goodbye vera, goodbye wesley. good riddance to the daughter that never was. never thought that i would do this, could do this, but it's time to let go. I gave her life. The past is over. The future is waiting with empty arms. The baby that was my Vera can no longer hold a peice of my heart for ransom. Badbye. I will always love you because you filled my arms with hope.

May the frog have mercy on my soul.
Power to the puppets and peace to all people.

One for you A little sip for me

Brenda, honey ("Veeerrraaa") -

There are those of us who are "FIXERS". We want to make everyone happy; make them feel safe; "take care" of them. We do this out of love. When they don't reciprocate that same love feeling, we feel hurt and un-needed, as well as non-existant because WE have been living for THEM.

You know what I've been through with my son and granddaughter. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy (Well....... maybe my most sweetest and most special half-ass brother. )

Keep the faith, baby! Look what happened in my particular case. First, I was FORBIDDEN to see my G'daughter and now she is LIVING with me. Hummmmmmmm, go figure THAT one out, eh? I gotta' say that I LOVE it when HE calls to say, "Can I come see her?")

What a load full of crap! FAMILY MEMBERS .... ahhhhhhhhhh, so special!!

~ Janie ~

Sad Gal, We are neighbors! I live in Methuen! Cool!
Here's one for you!

May the frog have mercy on my soul.
Power to the puppets and peace to all people.

Veeerrraaa - I can understand where you are coming from when it comes to bi-polar and family who do not see themselves as responsible parties in anything that goes wrong around them. My ex-husband is bi-polar (was not diagnosed until after I left him) and both he and his family take blame for nothing. It was always something someone else did to make something happen or made them respond in the way they did. My response to that was not only to leave and let go, but to eventually get my just desserts by seeing the consequences of their actions slap them right in the face.....and believe me it has. I get the updates from my daughter and even she gets a chuckle from some of the antics. Letting go will be the best, if not the smartest thing you do. Any guilt you may feel as a result, will be short lived. The relief you feel as a result will be well worth it. Power to the caregiver....for knowing when to let go! You go girl!!! Now off to have one of those martinis????

Melissa, Your words are all too true. I've know this but sometimes I just want to forget it.......

Merry, Funny coincidence! That's exactly what the DSS lawyer told me when I tried to get a CHINS warrant whe my daughter was 15. (child in need of services) The guy actually told me to turn around and walk away from both my daughter and my parents. After many interviews with the adults and reviewing the minor's psych record, he was ready to advise the court to place my daughter in a residential living arrangement. (semi psych hospital) My parents bought a two bit lawyer, and the state would rather not spend any money fighting a lost cause. The judge always places a child with relatives regardless of their mental stability. So I walked away and dropped the CHINS warrant. Then this child got herself pregnant and expected me to become her mother again at age 20. If I had gone through with the Chins, I would have Vera living in my home today. Since I dropped it every single word of BS remains truth in her mind. Yes she has been diagnosed bi polar, doesn't take meds because she (and my mother encourages this) believes that every single thing that she wants, doesn't want, should have, has too much of, changed her mind and wants more, etc. is all my doing. Sounds like a little paranoia too.
Rita, Gypsy, Edyth ann, Sand, Bejo and everyone else that has seent an email. thanks for your kind words and support. Hurt my back at work today, but we lost our co team leader. She was involved in a serious car accident. Everything tonight looks good, her injuries will heal, it's going to be a long haul for her and her family. Anyone want a job? I'm hiring. Actually I've been trying to fill at least 15 openings since last June. Pay is awful, no steady hours but the co workers are better than family! brenda

May the frog have mercy on my soul.
Power to the puppets and peace to all people.

Hold onto Melissa's comment:

quote:

---

For whatever reaons that our family members sometimes hurt us so much, we can't always fix what is wrong inside of them and reach a point where we can only work on coping with our pain and finding a way to keep going even when our hearts are breaking.

