Look Mr. honor thy parents. I'm sure you meant well but I've got a news flash for ya. Until you live with ad in your life on a daily basis you can't possibly understand. As you are entitled to your opinion, we are entitled to our feelings. Much better for us to come here, vent & get rid of it than to take it out on someone else. We all have different situations but one common bond, the flood of emotions that come with it. We may be depressed, angry, sad, terrified, lonely, guilty, overwhelmed, even suicidal. the flood of emotions is unbelievable and there's nothing we can do about it. We wake up with it everyday & go to sleep with it ever night. I'm the youngest of 4, at 31 I was forced to give up my job, my friends, and my life in general, caring for loved ones became my life, of course I'm angry. You can say you imagine the pain we go thru but guess what your wrong! The only people who understand are those who also live it 24/7. Please be kind, everyone here ad or not is doing the best they can.

Look Mr. honor thy parents. I'm sure you meant well but I've got a news flash for ya. Until you live with ad in your life on a daily basis you can't possibly understand. As you are entitled to your opinion, we are entitled to our feelings. Much better for us to come here, vent & get rid of it than to take it out on someone else. We all have different situations but one common bond, the flood of emotions that come with it. We may be depressed, angry, sad, terrified, lonely, guilty, overwhelmed, even suicidal. the flood of emotions is unbelievable and there's nothing we can do about it. We wake up with it everyday & go to sleep with it ever night. I'm the youngest of 4, at 31 I was forced to give up my job, my friends, and my life in general, caring for loved ones became my life, of course I'm angry. You can say you imagine the pain we go thru but guess what your wrong! The only people who understand are those who also live it 24/7. Please be kind, everyone here ad or not is doing the best they can.



I just cant take it anymore It feels like everytime I go to get a girlfriend they reject me and I also am going to counciling for my anger and alcholism

I want to be nice but I can't. Everything she does drives me crazy. I AM STUCK WITH THIS OLD NASTY DECREPIT BITCH. I don't think I have a heart anymore.

Angry? You think we sound angry? Try throughly pissed. You could be talking about our family, there are 5 of us and no, we could not take care of one very small Mom who loved us and worked her ass off to raise us alone and give us what we needed. The oldest has personal problems and I would not trust them with a pet rock, let alone a living being. The second lives 3000 miles away-----in a 20 foot trailer. The third is a very busy retired adult who managed to "pencil" in a weekend-----5 months in advance. The 4th is me, and I made a 4 hour round trip twice a week to take care of Mom until I wore out myself & my car and came very close to losing my family from all the time spent away from them. The 5th is permanently un-avaliable for reasons I will not go into here. Community agencies were a great help, I had a person come in 30 hours a week, , the other 138 hours a week were up to me to take care of. One person was feeding her whole family with groceries that I bought. Another person quit 2 hours before her first shift started. Yet another person I found to spend nights, would put Mom to bed and leave. I had to put a block on the phone to prevent more $739 phone bills, caretakers were using her meds, she had no shoes, her coat was gone, her TV came up missing along with anything else of value. So yes, you might say I am angry. Don't even think about slamming the people who write on this wall. Does the name "Anger Wall" give you a clue? Until you have delt with A/D full time, don't even think about giving any of us your self righteous advice. We all have enough guilt to last us a lifetime. If you really want to help, volunteer a weekend with an A/D patient, see how you feel after going 48 hours with little or no sleep. To everybody else: Hang in there, and when the time arises for full time nursing care, go for it and never regret your decision. Nobody knows until they walk a mile in our shoes. Love to ya'll

my husband follows me. I am his life! he is dying of cancer. He won't give up chemo even though the doctor told him it is not helping. Therefore, I don't get the assistence of Hospice. He was invited out for his birthday. He would not go without me. I need some privacy and a break. I hate him for being so selfish. He hated my Christmas present to him. He hates my friends. He hates my children. He sticks to me like glue. He believes he has 30 years left; therefore, he won't prepare for what the doctor says is less than a year. I'm not allowed to leave the house. If I dare, I get punished for a week when I get home.

Just what I need . . . I find a place I can vent my anger and frustration, with NO guilt . . . and some asshole shows up spouting his righteous indignation! So, what do I say . . . Take your friggin love and understanding and stick it up your ass! And if you don't like that . . . meet me outside and I'll stick it up your ass!

Shut up- let people vent, moron.

You are all so angry. Did your Mom get angry with you when as a child you were sick? Why can one Mom take care of five kids but 5 kids can't take care of one Mom? Think about it. AD is an awful disease - but the all disease is awful when you get right down to it. But sick people are to be cared for, loved and nurtured just like any other human being. Get help from comunity agencies - they are there to help. If your family doesn't help shame on them. Honor your father and your mother and your days will be long upon the land the Lord your God gives you - that's a promise which will be fulfilled.

I hate not having a life . . . She had hers . . . why does she have to take mine away! The depression is unbearable, she's unbearable, this life is not worth it!! I hate that she wakes up every morning!!

