Hi all! I haven't been around much, too buzy and I feel guilty about that but here I am back again.

I am not super angry today, but I just need to get something off my back and use the thread as a sounding board if nothing else.


Dad's doctor diagnosed him with early OCD and one of his bad habits was always checking the fridge and freezer out for some reason or another.
He would just stand there with the door open and peer into the freezer costing us twice to loose a months worth of food from having it get to warm.

I have told him at least a million times and so has my husband to stay the heck out of the fridge and the freezer unless he has a reason to go into it and then to get what he needs and shut the door.

He really has no reason to be in there as he is on a super restrictive diet, and we set out his breakfast and lunch and we make the dinner, so he only needed to go into the fridge side for his rice milk and orange juice once or twice a day.

3 days ago I am coming in from the backyard, Dad can't see me or hear very well and I stand there and watch him staring deeply into the freezer side again! Ugh!
My first knee jerk reaction was a passing urge to loudly scream at him while his head was in the freezer but he is a past stroke victim.

SO..... I stand there...silently until he closes the freezer and then I watch him open the fridge and do the same thing, "Oh Please", I think to myself!

He eventually shuts the door and turns around and I am right there to ask him why he had the freezer open yet again.

He proceeds to tell me a bald faced lie right to my face even though I watched him the entire time. " I wasn't in the freezer" was his reply.

Now I was more pissed that he was lying to me than I was angry at seeing him in the freezer yet again. I am the type of person that you can do lots to me but just don't lie to my face!

We did have a light child proof lock on just the freezer side before but dad broke it as it was only a deterrent and plastic, so I told my husband to go buy a regular master lock padlock and hasp and we were forced by his lies to use this now.

To soften the blows to his ego and to apparently put me out even more, I had to give up my college sized fridge that I keep by my computer, to put in the kitchen now so that he can access his milk and juice from now on, this will be "His fridge" now, and every blooming time I need to get into the family fridge I have to go find the keys!

The reason I really needed to vent this long story is after all is said and done.......
I and my husband are forced to deal with some guilt feelings from being forced to lock Dad out of the main house fridge/freezer. I am slightly angry with Dad for forcing my hand on this, but we can't afford to loose a months worth of food supplies for 3 people again!
He caused this fridge lock him self for lying, I shouldn't feel guilty but, I stll do and mad at him for pushing me to take affirmative action to protect our food supply.

I do wonder that since Dad's prostrate doctor put him on a once a month estrogen shot for one year in an attempt to shrink his prostrate (this is his 3rd month shot)and his other doctor raised his paxil levels again so he is going to bed at a decent hour and not always needing constant attention so maybe they meds and estrogen are making him weirded than usual, especially over the increased lying issues, but it doesn't help my guilt at trying to protect a months worth of frozen food.

Any way, thanks for giving me a place to post this and hopefully now I can get over it.

Blue good show! I completely forgot about that Duh! Yeah and when my MIL was sneakin food she was on the A typical Diabetes meds....Oy can I just say Light bulb moment here Tanks a bunch baby

HB I don't know if anyone has suggested this, but Paxil can give a person a voracious appetite, he may be experiencing that feeling, that might have something to do with him getting in to the fridge, wether he eats or not.

Just a thought.

Well, I have to go off line an do dinner, have fun everyone!

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Are you keeping a log of these incidents for the next trip to his Doc? It might be helpful.

Oh yes, records and notes get to the doc.
My spouce takes dad to his doctor since dad is tall and I can't pick him up should he fall, the last time we told his Doc that he insisted on going outside to sit in the drizzle in just socks or would constantly go out on a too hot Texas summer 100 degree day when the mosquitos would cover him and he would get sunburned she upped his paxil pretty fast.

He is allowed to go out into the backyard but not when it is unhealthy to sit outside or alone because I want him to know in case of a fire he can go out back, the front door stays locked.

No basements in south Texas, the ground shifts too much for them. I miss basements. I was born in storm alley Kansas, I feel naked without a storm shelter.