---

FWIW (For What It's Worth) my first husband was bipolar (aka manic-depressive) and I lived through 17 years of his hurtful manipulations. Once, of his psychiatrists (he went through many of them) said to me, "Do what you have to do to save yourself." You're there now and I know it hurts like hell.

How often we've seen posts reminding us that our loved one's behaviors are really a manifestation of the disease process? The same holds true of your daughter's behaviors. It's the disease at work and you are her target. Like AD/MID/BT patients the afflicted rarely recognize that they have problem or, if they do, they blame it on someone or something else entirely. NIMH has an online booklet on Bipolar Disorder and the Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance might have insights for you.

I'll be keeping you in prayerful thought.

Brenda, I know this has been eating at you for a long time and I wish I knew the words to bring you peace. For whatever reaons that our family members sometimes hurt us so much, we can't always fix what is wrong inside of them and reach a point where we can only work on coping with our pain and finding a way to keep going even when our hearts are breaking. Your daughter will only begin working on herself when or if she ever reaches a place where she sees that her actions are causing her pain in her life that doesn't need to be there. I pray that day comes, but until it does I pray that you will no longer be a victim of her manipulation and will begin healing your heart and finding peace for yourself. I can't imagine that there won't always be holes in your heart where those people you want so much to love should be , I just know that you are a very kind, caring woman in your own right and that you deserve love, peace and happiness. And , just in case your daughter peeps in here again, let it be known that you have many friends who love you and support you here. You are not alone. We will be here for you.

We love you - Melissa

"Whatever tomorrow brings, I"ll be there-with open arms and open eyes"

Sorry, so sorry.
I can hardly stand to think about it, I read your message five times. I have a baby granddaughter too, who is nine months old. If she were sick I would be so desperate to help. Since when do toddlers get diabetes? That is horrible beyond belief. I would be much more willing to give up my life taking care of her than I would my mother.
My grandbaby lived here from day one, Feb. 5, 2003,until she was six months old. I am her anchor, her mother is her true love. It's wonderful to see her face when she comes to visit and obviously remembers her joyful beginning at my house.
Know that this is heavy on my heart for you.
We get relief from our burdens here but it is also intercession, where we hurt for each other and take on others' pain.
This is a four generation female animosity quadrangle, coining a phrase. This goes beyond a nasty b*tch triangle. I would talk to a VERY well educated family counsellor, if it were me. There are archetypes in this that you might be able to break down, if you find someone smart to work with. If someone, ANYONE, stops playing, you might be able to reestablish the primary lines of communication over time. Mothers and daughters who hate each other do not fare well in life. You are in an anger dance. There is a way to stop playing but it usually takes an outsider to give you the skills. The problem can be solved!
Anyway, I was worried about you. I wasn't sure you were still in the world, decorating.

Veeerrraaa-Thank you for sharing your pain. I am sorry you are going through this but I gather it is not new. I am glad you are being kept busy at work-I am sure it helps the sanity and piggy bank. I am disgusted that your daughter is using this place against you(it makes me feel violated to even think of it)
This should be a place to share, joke, laugh and cry with friends. Wish I could reach out better but it will just have to be cyber (((hugs))) I think I understand your feeling about Christmas. I find it one of the loneliest, saddest times of year especially the last 6 years(2 or which Mike was in the hospital-3 years ago was the last time. Before Mike's stroke we always tried to spend some time during the Christmas season with Mom in Victoria. Now she is gone too. I was just looking at the calendar and realized we have 4 days without HS because we just get it weekdays-we don't have any "friends" to invite(they seem to all have deserted us) Maybe we can cry in each others on Christmas. Sorry but I am really not looking forward to Dec. 25-28. Think we will try to go to Victoria in early Dec. if I ever get around to phoning for reservations-that will be our Christmas. Also I will try to do something on Ukranian Christmas for Mike. Enough grumbling for one day. Glad you found your way back. Gypsy

I'm so sorry for your trouble Vera. There is no pain like the pain that families can inflict on one another. I hope that peace and love and joy can come to yours one day. If not, I pray you get whatever you most need to carry on.

