Well it finally happened Manuel passed I believe from congestive heart failure even though he had vascular dementia he seemed quite lucid at the end. DNR had been in effect so our son held him in his arms as he left this earth this morning.
I was complaining about respite care now I have all the time in the world.

Teri, I know how much of a whirlwind this has been for you. I hope that in the time to come, as you readjust to life without Manuel, you will stop in here often... many of our members have walked this walk before you and can offer hope and understanding of life after caregiving.

Many, many blessings to you for your devoted care and my very best wishes for a full and happy life to come.

Well it is almost over.
Today at 2pm we scattered half the ashes at the cemetery actually into a tomb. His name will be on a placque with the dates on a granite wall.
My step-son put the ashes in while his brothers and sister stood next to him. We did not have the priest come again since he was there Wed for last rites. Instead my eldest son read from the bible and talked about Manuel. Then Our (Manuel & mine) son stood up and also talked a bit. Everyone was emotional but it was good. The great grand children teenagers and young men and the grandchildren were there. Although this was a cremation we had chairs under a canopy in a lovely garden and I was presented the American Flag. The rest of the ashes will be scattered in the mountain 70 miles south of Oregon at my eldest son's mini ranch. We have a brass plate with Manuels information on it that will be placed on the trunk of a big apple tree.
We live in Los Angeles county but always visited the mountains in Trinity county and loved the beautiful areas and great cabins we stayed in. Now I feel a great peace that he is not suffering and is a free spirit. Yet, I was able to have closer in a traditional sense at the cemetery. He is located in the garden about 300' from where my son Danny is buried who left unexpectedly from menegitis.
I know this is quite long but I seem to put my real feelings out here. It is hard to talk to the family because they are all feeling there own loss. Afterwards they all came back to my house where we had mexican food delivered and talked. One of my Great Grandson just got his drivers liscense 3 weeks ago and has had limited experience. when we were getting ready to leave to the cemetery I had him drive me.
He was so excited, when we pulled out of the parking lot he ran over the concrete thing not bad but he was so embarrased and I laughed and told him he just gave his Great Grandfather a big laugh. He smiled and told me it was a great honor to drive me. How nice they all were.
The time of sickness I had with my hubby was so long and yet this week to put him at rest was so short. I never thought that it would be so short. Now just dealing with finances, death certificates. then I am taking off like the pirates and go somewhere not sure where but will relax and enjoy myself.

I am so sorry to here of his passing.May he finally rest in peace.Now you will gfo through the sates of mourning .Take your time and remember him as he once was /

Teri,
God's blessings to you and your family. How special to be able to be with him as he crossed from this life to his eternal life as an angel. Sending ongoing prayers and positive thoughts to you.
Kathleen

Thanks again for all of your support. I see the new caregivers coming in and hope they find the help here like I did.
The viewing today at 3pm My step children and our youngest son did not want to see him in there but to remember as he was before. Although our youngest held him he couldn't see him in a box. It was just my eldest son and I and my grandson waited outside, he is only 11. The Catholic Priest gave Manuel last rites and some prayers.I wiped my tears on Manuel's tie so I will be with him tomorrow at the cremation. The scattering will be Friday then all next week will be doing the financial stuff from the insurance and unions.
After viewing we went to Red Lobster and we stuffed ourselves on lobster and steak and even dessert. Wow what a lot of food. We talked and laughed that Manuel would love it that we were eating and having fun. Tomorrow is another day.

i havent been here for a long time but yours was the first i read-
as i am now getting close to dealing with this with my mom.
i am thankful that your precious husband passed into the waiting arms of god and is well now.
and i am hoping you will get some rest and read many books.

I agree one of the hardest things in my husband's death was respecting the DNR. I think it's our last "gift" to them. I had wanted just one more day, one more hour but knew it wouldn't stop the pain. Bettyhere is right they dererve the peace. Little did I know then that 9 years, two weeks apart, I'd be doing the same for my mother.

Somehow my message to you appeared in the soothing music section, but I want you to know that I also lost my husband and we, too, had DNR. It's hard to see them leave but they deserve peace. My thoughts are with you and yours.