Thanks for your advice! (hugs)

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Originally posted by Bunnys_grl:
HB their real easy to get too those bracelets can be bought online and through your local drugstores they also have one for the caregiver too.
The wandering was a very big fear here in fact MIL did try I promptly put locks on all the doors and windows and I have heard "Stop signs" help out too they may not recognize it but somehow they understand dont ask I couldnt tell ya maybe its the fact its something they have seen for a lifetime?
I saw a real nifty door siren out there on the market too if you like that kind of thing personally my ears cant take the screech but its helpful in the long run if you dont want a multitude of locks on your house

Thanks again! Yea I agree about those door and window alarm screechers, there's enough stress in my life now without that, LOL
Thanks again!

On top of all this I have a family relative In Tn that is a Homer Simpson for the Sequoyah nuclear plant and I can't get in touch since the storms, hopefully his area wasn't in the storm track...ugh... what a day.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: handbasket,

HB, I thought I composed a response to you earlier, but I guess I didn't post it. Like Moms_Buddy I really like the idea of giving him his own fridge. It was a truely kind thing to do in this situation. I know of people who put a different freezer in the garage or basement (if there is one) and lock it, while keeping next to nothing in the household fridge..

You showed a lot of self control not to scream. You might feel guilty, but I am glad to know you and really appreciate your shareing that story. Toss the guilt HB, you have to survive this. I have always found a lot of wisdom in MB's loss of impulse control explaination. Many people suffer the loss of impulse control temporarily by drinking, or other drugs, but then, because of other issues, age, disease, sometimes it is not temporary and is a phase that will progress.

25 years ago on New Years Eve( the last time scotch was in this house) H sat in front of the open fridge and carefully turned each and every item on its lid. I was waved away like a gnat. Still I was confident that it was temporary.

I am afraid for you and your Dad, it is not. You had to do this. (lock the fridge.) The frustration must be unreal. A bald faced lie when caught in the act.

Are you keeping a log of these incidents for the next trip to his Doc? It might be helpful.

HB their real easy to get too those bracelets can be bought online and through your local drugstores they also have one for the caregiver too.
The wandering was a very big fear here in fact MIL did try I promptly put locks on all the doors and windows and I have heard "Stop signs" help out too they may not recognize it but somehow they understand dont ask I couldnt tell ya maybe its the fact its something they have seen for a lifetime?
I saw a real nifty door siren out there on the market too if you like that kind of thing personally my ears cant take the screech but its helpful in the long run if you dont want a multitude of locks on your house

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Originally posted by Moms_Buddy:

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I am afraid one morning I will wake up and he will have walked away from the house and get lost.

Does he have any kind of bracelet, etc. or tag sewn into his clothing ("If lost, please return to:...") to help identify or track him if he does?

No, no bracelet or tag but THANK YOU for the idea! I will definitely put that on my "to do" list, I had not even thought about it. If he would keep it on is another question.

To bad we can't tattoo their ear or something like a pet or get one of those under the skin tags they can't take off and loose.(Just joking here, folks)LOL!

My mom used to drag everything out of the closets and storage just to go through it all because she wanted to remember what she owned, she was a stash rat, she never took the toilet apart though, I bet you had fun! : )

hugs, VaL
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Thanks Bunnys_grl
Even through my busy-ness I have often thought about you and the forum here too, especially on those "Dad issue days".

It's great to know the OCD and lying go together because I had attributed it more from the estrogen.

I am not sure the full effect of estrogen on him but his bedtimes have suddenly started to come earlier, given us a small break as they tend to come around 10pm now instead of him staying up until midnight-1am being up in the few private hours my husband and I can share in the evening.
I don't know if it is the estrogen or the paxil increase or the advance in age but whatever it is it is a complete god send and I hope it continues.


When I do manage to peruse the forum, I realize that of all the things on the web to read this place has the most intriguing true to life issues and I really don't know how many of the people here can not just walk away from their elderly and ill spouses at times.

This place is great and filled with really great people, like you!
Thanks for being here!

quote:

I am afraid one morning I will wake up and he will have walked away from the house and get lost.

