So mom is gone, she is at rest next to dad. Sisters came in and took good care of sending her off. Now they are at home and I am left to take care of everything else.

Flowers that need to be kept watered, bills that have to be paid, mom's personal things that need to be moved out of my son's house so he can start to live some kind of life without her.

Sister's did agree to give me their share in the trailer we bought for mom. They were very generous about that.

But I am left with writing the thank you cards and getting information on probating the will. I really do not think we need to do much because the will is so straigth forward and the property she had was put in our names years ago.
Mom had already given her car away so there is nothing left that is worth anything.

I did manage to give the rings that mom had designated for the sisters to them and they all seem to be happy with what mom chose to do.

Each of the grand children wound up with a ring either from mom or the boys got one from our grandfater and stepfather.

No one seems to be upset except me.

I was up at four this AM and jumped out of bed thinking I had to go check on mom. It was just for an instant but I was so wide awake I have not been able to go back to sleep.

I miss her so much sometimes....

I know I am rambling. I just thought that the sisters would stick around long enough to get the business end of this taken care of. They say they will come back when I need them to. I hope so, but I still have to set everything up befor they return. Oh well...soon it will all be over.

Gabgan first of all sisters do not have to be there to view the will the lawyer will send certified copies to all of them and whats in the box well thats part of discovery all these things will be accounted for with not only you the lawyer the court appointed accountant and your sisters also.
Items that are in the box tell sisters all it is is paperwork kept safe will deeds etc. No big deal.
The one thing I learned (and god help me I should have listened to my Aunt when she told me!) Never offer more than you absolutely have to ie. dont tell them what exists in the house the drawers hidden behind a book in an obscure bookshelf or whats in that dam box it causes trouble the likes you dont want to know about! Been there done that Honesty sweetie is sometimes not the best policy especially in a probate situation some people are just not like us (and thats ok theres nothing wrong with that) but when you have a honest person up against a not so trusting person they just dont get it that we are telling the truth.
Share a little thought provoking statement to sister tell her straight out you dont want to be placed in the middle of upset (especially after that last comment) tell her you are handing everything over to the lawyer to prevent future mistrust, anything she needs will be sent to her via the lawyer in certified fashion you might also want to mention this one little tidbit to her...each time a call is made to a lawyer they charge for that call against the estate...(you shoulda seen my brothers accounting! ) So not funny and if she is motivated by dollar signs she will back off and allow the lawyer to do his job.
Hang in there Gab it does get more manageable as time passes dont pay so much attention to sisters you got an answering machine yes? Trust me here use it if they call.

Gabgan, there are so many things I could say to you right now about the way your sisters have left everything up to you. You know all of that already, you just need for all of the legal to be done with so you can have some time to yourself, some time to let Mom go and greive.

I hate to hear of others selfishness during our losses and heartaches.

Before you respond, go ahead, be selfish yourself and take every second, every moment you can find for yourself, it is ok, it is something you should do.

It might even be a good thing for her not to hear from you for a few days or week.

When the time comes, it might even be good for you to let her, I don't know how many sister's you have, but to let all of them know everything you have been through in thier absence and their hurry to get away after the funeral. You have no reason to feel guilt, if anything, they should all feel appreciative of the things you have had to do. to take care of on your own. You cannot be expected to call them up everytime you have to pull out a copy of the DC, or make appropriate phone calls.

Lawyers are expensive,no need in using the services if there is no need, unless she is willing to pay for it, or get up off her butt and show up!!

Ok, I already said everything I wasn't going to.

Hope this Angry room is helping you through this part of it all!

I love my sisters but I do not think they really understand that I lost my mom too. I guess I have to be the one to try to fix everything and while that is not unlike my attitude toward life...I really just want time to greive.
My middle sister sent me an email that she had spent the day at the bank getting her CD that mom left POD to her taken care of. I had sent them to her because she left before so soon after the funeral that I had not had a chance to give them to her in person...besides she could not do anything without the copy of Death Cert. that did not get to me untll several days later.
Seems she is up set that she thinks I went into the locker box witout her being here. She had wanted me to get a lawyer to go to the bank with me to go into the box. Guess what??? I never went into the box for the cd's because I had them at home with me in mom"s folder. I have not had time to get in that box in months.
Anyway I did have to go to the box to get the will out because I had to have it to find out how quickly sisters would have to come back here to probate the will. Clerk at the county office needed to know some things in it. they had asked me to do this before they left and get back to them but I guess sister 2 did not like me doing that.
I guess the problem is I have not had the time to just grieve and get beyond anything because I keep having to look for things and make call after call to find out about different things all because I am the one here and they are out in the other part of the state and so I am of course left to take care of it.
I have paid the bills, delivered the death cert. to ins co. and infomred all the folks I know to inform and yet I am considered bad for not paying out for a lawyer to go with me to the locker box to get mom,s will
My sister says her feeling were hurt and she feels left out becuause I did that. Guess what...My feeling are a bit hurt now too.

But I will get over it and I will do as I am told.

Dear Gabgan,

I am so sorry for your loss and although I know that doesn't mean much overall, I will keep you in thoughts.

My siblings are very much like yours. They leave it all to me. They don't understand that sometimes we need them to help US, not jsut the parent. As caregivers, we end up putting our own needs last and sometimes siblings dont realize that laughing at it doesn't help...it hurts.

Take it one day at a time and one moment at a time from every day.

