One hour, 40 minutes to get my father into bed at the snf. Totally unacceptable but tough sh*t on me and my father ultimately are their attitudes.....all their attitudes. The therapist came to get my father out of bed when I arrived and he was supposed to put him back to bed 45 minutes later. He left for the day, forgetting (I'm assuming) to help my father so, I go to the nurses station and ask the head nurse for help. She doesn't look up at me, she doesn't acknowledge that she's even heard what I had said. I repeat myself and she replies with, "I heard you" and continues doing what she's doing. In fact, most of the nurses and aids seem to look the other way when I'm around. Ask me if I give a rats ass. I've made my position known and haven't treaded lightly amongst them when I've seen and experienced first hand some of the indignities that permiate within the confines of this hell hole, this snf as they call it. I'm waiting and waiting and waiting and still, nobody is doing anything to help my father. He's in the room crying and yelling out for help. Family of some of the patients are coming up to me to tell me that he's been in his room crying.......... What do they want from me? I finally see an aid who says she'll be right back to help. Instead she disappears and comes mosey-ing down the hall 20 minutes later, drinking a pepsi and stopping along the way to chat with others. I've had it. I go down to head of administration, beyond rage at this point and report my problem and insist that somebody help my father NOW. She picks up the phone and then tells me that someone is on their way. I get to the room and the same pepsi drinker is there where she begins pounding her hands, trying to explain that she's the only one and very busy and "what do you expect of me?", while the 2 other aids are there to help, speaking in their language and giggling. I turn to them and insist they speak English while the pepsi drinker is pounding her fists together out of her frustration for my inpatience.....for waiting only one hour and 40 minutes. As soon as they got him in bed, before they even cleaned him up, I rushed in to tell him that I had to leave to get home to my mother who I left home alone (hey, isn't that the name of a movie?). And someone just recently said that there are some good nursing homes; that they're not all bad. I think it was MB. MB, if you read this, I'll challenge you on that one and I truly, sincerely with all my heart prey that I could be proven incorrect but in all the years that my father and mother have been to these snake pits, I've yet to see a good snf....that's almost an oxy-moron!

quote:

Originally posted by Moms_Buddy:
Sadly, I think Sandy's experience is directly related to two things:
First, she lives in a retirement area where, unfortunately, the feeding for slimy, inhumane greedheads is very good.:

Correction MB. I don't live in a retirement area. Yes, lots of old people here in Fla. but it's primarily young and mixed. You would think though that health care being the primary business here in Fla., would be exemplary; the way it should be but, it's so not the story.

Yes, Humana sucks and they should all rot. My father's in a facility that happens to accept Humana but it's not a Humana facility. Because my father's covered by Humana, is the reason why he's being released way before he should or would have had he been covered by another carrier. They suck, they stink, they're the worst and I'm beginning to feel my pressure rising just concentrating here on the contempt I have for them. As my brother would say, if they were on fire, I wouldn't bother pissing on them!

OK, I feel better again....



]

DOCHKA, my mom was in your area when she had her accident. Although the facility where she received her initial care was less than desirable, it was a Level I trauma center which, despite its old, rough appearance, saves many lives yearly that other facilities would lose. It was NOT a good place for her to recover, however, but the two facilities she went to after my sis sprung her from the hospital were absolutely top notch. I do not know anything first-hand about the nursing homes there because we didn't use their facilities (SNF = skilled nursing facility - someone asked about that anacronym recently...). I think if you begin looking around now, getting first-hand opinions from others with experience in your area, you'll find places which you can feel comfortable.

---

Sadly, I think Sandy's experience is directly related to two things:
First, she lives in a retirement area where, unfortunately, the feeding for slimy, inhumane greedheads is very good.
Second, because her dad has Humana as a provider. In my family, that is a name worse than any 4 letter word I can think of! I watched helplessly as Humana (what a cosmic joke their name is... has NOTHING to do with HUMANE, I assure you!) bled my ex FIL dry and let him die a pauper, cared for with less humanity than a stray dog in a city pound. I have NOTHING but contempt for that GREEDHEAD group. I hope their entire board of directors has the unique privilege of ROTTING in one of their facilities like so many of their policyholders have done. They are not worth the saliva to spit on them.

Hannah,
At least that gives me some sense of hope for the future with my mom.