I just need extreme help and the power of prayers to deliver me from this miserable life I am going through right now.


I don't have alzheimer's...and I guess I should be thankful. However, on days like this, I think it might be nice. I could forget how hateful my mother-in-law is. How controlling, how evil. I really hate it all. I guess I should still be thankful.

well now she wants to "go home", whatever that means.She has to go help her mama.Her mama has been dead 48 years.She herself needs help with everything.She has lived with us for FOUR YEARS, but how can I expect her to remember this when she forgets that people have been dead for fifty years?Most of the time she doesn't know who we are. It was bad when it first happened, but it doesn't really matter anymore. We finally looked at a couple nursing homes and the only one that might have been ok basically told us we should find a place with a dementia ward. Yeah, that's what we need, to stick her in someplace and then have them kick her out, after she has crashed even further because of the change in places.We looked into Medicaid and GUESS WHAT??She doesn't qualify, and they look back five years, and we are sure we would have to pay back money of hers that we have spent on the house we bought specifically with her in mind, because it is a moneypit that has drained both of us dry.Fuck yeah, we need the goverment to tell us we have to pay back money we don't have, because we haven't kept every receipt for every diaper, every prescription and over the counter drug,every piece of food we buy JUST for her (of course she won't eat what we do)and the woman who "mother"sits her and gets paid cash like a baby sitter,around $200 a month.Then we learn the Aricept, for AD, the xanax for her ever increasing panic attacks, the whatever for depression, none are covered by Medicaid. So what's the fucking point??Might as well keep her here and take her off everything, and not have the goddam goverment sticking their noses up our asses.A thousand times a day "What time does my plane leave?" She's never been happy anywhere. Turn your life upside down, never go anywhere, never do anything except clean up spilled food, shit off the floor, pissy diapers.Happy freaking new year.

Shes sitting with her coat on because she thinks we are going to the doctors. It remnds me of a little kid in a snowsuit just waiting for you to take them bye-bye. Its tough getting old and everyone has to take care of you. Today I Look at her with love and understanding.

At 33 years old I am the youngest of 4 children, all of whom live within 2 hours of us. The summer of 2000 was when my life changed for ever. I lost my job to care for my grandma with heart disease & mom who had been diagnosed with cancer & ad. 24/7 until granny left us peacefully in nov. 2000,and ever since, mom has had 2 surgeries both followed by 8 weeks of radiation which drastically excellerated the ad. TO MY MOTHERS SON, FATHERS DAUGHTERS & ADULT GRANDCHILDREN: The last 18 months have been dreadful for me, I'm not complaining though, because I'm sure it's been truly horrifying for my mom. When granny died only one of you even bothered to attend the funeral, no $1.28 sympathy card or even a phone call. Thanks, you've taught me alot about myself & family. We are very blessed however to have a handful of close friends I refer to as our extended family to take your places. They call, visit, but most of all hug her & let her know she's loved. I've also learned that doing the right thing isn't always easy so excuses & rationalizations are used to avoid it. I miss having a life of my own but it's not forever, though some days it sure feels like it. we are biologically related but by no means family, I don't hate you, I have absolutely no love or respect for any of you, nor will I have any compassion, concern or contact when this is over. What goes around comes around, some day you will be old & helpless and what are you teaching your children now about that??? Should your gulit get the best of you, as it did when dad was dying please know pity is not needed, you have been replaced by a caring & present extended family.

My Father in law was diagnosed with Alzeihmers about 5 years ago....since we were told...2 yrs after the diagnoses...I have seen him go down really fast. I cannot find anything to help me better understand this disease...is it fatal? Do I have to worry about my husband getting it also? What about our boys?? I am so scared...any advice is appreciated!

i hate you. i hate you for how miserable i am and how depressed you have made me. i hate you for ignoring me on christmas. i hate you for breaking up with me time and time again. i hate you for fucking any amount of other guys. i hate you for getting pregnant. i hate you for making me feel worthless. i hate you for making me feel like i can't do anything right. i hate you for never calling me. i hate you for breaking my heart time and time again. i hate you for never caring about how i feel. i hate you for going to hang out with other guys and falling asleep on their fucking couches while i cry myself to sleep at night because i'm miserable without you. i hate you for letting people such as your family step all over me. i hate you for making me feel like a fucking joke to you and the rest of your family. and then you ask me for money? i'm not your fucking boyfriend!!! you made it that way!!!

I went yesterday to eat Christmas dinner with my mother at the nursing home and then took her for a drive. She acted like she was enjoying it, but her eyes look so sad. When I got ready to leave, she said "what did you say your name is?"

ugh i hate my brohter. hes so mean i mean he doesnt ever do antying w/ me and jeremy is so stuck up his sas its like not even funny. he always takes up for him. my did is this big time alchoholic who is in deniel. and he ses we make him drink WHATEVER!!