As caregivers our days are pretty well planned for ous with little time to spare.Once we loose a loved one we begin with the grieveing then try to start a new program in our lives.It does notchange over night.First to go through the grieveing.Time is differnt for each of us.Then take the necessary steps to go forward.It is not an easy transition as we thought it would be
I had to learn to shop for fodd differntly, cook different, small amounts.Remember I did not have to go into their rooms and check on them.Many times I would hear them calling for me but It was because It was a daily occurance
It many ways I challenged my self more then I do now.
I do not miss the stress that came with each day but sure do miss the ladies

gabgan, I hear you loud and clear. I did all the thank you's but my brother is executer of the will and besides the letter from his/mom lawyer I have not heard from him since the funeral. I gave it all to my lawyer to handle as the pressure would have killed me. I still get up, come home and wake up at night to check on her here almost 3 weeks later. The Sunday after the funeral I was doing some school work on the couch and ended up falling asleep from 1 to 5! My body just needed the extra sleep and surprisingly I slept that night as well. It's going to take time dear. Just remember to be nice to yourself at this time especially. Everybody grief is different as us as caregivers our grief may be different then those of our siblings. Their lives for the most part have not been put on hold to take care of our l/o. I have made a point in all of this to for a change take care of myself more and be kind to me. Even with the extra work hours at school I have stocked up on lean cuisine and healthy choice frozen meals to make it healthier and easier. Most nights it's only me as Dan's working 2 to 10. There are enough meals for him if he chooses. My mom's only estate value is her house, my home, but that's in the lawyers hands to help me. If needed we may have to move but I will need my half of the estate before I can afford to do that. One day at a time.

Gab, give yourself some time to catch up on your rest, to get through the mental exhaustion. You must feel lonely, without Mom, and having so much to take care of.

I am so sorry for your loss, and saying a prayer for you and your family.

quote:

I am left to take care of everything else.

Yeah, you are because your were the one but it doesn't have to all be done in a day or a week. Give yourself some time to adjust, sweetie. The hole in your heart and life has gotta be huge... be ultra kind to yourself and take the odious chores one at a time, as you have the energy.

{{{GIANT HUGS}}}

Gabgan do you have a lawyer? If not consult one they will help you figure out what needs to be done if anything in regards to the will and properties this is what you do for Probate.
I know this has to be overwhelming for you sweetie I didnt know where to start myself when my mom passed either but a friend told me to contact a lawyer and it was a first step in the right direction with the exception of family unrest in my case everything pretty much fell into place after that and I was grateful...
there was so much to clean up I had little time for myself and honestly I am glad for it. I didnt have too much time to dwell on the disappointments that were poppin up all over the place before my eyes.
You said that your sisters told you if you needed them they would be there for you sweetie...they are not mind readers (although I know we would like them to be) we learn that little trick when caring for others its a gift but they dont have it in them, for that we need to poke them...In other words sweetie give em a call and tell them "I need you" sometimes they just need to hear it as they dont want to be steppin on your toes. Give them the benefit of the doubt Gab

gabgan, so sorry for you loss.Yes, mom is at rest but we who have lost a loved one have a journey to begin.So much of our tim has been spent caring for them that we know nothing else.
I do hope, in time, you will learn to do the things for your self as you have done for her .Bless you and your family.May mom rest in peace

Dear Gabgan:

I'm just now learning that your mother has passed away. I am so very sorry to read this and know what a tremendous loss this is to you. No matter how expected this may have been, the feeling of loss can be overwhelming, I know. It's been almost 4 months for me since losing my father and I still, constantly think about him. I'm constantly asking myself, "I'll never see him again?" and still feeling shocked by it all.

I too, was up in the middle of the night, many nights after my father passed. During the day, we're often busy taking care of life and often, can't allow feelings to get in the way of doing what needs to get done. BUT it's those quiet times that bombard and overwhelm us with the reality and finality of it all. This will pass, as I'm sure you know.

I had my very first dream about my father just yesterday morning. I have no idea whatsoever what the dream was about, can't recall it at all except that I woke myself up saying, "I miss you Dad."

My heartfelt condolences to you Gabgan on your loss. Again, I'm so sorry.

Sandy

P.S. I hope your daughter is faring well.

quote:

Originally posted by Gabgan:
So mom is gone, she is at rest next to dad. Sisters came in and took good care of sending her off. Now they are at home and I am left to take care of everything else.

Flowers that need to be kept watered, bills that have to be paid, mom's personal things that need to be moved out of my son's house so he can start to live some kind of life without her.

Sister's did agree to give me their share in the trailer we bought for mom. They were very generous about that.

But I am left with writing the thank you cards and getting information on probating the will. I really do not think we need to do much because the will is so straigth forward and the property she had was put in our names years ago.
Mom had already given her car away so there is nothing left that is worth anything.

I did manage to give the rings that mom had designated for the sisters to them and they all seem to be happy with what mom chose to do.

Each of the grand children wound up with a ring either from mom or the boys got one from our grandfater and stepfather.

No one seems to be upset except me.

I was up at four this AM and jumped out of bed thinking I had to go check on mom. It was just for an instant but I was so wide awake I have not been able to go back to sleep.

I miss her so much sometimes....

I know I am rambling. I just thought that the sisters would stick around long enough to get the business end of this taken care of. They say they will come back when I need them to. I hope so, but I still have to set everything up befor they return. Oh well...soon it will all be over.

Of course your upset. It is true that your sisters also lost their Mom and I'm sure they loved her very much, but the Caregiving was not theirs to do. They get to go home, away, from the community, and their lives in the coming weeks will be very much the same as it has been.
Not so for you, and those of your family still in the home town, those whose daily lives included her, her care and well being, for so long. Plus a pile of stuff still to do.
God, your local family and your neighbors will see you through this I know, still it seems that one of them could have stuck around to help with the final details.