...and I've almost died on this hill, but-
there's still some fight left in me. Somewhere, at least I think there is...maybe.

Aside from the fact that logically I understand that things happen for a reason. That "farther along we'll know all about it, farther along we'll understand why", as the old hymn goes.

And knowing that there are countless others who have suffered exponentially more than we can ever imagine...that someone, somewhere always has it worse or better than you.

And that, as Dad always said when we would question why something had to happen to us, "Well, why shouldn't it? And who SHOULD it happen to?"

Aside from all of that...I will never understand why the hell a nursing home can get away with such lousey care for their residents.

He's been in there now for 2 years and 3 months...and it hasn't gotten better. It's not the CNA's fault, it's the Administrator and the Director of Nursing and the Charge Nurses...
All of them have the same careless attitude towards people with dementia.

And you claim you have a state of the art dementia facility! You advertise that you have single rooms for your dementia residents to allow them their own space. You claim your staff is kept up to date with continuing education, blah, blah, blah..

I don't even have the strength to go on about the three times my father was attacked by other residents who were out of control.

And you can't even realize that the reason they are out of control is you are doing NOTHING to maintain the dignity in THEIR lives either! You let them wander aimlessly, frustrated and anxious and lashing out at whomever they can.

And you sit and say "Oh, that's just what they do. There's nothing we can do about it".

Bull****. How stupid do you think I am?

Hey, here's something novel. Try getting up off your rear ends and leaving the nurse's station and addressing the "Psycho-social needs" of the wandering patient. And keep them the HELL out of my bedridden father's room. You know, that "single room" you tout as being so important to the dementia paitent?

Yes, get up off your rears and go and minister to the needs of those who are wandering. Try to make their lives a little more meaningful. Engage them in activities. Try taking them for a walk around the entire facility. Try taking them outside in the fresh air and helping them to enjoy what little they can.

And in turn, you will keep my father safe from them. You know, the one's who slip in his room and start pounding on him when he is asleep.

And then you tell me that my father screams and yells at the nurses to "Get them off of me", as if he shouldn't be yelling and interrupting your damn gab-fests at the nurses station!

And don't blame it on the overworked and under-appreciated CNAs who are trying their best. You nurses could get off your butts once in a while. Or are you too "good"?

And why the hell is the administrator of this place getting paid over 100K when he thinks that my father's reading glasses could be kept at the nursing station so as not to be stolen AGAIN for the third time.

Afterall, "he could ask the nurse to get him his glasses when he needs them".

Hey, genius boy! The guy has D-E-M-E-N-T-I-A! Ever heard of it, you moron???
1) He doesn't remember his glasses if they are not RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIM ON HIS TRAY.
2) Sometimes he FORGETS to even USE THEM and I have to remind him.
3) I have no idea if he can still read. But he at least can still pick up a magazine and look at the pictures. It would be nice if he could STILL SEE THEM!
4) And no you over-payed idiot...He will not "remember to ask the nurse". What kind of moron are you to think that this man, who cannot walk anymore, doesn't know what day or year or season it is, doesn't know WHERE he is and sometimes not who WE are will "remember to ask for his reading glasses"?
5) And why the hell are we paying over 72K a year for him to have to ASK for glasses, even if he could remember to? THEY SHOULD BE LEFT ON HIS TRAY IN HIS ROOM!

Keep the trespassers OUT OF HIS ROOM!
How hard is that?
If your answer is, "too hard" then you better rethink your arrangement on this ward.

You people don't give a damn. The money is too easy. The residents can't complain, because they can't remember the mistreatment and neglect. You can sit on your collective asses collecting your big paychecks (which are tremendous by the standards in this state) and go home feeling like victors.

And to think you are a slimy, not-for-profit organization which claims that "we care for our veterans" and "we do all we can to maintain their dignity", because "veterans are special".

You are full of crap. You're still full of it and probably always will be.
And i will do all I can to tell everyone I meet NOT to place their loved ones in ANY of your facilities.

How you can sleep at night, I'll never know.

I only wish that you would wake up some night with someone beating you with their fists, bloodying your nose and face, scratching your arms and pounding your chest as you lay there defenseless, screaming for help.

That sounds awful, doesn't it? Well, it is. Just ask my father. Somewhere in the back of his mind he remembers.

God help me, I don't want to have to put in his obituary, "Served in combat in WWII, Korea, Vietnam and the "State" Veterans' Home (not affiliated with the Veteran's Admin.)...but I will if it helps to get my point across.

You people have no shame. And you dare to suggest that my father may provoke attacts because he stays in his room (in bed, because he is bedridden) and he yells if someone gets too close to him.

BTW, he only does this when he feels threatened. He doesn't do it all the time, very rarely. But to you, he shouldn't ever do it...because you don't like to hear him yell for help when someone is assaulting him.

Too bad. Get off your asses and do the job you are being payed to do. Or is that too much to ask?

Enough for now.

SEMPERFI!! It is so GOOD to hear from you! I have thought of you a lot over the months and worried about your dad... sounds like things are no better now than before. Is there no state agency you can have investigate the attacks on your dad? Is there nothing you can do? I am so sorry this is happening to him and it's more than wrong - it's CRIMINAL! Well, no sense in raving - I'm sure you have the same feelings of outrage - just KNOW that you are not alone in your feelings. I hope that SOMETHING is done before he is harmed even more...

I do NOT let the CNAs off the hook, or the RNs, or the aides or the JANITOR, ferchrissakes - they are PROFESSIONALS and when they see stuff going on that's NOT in the best interests of the patient, it is their SWORN DUTY (they did take an oath with their liscensing...) not to mention LEGAL duty to report the offenses even if it risks their jobs. They are part of a higher calling and I do NOT buy that they are helpless - they are jaded and refuse to fight the abuses, which makes them at the very least, tacit accessories to abuse and mismanagement. I hope ALL of them who stand by and do N O T H I N G are arrested. At the very least, I hope all of them have to walk some terrible miles in YOUR shoes and also end up in your father's shoes - helpless, needing, neglected and abused.
Da low-life, unfeeling BASTIDS!!

SemperFI

How your Dad is being treated makes me so angry!!!!!

I feel for your situation. We went thru similar things w/grams yrs bck and it was sad & disheartening that a facility that took every last dime grams had could "treat" her with such disrespect and not protect her from harm.

During the course of 12 yrs grams 3 times had bones broken from other residents...clothes, money, lots of what she had-stolen from workers. I never will understand how someone could sleep at nite treating our elderly this way.

Know I am w/you in thought & prayer that this situation somehow improves for you & your Dad.

Dear SemperFi:

You've said it ALL for me....EVERYTHING!!!! I've never felt my blood boiling as I have every time I've walked into these disgusting facilities to witness the blatant indifference and neglect by the entire staff. It's a crime and it's rampant. Right now my fathers back home. He has dementia and all the residuals from a severe stroke and I'm frightened by the future because I'll soon be running out of options once again. He suffers every day and doubly suffered from the treatment he received in these facilities. It's criminal to be up against a nursing facility as the only option for families and sadly, there are no options except to accept this hell and feel guilt for not being able to provide more.....

How they can sleep at night....I'll never know either.

Thank you for expressing this so entirely.

Rock on SemperFi,
Where is your father getting all this lovely treatment? I want to stay clear!
Hang in there!
Kathleen