Ok well/Spent yesterday from early morning 'til 5pm waiting for the friggin "Hospitalist" to come & talk to me/see my Mom . The nurses came in a total of 3 times all day to check on her/2 of the times because I went to get them.
She DOES NOT have any infections/ Her meds ARE OK/BLAH BLAH BLAH.....I NEED ANSWERS. I know her damn medical history you asses. STOP STOP talking in front of here like she isn't there/she's not that bad/SHE KNOWS YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT HER. If you say AD ONE MORE TIME..I think I will kick each & everyone of your fat asses into the next county & get my Mom out of this so called STATE OF THE ART facility. I walked around the corridor (many times) and they rooms were not all full. I believe I was beginning to make the staff nervous because all of a sudden the Nursing supervisor showed up. Can I help you she says.
I told her I was trying to find out what the hell was more important in the bakery box & coffee cups the nurses were coveting that superceeded the care of the patients on this floor. "And YOU ARE?" she says. I am standing in front of my Moms hospital door. I told her to go get my Moms chart & read it...and while you are at it make sure the note to the social worker is on there/if she EVER speaks to my Mom w/out me there again......
Well my Mom is getting out today, the DR again asked about placement. His only concern was her cooking. "What if she turns the stove on & forgets to...." I am sure everyone has heard that. Well, I am there/she does not cook except use the microwave. Can't they see the pain in her eyes when they talk about her? Give her the dignity to talk to her/she is still functioning. Do I have to move to another state where maybe there aren't as many elder folks & she can be treated with respect?? No one has any damn problem taking her money do they? ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
I called my older brother who lives up north yesterday to tell him Mom was in the hospital. Have not told him about the AD/what's the point.
He totally ignored the entire time while my Dad was sick & we were caring for him/came down after he passed....
Got his wife on the phone.....I think she is the one with the brain probs. STUPID questions I can't take your stupid ness anymore. "Oh, just tell her about the pretty flowers we have up here in our garden, tell her to remember the dog, she really likes our dog" (This woman IS IN HER 50'S, NOT 16.)" Are they giving her anything..I think the pain pills she was on are making her memory bad...your brother took one when he was up here & he say they were strong".
OK.....that's when I lost it........
Calm, but I lost it & told her to listen...then I spoke quite quickly/told her all the facts/
TALK TO A WALL ITS EASIER.
About 2 hrs later my brother calls the hospital room/my Mom had FINALLY fallen asleep. "Whats going on" he says this in almost an accusatory manner.
To hell with all of them/
My husband tells me everything will be okay....Is he crazy?? I know hes trying to help, but please everything will be okay????
I can't do this.........yes I can

Oh man, Sandranne - I wish I could tell you that your experience was rare - that things like that hardly ever happen, but I'd be lyin' like a rug.

I am totally RUDE when it comes to ANYONE discussing my mom's condition in front of her. I cut them off and guide them to the hallway, then chew them a new ass.

Sometimes patients with AD CAN be proactive - they will ask questions, read and involve themselves with their condition. But most of the time, they cannot grasp the news, IF they understand, it bums them out, etc. Best NOT to rock that boat. WHY the medical community is SO insensitive to this is beyond comprehension, beyond a minor "oops" - I have no problem whatsoever taking ANYONE to task on this issue from the lowliest aide to the most distinguished specialist. What is WRONG with THEIR minds? Or is it their HEARTS that are calcified?

Family members who have never experienced this kind of thing can be unwittingly offensive. DO inform everyone and DO tell them that they are NOT to call your mom in the hospital - that you will have her call THEM when she feels up to talking. NOW is the time to tell them that they cannot talk about anything they wish to their mom any more; nor can they discuss ANY business matters with her - that's OVER.

TRY to be patient - you are still reeling yourself and feeling very protective and hypersensitized to the reactions of others. It goes without saying that few people will ask or consider how YOU are doing with all this...

People DO have problems accepting this disgnosis - denial is the usual first response... Folks who do not work daily with afflicted patients are absolutely CLUELESS about how to relate, what to say, how to behave, etc. You're gonna have to be the teacher AND the principal... Don't feel badly calling the shots to them - a stong advocate is what your mom needs more than anything else right now! Try to forgive the ignorant remarks they make - many folks engage mouth before turning on the brain switch... It's important to develop a tough skin because TRUST ME - there's ALWAYS someone who knows more, who knows better, who knows nothing to come along and upset your balance.

I've had to learn to be very curt and then turn around and be understanding all in the same moment or two - people make mistakes. They CAN learn (even when it seems like some folks never do...).

Hang in there and yell as often as yuo need to... helps keep down on having to come up with bail money...

Rock on Sandranne!
Can relate to how feel about your brother. Talking to a wall IS more productive for me. Maybe I'll draw a pair of eyes so at least the wall makes eye contact with me when I'm speaking to it. I love the anger wall! I should have visited here last night, but my internet was down so I took a walk instead. Whatever works! I often leave bright colored sticky notes on the outside of the hospital chart. Quite often that works. Neon pink is my favorite.
Hang in there girl. This too shall pass!
Kathleen

People suck. They really do. grrrrr

I find my serenity in constantly reminding myself that what they will reap what they have sown.

If you can bear an encouraging word, our experience has been that they're always a lot more disoriented while in the hospital. I'd be willing to bet a jalepeno that she perks up a whole lot once you get her home and into her familiar routine and environment.

If the doctor brings up the stupid stove again, just tell him you'll have your husband unplug it so he'll drop it and move on to something relevant. Then do what you think is best. I think they're all (hospital specialists and the social workers) given a script and have difficulty deviating from it.

yes you can! Anger good--let it all hang out baby!