For two years since my Father's death, my mother has financially supported my 35 year old sister. My sister is not ill, she is not disabled. She is lazy. My mother, lonely from being without my father, allowed her to come into her home and live for free. My sister sat on her butt all day for over a year while My mother worked 45 hours per week to support her all along allowing her bills to go unpaid. My mother is 68 years old. My sister brought strange men in Mother's house. Mother would call me and tell me that it made her nervous to have them spend the night. So many of them, she said. My sister brought alcohol into a home where it was not allowed in my lifetime. My father was a Baptist Minister. My sister verbally abused my mother. She screamed at her, called her names and stole from her on a regular basis. Mother hid it well. She never mentioned it once. Last month, between the stresses of losing Dad, going through bankruptcy and losing everything that she had and living with the abuse of my sister, Mother had a stroke. Because my sister was so neglectful of her, Mother was not hospitalized until over a week after her stroke because my sister just "didn't notice". I noticed. I lived three hours away and could tell by Mom's speech on the telephone that she had problems. I finally called an ambulance and she was hospitalized. I was furious at this point because I found out what was really going on there in her home. I moved Mother to live near us after her stroke. My sister insisted on coming along. Mom wouldn't say no. Now they live together two streets over from me. But I am the caregiver. I am the one that Mother calls at 2AM when she gets ill. I am the one that makes her three meals a day and spend countless hours just sitting with her so she won't be lonely. My sister, well, she "lives" there, technically, but it's no longer free of charge. She no longer has access to Mother's funds and Mother has put me in charge of her business. My sister has to pull her own weight now and she hates my Mother for it. Mother indulged her throughout her life and now she is paying the price for teaching my sister to be self-centered. My sister still abuses Mother when I am not around. But mother can't afford assisted living or a place of her own. I am 5 months pregnant with our first child and My husband and I live in a small house. So every morning, with no help nor support from anyone in my family, I fulfill a promise to My Father that I will take care of my Mother after he is gone. I make her breakfast, do her laundry, clean "their" house, teach her how to talk, write and read again. I do all of this 7 days per week plus more while maintaining a home of my own with little support from my husband. That's me, the giver. The one who everyone depends on. The one that bears all of the burdens in the name of compassion, love and duty.

Peer pressure sucks. The problem with having different plans than your 'friends' is not in actually making your own descisions, but DOING what you decide to do. I did it. I released it. As i write I talk to them. They try to derail me but f... it. This is just the beginning of of the crap im goin to get but the future. Have to remember that. The longer i listen to them the more i get. The longer i live the more i will get. What the hell do i do now? Immerse myself in something else so that part of the world ceases to exist as vividly. Why cant some unknown force just make every thing great? I wish i could fool myself and create life around some 'God' but my mind does not allow me the luxury. Even months from now, they will still be around. Lurking at the parties i go to, friends houses i visit and everywhere i can think of ever going. Their initial comments are meant to discard my choices as rubbish, and currently as well as subsequently, they have the laughing support of so many others , who are OUTSIDE of the circle and not in my position, and who therefore do not understand, but nonetheless matter as much as the players when it comes to battling down the one. Why is it that a persons level of respect is based on their compliance with what their peers do. Not going out when they want to is inexcusable. Not f...kin blazin when and where they want to is inexcusable. Anything not in line with what the 'group'(they) want is grounds for immeadiate public ridicule and putting down. What about outright rejection from the group? Oh no, that would be too easy, much too easy. No no, theyd rather continue their assaults, verbal and mental for extended periods. And not only do they do this in your presence but attack you also while talking to other people, as if to say 'This individual is to be forsaken by the entire human race, spread the word.' I exlpain the decision and reasoning behind it. Laughter and ridicule is what i recieve for my trouble. "Oh," they collude, "no longer can we hang with ....... or even go separate ways peacefully. HA HA, let us now show him why WE are COOL and why he, following his path, is now to be looked down upon." Then they try to force the blame for every problem the 'group ' has on me. Then they continue, demonstrating to others, and doing their best to 'live it up', all the while giving me a front row seat. How good would this world be if friends could just follow their own paths without a f..kin group to rigidly conform to? Go ahead and live your goddamn lives, do whatever you want to do with them, and well hang when our interests are similar. Its so goddamn simple. So simple. And still it is impossible. Tommorow or sometime i will get a call, with them both on the line of fu..in course, for the purpose of ridiculing me over and over again and with the conclusion being a 'well, we tried to help you loser, were just going to be cool now loser.' Then the deflaton starts, asking of me endeavours and tasks that they themselves would never even consider were roles to be reversed, and never talking to me otherwise. Not that i need them, but hey if you not going to ever hang dont come askin any slave ass favours of me. Anywhere that we all are at the same time, they will use the opportunity to deflate. A never ending pattern ensues. IT NEVER REALLY ENDS. The question is: WHAt THe HELl To Do? somebody holla back

