Mom got her wings between 4-5am this morning.

Merrwid's husband was there and made them for her.

I'll be back to the board, when all the arrangements are finished.

bnot,

I have read many of your posts, and they have given me strength. It breaks my heart to read that you lost your mom. I hope it makes you feel at least a little better to know that you have helped people like me, who do still shout on the Anger Board and who are really struggling with caring for an aging parent.

I hope you continue to take the best care of yourself possible. You most certainly deserve it. I offer you a cyber {{hug}} from me, a total stranger, whom you have helped in ways you do not even know. I thank you, and I thank your mom! God bless you and comfort you.

Late nights sure hurt

Breathe and eat a lot of chocolate. Bless those smart people who thought to bring comfort food. I'm so glad to hear you're keeping your foot up and keeping a good outlook. :-)

Absolutely, I will remind you to breathe, honey child. I think we all find these things to be true.

Keep taking care of yourself. Your Mom, would demand it.

Yesterday was ok, I had company a few times. Calls to see if I'm ok.

Trying to get back into my old routine, minus keeping my foot up. That's hard as my old routine before Mom came had nothing to do with keeping my foot up, its the exact oppoiste.

One of neices friends (the one that always tees me off when she's drunk) came by yesterday, with a mocha frapachino, a 7oz hershey bar and a bag of hershey's candy.


Neighbor came over, and drank coffee with me for a few hours.

I was fine, till I read the daily word and laid down for sleep. Then bam.... I talked outloud to Mom telling her all the things I missed already. Even the things that got on my last nerve, I'd love just one more time for that to happen.

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist Aug 7th. Just happened I got some paperwork in the mail she has to fill out for me, for my disability. I'm sure I'll need that, as Mom's 96th birthday is Aug 4th.

I think somewhere in the trunk of my car, I had some birthday presents, I'd picked up when I saw them. Nothing expensive, as Mom loved the large print Word Find books, where you circle the word in what looks like a large puzzle. I started playing with those when I hurt my foot, as I had a lot of time on my hands, sitting down with my foot up. Good way to take care of time, and keep the mind occupied.

Her walker is still in the trunk too. I haven't even unpacked her stuff from the hospital. Its still in totes in her bedroom. Little stuff like that I know I need to do, but right now, taking care of this blood clot in my leg, keeping it elevated.

I know now, its time to take care of me. And doing the best I can with that. I thought for sure I'd be in the nut ward before after Mom passed, but I've made it at least 4 days now, and am ok, except for grieving some, which is perfectly normal.

Hanging tight, and remembering to breath (cause I know thats what you all will remind me to do, lol).

quote:

This morning at 1:20 am, her emergency thing she wore around her neck went off. She must have been telling me she got where she was going.

Yep. Hang in there, dear. The routines we establish with our LOs die hard... and it takes time for us to fill our hours with different events. One day at a time, we get through and one day at a time, we find our way back. {{{{HUGS}}}}

Thanks all ya'll.

Mom got the last laugh a few minutes ago.

I had to wash clothes. At the hospital, they kept hospital gowns on her. So none of her clothes were in that first load.

I opened the washer after it got though with my first load.

There were pieces of "booger rags" all in the washing machine!!!

She used to stuff the kleenex in her pocket after she'd use them, or keep a pocket full of kleenex. She never took them out, and I'd always forget to check her pockets. So of course, there were always pieces of booger rags in the washer and dryer.

When I opened the washer and seen booger rag peices all over it, I had to laugh, look up and say Mom, you got me this time. Wasn't your clothes that had booger rags, I know it was mine, or you stuffed one in there.

Bren, It is good to hear that you have so many loving poeple around you. I know you miss her and the routine. I understand about Raymond.

Seems today, the folks that didn't come to the house after the funeral showed today, after niece left. I suppose they didn't care to watch all of nieces friends drink yesterday. Can't blame them. I would have loved for everyone to be sober myself.

I really enjoyed the ones that came today. First it was my 2 sisters. They helped me call a few places, and get things picked up, and that medical alarm thing in the mail. That darn thing was going off at 1:20 this morning! Suppose it was Mom saying she was safe.

Mom's lady from the church came. We had cake and coffee. I really enjoyed talking to her and my 2 sober sisters here. She promised to visit often.

Then Mom's neighbors of 30 years came this evening. Big sis left, baby sis had left earlier. Sat on the porch and talked. They stayed till about 9pm. I've known them a very long time, and watched them have children, and Mom was SO close to them.

So suppose someone has been here all day. Starting to slowly wind down some.

Kept my foot up most of the day. So working on self care now. I sure miss her, and I'm sure as the night wears on, I will think about our night routine, and just wish that breathing treatment was going on at 11pm.

I can't watch Everybody loves raymond.

At least it was a much calmer day today.

Darn, bnot, you fooled your sisters!!! You are gonna be OK, sweetie.

Op, daily word has kept me going since about 1992.

Niece is gone now. House is eerie quiet. I fooled sisters, as I was able to go to the bathroom without pulling them both out first.

