yesterday, my dil and I were visiting with the Night care giver. He had never known my fil, when he was a healthy person ( so to speak). He came on board after his first TIA, and is still with my MIl. She had remembered passing him on the road one day, (he was still driving, against all of our wishes, this was before we actually took his truck off of the premesis to keep him and others safe), he never saw her pass, his face was plastered to the steering wheel, he was watching the white dotted line, and the yellow line on the right, making sure to stay in between. She said it was always so funny because you knew his truck, by seeing his head pressed forward and glued to the road. A dangerous, yet amusing rememberance.

I remembered him today, if ever I found a snake in the yard, he was johnny on the spot, with his special rake, to kill the snake, or take it away if it was not dangerous.

He was a master with his hands, working with wood, he built beautiful bread boxes, benches, book shelves for his grandkids away at college. I remember how proud he was when we brought the babies, and the grand babies home from the hospital, how eager he was to "babysit", haha, like that was going to happen!!! Anyway, his heart was in a good place about that stuff, he just wanted to be of some help, and that is a good memory for me.

Right now, the ugly stuff is still there, but it is starting to fade away, as I remember things, and am able to laugh about them.

It does get easier.

It is wonderful to hear that the better memories are coming in to temper the agony of these past few months BWB. While I still remember the difficulties that I had with my Dad over time and with my Bro who passed away 3 years ago, as the raw spots healed over, I have been able to remember that those hard times were only a small part of our lives. There were many , many good good things to remember. And a few regrets. I wish I had made my Bro more of those fish cake he loved. I am sorry I was so angry with him so often in his last few years. That can't be changed. But now I remember more, the time he gave me my first guitar and taught me chords C D & G. The good times do comeback, the little things.

I remembered today, how much my fil loved my cooking. He felt better when I made Banana Pudding, or maybe lemon bars. He loved fried fish and shrimp, he would eat cold fish from the day before.

When we used to bake cookies, and there was always that tray that was left in too long, maybe so dark brown they were almost burned. I would put them aside, the kids would always say, take them to Papaw, he will eat anything. And he did!

Sometimes if I had sent him something, he might call the next day to see if I had anymore. Even when he started to have a hard time walking, it was such a chore for him, because he was almost blind in one eye and had Macular Degeneration...he would walk to my house and bring the empty dishes back. After thanking me, he would suggest that if I had anything else I might not want, or my H did not want, just to send it his way and he would love to have it.

He was far from starving, but loved good home cooking. I wish I could have taken him a plate of the smothered pork chops, mashed potatoes and sweet peas I cooked for supper tonight...he would have been so thankful!!!!!!!

To those who promised me that the good memories would come back, I thank you all, for they have!! It is all so bitter sweet!!!!!

BWB (((HUG)))