It isn't a "judgement", don't you think that people have tried reading books and going to group therapy and talked to their families til they're blue in the face? Why do you think they turn to this wall? Because no one else is listening. You can lecture about the solutions that you are talking about, the truth is that a sick person that is losing their faculties is still calling the shots. Couple that with family that leave it to that one person, then doesn't want to hear it because they feel guilty. Ten years from now it does matter, because that is ten more years of quality time gone to waste.I don't make judgements because I am living it, books and therapy and even this wall doesn't make it go away, and Robert Schuller type advice doesn't make anyone living it to feel better. This is just release, plain and simple. I am not judging, but you definitely are lecturing.



grandma lying there, your eyes~shallow and quiet do you really know me no pain, do you feel, so you nod you answer in three words or less that is all that i know of your new world mirror smiles mirror eyes do you see me loving you every day mirror kisses mirror nods where is your soul? how do i help you out of this limbo what lessons are there to learn had we planned this long ago, as we waited for our wombs? your nerves are gone troubled worries have died you do not care or know to care i dream of you and grandpa together, hugging, kissing are you dreaming of this as well? when will grandpa come for you and bring peace to your body bring life to your soul? every day, a little lifetime hanging between life and death your limbo is my hell yet, to see you go means no more physical you, no more hugs and kisses no more eye contact wondering if it is you. shall i be there when you meet your angels shall i feel any thing, break down and cry will you whisper that it is ok will you still be with me in my dreams, my heart, my mind will you be in the wind, the music tree, the roses in Spring? so selfish of me to hang on to want you to stay when your body is but a shell and a school, you have graduated and must move on it is ok, i suppose. i will live, even without your hugs, smiles, eyes, kisses i will live and feel you in my soul i will live and be your legacy i will think of you with grandpa i will think of you bathed in love i will always think of..........you. kimberlee

I know he needs a break, you can hear it in his voice. We could invite her for Christmas and then listen to her whine how she doesn't want to be here. She is so difficult, she can wear four people out in a hour. She would be miserable and make us misereable. So we do nothing. She is with the son she loves Her other sons know this, nothing they do is as good as the way he does things. He is power of attorney which is a good thing because it is fair. He has her and her money and he can keep both. Her grandchilden all want to love her but they can't becuase she made herself unlovable to them. They did't matter to her. I'll invite her after Christmas and sees what happens.

It was far from being a lecture buddy! From what I was reading on the anger wall, I heard a lot of people talking about suicide, crying out for help, so I said what I felt I wanted to say about the pain I was hearing, and you said what you wanted to say, no judgements, please!

No one here expected it to be easy- they are handling it the best way they can and are probably doing a phenomenal job in the process- they are finding a release right here on this wall. No lectures, please.



For some of you who are depressed, listen up to the end, you won't regret my advice. You make life what you want it to be, no one said it would be easy. Time goes by really fast and we only have one chance at this life as far as we know so try to change your life around and make it well. No matter how terrible you are feeling at this moment, in another day,month,year,10years, will what you are feeling right now even matter. If it will, then seek some help and talk about it. Talking about your anger,depression,feelings, can get you through the tough times. Tough times don't last. Know that there is always someone who has it worse than you! Life is beautiful and it is what you make it to be. If there are people in your life that are bringing you down, you must realize this is their shit, not your shit and if they are making it your shit communicate that with them. You are responsible for your feelings so let them out even if you are alone, you will feel much better than holding it all in and wanting to end all the pain you are feeling. Read some books, that's what helps me, or go to a seminar called Haven by the Sea, the website is called pdseminars.com and click on the "Come Alive" program and maybe it will interest you. If you can't afford it, go to welfare or something because this seminar changes your whole perspective on life and people, it helps you deal with it all and manage it, something we aren't born with.

Glad I found this site as my mother-in-law recently developed dementia and is now living with us. I have to try and protect my wife and children from the pain and frustration and try to keep the family intact during this period. Already the lack of help from my wifes 2 sisters & brother is astounding even though they all live within 30 minutes of us.Try getting them to look after her for a few hours so that we can get out for a break and they are too busy doing other things... guess the weekends that they promised will be few and far between. Whats worse is having to put up with their advice on how to care, get her to feed etc when they drop by for their 1 hour visits ever few weeks. In gaining knowledge about dimentia I learn't they can go wandering so we got her a name/address bracelet in case she takes off on walkabout one day. I don't like to sound uncaring as this is not the case for my house, but after reading others letters on the lack of support they receive from other family members in the caring duties I have had an idea! I'm buying 3 more bracelets, one with each other siblings address on it.If and when she goes wandering the police can take her back to the others.See how they feel when confronted by that. To all carers out there you are the salt of the earth, please try to protect your sanity and your own family. DEMAND THAT OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS TAKE RESPONSIBILTY TOO, DRAW UP A ROSTER OR JUST TURN UP ON THEIR DOORSTEP WITH THE PATIENT. Now thats off my chest take care all of you

To the girl whose Grandmother says she is holding her captive, my mother said the same thing for years. Now that she is in a nursing home, she says they are holding her hostage. I would give anything to have my mother back the way she was. What she is now does not even resemble the real her - except for an occasional minute or two. I brought her home for the afternoon for the first time from the nursing home and she didn't even remember ever living there. This is the first Christmas she has been in the nursing home and it is very sad to me. She can't understand why she can't go home with me, but when she was home, she wanted to go to an imaginery home where her thought her mother still was.