I must say, my Mom lives in a GREAT place compared to everything I am reading herre. I am thankful every day that we found the assisted living place we did. Shortly after my Mom got in another placed closed and now the waiting list for my Mom's AL are 3 years long! She has a private room, private bath, it is clean and beautiful and not 'hospital' looking. We had to private pay for one year ($2,245 a month) and eventually when all her money is gone, they will accept Medicaid and allow her to stay in the same room, no roomates. Again, I know how lucky we are and I can't tell you how badly I feel for you and your Dad, Sandy and other similar stories I've heard. Hang in there!
~Hannah

Oh everybody, you gotta check out this site!
After you enter your zip code, just check off a few, and the next page shows you the complaints filed against them!

http://www.medicare.gov/NHCompare/Include/DataSection/Q...esEnabledStatus=True

Embersmom: Earlier this morning I read your recent post about looking into facilities for your mother. I began to post back to you but because of what I've been experiencing, didn't want to heighten any doubts you already have. You've got a great big emotional load weighing very heavy on your heart right now and the alternative to your situation doesn't come without a lot of anguish for you. That in itself is a huge hurdle/obstacle to overcome and just come to terms with. The most valuable information I can provide to you is that you do a lot of homework, interview the facilities and when you've reached a decision on the best one for your mother, to monitor her care until you feel she's being provided for with the level of service you expect for her. In fact, you'll always need to monitor her care but that need to protect her will come naturally to you. I refuse to believe all facilities are awful and as I mentioned, there is one here in Fla. that I thought was exceedingly superior to the others but then again, my mother who was at this facility, had a bad experience. At best, all facilities need to be monitored by the families and concerns placed when things appear not quite up to par. A lot of families drop their loved ones off in these places and rarely visit. Families that get more involved, will be paid more attention to by the staff. It's not as bleak as you may now feel after reading these posts. There's hope! Perhaps with my refusal to believe otherwise, I'm the Polly-anna here but don't lose hope. You're doing the absolute right thing here by going forward in finding a great facility for your mother EM.

Oh god, Sandy, you're scaring me I know you don't mean to, though. I just have a difficult time believing that all the crap that you and everyone else here has experienced really exists. I mean, I KNOW it must exist, but I myself have never witnessed it. Then again I've only had 1 relative in a SNF as everyone else died before they got "that far along".

Then again, call me Pollyanna. The one SNF I know of -- the one whose parent company owns Mom's ADC -- is supposedly one of the better ones. It's been years since they've had a complaint.

I just can't understand how the laws can vary so from state to state. Didn't somebody mention somewhere down the line that you'd think FL, with all the "snowbirds" and elderly living there year-round, would have some of the stringest laws? Obviously that isn't so. That ust boggles my mind.

I know I must sound Pollyanna-ish...heck, I don't mean to, and I'm certaily not trying to diminish your anger, Sandy, but my god...are SNFs truly as bad as the one you've described?

BOH, Yes, it's a nursing home. I do go in the evenings just for a quickie to check things out. All these facilities are the same....he's been in quite a few and they all suck, they're all awful except for one and the one I wanted for him, does not accept Humana patients. And this one facility I wanted for him seems exclusive to all the other facilities here in Fla. that I've ever seen. Nothing about it resembles a nursing home, more like a hotel. I had heard nothing but outstanding reviews from people who had been there until..........my mother was there in January. In fact, I had transferred her from another facility that was beyond disgusting to this one. She still talks about the place and says that if she ever has to go back there or any snf, she'd rather die, a long and boring story at this point but if it ever comes down to him being placed indefinitely, I would disenroll my father from Humana to get him into this other facility. He'll be home on Friday. Like your students BOH, I hear this over and over and over. I am preparing myself for this new project to be HEARD and I've already begun composing a letter to the newspaper here in Fla., for starters. It just makes me sick that these facilities are not held more accountable to adhere to the code of conduct that is supposedly enforced upon them. It's all marketing with absolutely no accountability for higher standards, it's all b.s.

And speaking of poop...I read your other post in the "naked" topic and these are my sentiments exactly.

BOH, I hope you're feeling well. I've been wondering how you're doing since reading your latest posts about your health. I hope all is well for you.

Sandy -- I'm not sure what an SNF is, but if it is a nursing home. Move your father. My students have worked in nursing homes and they say that things are hunky dory in the daytime, but at night things get really nasty. So the next time Mother is in the nursing home, I'll be visiting at night to check it out. But my cousin had to move my aunt several times because she wasn't happy with the care. I'm notorious at our local hospital. They give Mother good care because they are aware that if they don't, I'll be calling everyone in sight. The local newspaper is also a good way to get attention to your plight. Medical folks hate bad publicity because other people will pull their loved ones of bad places. The state of Oklahoma has been after nursing home for the past few years and they have improved quite a lot. The one my mother goes to for skilled nursing is very good, but I may just check it out at night the next time she's in there.

quote:

Imagine sundowning only he can't get up to go anywhere BG. My father gets active in the wee hours. He has operator assistance dial the number. I'm preparing myself again for him calling my name in the middle of the night as he always does. I get to his room and he'll ask me to get him some potato chips... It's 3 in the morning dad, can't you wait? Dad: what's for breakfast?

