Hi all.
I haven't written in awhile. But I have read - just a silent member . Then Moms Buddy sent me a note asking me to keep in touch (thanks MB). Its been a long depressing couple of months.

In May, Mom stopped calling us by name and recognizing us. She paced the unit muttering to herself. One word in 100 was intelligable.

In June we had to take out a restraining order against the bastard (sorry) boyfriend when nurses notes indicated he was trying to get her into private areas, close the door (not allowed) and then was caught fondling her. The anger and disgust we felt upon finding this out cannot be described. Elder abuse is like child abuse - the victim is helpless to refuse or say no.

In July Mom fell and then refused to step on her left foot. We went to ER for Xray which revealed no broken hip. Back to NH. 3 days later she is refusing to get up and is being transferred from bed to wheel chair and expressing pain. Back to ER for MRI which revealed "multiple pelvic fractures". Dr assures us he will send complete directives to home for pain management and three weeks bed rest. Two days later I go back to home and they have her propped in an easy chair moaning in pain. Dr's promised notes read, "MRI completed." NH had been giving her Ibuprofen. Again anger (and guilt) . Two days of Ibuprofen with a fractured pelvis! Back to ER for "pain management" (with different DR and I wrote a letter of complaint to hospital re first Dr). Now she is on a pain patch with morphine shots as needed.

As of three days ago, she is on hospice service. She is barely concsious - opens her eyes briefly if I shout. She is taking only necture thickened liquids - no food for over a week. We have soft music playing, low lights, flowers that smell good in the room. We sit and wipe her face and arms with damp washcloth (she is hot all the time but not feverish) and we wait.

My Mom and I have always had a rocky relationship. She was abusive to both my younger brother and myself. But I have made my peace. I sat with her alone one day and told her that I forgave her, that I knew she did the best she could and that no one understood her own pain. I asked her to forgive me for any hurt I caused her. I told her that I loved her.

And we wait.

Hannah, may I ditto every word Bunnysgrl has said

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I sat with her alone one day and told her that I forgave her, that I knew she did the best she could and that no one understood her own pain. I asked her to forgive me for any hurt I caused her. I told her that I loved her.

(((HUGS))) Hannah I am profoundly sorry for what you are going through, what your mom is going through....
Bless your heart for giving her peace as not everyone is perfection when it comes to parenting, some come close, others follow a path taught to them by their own parents but all I have to do is listen to your words to hear the gentle human being you have become...could she have been all that bad? Looks like you got the very best of her in you
Im so happy you have made peace the most important part of this journey

Oh Hannah! {{{{{HUGS}}}}} I am so sorry. You have done a wonderful job for your mom, especially under such trying circumstances. Your mom wasn't as good to you as she should have been, but however it happened, you ended up with a double dose of the right stuff. I know it's been a tough road for you, but I can't think of how anyone could have done more. We'll be waiting with you... and we'll be here for you after she passes, too. Many blessings to you and so good to hear from you. I'll be praying for mercy for you and your mom... Hang in there!

quote:

But I have made my peace. I sat with her alone one day and told her that I forgave her, that I knew she did the best she could and that no one understood her own pain. I asked her to forgive me for any hurt I caused her. I told her that I loved her.

I admire your heart and spirit, Hannah.
Thank you for sharing your difficult story with us. We will be waiting with you.

Hannah, my heart goes out to you and your family. We are here when you need to share these very difficult times
I will be lighting a candle for you all here, and others will caertainly join in. Hugs and courage, Bobcat

http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=ECO