When I got to Mom's Fri. morning, the funeral home was loading up my Mom's neighbor. Such a lovely man and such a lovely little woman left behind. I have posted before about the involvement my Mom's team has had in the situation, (what to do in a fall) . Now, I want to praise the neighbor in her efforts to keep her husband at home and care for him ,and share a reflection.
She never used a computor, so she never met any of you, but her hubby was champ, and so was(is)she. He was 89, she is in her late 70's, she had (has) all the right stuff. A daughter with her husband came from across the whole country to be with them at this time, arrived a week ago, to spend time together as things got tough. Bless them all,
She told me that he began to suffer serious pain, but hospice was there to help stop the pain. If she hadn't seen him suffer, she would not have been able to let go, but to see him pass in peace, she was at peace, herself.
Please join me in all good thoughts and hopes for this dear widow. A super care giver if there ever was one. I can only hope I have her courage.

Spoke to the recent widow( hate the word) yesterday. All company and relatives have headed home. She had a large bag of oranges for me to devide amomg the care givers at Mom's, in thanks for their help when it was called for, and while I was with her, the reg mailman came by and told her (in front of me) that all she needed to do, was pin a note to out going mail if she needed an errand done and he would take care of it after work. This same man picked my Dad up out of the driveway once, before his spinal cancer was diagnosed, and before he admitted to us that he (Dad)needed help. The mailguy called my brother(they are in some civic club together) to alert him of a problem. This Mail carrier needs major credit, as one of those CG helpers. God bless Jay.

Neighbor's memorial service was tonight. More of a visitation of sorts. Sitting together and sharing memories. No sort of service. Cremation was awhile ago. everyone was well accustomed to the idea, and there was no religious affiliation, so a "visiting" of caring people, just sitting and talking together, seemed to be the way to go for them. This neighbor of my Mom's was as good as they come. He was a great friend to my Dad, and a good help when Dad was ill. I will realy miss seeing him out in the yard and walking his little dogs.
I only hope I can find time to check on his widow from time to time. May be share a vegetable garden this year.

Sweetrsue, if you are running a pop-up blocker on your browser, you will have to give it permission to allow popups from this site.

Try allowing popups from this URL and see if it helps...
http://eldercare.infopop.cc/

I can't totally remember what I had to do the first time I loaded it up... I think it's a java appelet and you may have to download it to your computer the first time... or it may be an activex control (Microsoft IE's perferred poison)... I use Firefox so I don't think it was an activex control... pretty sure it is java...mumble, mumble,mumble... swigs more coffee...

ANYWAY...

Let the window stay open for a bit because it takes a few moments for it to do what it has to do the first time - you may simply have not waited long enough. When I open the chatroom, it takes about a minute to load up (I am using a high speed cable connection, so dialup or DSL will take a bit longer).

PM me if you still have trouble and I'll try to help you work through it. Despite the built-in frustrations of caregiving in our lives, computers don't care - they just keep adding to our general frustration level!

sweetrsue welcome in, so glad you found us.
I hope to see more of you here sweetie our doors are always open

Hi Moms,
Thanks for responding. I tried to go to the chat room and I go to a blank screen with two small boxes in it. I tried clicking on the boxes but it affects nothing. The struggles I have seem small at this point. Things like trying to get my Dad to brush his teeth. Weathering the storm when he resents me for it. It just gets lonely with nobody else to talk to. I work during the day so that he can keep the daytime caregiver he has had for a year. I don't want to upset his applecart but I work as a caregiver for a little lady who needs monitering. She is easier to deal with than my Dad. The fact remains however that conversations with people who have all their facilties is rare in my life now. I guess I've come here to help get some of my thoughts out. I appreciate the opportunity...Thanks

Welcome, Sweetrsue! Glad you found us here! Your sense of humour will get you through unpleasant, sad and uncomfortable times better than nearly anything in the world!

FYI, there IS a chatroom here... click on "GO" from the menu above, select "Chatrooms" then click on "The Eldercare Chatroom."

There is no scheduled chat, so generally, it's a good idea to start a topic in the "Casual Corner" forum that you are hanging around the chatroom, and if others see you there, they will join you. I think some folks pop in there every so often around 7 pm CST, but not sure.

If there are folks with whom you'd like to chat, you can always send them a PM or "Personal Message"
("GO">"Personal Zone">"Private Messenging" then click on "New Private Message").
You can also PM a member by clicking on their name on the forum, then select "Invite *whomever* to a Private Topic." That will take you directly to the window to post a message to that person.

I wish there was a chat room too, but then it dawns on me that if there was, I wouldn't get anything done. I'd be chatting all day about how having my dad home with me is changing my life for the better. I feel like I'm being put to a new challenge everyday, and when I come out of it, I feel like my life before this endeavor was not as selfless as it is now. p.s. I know the feeling about the bag... sometimes I wish I could just be like dad and wear depends all day long. It would save so much time, and water!!!

Hey Bob cat. You seem to be a constant visiter. I have been looking for a chat room to share thoughts and daily frustrations. I just moved from Washington to California tom care for my Father. He is 79 and has had several strokes and a bout with blader cancer. They removed the blader and now Dad and I are dealing with bags of urine. When we go places and I have to go to the bathroom I tell him I don't have the luxury of peeing into a bag. I don't know if I am in the right place for my ramblings. I have had some small frustrations but I seem to be dealing with them OK. Sometimes Dad likes to cover for not remembering by being a jerk. He's a proud man and I don't think he knows any other way to cover it and he can't admit his shortcomings.

