Hi All...

I am so glad having this site and read a few that looks have similar case with MIL case.

I came to my husband family around 8 years ago at the same time My MIL, age 77 now, lost her husband (my husband step father) from some kind of cancer). Her husband usually took care of their food (she can not cook), their billing, most of household aspect that left her in a mess after he passed away. She seems become so deppresed and paranoia. She have been moving 4 times since than (2 times so she can close to us, 1 time to close to her sister, 1 time run away from her sister left her sister with mess).

Her sister (who see the psyciatric) told us that she have deppresion and psycotic. But my MIL herself never been at any assament for this. She is in denial. She does not trust docter and only go to doctor twice in 8 years. She is a chainsmoker, underweight and mentally unhealthy (agitate easily, forgetfull, manipulative). She haven't had any grooming for 4 months.

On her last moving around 4 months ago, she lived with us. We live in 2 bdrm apt with 2 yr and 5 yrs active boys. My older son and her are really into fighting a lot. What a mess. It was getting really to personal with me, and find out I and her were yelling (she can not understand what i says and do not understand my accent). It was difficult to think clearly at that time. We have to force her for taking the apt. (after 1 yr waitinglist) and she was choosy about it too.

We managed to take her to primary dr, but didn't come as we wish for her mental condition. She has emphysema, heavy deppression, cholesterol and high blood presure and underweight. But the dr will do section 12 if have to. And dr ok with she live alone.

She lives in a senior independent apt 10 minutes from us. My husband come once a week to take her grocery or deal with her stuff. But if things does not come as her wish, she is angry. Her mood plus her habits of smoking makes my husband (he has astma) hesitate to come.

Our communication is really going south. we do know that she is lonely and feel hopeless, need help a lot. But it is so dificult also to overcome our hurt feeling (she manipulate us, many times disown my husband, using our guilty feeling) to get what she wants (the biggest issue is to get the lawyer to sue her sisters). She believes her sisters stole her money from the trust (just because her money almost gone and she can not take over all the left over money).

Right now we try to figure out how to convince her to any mental doctor (she is very alert in this issue) before it goes to far ( i thing it was already to far w/o knowing actually what she has). Does she really has psycotic? or just normal aging or dementia?

We may make mistakes in process but we want her be comportable, peace and content.

Please help!

Hi, Emad welcome!

My mother's first sypmtoms included depression, paranoia, and psychosis (hallucinations, and multimodal delusions). She also was very much aware and resented family members trying to get her to seek a medical opinion.

I wish you all the best luck in seeking care for your MIL! It sounds very much like she needs an evaluation.

In my mother's case it turns out that she has Lewy Body Dementia, which is far more common than even most doctors are aware of. Unfortunately, she was prescribed Risperdal for the psychotic features of her disease.

Risperdal is a very dangerous drug for Lewy Body patients, and in my mother's case it caused drug-induced Parkinson's Disease. One day she was on the roof sweeping off leaves, and literally, the very next week she could barely put one foot in front of the other! So be well aware of what treatments may be offered by her doctor. Antihistimines like benedryl and phenergan are also very dangerous for patients with Lewy Body Dementia. They can lead to stupor and death, or on the other hand, can increase psychoses markedly!

Good luck, and let us know how things are going!
maria

My husbands first symptoms of depression were he bawled all the time because he thought I had left him.I knew what was wrong and luckily his Doctor from the VA was here and witnessed the symptoms.Also he would wake in his sleep just bawling so loud.

Emad, welcome in. It is not unusual for our elders to fear doctors. They are full of stories of all the times a friend or relative went to one with something that seemed simple, and then after doing what the doctor said was dead in less than a year.

She misses her husband and will never trust anyone to do the job he did. And certainly she is confused and resentful for being passed from place to place. It would be hard for her to appreciate the efforts made on her behalf by all of you, even though it sounds as if you have all tried very hard. Depression and anxiety, even feelings of abandonment would be normal, and difficult to overcome.

Have you asked her to come with you to get her hair done? Then to lunch? If she refuses the first time don't give up. If she is going to trust you, you must start at a low level of a friendly gesture. Perhaps include a friend of yours that she wouldn't have difficulty understanding. Keep it short. Maybe just go out for coffee and a pastry, with your husband. Maybe she would like to get prettied up the day before with a wash, trim , and set.

Don't give in to hurt feelings, it sounds as if she is really hurting mentally, and may never really trust you, but you will regret it later if you don't try. Don't expect her attitude to change over night, it has been a long time being made like it is.

Good luck.

We had to trick our LO to get her to take the antidepressant. Because she was so resistant to taking antidepressants, the doctor wrote the prescription with a diagnosis "sleep aid and to stimulate appetite." These were areas in which she needed some help, and a beneficial side effect of the medication, so it wasn't lying to her. Within a month, it really helped even out her highs and lows so that they could better evaluate her dementia and health apart from the depression. Her primary doctor wrote the prescription.

Hi Emad,
Welcome! First, I know it is all so difficult,
but when MIL is angry at you and your husband you must understand that it is not her but the illness talking. You may have to trick her to get her to a doctor because it sounds like she needs medication for the depression. This is very common in the elderly. Especially when changes like moving to another place occur. They can become scared.

Our number one lesson here is to understand that our loved one's anger is the disease talking and we have to try to not let it hurt us.