Hi all,
The holidays were horrible. Mother yelled and screamed at everyone, including the grandchildren. She wants the caregivers out of her house, again. She says she doesn't need them (She can't walk, can't use one of her arms and is completely incontinent (sp?), We left it with my telling her that I would try to find different caregivers that don't annoy her so much. Fat chance on that-the whole world annoys her. Well today she had the caregiver call me (all family live out of town) because she received a letter from the estate attorney handling my late father's estate. The letter referenced a distribution check she received in December. Mother had no idea what the letter was talking about or who the attorneys were. She didn't get a check, she says. Why are they bothering her, she asks. I told her I would talk care of it. The attorney's secretary just forgot to send the letter to me, her POA. She's known the attorneys personally for years and the check was for over one hundred thousand dollars. I'm pretty sure most people would remember getting a check like that. This disease is just breaking my heart. People she's known for years are now gone from her mind and I know the day will come when I am too.

your mom is scared..i know that now..my mom went thru that stage..now she doesnt know me
sometimes i wonder if i could go thru that again..it was a very stressful time..now she sits..and thinks im the nurse

Your Mom is angry that her body and her mind are letting her down, honey. She wants very much to deny it but that ain't gonna change a thing for her. In spite of the dementia, she is aware of the changes. Probably frightened as well as angry, and little clue as to why. It is a gut reaction.

The hardest part was probably to hear her yelling at the grandchildren. Their confusion must be painful to all of you. Keep in mind, it is the disease, not your Mom who is angry and forgetting her life. You must detatch yourself from her anger. It really is not you, or the CGs or the grandchildren that are causing this. It is the disease.

In your last thread, you were dissatisfied with the diagnosis and treatment by her PCP. If you still have not been able to get her to a better Doc and a neurologist, that must add enormously to your frustration. You have to be wondering if all of this is truely necessary. It is a strange feeling to suddenly need to learn to tell little white lies, to redirect attention, to make decisions for her without allowing for her input. You have POA, do you also have DPOA? Hugs Twistermom.

Mae is right, we do tell little lies, and always for good reason. Just tell her whatever you have to, just to get through the situation, most likely she will not remember it.

My Mil was giving us a hard time about not having any cash in the house, to use when she went out...the woman never went out....it was terrible she was causing a loud fuss over it. So, I sat down and told her that I would bring her a small cash box, and she could take money out of it as needed. She smiled and said that finally someone was listening to her and cared about her. In all truth, I am the last person she would let help her on a good day.

Just do your best honey, I know your anger, and feelings. We have all been there, just do your best every day! I am thinking about you!

I have often said that I yearn more for a WAILING wall than I do an Anger Wall... Sure, I get irritated sometimes, but my BIGGEST emotion is profound sadness at what has become of my dear mom.

Hang in there, Twistermom! It is so frustrating to deal with the lunacy AND the heartbreak of seeing what is happening to people we love and hold in such revere... It's a TOUGH spot. Mae gave good advice - tell your mom whatever you need to to get through any given situation. The relationship has changed because of her disease and now you have to learn new ways of managing her behavior. MANY blessings to you and KNOW that we do understand how you are feeling...

Having experienced these symptoms I know how difficult this can be.Humor her in away that will not cause her more agitation.You know what to do and will do it well.
I would not relieve the caregivers.Find away to get her to accept them.If she says one thing, use what she say to reveres her state of mine.Just tell her this is temporary until she is back on her feet.wE TELL LITTLE LIES FOR A GOOD REASON