|
Go
|
New
|
Find
|
Notify
|
Tools
|
Reply
|
|
|
Junior Member |
Hi, I'm Daehota or Dae or just plain Dee and have spent the last coupla years caring for my parents. Dad died late last September and now Mom is getting close to passing. Thing is, it is hard to understand taking her into the hospital for one thing and something completely else is fixin to do her in. She fought me every inch of the way getting her in there, too, you know?
But in all probability she won't be coming home. I'm as in shock as I've ever been without having grevious injury to my own self. I'm glad this site is here because at least some of you must understand what this is like for me. I have decisions to make and last night I called all the relatives that needed calling; talk about a couple of messed up hours...jeez. I'd appreciate any practical advice and emotional support you guys have. Daehota, the emotional wreck (I'd like to fly, but I ain't got wings) |
||
|
Senior Member |
Dee, welcome!! Sweet Melissa knows what she's talking about. She has sage words of wisdom and has "walked the walk." ~ Janie ~ |
|||
|
Senior Member |
Hi Daehota (tis a beautiful name)-
My sympathies on the loss of your father, and the pain you're dealing with now facing the loss of your mother. My parents died four months apart in 2002 after I'd cared for them for several years so I have been down this road. My practical advice to you would be to delegate as much as possible. Things like mowing the lawn, running errands, paying bills, cooking, cleaning...etc..... if you have a husband, older kids, friends, good neighbors who are capable of and want to help you - let them. The less you have to worry about day to day "stuff" the more you can focus on your mother. If you can, try to do something relaxing for yourself when you can. Take a hot bath, meditate, go for a walk,garden.. whatever gives you peace and allows you private time to gather your thoughts. The noise in one's mind can get overwhelming quickly. You need time just for you. All those relatives? See if there is one of them you can relay news to who can relay it on to the others. I did that with my West Coast relatives and it saved me a lot of time and having to repeat a painful story usually at the end of an emotionally and physically exhausting day. Tell your mother everything in your heart that you would want her to know. Even if she's not conscious, she still may well hear. When the time comes, let your mother know it's okay to go. I believe that sometimes our loved ones hold on for us, and it helps them to do what they must if we tell them that we understand they must go on to the next part of their journey and it is alright to go. As Mae mentioned, a grief support group could help you a lot. I attended sessions held by the funeral home I used for both my parents' funerals, and found it very helpful. Hospices also have grief therapy and I am pretty sure they're open to anyone. Remember, no emotion you feel is wrong. What's wrong is if you try to keep it all stuffed inside and let any of it eat you up because you feel it's wrong. Share with a support group, with friends , on this forum, with your family - with whomever you feel safe and trusting. And accept any hug offered you by good people- I am so sorry for your pain- take good care of yourself - Melissa "Whatever tomorrow brings, I"ll be there-with open arms and open eyes" |
|||
|
Senior Member |
Dee, I am not one to be able to give advice on the subject of someone passing.
My best is to share what you are feeling with a friend, family, etc.Allow your self to cry and feel all the emotions that come with the knowledge a loved one will leave us. If possible, find a grief support group . Keep friends around when needed.There are times when you will want to grieve in private. |
|||
|
Senior Member |
Dee, Like the others have said, breathe and keep breathing,,,, take a moment to be kind to yourself. I will light a candle for you in the ECO group and you are invited to light one for yourself and for your Mom.
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng&gi=ECO You notice my signature, the crystal ball is in the shop?? I can only say that life can take many surprising turns, be prepared for the worst but be able to enjoy any and all special moments. There will be some to see you through this. You didn't say why your Mom is dying and it isn't necessary, I just know once we thought my Mom (89 then) was certainly not going to come home, but she did. Now she is 93. I never saw that coming. Just keep checking in when you can, we are here for you however it goes to offer you support in any way we can. * the crystal ball (*) is in the shop>>>> |
|||
|
|
Senior Member |
I'm so sorry for your troubles.
When my father passed away and Mom needed care, an experienced person gave us good advice: For the next six months, just breathe. If you get other things done, that's great, but praise yourself for getting through one moment to the next because sometimes that is enough to ask of yourself. This is one of those times. |
|||
|
Senior Member |
Hello Daehota what a beautiful name
 Please accept my condolences on the passing of your father. Life has a way of dealing from the bottom of the deck sometimes huh? Sage words? I dont know...but I do know loss I deal with it more than most folks do and the only thing I can say to you is that when the time comes I often ask for a peaceful end to the suffering and try my best to ensure they are comfortable and have anything they want even if its just to hold their hand. Everyone deals with loss in their own unique way but your words make me think of the loss of my mom and the way I felt when she left this world. I had to make all those calls like you, it was a horrible few hours that I could barely manage to get thru as I watched my mom drift out of this world. The one thing that gave me some sort of peace was actually something my mom said to me the night before, she had a dream the previous night, she was walking thru the halls of the hospital and saw her entire family long since passed...I believe helping her not to feel so alone on her journey yet to come. Daehota, the loss you feel will be profound it is after all your mother, there is only one person in this life that actually has a bond with you like this, it is a unique and wondrous bond one that can not be duplicated no matter how hard you try. Take time for yourself and always remember you are a part of her and everytime you feel that loss all you need do is look into the mirror and within your heart to see and hear your mothers love.... (((hugs))) ********************************************** Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit. |
|||
|
| Powered by Eve Community |
 | Please Wait. Your request is being processed... |
|
(c) 1997-2008 Prism Innovations, Inc. All Rights Reserved