This is supposed to be a joyous time, I feel for all of you who are struggling to be caregivers and trying to maintain the spirit of the holiday season. It is difficult to make a nice holiday for the rest of the family when you are suffering watching your loved one disappear into this horrible disease called Alzheimers. I have never felt so lonely in my entire life. I hope that you all take care of yourselves and try your best to have a beautiful Christmas season. Andrea, keep your chin up, that is common for your grandmother to accuse you, you are the closest one to her. Don't feel bad about your anger, I have been there, too, and had some horrible thoughts a time or two. My mom cannot function on her own, but continually tells me to stay out of her life. She couldn't maintain anything if I didn't take care of it, it is common for them to be paranoid when they have no idea what is going on. God bless you all-



Hi my name is andrea and it looks like I found the right place to vent,well all my life everytime my grandmother ever needed me I dropped what I was doing and ran this went on for years!!!!She started getting sick alot about two years ago so I decidid its time to move upstate to help out afterall she is my grandmother and she is old and to me,it was the right thing to do,well much time has passed she had a heartattack which took a long time to recover now she had a stroke and things are just so fucking horrible I just cant believe this is happening,she is getting alteimers or demiensia I think well she tells people the exact opposite of what really is going on,so she claims I dont feed her and I keep her captive in her own home Im evil and my dead fathers is turning in hie grave because Im so disjusting now!!No it gets better!!Whenever something is missing which is her misplacing it she claims I stole it from her or now Im spending her money in the bank now!!!!I want her dead she tells me or Im trying to poison her,she refuses to eat and says all the food I make is disjusting or cooked in the wrong pot I swear I had a day she was complaining about that pot again and I thought I will just club you over the head with your stupid pot and maybe the food will taste better!!!Obviously I would never do that but the thoughts seem just right sometimes,I had no idea things would get so crazy Im actually frightened of what she will say next,I wonder what if someone believes this shit??I could go to jail or whatever!!!!!And their is all the guilt I feel just feeling this way to begin with,but she really is so off the wall I could just vomit!!!!!Its like she wants everyone to think she is the lonely old woman in the woods noone cares for to get attention or whatever!!Everything I do for her now she says the opposite I think she allways was like this I just never wanted to see it!!I would cater to her she would never be satisfied then I would try harder and round and round we go...and now that I dont sit in the hospital for ten hours at a time Im a horrible person and when I did I was a horible person anyway so what difference does it make this whole thing is just madness and this whole thing breaks my heart in two!!!!!!!I havent lost my compassion for her although it has been challenged many times,I love my grandmother and it hurts me to see her wither away in front of me,and I wonder what would have been better for her to go and me not knowing any better or me seeing the truth and realizing that she is a human being who is suffering with the thought of maybe leaving this world for another and I cant imagine what that will be like until its my turn...so I thank you WALL for letting me speak of things I dont dare to say,and maybe I will become a better person for it but I do know now that I am not alone ....and neither is anyone else.....bye

My mother Grace Caulder, is in her final chapter in her life book. She has been fighting illness for many years. She has is a fighter, but her body is giving up. She was a beautiful person in and out, but this illness has cripple her, unable to feed her self or even go to the bath room. I want her to live forever, but I can not see her suffer any more. I believe there is a better place for her and when her death comes she will be there. My heart hurts, I never belived the story about how much pain you feel, but I can tell you the tears just come everytime I hear the phone becase I just know that it someone in my family telling me she is gone. She came to visit me one summer, and she work in my business for several days, and everyone just fell in love with her, loving touch, that was 6 years ago. She enjoyed herself and made some money and she told me that she would be back next years, on her return home just 4 weeks later, my sister called to tell me that found something in Mother's Brain, and I need to come home so we could take her to a Doctor in a bigger city. After doctor did all the test, we can't do anything, we will kill her if we try. From that moment on our lives change - with good days and some of the darkest days, she has suffer and little by little her body would give up, walker, wheelchair, diapers, oxygen, and now it time how long can she hold on. It is very hard on her because she see the pain on our faces, we tell her how much we care and love her. She wants us to go away just leave her alone, she has stop eating, there are days all she wants to do is dye, and other we see our Mother. Mom we love you, and it is ok to leave us, we will be ok. We will miss you so much. The pain we are feeling, will never be the pain you are feeling us not the pain from your illness, but the pain of leaving us and your grandchildren. If it wasn't for our belive in the Lord, and those streets of golds and the flower gardening. If you want leave us, take that walk and smell those flowers, everytime I see a flower I know you are in my heart.

