Good morning Edwina and Sandra!
Nice to know I'm not the only 51 year old hiding from my mom. A couple of weeks ago, I sat on the lounge chair by the pool in the dark trying to have a private phone conversation with a friend. Mom came out looking for me...I froze until she went back into the house. Last night I was peeking under my door trying to hear what she was saying to my hardly-ever-comes-over brother. Who's the insane person here? Well, I guess that would be me There isn't enought Prozac in the world...My husband and I moved here from Chicago two years ago to take care of my folks. Dad died in May after a long battle with a variety of illnesses. I thought the pressure would ease up! Hell, no! This is the hardest thing I have ever done, and that includes raising 3 sons as a single mom and teaching middle school kids! The other day I was taking a shower and she came in the bathroom, opened the curtain, because she had "just one question". When I was 16 I used to sneak out of the house at night. Now, I'm too danged tired...Sleep is my ultimate escape. When she goes to bed, so do I. What made me think I could do this? I gained 20 lbs in the last two years. Joined weight watchers, took off 13 so far, but I'm sure I put on 3 yesterday when I took to my bed with a bag of chips, 2 chocolate bars and a giant coke. When I hear her shuffle out of bed I can feel the hair on the back of my neck go up. This was the woman I adored and couldn't stand being away from. My closest friend, my confidante. She's gone...and it's only going to get worse. Need to get through one hour at a time and not project into the future.

Uh-oh...shuffle-shuffle...excuse me while I go hide in the closet!
Love and much empathy goes out to you all!
Kathleen in Arizona

Wow Kathleen. I was grateful to read Edwina's post because of the closely matched feelings she has toward her mother and now I'm doubly grateful to read your feelings. Not being the only who questions how abnormal this feels....even though I'm aware that it's the situation, is comforting. I too disappear with my cell phone in the evenings and sit in dark, secluded places outside just to have the peace of mind to concentrate on my own conversations. If I don't, I always start seeing shadows close by in the shape of my mother......sneaking.....listening.....enraging me......blood boiling....teeth clenching. I too on too many ocassions get out of the shower to find my mother approaching me with the most non-sensible thoughts or questions.

Worse than all of this is I can't believe that I would ever feel as badly towards her as I do. We were so close, great friends, truly enjoyed each others company and now I can't seem to run away from her enough. Noone in this world has felt as annoying to me as she has. I understand why, totally but am in the same breath totally amazed at how I find myself resenting her. I know she can't help herself...but I resent her for the position she put me in. I do love her but I can't stand her.......this is almost too hard but, it is what it is.....for now.

Kathleen, congratulations on the weight loss. You're entitled to cheat every now and then. Go for it....it'll probably help you get motivated come the next day to keeping the momentum. I had put on a lot of weight after moving here and in April, I started dieting and now back into my size 6!!!! It's the only thing about myself that I really feel good about!

Much love back to you,
Sandy

P.S. Where in Arizona are you? I used to go with a group of friends in the summer to the Salt River....inner-tubing...what fun! We used to stay at the Wig-Wam Resort...what more fun!

quote:

Originally posted by Kathleen M:
Good morning Edwina and Sandra!
Nice to know I'm not the only 51 year old hiding from my mom. A couple of weeks ago, I sat on the lounge chair by the pool in the dark trying to have a private phone conversation with a friend. Mom came out looking for me...I froze until she went back into the house. Last night I was peeking under my door trying to hear what she was saying to my hardly-ever-comes-over brother. Who's the insane person here? Well, I guess that would be me There isn't enought Prozac in the world...My husband and I moved here from Chicago two years ago to take care of my folks. Dad died in May after a long battle with a variety of illnesses. I thought the pressure would ease up! Hell, no! This is the hardest thing I have ever done, and that includes raising 3 sons as a single mom and teaching middle school kids! The other day I was taking a shower and she came in the bathroom, opened the curtain, because she had "just one question". When I was 16 I used to sneak out of the house at night. Now, I'm too danged tired...Sleep is my ultimate escape. When she goes to bed, so do I. What made me think I could do this? I gained 20 lbs in the last two years. Joined weight watchers, took off 13 so far, but I'm sure I put on 3 yesterday when I took to my bed with a bag of chips, 2 chocolate bars and a giant coke. When I hear her shuffle out of bed I can feel the hair on the back of my neck go up. This was the woman I adored and couldn't stand being away from. My closest friend, my confidante. She's gone...and it's only going to get worse. Need to get through one hour at a time and not project into the future.

Uh-oh...shuffle-shuffle...excuse me while I go hide in the closet!
Love and much empathy goes out to you all!
Kathleen in Arizona