I thought all would be better today. We went to the DR. and I handed him a full paged "Novel" as he termed it. Actually I was in a good mood, the CG is easy to be with and I had good conversation with her during our drive.

I laid it all on the table, leaving no stone unturned. All in front of my mil. During which, she gave me several scathing looks as if to say "Shut up you little bitch" {I know her all too well", sorry for the language, I just had to laugh. , that was the only humorous part of the day. After this, she told the DR. in a hateful tone, that her h had just died, using that excuse to use such abusive behavior. Sorry, I am not buying it.

After talking with the CG during our drive, she could not believe the things I was telling her, the way mil spoke to her family and temporary CG's. Telling the family the CG's were with holding her medication, were hiding her smokes. The way she threatened everyone, called them names and so on. CG says that mil would never dream of behaving that way with her... said if she did not know me so well that she would not believe it. CG also said that while caring for mil on her shift, she never smokes more than 4-7 cigarettes a day. Hmmmmmm..........

Mil did remember her behavior, so I know that she is trying to bully the younger/newer cg's. I know exactly what she is doing because she did it all to me when I first married my H and for years and years after that because I would not stand up to her. Well, I am not that person any longer. This is not a Dementia symptom, it is her normal demeanor. Even her grandaughter's do not believe this behavior when we tell them, because she has never behaved this way in front of them. She may have a form of Dementia, but she also has enough going on upstairs, to remember how to play her ugly games.

Back to the Dr, after he heard my testimony, and saw mil's reactions, and heard from the cg. He explained to my mil, that she made the choice to become a smoker years ago, he cannot help her scale back, or quit until she wants to.
And then we went through all the blah,blah,blah about stroke and heart attacks associated with smoking. He then said, you won't remember what I have said by the time you leave the office, but I am going to tell you anyway.

He changed her meds, which also included putting her on seroquel. I don't care what he gave her, at least this should put her down for a few hours and she may sleep through the night.
We will see how it goes.

When we returned from the appointment, she started brewing up another tempest, and I told her I was not going to stand there and listen to her, or put up with her behavior. I then walked out. While at the pharmacy, I waited 2 hours for the meds to be filled. That did a lot to boost my moral, let me tell ya!!

Right now, I don't care if she is evaluated, I don't care if she takes her meds, or smokes herself into oblivion. It just irritates me to no end, that if she has a heart attack or stroke, I know the responsibility of care that will be thrust upon all of us, and knowing myself, I will have no remorse for her, after the behavior she has thrust upon the people who love her most. Her precious beloved grandaughter who lives 1.5 hours away, and never has time to come visit, does not believe what we have told her....I think she needs to take her granmother home for about 2 weeks and keep her there, then she may change her mind.

This is the only DR. I am taking her to, I refuse to drive her to any facilities for an evaluation, or try out other Dr's opinions. I am suffering a headache and sinus problems just from the cigarette smell on her clothes.

I am so angry, I could spit nails right now. How can a human being, treat her own flesh and blood as if they were dirt under her feet.

Ok, she is grieving, I have never in my life seen a widow or widower treat people the way she does and try to get away with it because of the loss. I would do anything to help her through this, though I know I can't do or say anything to make her feel better.

She has said many times, she just wants to die...and that is the goal she is pushing for. She thinks if she smokes her head off she will have a stroke and die, or a heart attack and die.....we have all explained that most of the time you do not die immediately from either. She just looks at us as if we are so stupid. I put all of her meds in a plastic container, on the highest shelf, you have to stand on a step stool to reach them. We caught her in the kitchen going through the pill container looking for "some pills" to take.

I need to get to bed, tomorrow is another big day.

I hope God will forgive me for not being more patient and graceful. Right now, I can find neither.

I would much rather be spending this time with MY mother!!!

How interesting that she can pick and choose with whom she cooperates and whom she bullies. Any chance you can video the CG with MIL before she goes and have her techniques and manner on tape as a training tool? Or that your SIL can be a fly on the wall during a shift to observe?

Sounds like a locked medicine box is in order. I'm surprised and dismayed, that the Dr didn't think the suicidal remarks were significant.

Enough about her,
Glad to hear your Sister and her family is bringing your Dad to lunch and then back to your house. I know they need you, but you need them ,too. When you'r helping compulsion gets the best of you, stick with helpable people for awhile. That will be the most help for you as well.

Love you Blue.

You couldn't have said it better BG

My nerves are long gone. I don't get my restful sleep, and forget trying to power nap, or even close my eyes during the day. I just can't sit down.

Today, I am having lunch with my sister and her family, my Dad my be there also. They are all coming to my house for a visit afterwards.

Your mil and my mil must be related!

quote:

I would much rather be spending this time with MY mother!!!

Amen Blue...Amen.
This is something I wish for myself but the time is long been over for me however.
It is not so with you so grab what you can sweetie because I tend to agree with you...
This is a pattern of behavior that has long been a factor for her. Same as my MIL...
To the granddaughter of hers, well theres an old sayin that applies here
"No one knows what goes on behind closed doors"

These people reserve the good behavior for those deemed important in their lives...
Then comes the disease...I dont give a hoot what MD's or the like have to say about this, this behavior gets worse right along side this disease with the people they dont much care for no matter what you try to do to make it better. Maybe somewhere down the line when they start to forget more they can be civil...who knows *chuckle* I guess Ill be finding that lil tidbit out myself sooner or later.
Watching my MIL I have tried to be kind given space even but the moment she starts to soften she whips out the "old charm" as if being kind in return somehow hurts or offends her....
I have found the less said the better, keep it simple.
Dont speak about her health/behavior issues in front of her, this helps you in no way shape or form.
Most importantly tell your husband you can no longer do this.....You have given quite enough of yourself, its time for other family to step up and take on their mother.