I cannot help enough. hundreds of the calls I receive, the home visits and assessments I do. There is so much pain, so much need, so many brave souls giving and giving. Resources so limited. I have watched so many caring themselves to death. Never make the promise, "I will never put you in home." The health care community does not have all of the answers. Please take care of yourself. I hate watching you slowly waste away. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Forget the estate, the kids, their disappoiment. You need to live!

My Mums Doctor refuses to talk to either My Dad or I about our concerns about Mum without Mum present. My Mum is suffering a great deal from her unfounded suspisions about all the money that she imagines is going missing. Of course she imagines Dad is the culprit. If anyone tries to convince her that Dad is not stealing all her money she just believes that they are conspiring against her. Mum believes this paranoia so strongly that she is becoming incredibly depressed that no one believes her. She is so depressed from this that she is now threatening to kill herself. Still the Dr won't talk with us alone.

"ALL THE POWER AND NO RESPONSIBILITY" - That is what I say of family members who are the power of attorney but misuse that power for their own financial gain. There are laws against that!

I really do appreciate this anger wall and just found it! Very therapeutic! I also can see that I am not alone. My Grandmother who is 92 had been independent until 2 weeks ago when she had a cerebral hemmorage, apparently brought on by Dementia, which is strange to me. She has been in four different places (hospitals and a rehab for strokes) and just when they say she is going to die, she improves, but it is apparent that she comes and goes and her memory is worse than it was before the stroke. She is in the hospital with pneumonia right now. I really look forward to the little connections I have with this frail woman who is more like a mom to me than by real mom......which brings me to why I am angry and am not able to confront my mom just yet......my mother took all of my grandmother's CD's out of the bank because her name was on them jointly and put them in her own bank account so that if we ever had to go the Medicaid route, then her inheritance would be safe! That just makes me sick because that money is for my grandma while she is still living. My mom's name is also on my grandma's checking account and i am afraid that she will use all the money. I will have to turn her in to the Elder Abuse people if it comes to that. She is so selfish and I am sure that my grandma has always felt intimidated by her. Well.......thanks for letting me spit this out....

It hurt when my mother, 80, from the behavioral unit to which she has been committed blamed me for putting her there and refused to hug me when I left her last night. It hurt. I cried all the way home. My insensitive loaf of a husband had this to say - concerning my pain: "Well, the guru at work says we can only be hurt if we allow others to hurt us." How comforting. And how wrong. Hurt is and involuntary (not sought after) emotion -- not a behavior over which we have control. I'm pissed because my husband is so insensitive and so gullible to believe anything this so-called know-it-all guru says so.

What life ?? I have none at this time. Family don't help--wife finaly left for sanity reasons..Still working when i can or should i say going through the motions..Anyway be comforted that you are not alone inthis boat. Wishing you all the best for next yearand giving thanks for you & the wall.....

I HATE THIS FUKIN LIFE OF MINE

Mama, I love you, I miss you, oh God, my heart is breaking. Where are you? Where has your mind gone? Do you know who I am? Mama please look at me with a sparkle in your eye and tell me one more time what a special girl I am. I promised you would never have to go to one of those "places". I'm so sorry Mama, I broke my promise. I love you, I would never do anything to hurt you but I could not take care of you any longer. I couldn't stay awake 7 days a week, 24 hours a day to make sure you were alright. Forgive me Mama, I will always love you, I just can not make myself go to see you right now. I know there may be no tomorrow for you, but I can't. I thought I could handle this, I can't. I don't want to be the adult anymore, I want my Mama back, the way she was. I want to sit up close to you and lay my head on your sholder the way I did when I was a little girl and I could listen to your voice and feel your heart beat. Mama please, I need you here, not someplace where I can't be with you. They call it the "forgetfull" disease Mama. That makes me want to laugh. You forget where you put your keys, not your mind. I love you so much and knowing there is NOTHING anybody can do, NOTHING they can say, NO magic pills, NO miracle surgery to bring you back to me, is tearing me apart. Did you know how much my friends loved you? How much they wished you were thier Mom too? June Cleaver you were not, but I NEVER wanted anybody else for my Mom. Just one more time, I want to walk barefoot on the beach with you, go to the movies, go shopping, have lunch at our favorite places, just once more Mama, please brush my hair out of my eyes and tell me me how pretty I am, to stop smoking and not drive too fast. Alzheimers-------it's ugly, painfull and took the only person from me that I knew loved me unconditionally. I am so lost without you Mama, I will love you forever & ever.

I miss my Mom- I want her back the way she was-

I used to love the holidays; NO MORE. So much to do and so many memories that I'll never add to. My mom was almost a zombie yesterday. "Is the tree straight?"; she sat looking blankly at the wall. Why do I bother? Up and down the ladder with tears pouring out of my eyes. I wish I had fallen and broken my neck. It's like living with a "reverse ghost" - her body is there but her spirit (mind) have passed on. I can see the mother I used to have, but I can't communicate any longer. I just hope she passes peacefully - and I hope I join her soon. No other family, no friends - what's the point in being her any longer? For those whose loved ones haven't reached this stage yet...CHERISH every second; it's all you'll ever have.

