This is going to be short, I was at the hospital today with Dad, who had surgery on his hand, a diabetes complication. I may be bringing him home to my house for a few days to help him get his strength back before he goes home alone.

While I was with him, I got a call from my MIl's caregiver saying she was choking and fighting for her breathe. Hospice was no help, it has been a struggle with these people for months, I just kept hoping things would get better with them and it has not. {that story is a whole new post in the anger room}. I told her to call 911, my brother in law went with her to the hospital, H was coming in from out of town, and I was an hour away. When they got to the ER, the doctor told him that she had pneumonia and he only had 30 seconds to make a decision or she was going to choke to death. He couldn't live with seeing that so he gave the go ahead. Now she is in ICU on a vent.

As long as I have known this woman, over 34 years, she has always been loud and clear that this was not to happen to her! She has even made me promise to her that I would not let anyone hook her up to a machine!! Now here she is. I have to wonder, if she will ever be strong enough to come off of it. My H has high hopes and a huge positive attitude that she is going to get better in a few days and be weaned off.

I have to tell you that I don't see it that way. She is weary and tired, she has been ready to leave this life for a very long time, long past being ready to go. I believe that today was her day, her time to pass. I am not passing judgement on my brother in law and H, if it were my MOM, I might have done the same thing. Though I seriously doubt it, I want to honor her wishes, and I would not want to keep her alive artificially, it is a brutal thing to witness.

Well, this is where we are today. There is much more to this story, but I am tired, and have another long day tomorrow.Probably many more long days coming at us!!!

If you pray, please please, pray for her and the rest of us! If not, please be thinking about our heartache.

Thanks for reading this, I hope you can understand my late night writing!!!!

Wishing you and yours peace at this difficult time.

BWB, My thoughts and prayers are with you. Sending you a big hug. Make sure to take care of yourself now the best you can and try to rest too. I do know it's very hard.

Thank you all!!!!!

I woke at llam, and getting ready to go back to my Mil's house {next door}.

She is still hanging in there and not ready to go!!!

big hugs to you all !!!!!!!!!!

BWB, my heart and prayers go out to you.Get as much rest as possible.

You have my prayers for all of you. I wish I good be there to hold your hand and help in some way.

The doctors have done all they can. She came home today and hospice is here. It is 4:54 am, I just sat down to take a little break.

The time is near, she is in God's hands.

I will write more when I can.

Thanks for asking!!!!

Blue, it's been a couple of days - how is it?

Blue, when my mom had her car wreck in 99, she was placed on a ventilator 'cause she was unconscious for a while from a head injury. Because of her smoking, she could not wean off the machine, plus pneumonia set in quickly. After a certain amount of time, the throat tube has to go and a tracheostomy was performed. After her traumatic wounds had healed enough (long story in those few words), she was transferred to a facility, Vencor, which specialized in ventilator-dependent people. They made all the difference. They got her weaned off the vent in a couple of week's time and after being there for about 3 weeks, I called one day to check on her and the nurse asked if I would like to talk with her! I didn't think I would ever hear her voice again... It was a pretty moving little conversation! So, miracles DO happen and are routinely performed every day by people talented in such things. What makes the difference is the patient and whether they are in shape enough to help with the miracle. If Mom were put on a ventilator today, she would not make it off again. If your MIL fights, she'll make it; if she is ready to go to the other side, she'll let go. Y'all will know when it's time to say "when." Until then, push away the negativity and embrace the love flowing your way.

Blue, I am out of my element, when it comes to days on a vent. Sorry I don't have anything of help to add there. I think that letting go of life as you know it must be very hard to do, regardless of faith.

To look once more into the faces of your children must be more enticing than hoping you will join up with those who have gone on before. Oh, Who knows. Not me. Hang in there. How is Dad?

My first thought sweetie is not to go there but I know you need to know yes the chances do tend to decrease but thats not the case with every patient either some have the will to fight she may surprise you so dont give up, shes scared and until she shows everyone the time has come then and only then do you give in to the inevitable...
You will know Blue, you will be able to see it in her eyes, let your faith lead you right now not your emotions, you know what I mean
Everyone is acting on fear and thats a powerful thing to be in a room full of people that are exuding this emotion, take a deep breath and calm yourself block out all of the talk around you and concentrate on your faith that gives you peace to be able to handle all this thats happening around you sweetheart

Today is the third day for Mil to be on vent. They tried weaning her yesterday and today, but she was too weak both times. She opens her eyes and we read her lips, she wants to go home, we do not think she understands where she is, and what is going on with her.