Does he have any kind of bracelet, etc. or tag sewn into his clothing ("If lost, please return to:...") to help identify or track him if he does?

But I DO know what you mean... the stuff Mom got into while she was still ambulatory was legendary... Still, I think I'd rather run around after her than her not be able to even move herself from place to place... Guess I'm a glutton for punishment! I'd sure love to be able to take her for a walk again...

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Then I'd catch her taking apart the toilet, dragging everything out of the cupboards, cutting the cat's whiskers off, etc. ARRRRGH!!!

Hb good to see ya again its been a minute and Ive wondered what was goin on with you and I am kinda chuckling *not at you dear you know that*
It just sounds like my MIL she would sooo turn around after I sat there and watched her do whatever it was she was doing and say the same thing.... What? Who? Me? I didnt do that! Ok its just you an me in this here house so you tell me if I didnt do it who else could have? Ok so that was not said out loud but boy were my ears ringin hearing that scream in my head
You know I did the lock routine too, its all we can do sometimes sweetie if they are still ambulatory and getting into things they shouldnt and remember their brains are affected they know not what they do.... Im still tryin to figure out what mil did with those enemas!
What??? drink it, gargle with it, who knows sometimes theres nothing else we can do but lock these things up its for their own safety.
Great huh, but it doesnt help our frustration levels now does it?!
Only we understand that since most folks around us just cant fathom why we get that frustrated and why we sit there and stare at it in disbelief, honestly I still cant figure that out other than its so hard to comprehend that someone can forget that easily, we can say we understand but really how can we? We can take a logical approach we know why it occurs thats evident in the research on this subject but that doesnt help our heart that we have invested in this after all were not walking in those shoes how can we possibly know how it feels for them
Oh yeah I forgot the lying and OCD it goes hand in hand MIL was also diagnosed with this and other psychosis if that helps at all

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It's what keeps you from choking the everlivingcrud out of folks

LOL! I love that!
At times I do wonder how long my own impulse regulator will hold out.

As far as him walking and getting around still, I'm not sure that's a good thing really, he endangers himself by walking and I am afraid one morning I will wake up and he will have walked away from the house and get lost.


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Thank Moms_Buddy for your kind words!

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I am slightly angry with Dad for forcing my hand on this

Awwww, Handbasket, these are the "little things" that are not so little that can drive you crazy. He cannot help what he is doing. He doesn't mean to be irritating or inconsiderate - he simply can't help it.

Rather than continuing to try to get compliance from him (comparable to getting blood from a turnip), y'all were wise to simply lock the fridge and freezer. Honestly, I think I would have done so and told a lie about why I did it to save face for him and wear and tear on my nerves.

This stuff is so hard on folks - but please don't waste time feeling guilty! It's NOT like you manacled him to the EZBoy so he could not open the fridge and freezer, ya know!! I think your idea of providing him a smaller version of his own was brilliant.

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increased lying issues

Honey, he isn't lying...exactly. He no longer possesses enough impulse control to always tell the truth, or not to stand in the fridge and freezer. It's part of the process of the brain unravelling and he really isn't doing this stuff to screw with you. And sometimes they DO do things deliberately to screw with us that they NEVER before would have done - again, loss of impulse control. That impulse control is a bigtime regulator of nearly all of our behaviors. It's what keeps you from choking the everlivingcrud out of folks; what keeps you from running over your ex just because he's in the crosswalk; what keeps you from driving at 3 am with no clothes on, etc. When I understood where all of this maddening behavior Mom was exhibiting came from, it made it easier to bear and with which to deal. I do NOT feel any guilt about preventing Mom from doing stuff that's dangerous or deleterious to herself or others. I try to do so in the least confrontational, but most effective manner so as to save any sense of pride she still possesses, but I don't feel badly about it. What I feel badly about is that this is happening to her in the first dang place...

Hang in there!! I'm glad you still have your dad and that he can still walk around enough to get to the kitchen and open the fridge!