I think I'm losing my mind! Sometimes I think there's really someone there inside . . . Someone who has some logic or reasonable thought and that maybe I don't need to be here ALL the time. And then, she opens her mouth and out comes something so utterly ridiculous, or outrageous . . . or something so far out in left field it blows my mind!!! I hate having to go out and take her with me . . . I need to get things done, but can't leave her here alone. AHHHHH! I think I'm losing it! And for how long do I have to put up with it????? I'm going to lose my own health over all this! This sucks Big Time!!!

I'm back again and don't know where to start this time. this is killing me taking care of her. i'm starting to lose myself my girlfriend and my mind. i thought i could take care of her but i'm not as strong as i thought i was. i often wonder why me? idon't know. all ican do is cry i just want it to go AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!! i've been at the house to long. i feel like i'm starting to screw up my sis-in-laws relationship with me. all my mind does is wonder. i go to the shrink today and hopefully i want lose my mind. i have so much anger and depression that i feel like i bitch to much. i just want to die but i know i can't. i don't want pity i just want HELP!!!!!!!! PLEASE cte71142@centurytel.net

My grandmother died today. I stroked her head, along with my mother and father as she took her last breath. This disease claimed her from us long before now. She is finally at peace...I hate this disease and the absolute stress that it puts on a family. It's so hard when you can't say goodbye.......

OK . . . I have no idea what obscure thought she's had today that has put her in this shitty mood . . . I hate her moods!!! She has some obscure thought . . . someone slighted her once upon a time and now I have to pay for it. I wish this would all end . . . I wish she would just end!!!

Mom is gone to my siblings- I don't have anything to fill my life. I have spent so much time caring for her, I have absolutely nothing to fill my days now. How I wish I had someone who truly gave a shit about me- I have spent so many years caring for her, I have nothing while she is gone. I wish someone were to tell me that they loved me, and meant it. I hate that this world is filled with takers, and not givers.

i feel a great pain in this earth of living things and the anger provies it we need to look at ourselfs and see is this what we want or children to learn war,drug abuse,family sepertion, children killing,law blind, people judging each other, is this and more what we want? i dont i have 4 girls that i love just as jah loves me im glad their is a way to vent the anger and remeber the change we need to install in every child and person so we can live in true peace jah bless aglassblowerforu@hotmail.com please email if you are like minded or just want to chat

Well i guess im not the only one that has siblings that don't care. I'm the only one of four that has to do it all. Your right, it sure makes the holiday's suck.I'm supposed to greet everyone at Christmas with hugs & handshakes. My 2 brothers that got remarried over a year ago and can't find the time for mom. I thought that would change with a woman telling them its mothers day==call your mother==lets stop & see mom.. I guess these church going,mothers must not of had mothers or they are worthless bitches just like the bastards they married...Thanks wall for letting me vent and to everyone that is in the same boat as me.BLESS YOU AND KNOW THAT YOU ARE THOUGHT OF IN THIS TRYING TIME OF YEAR..NEXT YEAR WILL BE BETTER===NEXT YEAR WILL BE BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hate this time of year- holidays suck, at least this year my sibling is taking care of her- now all I want to do is avoid the rest of the family, since they don't seem to give a shit the rest of the damn year-

no other family members give a dam about my mother, i am the only one who seems to care!!!!!!!!!

Just got to work after another night with mom 85 yr old. I have been taking care of her fo 9 years with my wifes help.. no vacations and few day trips.. I have 3 brothers who live in the state. One is three blocks away. he comes around once a month for 20 minutes.. the other 2,a teacher,a mechanic,come around Christmas only. They say moms ok.. Just heard from a friend that my wife has a boy friend she is slipping out with on a regular basis.. I can't blame her and I will not condem her for this.. This az has wrecked not only moms life but ours as well. I have decided not to let my brothers know when mom dies.. I will have her burried and let them find out Christmas when they show up.I will probably be divorsed by then and at leased one of us will be getting out of this hell...She deserves a life that we planned even if it is with another...

This is soooo hard . . . my mother has alzheimers, watching her get progressively worse is so terribly difficult, of course for her, but the isolation I feel is overwhelming. No help from family, no time from family . . . I can't work and leave her alone . . . fortunately she has enough . . . but at the same time . . . not enough for nursing homes, assisted living . . . at least not now . . . it's too soon . . . but it can't be soon enough. I know I'm not strong enough to deal with the later stages . . . Our mother/daughter bond was never that strong . . . Where is her favorite child now? Certainly not living here! Never here unless there's money in it for him. Too far out in the boonies for much community help around here . . . I could go out in the woods and scream. . . . AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

i am so glad i found this site!!! i am 25 and live with my 84 year old grandmother. sometimes i just want to push her into the middle of the highway. i really wouldn't do it , it's just the questions over abnd over a hundred times a dAY. my father who lives right next door doesn't want really anything to do with her, it's like he's waiting for her to die and i would just love to rare back and slap the shit out of him. you would think if he lived next door he would at least check on her everyday but does he? NO he doesn't have time that's for anything that deals with her. fat bastard. the only relief i get is sometimes my stepmother will come over or 2 out of 3 sister in laws. i can't believe with 6 kids that we actually had to hire someone. that's crazy when all except one live in the same f****** town!!! what's wrong with this picture? I'm glad i got to let that out and know i'm not the only one dealing with this f***ed up disease they call alzheimer's. thank you i'll probably see you here again