A question, is it true that if a patient is on a ventilator for more than 5 days, the chances of them being strong enough, or even having the will to breath on their own is decreased? I don't know what is going to happen tomorrow after they try to wean her again. My H says he does not want to see her suffer, after watching his Dad's struggle and suffering before his death he does not want that for his mother.

She seems to be afraid to be alone, she holds our hands tightly when we tell her it is time for us to leave. I am so broken hearted for her, to see her in this condition, is agianst every fiber of her being.We just have to take the best care of her possible, and live in God's time.

hugs to all, bwb

Blue, I am glad to hear the things seem to be working out for the best. Maybe this will be the breather needed to get everyone on the same page. Hopefully the new hospice will work more responsively for you. Please feel my hugs and support coming your way.

I am so GLAD that things are going so well for ALL of you! Not many times can we say that multiple crises all resolve well at the same time! The angels are smilin' on y'all!!!

I wish I could reach out and give you all a big hug!!!!!

Mil is being weaned off the vent, and becoming more alert. She was holding H hand this evening, and not wanting him to leave.

Dad had a second surgery on his hand today, I brought him home with me. I dont know how long he is going to be here, and never thought I would have him in my home, but we are doing it, and he is behaving nicely, he is very grateful and appreciative that I have taken the time for him. He tells me he loves me. That's a wonderful thing.

Good thoughts going out to you all, and hoping your life is giving you something a little sweet right now!!!!

BWB, I am so thrilled to hear she is doing good.Always makes my day to read such.So you see, the choice was the right one.I thank ed god each time they tried something.At least they did not give up .
Bless all of you .Keep us informed, please

Mae, you are so right.

I was not there in the midst of the crisis, just going by the info I got over the phone. My brother in law walked in witnessed it all and made the right call. Had I been there, I would have called 911 right off the bat.

MIl is doing so good that they are taking the tube out today.

Thanks to everyone for sharing your experiences painful as it is to recall, it helps the rest of us.

big hugs to you all and hope things go good for you and your loved ones today!!!!

BWB, pay attention to youre instincts.
Everything that was done was done to make them compfortable.You have to witness a loved one struggling to breathe to understand they did the right thing.They cannot allow the person to struggle as they do when the lungs are no functioning as they should.That would be so cruel to not do something .
Many times the staff of a hospice is so much better then the ones who manage.
I did not hesittate to fire the first hospice.They had a nursing home mentality and I would not tolerate fast judgements.
The second hospice knew me and knew what I would and would not tolerate.I learned nice gals do not get the attention they want.Take the bull buy the horn at the beginning.
I had one aide for my husband and aunt and we became best friends and she was excellent.
I never had a problem with her.A few did not live up to my expectations and I let the agency know.They are getting paid to work for the afflicted.I must say medicare pays them very well.I made sure they gave me what they were paid to give.

Blue I see this often enough to tell you what they said to you is accurate theres only a few RN's working in Hospice and the rest are LVN's and CNA/HHA's I work in conjunction with Hospice and that is what works best
Hospice can give you names of agencies that work along with them since they can not come to each patients home everytime something goes wrong.
They are mostly "on call" so at any given time the person you do contact can be a good drive away from you they run their agency much the same way we do they have an office with an RN, LVN & CNA on staff to answer the calls and if after speaking to you they feel it needs personal attention they will send someone out to you that is most likely out in the field or just happens to be in the office so its always best to just call 911 then call them to inform them of the emergency. Most times I call the Hospice team myself to update the status of a patient if I see changes and they most times guide me if its a difficult case now thats not suppose to be like that but I happen to like covering my butt if you knowaddimean then I call my office
I would hire an outside agency for a CNA to come in and not rely on them alot of my patients are Kaiser under Hospice care and they have the choice to either choose the Kaiser team or us as an alternate, as far as I have heard most families are more comfortable with us coming in rather than the team from Kaiser so there you have it. I believe we offer more compassion at least thats what Iv heard from the LO's and trust me Iv seen Hospice come in to talk about "it" suffice it to say they need to go check themselves quick cause Id like to tear them a new one half the time

Mae, how sweet of you to share that painful time in your life, I can't imagine not being able to give comfort to someone so dear!

We are changing hospice, that is a fact. I think we will all be happier and more assured. I do not want to take away from the wonderful nurses, the office managment is sinking this place, what a shame!!!!!