I'm new at this and I need help.My name is Linda and I take care of my 85 year old mom who has alzheimers. Just recently she has fallen twice and I had to call 911 to help her off the floor because she is just too much for me to handle. My 31 year old daughter has recently moved back home to help me with her but she is at the stage where she is going backwards into her past and no matter how hard I try, she tells me I am lying to her about everything. The stress is way up there and I also work full time and we have 2 teen age girls and a 12 year old boy still at home. The doctor just told me that she isn't to be left alone under any circumstances and so what is a person to do when they have to work?? My daughter needs to get a job to help or we will lose our house, and I can't leave the responsibility of my mom on my children who are so young. How do I handle this situation? My mom is from England and keeps telling me she is waiting for her mother to come and get her(she died 41 years ago)or my dad who passed back in 1995. When I try to explain these things to her, she calls me a liar, and says she saw them last week. She has just started wandering down the street and my 16 year old has found her both times, but when I ask my mom about it she says she never went out!! Do I argue with her, or hold it in? I just don't know anymore, but I do know that I made a promise to her a long time ago that she would never see the inside of a nursing home and I swear I don't want to go sown that path. I know there are worse times to come, but for now are there any suggestions that can help my daughter and myself to deal with the day to day??

don't get me wrong. i am not against agencies but if they are not covered sometimes folks just can't swing the cost and need to make alternate arrangements, it is also a good job for a woman who would like to work outside the home, kids grown and moved on but wants to do something. often times they have husbands with insurance but they have raised the kids and have been out of the work force for years, like me. whichever youchoose, good luck.

Linda, I am finding out the same things about agencies as T.O.R.P. just listed.
I don't mean this to be funny, but after years of this, I might just run away to join the circus. Bro needs a back up plan.

If I may say a word in favor of using an agency:

These are the reasons why we chose to use an agency when we had in-home caregivers:

1. The agency was a resource in getting government help paying for what services could be covered by medicare.

2. The agency employees had undergone background checks, and were insured and bonded so that we didn't have to worry as much about having a thief in our home, or the potential of a law suit if a helper hurt her back lifting our loved one.

3. If our regular caregiver was sick or had some other sort of emergency, the agency sent us a replacement. Fewer "panic" days resulting in having to call in to work or make alternate arrangements for my daughter's transportation to school and activities.

4. The agency handles payroll, tax issues, and benefits for the caregiver. In other words, SHE had the availability for group health insurance for herself. Our aide was a wonderful, compassionate, and hardworking single mother. She DESERVED a health plan, paid vacation, holidays, and sick leave.

It may cost a bit more, but frankly it was worth the money to us. Not all of the difference is profit for the owner of the agency.

fat, dumb and happy has given excellent advise.The words and wisdom of experience.

linda, you have come to the right place. you are talking to people who have walked the walk and you can't get better experts that that. as far as your mom's memories goes, this is one time that white lies are acceptable. actually, they are not lies. these are times and places your mom is actually in so relax, ask questions and listen to her answers. not only will it give you an idea of what you are dealing with but it will also allow you to visit memory lane with her. if a part of the brain is either destroyed or simply not functioning in the present, no amount of prodding will help. ask who is there with her, who she is waiting for, her house, what she did today, etc. maybe the mom you knew isn't there but other parts of her might be. there will come times when she won't remember you or the kids but don't take it personally, memory may just be shot or there is a likelihood that wherever she is at the present you may not have even been around. there may come a time when even the past memories are gone. it is a terrible disease but learn to be flexible and go with the flow. as far as care goes for your mom, do check into social services, medicare, medicaide and see if there is respite care available. she may be able to qualify for something. if you do need to hire someone to allow you to keep pace with your busy lfe consider looking into hiring a nursing student or advertizing for someone. the agencies are fine but they pay their people only half of what they collect for the care and keep the difference for the agency. you can get the same quality of caregiver for half the price if you screen them well and check references. allow your kids to have kid time. also, i don't know if your mom is good at problem solving but i found that simple child protectors on the door knobs will keep them from rooms you would prefer they not be in and also for the outside doors. daisy has yet to try any harder than turning the knob on occasion and then just walking away when it doesn't open. a sharp whack makes them break apart if you need to get out quickly. also alarms can be mounted on doors to alert you if mom decides to wander. as the disease progresses you may find that many things in the children's or baby department may come n handy for safety, such as installing drawer and cabinet locks, a video monitor in her room and a hand unit you can take around the house with you, even a audio baby monitor for sound observation when you are sleeping. these are abundent on ebay very reasonably priced. this is rather long so keep in touch with any questions or observations or just feelings you have. you made a huge commitment of love to your mom, stick with the people here and they will always be willing to share what they have learned. good luck.