Oh, Teri, I know you probably didn't feel brave at the time, But that's about the bravest thing I know of that can be done. Putting in place your own panic and desires, to honor his wishes. My deepest respects, and honor to you and your son. You set an example for us who still have to face the moment of crisis.
Thank you for sharing this very difficult time with us. Please know we will be here for you, any time, you have to spare. You and your son are heros, in this caregiving world.

(((Teri))) I am so sorry for Manuel's passing. It was such a blessing that the end came peacefully with loved ones at his side. I am sure he is already looking down on you and all his family. You sound like you have handled things very well. I hope you will come back to let us know how you are doing. Hugs and prayers coming your way. Gypsy

Yesterday I notified everyone of Manuel's passing.
I want to thank everyone for all the prayers and good thoughts.
I just wrote and in depth message to BOBCAT and I think I should share it here more detail on God taking the kindest man I have ever known.

Manuel passed away yesterday (sunday) at 4am. He and I had just walked to the bathroom and I told him we had to get to sleep that I was worn out and he said"you won't have to worry about that" then his chest sounded like a freight train I got scared and took his blood pressure 212/101 I called our son and he saw he was sweating and I gave him a nitrogyclerin and our son put cold wash cloth on his forehead and tried to get him to drink something and I told him we were calling 911 and he said no and then I was holding his hand and his eyes went back, mouth dropped and he took a big breath and stopped breathing. meantime I yelled for son and I called 911. He started breathing a little bit while son held him and paramedics are around the corner so they were there in about 2 minutes. They came in took over and said no electricity in his heart. I of course was bawling like a big baby but I yelled DNR and gained some control of myself and they had to see the trust where it said by him. "If I cease to breathe I DO NOT in bold and underline want to be resecutitated."
He was gone within 15 minutes and only the loud chest rattle At least I did what he wanted.
for 3 long years we have been in and out of the hospital but he has never been in a convelesent hospital and he wanted to die at home, AND HE DID. BUT BOY IS IT HARD ON THOSE YOU LEAVE BEHIND. I HAD NO HOSPICE BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T SURE HE WOULD GO WITHIN 6 MONTHS AND I DID NOT PRESS IT. The mortuary came about 630am to pick him up. would've been earlier but the paramedics and police had a load of questions. what should I feel? I don't know what is proper? I feel calm and so happy to get rid of the hospital bed out of the front room. What do I do with the wheelchair? He had it so long I think it belongs to us. Today family and I went and made arrangements. Wed private viewing. and Thursday the cremation and Friday we scatter the ashes. I want to take off after cleaning the house and go to casino with some books for a couple of days. then I can read or play the nickle slots whenever.
I think I should copy this to the other room.
good luck with your LO and I feel that he has his heavenly body with perfect memory

Oh, Teri, I am so sorry to hear of Manuel's passing. ...but, what a comfort your son must have been to both of you! I hope that in the long days ahead you will continue to be a source of strength and comfort to one another, and pray that God will abundantly bless you with his love and peace.

maria

Teri, my husband had the same 2 conditions, and yes they put CHF on the death certificate.
He too was very lucid on his last evening - more lucid and in "our world" then he had been for weeks. (He passed on 5/1.) I'm sending you many hugs - I know the road you were on. Be patient with yourself; know that your beloved is in the hands of a wonderful Caregiver.

Teri, So sorry to hear about Manuel's passing. Thoughts and prayers are being sent to you and your family. Take things day by day. I hope you have a good support group with you. Sounds like your son is a gem. We are here for you so feel free to come and be here with us.

Teri, So very sorry to hear of Manuel,s passing. What a blessing your son is? That takes a srong man. My heart goes out to you and your family.

Teri, I am so sorry for your loss.

If there is any comfort at this time, know it comes from his quiet passage, and no suffering.

Bless you and yours, through your trying days ahead. I know you will miss him!

Thinking of you!!!

Peace, and the love of family is what we all would wish for.
Sending blessings your way.

My deepest condolences Teri on your loss (((hugs)))
please know we are here for you if you just want to talk...

I'm so sorry for your loss, Teri, but thankful that it was peaceful and painless as he went from his loving family's arms into the arms of God.