I am fairly new to this community and new to the dying process so bear with me. I’m also new to the concept of sharing, but writing has always been cathartic for me so hopefully, I can accomplish both in this e-mail. My 94 year old Dad, Edward, (stage 7) is not doing well and frankly neither am I. Home Hospice has just now arrived and will be here 24/7 for the next few days to aid him (and us) in his final round of his 10 year bout against Alzheimer’s. So far the ring side judges have scored the fight as a draw, but a KO is likely soon. Dad's head is unbloodied, but bowed. He has fought a good fight however and for an ex-golden gloves boxing champion perhaps that’s all he wanted.
The nurse has given him 2 small doses of morphine and inserted a catheter which has helped ease his pain, but not mine. He is reaching his hands out in front of him, as if waving to the next world to hasten his departure. I wonder what he sees? Angels, previously departed loved ones, demons, light, darkness? I'm beginning to see the truth and meaning of the Christian’s plea when they cry out: "Come quickly Lord Jesus".

The stoic macho man who has handled all the ups and downs of caring for him full time for the past three years is not quite so dispassionate anymore. My Mom (stage 4) doesn't quite comprehend all the new attention  being paid to her husband of 66 years. She understands while I explain it to her and then in a half hour she forgets and asks again about the strangers in the house. This is going to be tougher than I thought. I hope my sister makes it, as I'm close to being a wreck. She just called and is 4 hours away. Hang in their Champ. Thanks for listening. Michael

Micheal, be careful, honey. This might be hours or days or even weeks. One cannot know about the body. I trust your instincts about your Mother's birthday. Let someone else do for you a little.

Sometimes the dying wait for 'permission' to go, for their loved ones to say, "Its OK, I'll see to it that Sue will be OK ". Sometimes they seem to wait for a moment of privacy and sneak out when you leave the room, almost like they cannot bear to let you see this or something they have to do alone.

His passing will be freedom, "another word for nothing left to lose" not always a welcome gift, but a beautiful gift.

You must take care of yourself, your journey is not done.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Bobcat,

Thank you all for your support, prayer and kind words. Dad is still holding on and is resting more comfortably than he has in years. That's what morphine and Atavan will do for you----why did I forswear drugs again? Trying to be the consummate caregiver to the end, I found myself entertaining and care-taking everyone gathered, including the hospice nurses, to the lack of my eating, hydrating and sleeping. Not a good thing. So I'm crashed emotionally, physically and spiritually and of not much use to anyone, including Dad, if he passes soon. So another lesson learned. Mom is gaining awareness and acceptance of the realities facing Dad and is already beginning to talk of her soon departure after Dad passes. Perhaps she is more sagacious than I've miserly allotted and credited to her account. Her 93rd birthday is tomorrow and it just struck me that the best present my Dad could give her may be the most selfless gift ever: his passing.... and with it, freedom for the both of them. His freedom would be self-evident and incontrovertible, while her freedom is more subtle, yet just as efficacious. The freedom from the burden of holding onto her life for his sake and freedom from being the real consummate care-giver in the family for lo these many years. Thanks Mom.
PS to Dad: Mom's birthday is only minutes away; hang in there champ. I know you have a plan-you always have and for once I think I know what it is. Thank you Dad. I love you and honor you.

I'll keep you posted. Michael

...sigh...
So sorry, Michael. I'll be praying for swift, sure passage for him from this life into the next. Take things real easy on yourself, dear. This has been a long haul and it's far from over 'cause you still have to figure out how to go on now.
Lighting a candle for y'all...
http://www.gratefulness.org/ca...les.cfm?l=eng&gi=ECO
Go easy, m'friend. We'll be here whenever you need... {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}

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The stoic macho man who has handled all the ups and downs of caring for him full time for the past three years is not quite so dispassionate anymore.

I don't believe you were ever really that stoic, macho, dispassionate man-you couldn't have been a caregiver for 2 if you were.

Thank you Gypsy
Micheal my sentiments exactly.
My thoughts go out to you Micheal I am so sorry for what you are going through with both your Dad and Mom.

{{{Hugs}}}, even a macho man needs a hug at times like this. Sharing helps. Hospice helps, but nothing makes it easy. It is good that your sister can come.

You and your Father have been champs in this fight. Winning is about the battles in this war. We know what the outcome will eventually be no matter how many rounds we win, but we fight on.

You will be busy, I know, but we will be around when you need us to listen or read.

Oh Michael....all I can say is that my prayers are with you and your mom and the rest of your family. It is so hard to lose someone you love and especially one that you have cared for in the way that you have for the last several years. I pray that he is peaceful, out of pain and you may find some strength in the love that you have shared with him.

Peace be with you...

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The stoic macho man who has handled all the ups and downs of caring for him full time for the past three years is not quite so dispassionate anymore.

I don't believe you were ever really that stoic, macho, dispassionate man-you couldn't have been a caregiver for 2 if you were.
Michael-my thoughts and prayers are with you at this most difficult time. I feel the pain in your words. It must be so difficult trying to explain things, look after your mom while you are dealing with these final days, hours with your dad. With hospice there can you do a little something for/with your mom(even if she doesn't remember)maybe you can explain that the workers make it easier for you and that they give you some time not just looking after dad-or however you think might work for her)I think (as hard as it is to do) that letting the person know it is ok to not fight any longer, that you understand if he needs to leave, that you and your mom, sis or whoever he loved will miss him but will be ok.(I know I kind of lied to Mike when I said Sandy and I would miss him but we would be ok-3 months later I think maybe it wasn't such such a huge lie) I'm rambling but hope it is some help to you-think saying this to you has helped me hope that makes sense..