I guess I'm not really angry but I am frustrated. I'm going to have to start talking more to the Assisted Living staff. I had been trusting Mom to truthfully report things to me, which was teh stupid of me.

She started asking if she had prune juice on hand. (She does.) I know that means she's having trouble with constipation. I made sure she's drinking it each morning. I followed up next day by asking if things were going better. She claimed they were.

A few days later she asked if she had stool softener on hand. I know what that means, too. The prune juice isn't working. I checked if she was doing her exercises and drinking lots of water. "Sort of" as it turned out. She says she's drinking as much as she wants. That's not enough. She knows it. I know it. She's avoiding telling me this stuff because she knows I will get pushy about it.

Then she wanted a print-out on the stool softener before she'll take it because heaven knows it's "risky" to take an OTC benign medicine to treat a condition that could become serious. She claims her doc told her not to take it which is complete bs. Grrr.... I gave her a print out on the stool softener and also a print out on bowel impaction, just so she could compare consequences.

We took her for a drive yesterday and beforehand, I checked that her back wasn't bothering her to be sure sitting for an hour or so wouldn't hurt. She casually mentions (for the first time) "Oh, my back is fine. It's my shoulder that's hurting."

What? With some interrogation, it was revealed the assisted living folks have been offering her ibuprofen because her shoulder has been sore for over a week. No, she won't take it. OK, I can see being hesitant about a pill, maybe, but then it came out she wouldn't even use a heating pad on it. No one knows why. I hit this when her back was hurt, too. As I told her, even frickin' Christian Scientists will put a heating pad on a sore muscle but she will not be moved. She wants to "wait and see what happens."

Why? Whywhywhywhywhywhywhy? I think it's control, as usual. People want her to treat herself and she delights in thwarting them. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face.

Before you worry too much, now that I know she's hiding digestion problems, I will be coordinating more with the staff. There's only so much they can do, too, but at least I can sweep her off to the doc if things haven't moved pretty darn soon.

I pray to God that in the unlikely event I make it to her age I am not so idiotic about taking care of myself or so stubborn about resisting common sense advice.

Opinionated, to have someone show appreciation to something we do to make them content is so rewarding.Good for you for finding that special something.When this would happen to me I would say thank god for small favors.
Hope the positive remains for you and for mom

Op, that is wonderful. I think I will do a happy dance for you. Really great. She must be feeling at home and settled in. A lesson to us all, They can accept change and adapt if given time and patience.

This post isn't about anger. Yay!

Mom kept complaining her bedspead was too heavy, so I bought her a new one for her room at the assisted living home. Then it was two weeks before I gave it to her because I was dreading the response. "I don't know why you did this. I'm not going to be here long. How am I ever going to pack all this up when I leave? I don't see any point in getting settled. I didn't tell you to do this...etc, etc, etc."

So I was braced to grit my teeth and remember she seldom says thank you for anything nowadays. I could only hope she'd like the pattern and the colors and the weight of it, even if she never said so.

But she did say so! She was so pleased. She's even mentioned it every time we've spoken since. It was like reaching for a step that isn't there -- her response kinda threw me off, but in a good way. :-)

Op if they cant accommodate your request just get a couple of those plastic cups with the lid and straw and make it up yourself every 3 days or so.
As long as she has a BM every 3 days, we always chart to keep track of BM's with everyone anything longer than 3 days needs attention.
This is a whole lot better for their system as I see it, most are on WAY too many drugs to begin with

I think we are going to have to talk to the assisted living home about changing her diet. I suspect she's not getting enough roughage, and she really needs it. Now, whether I can get them to whip up that delicious smoothie for her every day, I don't know. They might expect us to provide the extra ingredients but that can be done... well, I'll ask about it. Their fridge space is really limited. The pull of good meals for fifteen in a food prep area that's about the size of a large closet. Don't know how they manage.

Trust me Mae its good
Most folks think that all those fruit shakes they get out of those kiosks will work just as good but they dont (one I can think of off the top "Jamba Juice") Caaa Caaa!
Too dang sweet and has processed something or another in it I saw them dumping some kind of powder in it when my niece begged me to take her there my poor mouth tasted like a sugar factory ICK!
You can also change up the flavor to suit, like for me I LOVE pina colada so I use pina colada yogurt frozen mango and a little coconut milk (not the sweet one just plain coconut milk usually in the Asian section)
Try it out you'll be pleasantly surprised

Bunnys grl, I am not constipated but that sounds good to me,

Op heres a solution to your problem that does not include a pill enema etc and will make mom feel much better. It has worked on all my guys n gals so far no matter their existing conditions and Im startin to believe the reason why my office sends me out to some of these folks....
Iffn they be blocked send out BG, just call her the rotorooter gal
Ya got a blender? Good.
1 container of flavored yogurt (I usually get blueberry)
about 2 handfuls frozen berries: strawberries raspberries blackberries etc
1 banana
about a 1/2 cup or so of OJ
Mix till well blended
Now for most I usually make it look all fancy and squirt a lil whipped cream on top and stick a staw in it along with a cherry and I dont tell them what its for but I can guarantee you by the next day, day and a half they ALL blow

Have you ever tried Flaxseed oil for the constipation.Because I have IBS my doctor told me to yake Flaxseed oil. iooo mgs.It works wonderfully with no side affects.
Wish I had been aware of this when mother and aunt were experienceing the constipation.
Our elders have the need to maintain control over their bodies, whether it be right or wrong, lol

She suffers from Parkinson's and it affects the contractions needed for digestion, so I think that's the source. It's a constant problem she always has to watch. Or I should say that we always have to watch, since she won't until it gets uncomfortable.

I think she's resisting the stool softener because when her stool is normal, she has problems with bowel control and will sometimes soil herself. While that's understandably uncomfortable and she needs to wear diapers when it happens, which is undignified, I'd hate to see her die of a bowel impaction for the sake of dignity.

Not that she will admit that is her reasoning. In past, she's just said she doesn't like the stool softener because she "doesn't like what it does to her." (Took weeks to determine exactly what she meant by that. I hadn't thought anything about it save to make sure she had diapers or at least a little pad for small accidents.)

It probably is time for a laxative or even an enema but she views laxatives as though we were talking about a highly risky experimental drug. She has to be clogged to the gills before she'll even consider it and then, of course, when she does take one and it works it's messy and uncomfortable because she waited so long, which reinforces her negative feelings about it.

She has been eating well, thank goodness. She's even managed to gain a little weight since she's been there, which is a miracle. Now if we could just get it OUT of her, as well as in...

I would remind you to breathe - but if the prune juice and stool softener do their job well, you just might want to HOLD your breath for a moment or 2.
Yeah, we all say, "If I ever get that bad, just shoot me!" but for some reason, the people caring for us never do that.
While you're coordinating with the staff, brainstorm to see if there's another reason for the constipation besides not exercising and not drinking enough fluids. Is she eating enough? I always told my husband - who always complained about his "bowel habits changing recently" - that you have to eat enough to create the waste. If you don't eat enough, your body uses all the food for energy and you WON"T have any waste. Any new meds? (No probably not, if she's that fussy about ibuprofen & softeners!) Is she eating stuff she SHOULDN'T be eating, or too much of it?
Are things bad enough for a laxative yet?