Welcome in Lilone you have found yourself a good place to be.
1st rule of thumb never argue it gets you nowhere positive
2nd never tell her that her loved ones have passed on as far as she is concerned the truth is she did just see them last week.
all you accomplish by telling her this is for her to relive that sadness all over again in her mind.
Dont correct her just humor her
If she has officially and correctly been diagnosed already then maybe its time to look at the meds she is on if thats not it then is she incontinent? She may have a UTI if these behaviors are worsening.
The reason why I ask about diagnosis is simply because we need to know who diagnosed her, was this by a Geriatric physician or just a regular PCP?
This is important here sweetie not all doctors are well versed on these matters such as AD.
She could have AD but have other things going on as well.
Best to get a full workup done on her first then get to the heart of the matter....what to do next.
This PCP is absolutely right she can no longer be left on her own there are too many things that can and often do happen wandering is just one of them.
I did something I said I never would do and that was place my MIL in a Board & Care facility simply because I did not have the resources for a CG nor a limitless supply of wakeful hours that is required to handle a person this ill. I am only one person.
When it seriously becomes a danger to their safety sometimes you just have to do things you promised never to do.
If you are putting yourself into financial hardship over the care given then there is yet another reason to take a step back and examine everything that is open to your mom.
Get in contact with a Medical Social Worker her PCP can forward you to one in your area they can go over her financial's and insurance as well as see if theres Adult Day care available to you, if she is eligible for Medi-cal/Medicaid and other programs available.
For a minute I just want you to breath we are all here to assist you in the right direction
Welcome

Sweetie, these lies will do no harm.The end will justify the means.
Distract her when possible, by that I mean try to change the subject.All she knows is what she believes no matter what you say.So use her thoughts to engage her.This is not the mother you once new.You may not be the daughter she knows.So we become what they need us to be.

Thank you so much. I never realized how much change a person could go through when this disease hits them! My daughter does humor her and it works for her, I have had the problem with feeling as if I am lying to her though and it bothers me. I will try your advice though and see what happens. Thanks again and God bless

Linda, I think you already know that arguing with her will not help anyone. You are not arguing with your Mom, but with a disease. You can vent here to us (no need to hold it in), but it will not help anything to argue with her. Check out support groups in your area. You need local help in addition to what we can offer.

The first step to coping day to day is to understand the disease. We will be providing you with many links which may help you. (More than you will want to read). I will start with this one that is in a very friendly format
http://healthcorner.walgreens.com/display/1581.htm

It may have some tips of use for you.

LILIONE, first I would suggest you get a lift that would help you when you have to lift mom from the floor to a chair.
Second, she has returned to her pass which she remembers things happening but in a different time and place.For you to try to reason will cause more problems.You will have to learn to humor her.
Possibly , under medicare you qualify for home care for her.You have to fall within a certain income to qualify .No harm in trying.
My mother was a wanderer.She wanted to go home.It is a place of mind that she feels safe and secure.It is not a structure but a feeling.
Once my mother was put on Geodon, she never wanted to do the things she did before.She changed so much.
Many doctors are not familiar with the use for AD.But GP are not well informed.A good neurologist or gheriatric doctor is better informed.
You are going to have to put locks high on the door.Even a hook and high to prevent her from leaving.I would take heed to what the doctor says about leaving her alone.Not safe for her.You cannot take her personalty changes serious.It is the disease not her .You do have a full plate to deal with.Contact the dept of aging and set up a meeting to see if she qualifies for help