But they will be here shortly.

Called Social Security. I knew I had to do that, asap. Thats the only thing, knew I had to do today.

Dunno what I need to do next. I don't think there is really anything important.

Gave niece some of Mom's stuff as Mom had her, her first 9 years, and she moved back in with Mom when she was almost 16. Most of it was stuff, I had no use for, or things she'd given Mom over the years. Either she lived with Mom, or Mom lived with her till Dec 29, 07. They were really close. I didn't give her anything I really wanted to keep that meant a lot to me. And I asked her what she wanted, she didn't ask me.

She said when she comes in late August, she'd help me with some of Mom's stuff if I'm up to it. I'd given Mom my bedroom when she moved in, the master bedroom. I know at some point, whenever, I will want it back. But Mom got up 2-3 times a night to pee, and I didn't. So I gave her the bedroom with the 1/2 bath.

Taking care of my foot today, I do have it elevated. Time to take care of me now, as I've done all I can do for Mom.

I look back with no regrets. I did the best I could, and she was happy. I had 1-1/2 years of pure quality time with her I never expected to have when she moved to Tx in 02.

I knew I wouldn't win the battle, but so far, I haven't gone down with the ship.

This morning at 1:20 am, her emergency thing she wore around her neck went off. She must have been telling me she got where she was going.

bnot, I am so sorry for your loss.What you feel is felt by all who care about you.Too many of us have traveled this road and it is a long one.Another journey is about to begin for you.Take many deeps breathes and know your loved one is now watching over you.I have no words of wisdom as it took me so long to find my life again.

Daily Word is such a wonderful resource. Relentlessly positive. My mom has given me a subscription as a Christmas gift for...well, as long as I've been reading. I'm glad you have it to hand. Be patient with yourself. Mourning takes awhile.

quote:

I know this first night after the funeral, at times, has really sucked. I thought I was out of tears, but looks like the ducts manufactured more today.

I find talking to Mike helps sometimes. Also I started a new journal when he passed. I just filled that one and started a new one today. It has helped me a few times to read back esp. over the first few weeks. In fact I just read part of it today realized how numb I was the first while. My tear ducks still work but not nearly as often or as long. I'm sure the dogs wouldn't mind some extra attention and talking from you-I'm sure they miss your Mom too.

I'm so dang lost right now. Mom and my together routine is gone, and gone forever. Feel like I almost lost a soul mate.

Not that it was anything worth writing about, watching the news, and Everybody loves Raymond. I'd tuck her in bed after a breathing treatment, and read the Daily Word for the day. Whole time one of my dogs slowly sneaking up on her stomach, trying to slowly get to kiss her in the mouth. She always put her hand over her mouth, and said "I'm not kissing anything in the mouth who licks their butt"

I'm lost. Totally lost. I'd never been one to read out loud, but kept at it with the daily word, as she loved it so much.

The quality time, is something nobody can ever replace. I sure miss that tonight.

I know some times will be easier than others. Right now, it ain't easy. No telling how I'll feel in 5 minutes.

I know this first night after the funeral, at times, has really sucked. I thought I was out of tears, but looks like the ducts manufactured more today.

Thanks you all. Got my dogs back, and the mystery of the missing double deadbolt key figured out. Wasn't missing. The girl that let the church lady in with the food, took it out and hid it with the hide a key we had for Mom's alarm. Neice had let her in, so she didn't need to use the hide a key to get in. So none of those keys are no longer outside now. Whew...I was thinking I was going to have to have the locks rekeyed tomorrow.

Gawd, what a scare.

Neice and bf will be leaving tomorrow. So my home will be really quiet after they leave. Baby sis is coming by after she gets off work.

A phone call after 8:00PM isn't welcome unless the person has permission to call.

One after 10:00PM, unless is a real emergency, is innaceptable. People who cares knows you need rest and peace. And talking about rest, hope you are getting enough to cope with the so many things you need to do.

A big hug.

Diana

I just got on here and I am so sorry bnot about your mom. Sending you a big hug and remember to be kind to yourself and rest.

Well, there ya' go.
Your Mom is being watched by the best Caregiver there could ever be, and now there's an angel watching over you, and YOU KNOW HER NAME!
I think that in the beginning, we all need a bit of alone time. We didn't get much when we were caring for our loved ones. We were somehow able to push away our grieving, because something else demanded our immediate attention.
Brenda, it doesn't seem like you're ready to shut off the rest of the world permanently, so don't feel you have to justify or explain wanting to be alone at this moment. Everyone who called you knows that you too know how to use a phone, and you will call them back when you're ready.
I just love funny stories at funerals. I'll let you chuckle as you remember some from today for yourself, and in a little while I'll tell one on my dear Granny. Yeah, she's gone too. Her favorite color was "sky blue pink", so I imagine her with that (whatever it really is!)
color wings. Only problem is, she never really said if she preferred gold or silver wing-tips.
Ah well, I guess it depends on her mood of the day.
Hugs to you, Brenda. Bet we'll all be here when you get back.