes?! And excuse me where were they when ya needed a hand or a shoulder and now they think they have the right to blast you?
Eh screw um all it shows their selfishness and ignorance, you just educated a whole lotta folks to this disease by including it in her obit.
Kudos to you Hannah for standing up for whats right it was your call anyhow you can dam well do what you want to.
And that idiot yeah I woulda kicked him in the gonads had I been there lil freakin pervert
*thanks Torp I hadnt heard that one in a year or 3*

I'll try to keep this PG.

To blazes with 'em. You have honored your mother's memory by choosing to use it to make others lives better as they face a terrible disease. You also were a testimony to your upbringing by not telling those classless morons to shut their pieholes.

And as to the pervy boyfriend? You did exactly right. I admire your self control for not kneeing the creep in the gonads at the rosary.

Good grief, what in the world is wrong with people these days?

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The second thing that made me mad was when several people told me after the service that they were shocked and thought it was wrong of me to list the cause of my Mother's death in her obit as "complications of Lewy Body Dementia". They said it embarrassed her memory for people to read that she had dementia. They thought I was wrong to request donations to LBDA instead of flowers. I said, "She had a neurological disease, not an STD!"

Good for YOU!! Shame on those tiny little minds connected to those tiny little hearts who would say or even THINK such an ignorant thing!!

I have been astonished for years at how poorly some folks conduct themselves at funerals... I am especially sorry that YOU were the one who had to tell that creep to stay the heck away...

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As for brother, tell him to sit on it and rotate.

Couldn't have said it better, Mae.

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While waiting for the funeral to start I told my brother what I had done and he was annoyed with me and called me "bitchy". I said that I thought we set a bad example to our daughters to let an abuser pretend nothing was wrong just because we were too wimpy to speak up. My brother turned away from me. I don't care, I'm glad I did it.

I'm glad you did too. And I agree: if we expect our daughters and sons to know how to stand up to abuse and abusers, we DO have to set the example.

All in all, it sounds to me like your Mom had a daughter at her funeral of whom she could be very, very proud...

My hat's off to you, Hannah, and my heart's with you. You did good.

Hannah, Clearly this was a bad day for everyone. Vent here. The differences between you and Bro are difficult.

The issue about where to send donations and exposing the cause of death is one I think we all can relate with. You did right. Many suffer from this and could get so much better care and understanding if there was more awareness. The very fact that you were criticized shows how desperately this needs to be brought to light.

Twice since I have been here and heard of this, I have had a wierd chance to converse with a family CG who mentioned Parkinson's and then other symptoms and the bad reactions to meds. I asked if the doc or anyone else had mentioned LBD. SURPRISE. DUH, what??. No I did not diagnos the LO while we shared waiting time for the Dentist, I just mentioned LBD in relation to Parkinsons and it was a total blank. All the while they described the symptoms and med responses I had heard of here.

You have done an excellent thing.

I think that requesting donations for research is more than acceptable. The fact some felt there was a stigma just goes to show that education and research are exactly what's needed.

Condolences on your loss.

Hannah, you did just fine.There are always those who feel they know everything and in the end are not worth their weight in gold.
wHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH PUTTING THE TRUTH WHERE ALL CAN SEE?People can drive you to drink.
I requested no flowers and donations be made to the hospice unit where hubby stayed.Flowers last a short time .Donations can help someone else .
As for brother, tell him to sit on it and rotate.
Just allow your self time to gather your thoughts and trust all you did was right.
People knew not to give me any guff.
So many chiefs come out of the wood work.