I had a very strange thought about death the other day.
People die before we know it, even if we're right there at the bedside, holding their hands.
We spend agonizing minutes waiting for them to take another breath, not quite realizing 'that's the last one', until the next one never happens. So yes, we may be with our loved ones at the moment of their passing, but there is that period of time, however short it may be, before we really know they're gone.
Does that make sense to anybody? Forgive me if it sounds screwy; I've been trying so hard to get my life in order since May, and just found out yesterday that my mom has advanced pancreatic cancer. She will most probably live less than a year. I suspect also that I will lose my dad not too long after. She is his life.

Sushil welcome it is a pleasure to have you here
Are you frightened by these thoughts?
Have you lost a loved one recently?

Welcome sushil - Do you find the feelings you are having comforting - like having good spirits surrounding you, or do you find them frightening?

Mostly, when I feel ones on the other side near me, it's a comfort to me.

DW, so very sorry to hear about your Mom's cancer.
...sigh...

I don't think any of us know the exact instant of death (unless something quite sudden and complete happens like an asteroid lands on ya and even then, I would probably wonder...) and I am not sure it matters... There are some things we just can't quite get our minds around... I think it's a path that some have returned from, some wait just outside the door, some waffle and feel indecisive, some head right for the light and never look back - in short, the moment of death is as individual as the people were in life. The physical events that happen just prior to death and just after can be very confusing and upsetting. Despite the number of times I have seen people and companions die, each one has been different.

Recently, I lost a 12 year feline buddy. Even though I KNEW she was dead, I watched her die, I wrapped her body and dug her grave, when it came time, I couldn't bury her because she was still warm. Now I KNEW better, but I also knew better than to force myself, so as irrational as it was, I waited until the next day. It doesn't matter if anyone in the whole wide world understood, I did. I was uncomfortable and that was enough for me.

Be extra kind to yourself during this time. There are questions with no answers and no real reason other than they are all a part of letting go and becoming accustomed to our losses. It takes a long time to understand stuff and I am not sure we ever really do... I think we simply make a peace with the changes in our life that the death created - one day at a time.

Again, so sorry to hear about your mom's diagnosis. We'll all be here when/if you need... {{{HUGS}}}

DW Man do I know what you are talkin about.
Even if they are intubated you logically know they took their last breath.
I remember when mom passed all we were waiting for was the monitors to be shut off still seeing her chest rise and fall albeit mechanically, her eyes jaundiced yes I know the medical dam side of me took over and saw things that I know say
"Hey you moron wake up truth time" (I can be real hard on myself at times sorry) I kept having this fear that I told everyone too soon she had passed and that Id have to call everyone back and tell them she was still alive.
Our heads absorb it our hearts are playing catch up sweetie.
How can we honestly say goodbye to someone whom we have loved like no other, no amount of common sense is gonna get through to us when we are processing this huge loss in our life
I am so sorry on your moms diagnosis DW. Know that you and your family are in my thoughts.

(((Mar)))

Yes, Donswife I know what you mean. When my husband died it was at home in our bed. I knew it was going to happen as his cancer had spread and well sometimes you just kind of know. I was there holding his hand and talking to him when I heard the "rattle breath" and then nothing. I have never heard such quiet even though there was noise upstairs with my son, his friend and my mom were watching TV. I waited and then my brother came over and right into the room and saw Doug had died. I was sitting there just waiting for that just one more breath. For my mom I was away but when I got the call, even though I once again Knew it was going to happen (hospice at both times had told me it would be hours, days the most) when I got the call there was this disbelief and this time even my son felt it too (he was 12 when my husband died). My dad and grandparents who I was close to all died in the hospital when we were not there. I don't know why but I accepted that right away. Donswife, I have to tell you I never talked about this but thank you this topic. Sometimes I just feel so weird on how I feel.