Can't be near my H. He wants to hit me but not the aides or anybody else...

I don't sleep, I spent hours following him aorund the house, I mop his urine all day long (and in the middle of the night) and clean the smelly mess he left in his undewear, chairs and floors. I need to go out to work to pay alimony to his exwife and then I need to keep myself at a distance from his fists and kicks... and I can't invite anyone for XMas to our home because he isn't using the bathroom anymore and that smell, guests and food are a bad combination.

There isn't almost anything I can do (just keep myself as safe as I can) but if he wants to hit someone should be hitting the exwife that left us without money to pay for more help (I told him to ask the Court to eliminate the alimony but he said she was so good that she would never do anything to harm him), and his family that abandoned him. But he want to hit me, the only one who cares.

Don't take me wrong, I do know that isn't his fault. He is sick but his family isn't. They are plainly abusive, and he knew that they were as they are and didn't do anything to protect me no matter I begged him to do so. Is late to correct things, he is getting worse and when I really need to get some sleep must work to pay a lot of money to that woman.

Talked to his doctor and the increase in pills are helping a little but not enough. The aides may be here all day but he waits until they go to do his thing in his clothes and wet the floor. I am not happy, I can't be happy, I don't recall what been happy is and seems that there isn't too much to change the situation but I liked this wall...

DianaT, I am so sorry the drama with hubbies family continues.
I remember when my husband was at his worse.My emotions were so mixed.There were times when his behavior continued for long periods of times that I hated him .Forgetting this was a sick man.But day after day the brow beatings.The accusations.I was so intimidated by him.Then the time he got so physival I had no choice but to call 911.He was going to hurt me because hhhhis paranoia led him to believe I could do no rightThe one good thing was he got meds that worked.The bad was they made so dam many mistakes he ened in a vegetative stse and went to rehab for a month.Why, poor recording reporting and failure on the hospital to refer to his charts.
I cannot tell you what to do because I understand you love and devotion to the man you know as Roberto.
Would you consider allowing the doctor to give him something to really knock him out at night?
Just so you can get some relief from all the stress you are under.
Not an easy place to be at this time.I do know , from my experience, when it becomes so bad, you will make the right decision.What that is , is up to you.
Just be careful as all this stress will come to cause you so many physical problems.
Not an easy time for you.So many decisions to face and on your own.
At my age and remembering how it was when hubby would change at the blink of an eye, I have no odea what I would do.My hubby was so strong, even at his most vunerable moments.He continues to be strong .Because he cannot get out of bed I am safe.
I hear your words , feel and understand them.Human emotions from a very compassionate person.
May I ask you something?What do you think is the answer if he continues with this behavior and the only answer is to keep him sedate , lightly?
I know there are many things that go with making a decision.You are caught beetween a rock and a hard ball.Not a fun place to be.
To be honest, to have a few days rest and peace, I would have them sedate him.Give your self a breather..

I am shocked, dumbfounded, stupefied, this is THEE most unconscionable act I have ever heard and to hear a Judge ordered this after all you have said....I need a....I dont know what I need but I do know you need to hold your head up high Diana cause if this was me they would have to hold my ass back from that entire clan, that woman especially.
Diana you are most certainly a saint if ever there was one.

My H suffered a mild stroke on 1999 and since then his health deteriorated and developed epilepsy. Then, on 2000 he knew his exwife was living with his exparter and got ashamed and depressed. On 2002 he had dengue and a stroke and lost 80 pounds. Looked as a skeleton. I got him to an ER and a son went not help but to ask more money for the mother.

What happened was that when they divorced my H had money and agreed to an alimony without restrictions. He was expecting to return with her and didn't wanted to sell his boat. After 20 years he was paying alimony and the woman was living with another man but he didn't cared until she started to live with his expartner. That created a doubt about when the relationship began. My H told me he talked with this man about the alimony and stop the payments. (Don't know what.)

Then, on June 2004 he went to a mental institution. This woman called my SIL who called me. I heard the conversation. She was saying that she had both her men sick and if they died who will take care of her.
On September she broke with that man and went to the court demanding the alimony owed by my H and the court ordered to pay. I tried to explain the court was letting me without money for his care but that woman lawyer suggested to sell the house. And then what, should we live in the park? She even asked to stop buying him chinesse food (his favorite) to get money for that woman.

I have never seen greed like before in my life. The Lawyer fees were huge so 30% of the money I am paying is going to that Lawyer pockets. Forgot to say that I invited her to come here to see his situation but she answered that she only wanted money, nothing else. His children are the same. As incredible as it sounds, a daughter asked permission to come over to break the walls to see if had money hidden here.

Oh Diana I am so very sorry this is truly a mess but wasnt he sick in 2002?
I mean if this woman is so hell bent on taking money I would invite the woman to your home so she can see exactly how sick this man is.
I hate to ask this but Im afraid Im going to have to
What happens if and when your H passes are you still obligated to pay this woman???
This is his debt not yours and excuse me this is alimony we are talking about right? Just alimony?
Dont the courts cut off alimony payments after a year there? Or is this until she remarries?
Ok lets say this is the case she gets alimony until she remarries what happens if the spouse goes broke? she gets no money then...
Im sorry this case needs to be revisited simply on the premise (I think thats the word) that she should only get a percentage of what he makes NOW not back then because this speaks to the care he NEEDS now this is simply cruel and inhumane treatment mixed with pure unadulterated greed.
Im sorry Im frustrated for you sweetie I dont get the logic here nor how this woman can be so mean and nasty...if she wants the money that bad Id let her know what kind of care this man requires Id also let the courts know what kind of predicament they have put you in with their decision. Let this woman feel what its like to take care of a man clearly incapable of rational thinking needing 24/7 care who is combative if she cant show compassion towards you in a time of need there is not one redeeming bone in that womans body I hate when I feel like someones back is up against a wall I just cant see how someone can be so dam mean.

My H is paying past due alimony but the truth is that if I need to go to work because the money isn't enough for his care in fact I am paying his debt.
This is a long story but when we got short of money for the alimony on 2002 I begged him to go to the Court to ask to eliminate it, but he didn't because he said she was a saint that would never do something like that and that she would understand. What she understood was that I was stealing her money.

In his family minds a man who is sick, doesn't work and needs $2,500 plus each month for his care should have more money in his pockets for her, not less and if there wasn't enough was because of me.

The case is over and the Judge ordered to pay because wasn't enough to been living with a man at the begining of the case, in order to eliminate the alimony she needed to be with him at the end of the case. A curious determination but is truly expensive to go to a higher court to revise the decision.

I filled an application to get a pension from the VA but I am not too confident he will get it. I am working and he has an income, I am not too sure they will consider that all his income for this year went to that woman and I mean all, and he still has a huge debt that must be paid before April 30 next year.

Forgot to say: I was writing when I heard a noise in the kitchen. He urinated on the border of the electric stove. (It was off.) He is tall and the water almost reach the knobs.

Thanks for trying to help. I truly appreciate it.

Diana can you appeal this case or is it over and done with?
I dont get why YOU are paying alimony to HIS ex spouse maybe I missed something here
Now there maybe a way around this and you being a Lawyer I think you know what Im talking about
You dont have to be married to live with the man Diana
And if you think about it he might be eligible for more services this way also???? I wonder????
Anybody else have any thoughts?

DianaT, I will get back to you with more thoughts, but right now, I am so sorry that I can't be there to hug you in person.

Please, don't be brave to the point of stupid.

You can remember "Being Happy" and it can come again. Love you, Bobcat.