BC As I type my son is out there plowing out the neighborhood. My one neighbor went around the whole court with his plow and did the sidewalks and Dan is now doing the elderly neighbor across the street and I told him to do next door where the kid did ours two weeks ago and is still sleeping as he has no school, Catholic Schools close quicker then Public here so where he's off I have delayed opening. We have talked about moving south once mom goes but still not sure where. I'd like to stay right here but not sure if we can afford all the utilities and taxes as well as paying off half the house to my brother. Right now my credit is not good at all because of the situations I've been in, long story but caused by my brother, so who knows. I'd love you to come up here. Compared to Trenton this is country.

If i ever have an urge to go further North, I'm looking you up. So far the most North I actually lived has been Trenton, NJ. Back in the mid 70's for a few years, and I will honestly say the people were very nice inspite of all the Yankee jokes I run into here, back home. I loved all the delis and neighborhood activity. One of those "Yankee" neighbors may have very well saved my life.
seperate from that disaster, stayed in asbury park for a while. Then scooted south again. But not because Northern neighbors were inhospitable, far from it. Just had to go south.
Mar, what you say about your neighborhood just reinforces my thoughts and experiences, there are neighborhoods, and there are zones of inhabitance, and it really doesn't matter what part of the country. or even which country, you live in, neighborhood, if you have it is a precious thing, and if it doesn't exist where you are, well we got your back here as best we can.

I guess I'm really lucky where I live. I live in on a dead end court and I'd say most if not all of the neighbors are friendly. In the last 10 years there has been a turnover and the new people keep to themselvs but have learned to wave and say HI over the years. This is the house I grew up in, came back to after a year of marriage with my husband because my dad was ill and mom needed help with him, and my son has grown up in. It is NOT my house but 1/2 mine and 1/2 the "lovely" do nothing brothers. When my husband died I didn't have to cook or worry about my mom (dad had passed 2 years prior to hubbys). I had hot meals on the table every night and my neighbor even made sure to take my son fishing on his boat quite a few times. How I wish you could all live here. Hey bring the chickens, we won't tell. My neighbor had 2 hens for the longest time till they died. We even had the girl across the street bring her horse here and put it in the backyard. Is it legal in this town????NO WAY. But as long as it isn't doing harm and you clean up after it...no problem. Over here we'd sit out and talk at night with the beverage of your choice on hand. Everyone will watch your loved ones and if they do get out will escort them, like they did my mom, on a walk and take them into their house till I got home from work and feed them. So are you guys packing your bags? Harry we even have a nice little stip mall up the block you can have to set up the bar!!

SandyF, if you think you can tolerate the 5 degree winter days, sudden changes between thaws and freezes, 101 degree summer days with 99% humidity and no breeze, I'ld love you for a neighbor. We only have a hurricane hit once every 3 years or so, and so far our tornado activity is sporadic, not wide spread. The storms with quarter sized hail are rare, and once we have a good ice event, it brings enough stuff down at once to limit damage from another for another 5 or 6 years. People here do try to look out for one another and you can have chickens. So stock up on cracked corn and come on up.

SandyF, I knew there were good reasons not to be in organized communities with covenants or what ever they call their rule systems, But I never thought they would go so far. I just knew they wouldn't let me have my goats, or chickens(when I geta flock back). That was so D**n Pi**y I am just floored. I think of my self as a minute late and a dollar short with the social graces, always trying to live up to the example I was set and still ask my 92 year old Mom about the proper things I need to do. Am I really old fashioned? Let it come back, please. We are all old fashioned here, I guess.

BC, your neighbors are quite lucky to have you. It's so heartwarming when people show compassion...it can turn your day around no matter what's going on.

When my father was dying, hospice was here, the primary nurse came to do her daily checkup, my brother was here and our private aid was here. That equalled 4 cars in the driveway and on the street. My next door neighbor came knocking on my door and said, "While I know you have your hands full with your father, we have to abide by the rules and these cars are parked on the wrong side of the street. They have to move their cars." (monthly alternating on even numbered addresses one month, the next month, odd side). She said that she had company that day (Christmas day too, that scrooge) and she asked all of her guests to move their cars, that she wasn't singling me out, that sweet dear of a neighbor. People like her are great reminders of the difference a little kindness can make in someone's life and especially the difference some homemade soup can make too!

P.S. I'm moving next door to you.

Some how, she is on of the lucky ones, she's earned it, but we all know we don't always get what we need even if we have earned it. Daughter and sil will be staying on for a few more weeks. They are making sure home maintenence is up to date and that she gets back involved with some of her civic and charity work before they leave as well as organizing all the paper headaches. They are great.
I took 'em some homemade soup and bread the other day, and they were pleased. Indicated that they really enjoyed this quaint southern custom of bring food over. I thought everyone everywhere did this. I know it's not just a southern thing. People have so much to do at a time like this, that they need to be able to reach in the fridge and find something to eat, or they so often don't bother to keep their strength up. So much trouble to go to the store or cook.

Bobcat, our hearts and prayers are with this lady.Now she will need a shoulder to get past the pain, the void that she will experience.Sounds like she is surrounded by caring people, hope that continues.

Nothing to add at the moment but thanks everyone, and SandyF, glad to to help but a little sad about how.

He's out of pain and that is a consolation to his wife, I'm sure. They both sound like very gentle, loving people....it's all so bittersweet. When my father passed, the first words from my mother were, "He's out of pain now." When he first fell ill, she broke down and within 6 months, this person emerged that I had never known existed. Besides taking full control and making certain he was well provided for, one thing I know because of my mothers care is that my father knew how loved and cherished he was. It sounds as if your mothers neighbor was loved and cherished and that is a very comforting thought, in the end.

Thank you for sharing this BC.

Sandy

P.S. And thank you, selfishly for dropping my post a notch in this topic, Life's Passages. I hated seeing my name and topic on the front of the menu. Very painful to see....