This is my life. Raised in an Alcoholic family - dad was the alcoholic and mom was withdrawn and depressed, cynical and needy. No communication. Three children to this union, who were subject to physical, emotional, verbal and sexual abuse. None of the children were aloud a voice, we were never heard. My sixteen year old brother started sexually abusing me when I was ten. I tried to tell my mother that i didn't want to be left alone with him and my parents both got so angry with ME because this interfered with their lives. For the majority of my tenth year I put up with and for the most part ended up cooperating with my brother's sexual abuse because i had no where to turn. At 12 during a drunken rage on vacation, my father beat me in front of my mom and brother for lying (i wasn't lying and my mom and brother knew i was telling the truth). I laid on the floor in a fetal position looking up at my mother and brother begging them to help me while my dad stood over me beating me. My brother tackled him and it was over. I approached my mom and brother the next day and confirmed that i had told the truth and their response was, "We know you were telling the truth, but you know that when he's drunk like that, you just have to agree with him". That is how i ruined our vacation. Everyone held me responsible for what happened. At 14 my brother left home, and inspite of his sexual abuse of me 4 years earlier i was sad to see him leave because that left me alone with my parents. My dad said the day my brother left, "now you won't have your older brother around to protect you....", and im left thinking, what's this meaning.
My father started sexually abusing me at 16, crawling into my bed and spooning with me while he rubbed his hands and whatever on my body asking me if I let my boyfriend do this. I begged him to quit, but he would still make the trek to my downstairs bedroom while my mother was upstairs in their bed. Finally I went beserk and screamed and screamed until I heard my mom at the top of the stairs calling to my father to come upstairs now. I thought that i was so scared to go upstairs that morning, that their would be this big confrontation as to what was happening, but my mom was just washing the dishes and my dad was reading the paper like nothing happened. They controlled my whole life. I was their "project". They made all my decisions. My spirit had been beaten down by this time in my life. I got engaged to be married and was 20 and had been engaged for almost a year the last time my father physically abused me. My crime you ask? I didn't go into the living room when I came in from an evening out, to say "Hello" to my mother. I had talked to my father in the kitchen telling him I had such a sore throat and just wanted to go right to bed. I had just gotten comfortable and almost asleep when my father came in furious with me dragging me out of bed by the collar of my nightgown physically forcing me up the stairs to 'GO APPOLOGISE TO YOUR MOTHER". I didn't even know what crime i had committed. Apparently, she had been sitting in a chair in the living room listening to us talking in the kitchen and i "Didn't even bother with coming in to say hi to her, and now she know just what i think of her, and it's ok, i know how you feel about me..." while my dad is beating on the back of my head and shoulders screaming that they are going to tell my fiance cause he should know what kind of girl he is marrying and if you didn't know better than to go say hi to your mother, he should have known better, and yes they are going to take it up with him!!! Yikes.
Three years later at the birth of my daughter, my sister told me never to leave the baby with my father. Apparently he had sexually molested her as well when she was 16 but she thought he was punishing her for just having had a baby out of weddlock. I never knew this, she never knew what happened to me and i watched my daughter around him like a mother hawk.
six years later my four year old son tells me that "grandpa does things to him in bed that I don't like". We had been staying with my parents because we were in the process of moving and my parents accused me of planting these ideas in his young mind, because i had taught my children "good touch/bad touch" "the NO feeling" and this was all my fault.
Flash forward 25 years. I no longer have any relationship with my brother. This is my choice, i have forgiven him but that doesn't make sitting across the table at family gatherings any easier. I have multiple sclerosis which i think is the result of such a poisonous childhood. My mother has Parkinson's and is determined that the void between myself and my brother is all my fault and insists i bridge the gap. This is the first time I have stood up to either of my parents. I am 50 years old. They are old and needy, now she's threatened to give, hmmm, how did she put it, "SO WHAT IF THE BROTHER GETS MORE MONEY " in reference to their wills. She has always controlled by withdrawal covert tactics. She is an invalid who's 80 and my dad is 83 and their world is now colapsing. I live over 150 miles away, yet they torture me with their phone calls.
Actually, I feel a bit better now that I'VE VENTED. Can anyone out in cyberspace relate to anything i've written? I would love to hear comments.

http://www.survivors-treehouse.net/

I read and re-read and re-re-read your post.

I haven't had any experiences in my life that you mention. It sounds like a totally tortured life, and my heart goes out to you.

I don't know what you should do, but I can tell you what I THINK I would do..I would have my phone number changed.

I'm pretty sure that MS is very affected by stress and it sounds as though that is all you are getting from this relationship with your parents. If I were YOU? I would totally distance myself from them. They have managed all these years the two of them together, no? So I would assume that they can find health care just like any other elderly person with no family.

Get some psychological help if you haven't already. Let go of them, they let go of you a long time ago. You are allowing them to continue to torture you, it's all up to you now. Take control, live for yourself, your health and your own family now. That's all I can suggest.. I wish you well and good health.