I just love when people say to me.....
"Oh dont worry dear we know all about AD"

REALLY well hell thats a relief....and they turn around and go against your wishes after I dont know how many freakin phone calls my MIL has made to us at home with the help of a CNA you ask why because she says my mil wants to call home to pick her up, gee isnt that what most patients do???
I get they have to follow certain measures but when I specifically say no phone is to be used by her and staff only should be calling she has AD...now this is just simply cruel to her...
I have had to lie twice now to her and tell her I couldnt pick her up right now in the last 2 days yes thats right she was again allowed access to a phone even after bringin down the house yesterday evening...
We know how to deal with an AD patient YEAH RIGHT! You havent the first clue on how to deal with them I have even gone as far as to make these people feel comfortable with me in explaining to them that I am not most people I am in the world of reality I know what this disease does I know why sores occur I am not unreasonable but there is no excuse as to why they would deliberately go against a families wishes or rules to ensure my MIL doesnt get too out of hand for them...is it any wonder to me now WHY people are carrying on the way they are in that facility HELL NO they are fresh uneducated people when it comes to the care and well being of a patient
This is making me sick!
If I ask you to do something that ensures my MIL's relative happiness I EXPECT YOU TO FOLLOW THOSE RULE DAM IT! I dont give a good god dam what the hell a law states if it goes against making a patient happy you better dam well follow them!

I had the same exact experience with the phone calling. It is so unbelievable stessful...the phone rings and you literally wince hoping it isn't another call from the nh. My Mom would get on the phone and cry and say, "come here" in the middle of my work day. So I would leave work and go to the nh only to find that she had either a)forgotten the whole thing or b)gotten gradually more upset waiting for me to get there while no one from the home comforted her. I don't understand the whole "patients rights" thing at all. First they tell me that my Mom has the mental capacity of a 3 year old, then they tell me that she has a "right" to take all the pictures off of the walls in her room, the hallway, other resident's rooms when she thinks she is moving. I don't want her doing this because I am afraid she will hurt herself if she drops a glass picture! Very stressful and frustrating - I hear ya!!!!!

I recently watched movie on the Sundance Channel called Assisted Living. A youhg well meaning but inexperienced male CG/orderly, would take the resident to the phone and dial it for them, but he would call the office. He'ld leave them with the phone ringing and dash into the office and answer it. He'ld pretend to be whoever they wanted to call and tell them what ever they wanted to hear.
Then it backfired on him and a poor woman became hysterical and had to be sedated, and moved to the hospital wing.
I like Hap's way better.

Thank you Torp. I do get the patients rights thing but this facility has no idea how to handle an AD patient (Im not kidding) which exacerbates her agitation most times.
I just wish I could come up with an idea on how to handle the situation now as it stands...
I have to move her soon to a facility that can actually handle her but in order to do that we have to let this new med she is on kick in then figure out how much care she really needs were hoping her combativeness subsides *crossing fingers*
Shes somewhere in memory of the early to mid 60's she thinks my hunny is actually her nephew which one it is changes or she just is not remembering the name so that when when we do speak to her or go over there she doesnt know us (myself and hunny) calming her now is a challenge

We get the calls as well, although there are fewer of them now that she's been there a few months. Re the phone, though, my understanding was that when we signed the document relating to use the phone, it didn't apply to us and that the NH couldn't deny her the right to call us. It's one of those "patients rights" issues. They do try to redirect her, but when she is agitated and continues insisting they will get one of us on the telephone. Usually just being able to talk to us will calm her down. I've taken the tact of telling her that she's sick and needs to be there to "get better".

She got an itchy rash recently and was insisting on being taken to the ER, which she didn't need. So she repeatedly asked to "call my son because he'll know what to do." I had to track him down in a meeting. He called and spoke to the nurse, then to his mother. By telling her that HE had told them to give her some medicine (he hadn't LOL; her doctor had ordered it), it reassured her and she started cooperating with the RN and took her medication.

My thoughts too thats an excellent idea now if they can just DO it
Thanks dear!

Dang, Hap! you KNOW some stuff! BRILLIANT!!

bg. i sure can feel your anger and understand it. as i have said i worked in a nh and this is how i personally handled it. it doesn't work for those without at least moderate dementia though, so it was not the end all be all solution. i would dial the phone for them but would dial my own home number where i knew it would just ring. no answer and i would say it looks like they are still at work. they were disappointed because they wanted to talk then but they were always accepting of the expanation. i know, white lies. that way the relatives couldn't be thought to be rejecting them and the relatives were not put in the position of having their hearts torn out. again, it won't work in all situations so only you would know if it would work for you. i am not nor never will be an expert but you are right, inexperienced, educated in only the basic care and understaffed makes some take the easy way out for themselves.

Amen ta that Dochke! Bullpoopy! Now maybe if I clean up the ole mouth I used today (yes I did) I would like to use THAT term from here on out if ya dont mind it baby!

NOTE TO SELF:
DETACH, DETACH, DETACH, DETACH, DETACH.....
BULLPOOPY!

Oh yes and as Im going over the AD foundations lists of what a patients family can or will not allow they specifically ask in their questionnaire whether the family will allow a phone to be used they do give the option. So I know now I am not being unreasonable when I request this and it is compliant with this states laws making it legal to request... In fact my happy butt is printing this bad boy up right now!

lol Dochka I have thought of that!
MB I hear you but when I called back I could hear her screaming in the background Oh god my heart cant take that!
On a bright note since we didnt or werent sure (although you have heard me personally say this) She does have other psychosis she is suffering from and thats why these meds werent working properly...Ya think they'll be more apt to listen to me NOW?!
Man this is like hitting your head up against a wall!
On another bright note today though I got in contact with a organization called Helping Hands Ill have some stuff from them and post it when I get it THIS WOMAN was enlightening to say the least!!!!!!!! see all those marks that how much I just learned! Na na Vetrans administration! I gotcha!

BG, I understand your frustration. I think the staff is allowing her to call because to deny her would cause your MIL more of a problem... By helping her to call, they are simply going along with her. You, in turn, tell her whatever she needs to help comfot her, whether it's a lie or whatever. I know this has got to pull at your heartstrings, but how would she feel if she were not allowed to call? See what I mean? It's a no win situation, but at least she is left with believing that she has SOME control...

Sounds to me like they are taking the easy way out in keeping her calm (calling you)!
HELLO, WHAT ARE YOU BEING PAID FOR AGAIN!?!
Start screening your calls
THAT'LL TEACH EM!