It's similar with Mom. Although she doesn't use a phone (unless someone calls her and I give her the phone to talk), and she seldomly anymore wants anything in the wee hours, she is frequently active ALL NIGHT LONG, reading, puttering, doing crosswords, watching tv, picking strings, etc. If I turn off the tv and the lights, she will lie in the dark messin' around, then, not 15 minutes later, I will hear the lights or the tv go back on... Sigh...

I just roll with it. I encourage her to sleep and to keep a dirunal schedule, but if she can't, well, I've been known to dish up pie, ice cream, even sammiches in the middle of the night. I figger, hey! If she's eating and drinking, it can't be all bad... When I can't hang anymore, I will put things for her to do - like her coloring, crosswords, etc. and a couple of beverages and munchies on her rolling table and I go sleep in the livingroom. She will party on and, HOPEFULLY, be asleep when I awaken a few hours later... If she's still awake, I clear away the party materials, straighten her up, wash her face and ask if she's ready to go to sleep... If not, then I ask her, how's about a cuppa coffee to go with today's news today? ...and so it goes...

Over time, things tend to balance out. Most days, she sleeps until the early afternoon and stays up until midnight or so. On her sleepy days, it is a chore to get enough fluids and food into her during her brief waking hours, so we try to make up for it, particularly with fluids, when she's nighthawking.

What amazes me is how sometimes they can keep goin' and goin' and goin' and goin'... like senior everready bunnies!!

quote:

Originally posted by Bunnys_grl:How the heck did Dad grab the phone and dial home?! Oh! ole nursie poo bein vindictive and wakin one outta a sound sleep is what I see goin on here something along the lines of ("If I aint happy she sure the hell aint") "so lemme dial that phone number for you Mr. ...... Itll be my pleasure!/[QUOTE]

Imagine sundowning only he can't get up to go anywhere BG. My father get's active in the wee hours. He has operator assistance dial the number. I'm preparing myself again for him calling my name in the middle of the night as he always does. I get to his room and he'll ask me to get him some potato chips... It's 3 in the morning dad, can't you wait? Dad: what's for breakfast? <-------me at 3 in the a.m.

I met with the head of the facility who pretty much, patronized me which only fueled me to stress how, if he expects the staff to live by a code of conduct, then guess what Mr. Head Up Your A$$, nobody is listening to you! When I was said and done he asked how he could make this up to me???????? I reminded him that this was about my father, not me and although quite a few nurses and aids had less than proper bed-side manners, I was able to fight my own battles and their attitudes were just indicative of their treatment to the less fortunate. It's too late here but maybe for the next patient, they'll maybe keep their bad attitudes at home when they leave for work. HA! The really tragic thing in all of this is this experience is all too common; I've been through this before

[QUOTE]Originally posted by DOCHKA:
Oh, by the way here is a site to make a complaint against them if you wish:
http://www.fdhc.state.fl.us/Contact/call_center.shtml

This is great DOCHKA. Thanks much for the link. I'm soooooo tired of fighting and complaining but I'm more tired of what these facilities are allowed to get away with. Can I call them while under the influence of alcholol because I need something strong and now!

I am so sorry you have to go thru this, I know cause my dad was in a rehab center after a stroke and it was unbelievable! Why do these people take these jobs if they don't want to do them?

I learned from my hubby that if you don't get the service you want a simple complaint BUT to the level where it counts, in this case the State of FL that gives them a license to operate, is very effective. It's a business.

These complaints are on file for people seeking their services. We recently needed a NH for MIL and checked for complaints lodged against them first.

As I read your latest post Sandy getting angry for you as always it dawned on me...How the heck did Dad grab the phone and dial home?! Oh! ole nursie poo bein vindictive and wakin one outta a sound sleep is what I see goin on here something along the lines of ("If I aint happy she sure the hell aint") "so lemme dial that phone number for you Mr. ...... Itll be my pleasure!
I say time to march on to the White house and haul these so called NH's out on the carpet for their lack of compassion common sense and neglect (and a whole list of other offenses that would take up too much memory space on this hard drive!)

