I have known since Mom was placed in the NH in Sept she was declining. The Dr told me it could be 2 months or 2 yrs. Yes I heard him, but whoever thought it would be this fast.

I've watched her as her body has been preparing. She stopped being able to support herself. The decrease and sometimes refusal of food and water. And now her constant sleeping.

I said my good-byes weeks ago, told Mom it was ok to stop fighting. Yet part of me wants to hold on to the Mother before this terrible disease. My best friend, my number one fan. We've been though so much. She's been my rock.

How will I fill that void or help my children w/this when I can barely process anything?

The NH staff told me this morning your mother has really declined in the last day. We have a standing order for morphine to keep her comfortable. We're having difficulty waking her.

I do not want her to die alone but I am so afraid to witness it. I feel there are things I need to prepare, what w/she wear in her casket, the funeral? the memory video? So many things I put off "thinking" something would change.

Factually I know a quick death is what Mom wants but emotionally I am not ready to let go.

God bless you baby your in my thoughts and prayers
Bless you for being the daughter your mom could count on in her time of need.....

Ms.Lisa, I am so sad for you, but I am happy for your mom... Please keep us posted... I hope all your grief and unhappiness are replaced by fond memories of her.

Mz. Lisa, Prayers and hugs sent to you and your family at this time.

Ms Lisa:
I hope gentle arms around you during this very sad time for you. Yes, your mother is free from pain. Thinking of you with a big lump in my throat right now for your loss and sadness.

Love, Sandy

Mom died peacefully in her sleep Tues at 12:55am. I wasn't able to be w/her like I had wished but find comfort in knowing her pain and struggles are over.

I am thankful I've had time be be with her and tell her good-bye.

Mz.Lisa, how I personally define my role in my mom's life is I am here to help her during her last days before death - I'm here to help her die in love and peace. I am here to help her through whatever I can as she takes the path we all travel one day. Sometimes, many times, I do my job with a lump in my throat because this "job" will end with a "see ya on the other side." ...sigh...

I've been with several loved ones during their deaths and I hope that I am privileged to attend my mom's passing. It felt as miraculous to me as attending a birth - different, sadder perhaps, but miraculous nonetheless. It helped me make a peace and let go as I followed their examples of letting go of their own lives and loved ones here to move on.

I hope that even through your reluctance to let go, that you will soon feel a peace and know that it's all gonna be okay.

Many blessings to you and your mom as you go through this special time.

Meanwhile...
While waiting for my Grampa to die from a stroke I did several things that gave me real peace. I brought flowers to his room (choose something that smells really sweet) thinking he might smell them and 'smile'. Also I took 5 minutes when he was 'sleeping alot' and thanked him for everything he had taught me and promised him I'd never forget him. My daughter wrote him a poem and I read that to him and all his cards even though I don't have any idea if he heard me or not.
Death is not pretty, don't expect it to be, but then birth isn't really either and the end result is still joyous. I have a feeling the person dies to this life but is reborn just as joyously and is just as welcomed on the other side.
~Hannah

Thanks everyone for your insights.

Knowing someone is dying is hard enough to deal, let alone trying to sort out what I can truely "handle".

Mom "bounced back" Mon pm. She called each of my children by name & was excited to "see" them, even though she wouldn't open her eyes.

Tue & Wed visits Mom was sleeping, she looked so peaceful I let her rest & sat w/her. Still haven't found that "perfect" outfit for her but I will.

Thanks again everyone, I'll keep you posted.

Dear Lisa: I lost my husband to AD 3 yrs ago. We'd been married 53 yrs and I did not want him to leave me, and yet, we had both suffered so much for 10 years that I came to believe enough was enough. He deserved peace. Maybe you can think of that, your Beloved Mother deserves peace, and peace is not such a bad thing. Of course it left a terrible void in my life, but nature has programmed us to survive, and we do so, whether we want to or not. I will tell you that after such sorrow, as life goes on, new memories come into your life and things do get easier.

My sister's 92 y.o. husband died in a nursing home days after he was placed there. When they called to see if she wanted to visit with him, she said 'no' she wanted to remember him as he had been. Like you, she could not bear to see it. On the other hand, I was there with my husband, but I wanted to be there. My sister and I have very different views of death and she did what was right for her and I did what was right for me. That's what you could settle on--do what is right for you. There is no right or wrong to such things.

Hannah thank you for that...this is exactly what my mom had said the night before she passed...she was not "alone"...they were calling to her to come with them, Mom Gran aunts and uncles brothers and sisters....to show themselves to her to tell her she wasnt alone, her face when she told me was breathtaking.... Lisa they are there with mom she is not alone in this journey and like Hannah said it is only the beginning....Its not the first time Ive heard this and have watched as comfort finally seeps in at the end when they finally stop the struggle. Trust in this one thing Baby....Even if you dont believe in this, its true to our loved ones and I have seen things that make me believe in this over the years.....

I do not want her to die alone but I am so afraid to witness it.

Ms. Liza,
I must tell you that nobody dies alone. Nobody. Even if it is late at night and you are home in your own bed, your Mom won't die alone. She is more in the next world than in this one already, but at the instant of death, there will be loved ones on the other side to take her hand. She will not feel that you let her die alone, rather that you were with her when she lived. Once someone gets to the other side they have no more pain, no more suffering, they understand everything, including why they made the journey they did. This frees you to truly celebrate her life and not regret anything. Witnessing her death will do nothing for her or for you. We seem to think we need to do this for people, like we need to see a child take it's first step. But this first step isn't happening here, it is happening on the other side. So you don't see it anyway. When you plan the funeral, the flowers, the outfit...make it a celebration. I'm not saying you won't be sad - you will. But think, "Mom loved red roses so I will put those flowers out." Or "Mom loved this purple dress, I am going to have her wear that." The funeral is not for her - it is for you and her other loved ones to remember. It is not an ending for her - it is a beginning.
~Hannah

Oh Baby ((((hugs)))) Lisa dont do something you feel you cant do in this please...if you can not watch dont, it will stay with you for a long time trust me here. If you need to go do it now before its too late and kiss her sweet face...tell her everything will be alright....You are in my prayers baby
Love Debra