Dh is adjusting to the nursing home better than I am adjusting to the empty apartment. He is comfortable, has a small recliner where he can read or nap, and is generally okay. They tell me he is confused more in the mornings and evenings, but during the day when I visit, he has periods of delusion. He had a whirlpool bath this morning and really enjoyed it. When I told him that I would not come on Friday because I needed to rest and do some things at home, he was okay with that. He seems to be okay with whatever I tell him. I will schedule visits Monday, Wednesday, and Friday to coincide with my gym workouts for the osteoporosis, then on Sunday after church also. Will try it and see how it works, but I know that I have to have some down time. These last two weeks have just about put me down.

I am slowly getting things organized in the apartment after tearing it apart looking for papers I need for Medicaid determination, his papers, mine were all there. That done, need to squar things up again. Have started clearing out old clothes that should have been thrown out long ago and other junk. The first room to be redone is the bedroom, he didn't much care how I did it as it was just a place to sleep. I have a new white bedspread and will put my small pieces of blue and white transferware in the bookcase headboard.

The living room is another story. His lift chair is sitting there empty and it tears me apart when I look over at it. He's never going to sit in it again. Should I get rid of it now or wait a while? I don't want to eliminate him altogether, but that monstrosity gives me nightmares. His favorite pictures are on the walls and his books where we put them in the entertainment center, they must stay. But the chair???

Thanks for being there for me.

The lift chair is too big for his little cubicle. And he says the small recliner he has there is more comfortable. When I visited this morning, he did not know who I was. He seems contented and happy there and the people really like him.

My bedroom is finished. Blue and white transferware interspersed with my little ceramic birds and an ivory quilt with blue pieces of patchwork really set it off. A white bedspread will go on after I take pictures to send the lady who gave me the quilt. When she comes to visit next spring, the quilt will go back on. His Canadian goose decoy and a smaller bird carved out of ironwood are on top of the big dresser. While I make the apartment mine, I still need touches that tell me he was here. But I think the chair has to go.

I do better every day, will get started at the gym this week and look into activities that get me out with people.

Again, thanks for all your wonderful support.

About the lift chair: was it your husband's favorite, or did he just tolerate it because it helped him up and down? If it is the favorite, do you think the NH will allow it to be brought into his room? That way, he could have his favorite chair, it wouldn't be in your living room breaking your heart, and you wouldn't have to worry about what to do with it for a while.
Your bedroom plans sound lovely, by the way.

I'm so glad to hear that you are reaching out for support in your community - having folks around who understand and care is a godsend! Hopefully we will all learn from you about how one goes about this situation!

Hang in there, sweetie! You don't have to get everything done all in a day, or a week, or a month - but I DO understand your need to makes some visible changes! Staying busy is a good thing, but try not to overdo. {{{{{HUGS}}}}}

I thought maybe I would advertise and sell it cheap, then use the money to put some small bookcases in that empty corner. When we had to let our beautiful cockatiels go, dh immediately filled the space with bookcases, and when we lost our beloved canary, he put a bookcase in that corner.

I have been putting away his good clothes and cleaning out stuff he should have thrown away a long time ago. My bedroom is now ready for the new spread after I clean the furniture and then I can get out my blue and white transferware for the bookcase headboard. Maybe a book or two in there, also.

Next big project is the living room.

Realistically, would he ever be able to return home? When I visit and he is clear-minded, I think he could, then he immediately goes off into left field, had to come by helicopter because the inmates were trying to kill him. It hurts so bad that I can't just bring him home and take care of him here.

I am getting connected with a good church where I will have support, and will attend the Alzheimers support group at the home. Hopefull once some of this is in place I can begin to heal better.

I couldn't deal with it without all of your wonderful support. God bless.

Aww honey (((HUGS)))
Honestly Id say if this piece of furniture bothers you this much.....is it clean?
Can it be given to someone thats in need of it?
It will put a small bright light in your heart knowing someone will benefit from it