, I am not sure where to begin. I have been dealing with this for just over a year now.

About my situation. My husband, daughter and I moved in with my grandmother-in-law a little over a year ago. It was supposed to be temporary because she was having some problems adjusting to life on her own after grandfather-in-law died. She has severe depression and at the time was starting to show the early signs of alzthimezers. Well, the doctors said it was dementia and could lead tp alzthimzers. A month after we moved in she wandered outside on the back porch and broke her hip. My in-laws said it could have happened when anyone was there, but in reality they blame me because I was in the basement at the time! She spent time in a nursing home after getting out of the hospital to do pysical therapy and then my aunt-in-law took her to Texas to live with her for a few months. Meanwhile, her and grandma wanted us to continue living in gma's house to look after things.

When they eventually returned from Texas AIL started this whole thing about us living here rent free etc etc. We said we wanted to move out but gma kept telling us to take care of and watch her house, she even said to stay so I can help her out when she returned home. Now AIL acts like we are some kind of bums smootching off of gma. And gma is being really mean too, we can't do anything right and she hates my little 4 yr old daughter. She competes with my little girl for my attention!

Today was the final straw, I woke up to hear gma who cannot answer the cordless phone right (she always pushes the speaker phone to answer) trashing me and my daughter. She said I mess up her meds on purpose to try to kill her, I won't feed her because apparently I sleep all day before getting up and making her breakfast (I wake up at 8 am!) and I refuse to clean certain things in her house. I am at a loss because I do everything short of wiping the woman's a$$!

My parent-in-laws are actually pretty cool, so I called MIL and told her what I had just heard. She was upset too and went and told FIL. Well, they came to soend this past weekend with us and FIL went off on gma. He told her all about picking on me and my liitle girl as well as his son (my hubby). Then gma cries and starts saying how mean everyone is mean to her and how none of what I said was true. AIL comes over the next day and starts the "bum" business again. How are we bums? We more than pay for being here! Gma is a millionaire by the way, I am not exagerating. At the same time she expects us to buy and prepare all of her food ..ALL OF IT! She doesn't pay for anything, so how are we bums? We even pay her bills, we are not as fortunate as her to have millions in the bank.

Now we want to move of course but they all keep saying please stay and help gma, she can not live on her own. I don't really care, why can't mean AIL take care of her? I mean we are bums and I mess everything up when I try to cook or clean. She hates my daughter, her own great grand daughter. WTF can we do? Everyday living with this woman is a challenge, I am not a nurse or a doctor and she needs professional help. This woman hates a 4 year old child and blames everything in the world on her. This situation is just not going to work. Would it be wrong to just move out and make them take responsiblity for her or would that be abandoning her and wrong on our part?

Thanks everyone, we started secretly looking for a new place today. My MIL is going to tell AIL that gma is too sick for us to look after anymore. It was great to see how many people know exactly how I feel. Please pray for me that we get out of this situation fast.

Steffie, take heed to what Bunnys grl has said.
You do not have to be a whipping post for auntie.
Also, meds may change the behavior of gma.
Lay down rules and boundries for the family.Do not let them make your life and that of your family a life of hell.
You do what you feel is right

quote:

Today was the final straw, I woke up to hear gma who cannot answer the cordless phone right (she always pushes the speaker phone to answer) trashing me and my daughter. She said I mess up her meds on purpose to try to kill her, I won't feed her because apparently I sleep all day before getting up and making her breakfast (I wake up at 8 am!) and I refuse to clean certain things in her house. I am at a loss because I do everything short of wiping the woman's a$$!

This is A typical of a person with Dementia sweetie.
Forgive them for they know not what they say....
Your FIL yelling at her is not a good thing, it doesnt help matters simply because she really doesnt know any better at this stage.

Now the Aunt on the other hand I got nothin for she ought to know better than to take what gran says as Gospel SHE'S NOT THERE
I can clearly see shes a meddling meme so have MIL put her in her place or FIL for that matter.

Ask her PCP for some help for her behavior, Med help that is.
And you should NOT be paying her bills nor her food you are her CAREGIVER.
Gran SHOULD be paying this PERIOD.
This family KNOWS what it would cost to have 24/7 help for this woman of that I havent a doubt so if you decide to stay on here I would strongly suggest some rules be changed.
Whatever money you get should be put in a savings account for the time you actually have to move and Gran needs to start paying her bills again, this is only fair...what did they expect free caregiver service 24/7? Like you dont have a life and family? Sorry even 24/7 cg's get a monthly income.
If no one in this family goes for it then it is most assuredly time to leave and let them HIRE a cg....*chuckle* I hope Aunt gets this by default then she'll learn....watch a couple of months go by she'll be the white hot streak speeding down the street you see
And sweetie they were right Gran would have fallen no matter who was there dont ever feel guilty for that its a fact of life, elderly fall most times when your not looking and we can not be held responsible for this nor should ANYONE be expecting you to watch her every second of every day thats impossible your not God.

Far from being bums, you are very kindly providing services for free when you would be quite reasonable to ask for compensation.

If grandmother cannot live on her own but has financial resources, there are professional caretakers that can be hired to live in. I'd say you're right when you feel you have to move; maybe start sending away for brochures from home nursing/elder care services in your area. Then you can move to a better situation yet everyone can know grandmother is being cared for.

Only you can know what to do, but if it were me I'd get my baby out of that toxic situation. Let AIL move in with her and deal with it.

Grandma is obviously demented and in need of care. AIL has no such excuse, and really needs the full experience of dementia care for her own mother.