This is my first time in the Anger Wall. I'm usually in the other forum. I've just about had it!!!! Along with the other saga of no NH beds and being caught between two government agencies, I'm not in a spot with my mom and where she belongs. The ASF told me last week she goes out into the front yard now (which is by the street and no fence). Then last week, she pulled her diapers down, removed poop from her diapers and threw it in the grass. So...I always thought that was nursing home material at that point. So, if I can't get her into a nursing home bed anywhere (which is seems to be impossible here in SC0, and the ALF won't keep her anymore, what do I do!!! I'm going absolutely crazy over this. I'm sick and tired of going round and roung getting nowhere calling NH's who either don't return my calls or say we can't help you right now because we don't have any beds and don't know when any will open. I can't take the stress anymore. I don't eat right, can't sleep, live with constant stress, can't seem to relax, don't have the time to even take care of what I need to around here let alone try to relax or do anything for myself. I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel and instead, it's all getting worse for me. There's just no relief from the pressure. And if I hear one more "there's no NH beds in this state" or "it's impossible to get a NH bed in this state" from dr's or homes I will scream!!!!!! What do I do!!!!!
I am so sorry, Cheri. I feel for you. Your situation seems very similar to mine. I can't remember if I shared the story about the first PCP I took her to when she was in the bad place. It really reminds me of your PCP story. It was only toward the middle of September or so. I had gone in there literally desperate with my mother telling this PCP how she was declining, the incontinence was worse, she was a danger to herself and others, I couldn't take her back into my home, she needed to go into a NH, explained my financial situation,etc. She chatted with my mom and literaly had my mom eating out of the palm of her hand. She was very charming with my mom and was able to engage her in a teeny conversation. She turned around to me and said, she is able to hold a conversation and I see nothing wrong. I explained further. She gave her the mini-mental, she scored fairly high on it and said, she passed and there's nothing wrong with her. She said this was normal and turned to me and very coldly and callously said, I can't help you. In that instant, she lost a patient. It too was like she was putting the blame on me - like there was nothing wrong with my mom. I never brought my mom back to her. I felt like saying to her what you said to her PCP. Then YOU try living with her for a day and see what she's really like!!!!! I went home that night and cried my eyes out. I think was right around when I found this forum and joined it.
Your safety has to be of the utmost importance. If he breaks one of your bones, or pushes you so hard that you fall and break a hip, then you're not going to be able to take care of him at all. But I truly understand your problem in that you know that but getting the dr's and NH's to do something about it is a different matter, And then there you are waiting in limbo with him and you don't know what is going to cause him to become physical again. It's not you. You're not at fault. You're not to blame.
You have my support and caring too. There really are times I just want to scream and I can really understand it now when someone says that. Tonight is one of those nights for me. Take care of yourself Cheri and be safe!
Oh priscilla... You poor soul! My heart goes out to you because I'm walking in the same shoes that you are only with my husband. I can't offer you any help, just support and caring... and humble prayers. Here in Canada when it comes to NHs we are in the same situation, especially here in British Columbia where the government has been shutting them down left, right and center.
This past week has been H. E. double toothpicks with my husband. He's so verbally abusive and now has started hitting, kicking, biting and pushing hard to get by me no matter what I'm doing. I'm tired of trying to cover my bruises with make up and long-sleeved sweaters and shirts... (tears)
I called his PCP yesterday and told her flat out to come and live in this house for just one day if you don't believe what I'm sharing with you. She said that what I'm going through with him will pass (almost like it was my fault he's this way) and it isn't anything that I can't deal with at home! She wanted to change his meds again for the third time in two and half months. I just hung up the phone and cried... for which I was yelled at again and called a "sissy" by my husband.
We live in a very remote area with little choice in PCPs (Primary Care Physicians) who only visit our tiny village once a week and skip a week when there's a holiday Monday like this coming Monday. They are very difficult to contact and seldom return calls. Yesterday I sat on the phone until she spoke to me... Other times I've just kept calling and calling until she spoke with me. What is it with "DOCTORS"???
My husband is 6 ft 2ins tall and nearly two hundred pounds. I'm 5 ft 6 ins tall and 145 lbs. I'm no match for a retired logger (faller) with Alzheimer's.
Oh, how I wish well, love... and send you BIG HUGS...
We talked about that last Thurs. THere's a psych hospital about 1/2 hr. from here. They will do Alzheimers/dementia evaluations but it's only for about 3 days. Still, that may help - then the hospital will have to put her in a NH I think? I have to find a new attorney. The one I called wouldn't take my case. She was my mom's attorney too. I don't get it.
Someone please correct me if I'm wrong. Priscilla, can you talk with your moms doctor and get her a Psychiatric Evaluation? Most of them are done on an inpatient basis. Sometimes - just sometimes - nursing homes will have some beds reserved for immediate hospital to NH placement. That's why they tell the "general public" they have no empty beds. And sometimes they really don't have empty beds. But an evaluation will get everything down on paper, and eldercare attorneys are no different from any other attorney - they LOVE paper. Take heart Priscilla. Your road is long and rough, but you will be able to get to the end.
