I am beside myself with anger

My mother in law age 86 (Mary) has dementia i care for her full time.

if that isn't enough her sister age 84 (Aunt RITA) lives with us and she is a pain...A ROYAL PAIN!

The sister, Aunt Rita; (husband's aunt)
is nice to me when she wants something

Then something happens she doesnt like. I get the cold shoulder-silent treatment


she'll call me names when she thinks i cannot hear her.


april I setup a 2 week trip for Aunt Rita to visit a dear friend she hasnt seen in years...hubby took her to visit.
I remained behind taking care of every detail of Mary's illness ( she was hospitalized twice)

She was calling me "HUN" over the phone
"HI Hun glad you called"
"Thanks for calling HUN"

after 15 years of marriage i finally was getting words of endearment i had never heard before when I called

when Rita got back 3 days later
I getting a silent treatment because i went shopping for groceries
2 hours... she and her sister ( mother in law with dementia) had a fight, battling over a dirty diaper

I am accused of playing games for organizing kitchen so i can find things readily while cooking

She used to help me out around the house but decided since i was taking all the credit caring for Mary, then i should do all the work.

The last straw was two weeks ago, i asked her not to put her weight on coffee table. she told me i am a lousy excuse for a human being


I had not spoken to her for 2 weeks until today i walked by her room and the distinct odor of urine greeted me 9she is incontinent too)
so i changed her bed sheets, vucuumed the room too.
20 minutes later she goes in to take a nap, see what I did, and begins slamming doors
ooooooo boy that was it
I walked into her room and told her in a no-nonsense tone
"if you want to keep your bedroom door dont slam it or I'll remove it from the hinges and put it in the garage"

GOD ALMIGHTY, I cook, I clean the house, I take care of mother in law

while she holds up in her bedroom room 24/7 watching TV, venturing out only to eat breakfast
read her paper, and to eat whatever i have cooked for dinner.

Mary her sister is dying, i would think she would make an effort to get along.



I could go on but I am running out of steam
and i'm sure someone out there needs the webspace to vent too

I printed all replies and gave them to hubby
with a smile and a hug I told him "honey you deal with it"

I don't know what he said but Rita has been alot nicer since
even doing the dishes and picking up after mary
when I have my hands full.


thanks everyone for your suggestions

DP, all I can think to say honey, is you are a big hearted soul.

Don't forget to think about yourself. If Rita does not have D, and is just being mean spirited on purpose, then maybe it is time to find other arrangements for her.

I do understand your mil is dying, her health concerns out weigh any petty issues Rita is cooking up. All of your time and energy must be going in to taking ultimate care of mil.

Hope H can help come up with a solution for Rita.

Dixie while I may be chucklin a little to my famous "Ill take the door off the hinges if you slam that door one more freakin time"
Boy do I hear you!
Now the question is...Does Ms Rita have dementia or is this her happy peppy self runnin amuck in your house?
Cause if this is her and not the Big D then she needs a little more adult tone and alot less silent treatment.
By God if shes livin under my roof Ill be damed if Id let someone make me walk on eggshells ya know?
If she can not get along with the people that live within those 4 walls (arguing with an ill person EW!) then she needs to find other arrangements and fast.
What does Hunny say about all this grief your getting?

What can I say?? Aunt Rita is a problem that should not be on your plate, unless she gets a full geriatric evaluation(even then I'm not sure she should be your problem) (but it is what it is). If she lives in your house hold, you or H should get POA and DPOA for her, if you haven't already. I have no clue as to her resources and alternatives, but if she is Upsetting your MIL, it needs to be examined. After a geriatric evaluation, there may be a diagnosis and course of treatment that would help ease things a bit, without it, well, I just don't know. She may not be able to help herself. And you have alot to deal with just with MIL.