My Mom's old "boyfriend" keeps visiting her in the nh despite the fact that she is severly impaired with Lewy Body and he is married to someone else. Now ordinarily I would say this is a nice thing for him to do. But I am constantly having to deal with his denial. He brings her cherries to eat and she spits the pits at the staff for days. He brings her lunches from Mexican restaurants she once liked and she gets diarrea. He gives her $20 "for some dignity" which is lost in less than an hour. Now he wants to take her on "an outing". Even my brother and I no longer do this because going into any unfamiliar territory increases her anxiety level to the point where she has panic attacks, forgets how to use the bathroom, etc. My sister in law suggests we let him take her once because he will "never ask again" and it will help him through his denial. Now I am not willing to put my Mom through something unpleasant in even the smallest way just so this guy can get it! Would I be more willing if he hadn't taken $12,000 of her social security money before we had power of attorney and forced us to go to lawyers to get it back for her?? Possibly. As it is though, I only tolerate him because Mom seems to like his visits. My brother and sister in law think his visits mean he genuinely loved her. Personally I think he feels guilty and on top of that is just not real bright. Just needed to vent. It's hard enough to help my own family through this without having to ease this joker through it too.

Hannah, sounds like they've got it covered even if a day late. The question is will he listen? He may yet have to be banned. I quess they know you would approve, if they feel the need??

Re Mr. Charming...Apparently staff at the NH did talk to him after giving her the $20 that was lost and told him patients can have no more than $5 in their rooms because they don't want to be accused of stealing it if it turns up missing. They also talked to him about the food after the diarrea they had to deal with. He actually asked my Mom if he could bring his new wife up to the NH to meet her and she had enough brain power that day to say, NO!

Hannah, I feel for you girl. This situation is hard enough with out this money grubber hanging around.

My family has been through enough theives to build a wall....I guess you can tell by now that I have no tolerance for them.

I hope this guy gets the drift soon, and leaves your Mom alone. She may not even remember him, after he quits coming around. Company or not, he is causing distress for her, and you.

Perhaps the staff can intervene for you, Hannah. There are medical reasons she should not have certain foods and social/mental reasons that the money and outings might not be a red hot idea. Perhaps the NH social worker could sit down with him and explain a thing or two... They have seen this sort of thing before, especially with money weasels and they are usually happy to watch out for certain visitors if you alert them...

I don't blame you one little bit. He is fortunate that you don't slash his tires in the parking lot. On the other hand, devil's advocate here, perhaps he is not meaning any harm and does care for her. If she enjoys the visits, that's what counts. He just needs to follow the "rules" a little better... and you shouldn't have to explain them to him!

I wouldnt either Hannah forget it! He is married and still he sniffs around mom?! what is he tryin to do ease his conscience?! If thats the case say hes sorry and cough up the 12 grand otherwise take a hike! Im sorry Im sensing a little problem with integrity here or morality for that matter happy or not his place is with HIS wife not YOUR mom.
ok so I have a big problem with this kind of behavior....
Stand your ground love he got no bidness doin what hes doin...I wonder if ole wifeypoo knows about him handin out money and buyin lunches for mom?....Muhahahaha get my drift

BTW hannah I meant his morality and integrity lol
just in case you misunderstood!

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