I think my dh is getting ready to go, and how do I get ready to let him go?

I went to church a couple of Sunday's ago for the first time in years, felt I had to. When I cam home he said that he had been thinking of going to that church even before I went. He says that this Sunday he will go with me. He also said he wanted to talk to the pastor and that he didn't know if he had been baptized. He told his doctor that he is "going down." He is becoming increasingly inactive, although I do get him out once in a while to breakfast and a little shopping. He is 88 years old. He just informed me that he is dizzy and weak.

I am just beginning to recover from the loss of our precious little canary a month ago. As agonizing as the lost of a few bits of feathers was, how in h... am I going to be able to handle the loss of the man who has been my heart and soul for 20 years? How do I prepare myself, if anyone can ever be prepared for such a loss? How do I plan to go on alone??

Mae, your response gives me a lot to think about. I printed out the three posts to have to read when I need to. I try to keep busy and not focus on my worry, we talk about many things, read to each other bits of the current book, comment on the news, and laugh over stupid commercials. I touch him often, we hug often, we say "I love you" several times a day and it never sounds trite. I know when the time comes I will have to let him go, when he is tired beyond tired. But it will be hard.

Merrwid, I am 66 to dh's 88 years, and yes, he raised me right. I know I will be able to manage on my own, I manage our finances and many decisions now that he is unable to cope with. The biggest decision I made without him was leasing a mobile home when our apartment building was sold to the county for law enforcement offices. With extremely tight housing, when we looked at this home and were told the rent, I just pulled out his checkbook and wrote a month's rent plus deposit without even thinking about it, much less asking him. It was okay with him, I think he is glad to turn some of these things ove to me, and we have enjoyed our rented hom for 7 months. I will stay here as long as I can.

Thanks to all of you for your kind and thoughtful responses, I feel much better this evening, more hopeful. And yes, I will talk to the pastor at the church. Even though I have been ther only twice, I feel very comfortable and look foreward to their support.

Thanks, Bobcat. I do try to focus on the day, listen to his stories of his young days even though I've heard them dozens of times. Get him out to breakfast, the used bookstore, WalMart, etc. when he is feeling up to it.

Farm girl, having lost three loved ones I can tell you nothing prepares you for the loss.
Common sense flies out the window.Our hearts take over our every thought.
I did not think of the time my husband would pass.I dealt with each wakeing day I was given.
I used those days to talk with him , sing to him, talk with him like it was a normal day.
I did tell him I knew he was tired and fought such a battle.A battle I could not have endured.
I talked about all the things that I knew meant so much to him.Talked about things that made him laugh.Talked about our kids and grand children.
I told him I knew , when the time was his to decide that his mom and dad were waiting for him.I told him I hated to loose him but it was not my choice to make.
I I sat beside him with my armds around him.I would stroke his head , give him swabs of any taste I knew gave him pleasure.
I talked to him as though there was going to be abother day.I NEVER GAVE HIM THE TONE OF DOOM AND GLOOM.I kept everything with a positive tone.
Mostly I wanted him to know he was not abandoned.No one was going to hurt him.
I saved all my tears for after the visit.
I made sure he received the care that ant human received.I never gave up hope as that would have shown in my voice.
I actually sang Frank Sinatra songs to him.
That was his man.I talked about all the things we had dealt with through the years.I was telling him a story of our life together.
I was not with my husband when he passed.I had gone home , my son had visited him last.
My son said as he was sitting with his dad , something about a picture on the wall and the setting of the sun , he had this feeling he had been given a sign.
In many ways I was sorry I had not been with him but too reflect I know it was not meant to be.I was not equipt to deal with the loss of another loved one.It was his dads birthday and he had been called to heaven to celebrate with the person he loved so dearly.
The pain does not go away over night.Each person deals with it in their own way.
With his passing I hit bottom.I wanted to do nothing but sleep and cry.This went on for about two weeks.Then , one morning, I awakened and there were no more tears.I WAS FEELING DIFFERENT AND COULD NOT EXPLAIN WHY BUT WAS GLAD.
But it was about him and how badly he was suffering.He was at the pont of no return.
What I wanted was best for me but not for him.
I had no idea what his body was doing.What pain he was in.I knew if able , he would have fought with all his might.He was tired and wanted to be let go.That was the least I could have done for him.

Oh, this is so close to home for a number of us!
We all KNEW our spouses were themselves preparing to leave, but there was (and simply is) no way to prepare ourselves for the time they did.
I don't know if you 2 are close in age the way Mae and her husband appear to be, or if you are much younger, as I was, but if he "raised you right"; if you were not totally dependent on hime for every single aspect of your life, being on your own might be easier in some ways.
I wish you blessings on your hardest journey together. Don't forget to come back here often - there are many unseen angels here ready to support you in all the best ways they know.

farmgirl, I send you hugs and all my best energy. Remember to breathe. Maybe you can talk to the pastor, too. I honestly don't know how someone can be "prepared". I just know they do get up and keep going.

And, he isn't gone yet. You will miss out on the specialness of this day if you are too focused on tomorrow. I will light a candle for you and your dear H.