Hi, I'm new to this forum. I'm an only child whose mother passed away a little less than a year ago. I'm now trying to figure out what to do with my dad. He is in good health and can live independently, and he's still in the same house. He has always been poor socially, and made things rotten for my mom, always spying on her to see what she was up to while she tried to live a balanced life in spite of him and tried her darnedest to get him involved in activities. He has zero friends. Now he is relying on me for all social interaction, but I have a great job that is calling me away long-distance. I love my dad, but he is a real deadweight, always negative, unmotivated to make friends, but he needs social interaction for stimulation like anyone else. If there is a relatives function to go to, he is very happy and animated, but anything else, it's impossible to get him to go. It kills me to think of him sitting alone all the time in the suburbs, but at the same time, it's his own fault -- he has plenty of resources nearby, but he won't use them. Most people look at him and don't even think he's a senior citizen because he looks so young. I'm feeling very resentful but fear that my dad will just deteriorate if I move away. This is my time of life when I need to meet someone and start my own family and establish my career. If I already had a family, it would be no problem, then I could figure out where to settle my dad, but right now I don't know where I'm going to settle. I know my dad can survive fine physcally without me, but are 3 or 4 visits a year really sufficient emotionally? Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I guess I probably need to take some time off from work to really spend time on senior housing and moving my dad out of his isolating house in the suburbs. It's just that every other attempt I've made even 20 years ago to provide him a hobby or interest failed. Am I beating a dead horse?

nynyk, you might be beating a dead horse. it sounds like you have done all you can and the situation isn't improving. i don't believe in young people throwing away great opportunities for their future unless there really is no other choice. enoy your life. just because he chooses to be miserable soes not mean he has the right to drag you down that path with him. hire the heavy stuff sone for him. if he is affilliated with a church ask the church if they have volunteers who go to homes to socialize with "shut ins" and if they could offer to pick him up for service or an activity. sometimes that is the only way to get someone out is if someone else gets them. if he is in good health and has a stable mind, it's his choic. sure you feel bad but can you even imagine how resentful you would be if you gave up a chance to find your own happiness for someone who refuses to try? have relatives visit him on occassion and worry about the rest when his health starts failing. you can't change his personality and make him enjoy life. take a clue from your mom's life. she tried to make a life for herself and i don't know her but i think she would be strongly opposed to the sacrifice you would have to make. go, love him, enjoy your life, call and visit when you can but son't live with guilt and resentment. make your life now. sacrifices might be necesary in the future but worry about that when the time comes. no guilt!!! by the way, i'm sorry about your mom. i lost mine in january and it still hurts so much. keep us up on your decisions. it's easy for me to rant on over this, i am not in your shoes, but life is so short and sometimes happiness can be quite elusive. go look for it. it sounds like your mom had the right idea.