With love, Rita

First........ This is the season to be jolly! I've hadd so much work thrown at me and the paycheck is a blessing I've been AWOl from the 'puters........ Since I work for American Greetings, I beg everyone to check the back of the greeting card that you are buying and make sure tha it is a Hallmark. OK? Less work for me.......
The daughter that I gave birth to, the same one that allowed me to attend the birth of her daughter, Vera and form a life long bond with, has sent me a 'dear mom' letter. The same as a 'dear john' letter. On dec 25, it will be 1 year since I have hugged Vera. I've never met Wesley. (he was born on a tuesday in march, but she never told me which one) The pictures that she has sent have been blackmail, an effort to keep the screwed up relationship on track. The same one that has been controlled by my mother since birt. (my birth, my daughter has been a weapon for my mother and now her children, the very same babies that could have/should have been my grandchildren)

In her own words "Then please, walk away,and never look back. Amen"

For whatever reason this message was retained by my laptop. Sent on Oct 10. After I picked it up from repair(nov 7), I opened my email it was there. Blackmail. I don't even know exactly what she expects other than getting rid of my husband, job and any other interest that I thought of having in my life. The prize? I get to be this adult child's Mommy that will jump through the hoops when she demands. Or she will tell grammy ..... It worked when she was a child and she still thinks it will get her that attention again. She is bipolar. Refuses to accept. Will not take her meds. Best thing going for her you wonder? My wonderful parent, (although according to sources my father recently had quad bypass after major coronary, but nobody has officially told me anything, so I leave it at one parent ruling) my mother has told my daughter that all of her problems are my problems. BUT they are not my daughters?

The saddest part you wonder? My daughter is a peeper to our forum. Whatever I post, tongue in cheek or not has arrived at my door prepared to bite my butt. I also have 2 sons that are exhausted, tired of being asked to choose between their mother and their sister (and all off her children.) She has destroyed my family. It has been my daughter that has done this. She was taught well by my mother. Why? It has everything to do with the death of my older sister. Although she died of natural causes at age 14, her death has always been attributed to my existance. Somebody shoud tell my mother that regardless, life goes on, but I am sorry for your loss. I watch my MIL, the woman who treated me like a mother, being devoured by a disease that has no boundaries, not treatment. Then I realise that my birth mother has treatment and medications available. She has survived without a conscience because she was capable of blaming her problems on anyone and everyone else. Now she has passed this on to another generation, my grandaughter named Vera. She was born the day before the world changed forever; September 10, 2001. This baby, my baby Vera, has diabetes, (type 1) diagnosed last summer. Without proper care her life has been cut short. Furthering this is things that I can never control, but I will always wish (know.....) that I could.
So bear with me please, the holidays have never been happy. I get to mourn too many deaths that have built up, many have not yet passed into the other world. I am thankful for my job. It keeps my mind off of life. Amen.

May the frog have mercy on my soul.
Power to the puppets and peace to all people.

Brenda-I just saw your name here. Hope you are ok. You had us worried yesterday. Please check in. Gypsy

Veeerrraaa,
Favorite decorator/entymologist/martini mixer, I see that you are in a despairing way.
What has happened? You sound devastated. Here is a (((HUG)))or three..
You are special and I hate to see you hurting.
I have an email address, use AIM with the same address, and I have a phone!....if you want to talk, anytime! AIM me.
Sand

Vera,
I know you well enough that this post does not come out of the blue. What has happened? Let us know or you can email me. Please let us know where you are at and that you are all right and what has happen!!!!

Edyth Ann aka Bubblehead aka Queen Bubble
AOL IM EdythAnn12
edythann@netzero.net

I'm sending you lots of hugs(((((((Vera)))))))

Veeerrraaa-I know from an earlier post that you had some bad news when you got your laptop back but I hope it wasn't something terrible. You sound like you need some (((hugs)))and I hope you are ok-we need you around here. My thoughts and prayers are with you Don't forget you are not alone. Gypsy