I see things clearly, thats what #@!*s me up !!!! Some people are lucky enouph to belive what's told to them "have kids" the world needs more people to destroy it!! "money money money$$$$$" yup, lifes about statis......we should teach that to our young from the first second of life, because I thought it was about love and family, and that lead me on the "wrong" path. Bryan's not money minded. ...........just want to be free...I know drugs don't work... I know I will never feel apart of what I have been placed in. I need to go away...into nature..but.........but nothing I must!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I will.

O.K. I just got done bitchin about my horrible life when I started to read about all those people out there who had family members with AD. My grandma is in the last stages of the disease and I can't imagine what my grandpa goes through. His kids aren't there for him (except for one and I thank god everyday for her)and I don't know what to do, I am his grandaughter and I live 4 hours away). I have visited with them and have heared my pa pa get angry with her but what do you say? My pa-pa takes it with a grain of salt but we are a very strong (independant)family. My whole family is need of family cousiling. But we aren't the "family cousiling" type people!! If you have any suggestions for a very disfuntional family please e-mail ne at Drink@naxs.net. Thank you

There's so much pain on this page that I couldn't read it all. My stories a little different. I was raised with a loving family that gave me all the things that children take for grantited now. My mom loved me more than the air she breathed, so did the rest of my family. I took it for granted and now I am paying the price. My mother was killed in a car accident when I was 18 and thats when the problems started. I always was a bratty type kid who thought that the love of my mother (ignored) and the wanted love of my father (who at the time was my god)would always be there, oh was I mistaken. My father, who remarried (my stepmother was a bitch, I knew it from the minute I laid eyes on her) I tried to tell my family but they thought I was crazy (oh she's just depressed because of the circumstances)Now six years later, they all see the change in my so called father, I was "estranged" from my dad and sister because of my drinking problem (du!) My step-mom said I was nothing but a drunk ( 19 and working 2 jobs to support myself) so her daughter could move in (pregnant, no boyfriend, on welfare)needless to say I was pissed but determined to show them that I WILL SURVIVE! Unfortunantly, I feel in love with a boy who abused me in everyway possible. We'll 10 years later, I have a good job, a good man, and of 11-25-01, (my dad decided to have Thanksgiving with his step-family)I have come to the conclusion (I dont even want to get into the crap and how Ive been shat on at work)that it is best just to love animals, they"ll never hurt you in the way that humans will. The problem is since I don't have any financial or emotional help from my father, I'm afraid to have a child, plus I hate overpopulation and the cruelty of mankind. Everybody has a story to tell, but sometimes even the best poetry or painting could never express the hurt one feels inside.

Smile! If you smile(just the act of smiling) you will feel better. IT HAS BEEN SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN!!!!!!

OH BOY, I SAW THE TRUTH IN NATURE. I KNOW WHAT THIS WORLD SHOULD BE ABOUT. THAT MAKES ME WANT TO STOP WHAT MAN HAS MADE

Feeling uncomfortable and sad, and bad. Only after having read some of the thoughts and feeling I have read on the wall, did I calm down with my feelings. Here it's Saturday night, one week before I leave for Israel. My friends mother has been spending time here, and my friend is taking care of her. It's so hard to deal with her mother. She repeats the questioning a million times literally a million times, who am I, what's my name? where are my daughters? am I sleeping here tonight? where is my husband? over and over again. She's not my mother, and my patience was getting slim. My friend is irrritable, seems like she's got her hands and head full. I asked my friend if it would be better for her that I leave an go sleep at some other place, in all honesty, her reply was no that's ok. How I wish I can find ways to be of help to her. It's just not easy, not for her, not for her mother. She is doing the best she can for her mother. And yes I did feel like I was forgotten, but now after having read the wall I have such great understanding of what she is going through, and I am so sorry. Wish I can help her. In the meantime I found some good literature for my friend and e-mailed it to her, hoping she would read it, so that her coping would help her feel more at ease. I give her a great deal of respect and credit for all that she does for her mom, it's definetly not an easy task. Feeling a great deal better having read all of your thoughts and sharing mine. I pray that "God" give us wisdom and patience to cope with our loved ones.

Hey- I am the fourteen year old with the alcoholic mom, thank you guys so much just reading ur letters made me feel like I wasnt alone it feels good to tlak to people I just wanted to say thank you. I am still really stru