Oh, by the way here is a site to make a complaint against them if you wish:
http://www.fdhc.state.fl.us/Contact/call_center.shtml

GO GET 'EM, SANDY!
YOU MUST BE YOUR DAD'S ADVOCATE, WHO ELSE WILL DO IT?

Thanks Mae. I'll tell you, I even had a hard time reading this, this early in the morning!!! Not the greatest thing to think about before my first sip of java! It's getting closer to Friday and I feel my world shutting in on me once again. My father phoned at 5:30 a.m., asking me what day it was and if I would bring him his clothes to come home in......here we go again. I'll be at the snf sometime later this morning and do plan to have my complaints recorded with the head of the facility. Sometimes I feel like 'what's the use? Why bother'? And then I remember how they completely ignored this very broken man who was so terribly uncomfortable and pleading with someone to help him as I tried finding help for him AND THEY DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. By nature, I have always fought for the underdog and when it's this personal, it's that much more passionate for me. Since they already think I'm a bitch, I can hardly let them down or disappoint them at this late juncture Bring e'm on 'cause I'm ready to make sure they never forget me!

Sandy , do not opologize for not being able to deal with the bed pan.I have problems dealing with vomit.That makes me want to vomit.I have had so many experiences with bowel movements it no longer affects me.When you learn to use the lift it makes things so much easier.Because I have days when my neck and back bother me I am unable to turn or pully hubby up in bed.With the sling and the lift it is easy.The therpist from the VA showed me how to use it as they are the ones who provided it for us.
I am up late this evening as I made the mistake of having caffeine this after.I never drink anything with this in it.Now I am so wired I cannot get to sleep.That will tech me to clean my glasses so Ican read the labels.
My son and grandaughter have gag reflex real bad.He gags when he brushes his teeth.One time , when his fathers bag broke I had a real mess.He was here and the smell was so potent.He offered to help but said he was so glad when I said I was ok.He left in a hurry.

quote:

Originally posted by mae:
Sandra, Have you ever used a bed pan or a hand urinal..

quote:

Originally posted by Moms_Buddy:I agree - using a bedpan and personal urinal will be a much better solution than risking hauling your dad outta bed for doing his business.

Mae & MB: You have just found my biggest shortcoming, the biggest obstacle with all this caregiving and that is the bedpan. I'm sorry but I don't have a strong constitution when it comes to this. I'm incapable of all the steps involved.....I cannot help it that I literally have become sick, that my gag reflexes get a good workout and that I cannot get beyond how physically sick I become nor do I want to start taking lessons in how not to become sick when cleaning shit....I'm sorry ladies for whatever negative impression of me this causes by my admission but the images alone of doing this just make me ill.

Now, urinals....a piece of cake.

The Hoyer contraption, I've never used but possibly hospice will supply and show me. It remains to be seen.

Thanks for the advice ladies.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: SandyF,

quote:

And someone just recently said that there are some good nursing homes; that they're not all bad. I think it was MB. MB, if you read this, I'll challenge you on that one and I truly, sincerely with all my heart prey that I could be proven incorrect but in all the years that my father and mother have been to these snake pits, I've yet to see a good snf....that's almost an oxy-moron!

Ummm, I believe you is right, Sandra, dat wuz ME who said that. I was trying to be fair. As far as SNFs - the one Mom was in in TX after her crash was great! She was also in another facility before that specialized in people who are ventilator-dependent. Those folks were pretty hot at what they did, too. Around here, I would be afraid, very afraid. The extended care facility affiliated with the hospital here seems okay, but Mom hasn't been in any of those places since she has been so helpless. I think that might make a difference...

In your neck of the woods, Sandy, with so many retirees, one would THINK that services and state-of-the-art facilities would abound, but it seems the reverse is true. How very sad and what a testement that is to for-profit outfits that swoop in to feed off the retired population like vampire buzzards. SHAME on them for behaving so badly toward you and treating your father like he's an inanimate object. I sincerely hope that their loved ones and they themselves are allowed to receive the same level of care.

KUDOS to you for standing up to them despite how absolutely SICK you must be of having to fight for every little bit of professionalism your father is entitled to expect. I know you're not ready, especially with your mom doing so poorly, but I think the wear and tear on you will actually be less...

I agree - using a bedpan and personal urinal will be a much better solution than risking hauling your dad outta bed for doing his business. Do you have a hoyer lift? They make slings for them with holes in the bottom so a patient can be lowered onto a bedside commode to do their business. Your dad is much bigger than my mom, but getting her into the sling is a nothing task and I can handle the whole thing by myself with the assistance of Mr. Hoyer.