I imagine there are no real answers to this but I'll ask anyway. My mom went into the NH today. I've seen a lot of mental deline in the past year and more so in the past several months. She'll sit and talk to herself, wanders, is completely incontinent, will only recognize me if I'm really standing close, and is getting less and less able to function. Is there any kind of average as to how long they live once they go into a nursing home? The uncertainty of it all is so hard to deal with. Will be be ten years or ten months, one year or five, etc. It's so hard.
Priscilla, We understand what you are saying.We want to know we have the ability to make up for lost time.Actually we do.Make the time you are able to spend with mom memorable.You will be so pleased to see her smile once she sees your face.Touch and give hugs as much as possible. You can only do so much when having to work, care ofr your self and your home. You stood your ground for mom and this will give you strength to go forward. Your experience will be an asset to others who need help in this area.They say each negative has a positive
Posts: 2108 | Location: home | Registered: August 02, 2005
Originally posted by mae: Once you experience the relief of knowing mom is being cared for and you can do what you need to do . Do not concern your self with how much time mom has left. [QUOTE]
I guess gradually I will start to feel better. I'll try not to focus on how long she will be there. All I keep thinking about is that this is the beginning of the end. She will die in a NH and the reality is sobering. So I keep wondering how much more time left. I have to stop doing that.
[QUOTE]We all think once our loved ones have gone things get better.It does not always happen as such.We are left with so many emotions to deal with.Many , not pleasant.At this time you may not realize you will have memorable moments with mom.Moments that will be so valuable as her time comes to an end.[QUOTE]
She still knows me so that's a plus. I know that when I go there, she'll be happy to see me so that's a good memory I can keep someday.
[QUOTE]Take advantage of each day as you can never recapture what you have missed.[QUOTE]
That's when I get upset because I think about all the things I can't recapture. And all the things I missed out on these past few years.
[QUOTE]Allow your self to go forward mentally and physically. Once mom is situated and all is done you will see light at the end of the tunnel.
Yes. Once I get all the paperwork I'll feel better. ANd one she's actually in the NH and it's more of a normal routine for me that she's there, I guess I will gradually start piecing back my life and figure out 'what next' for me.
Originally posted by DONSWIFE: First off, I'm so glad you found a place for your mom. That was some mess you got through![QUOTE]
It was horrible. I was just thinking - one week ago tonight, I had no idea she'd be in a NH today. Weird how it all happens so fast and furious.
[QUOTE]I had a website that "predicted" time from NH admission to death, but dropped it from my list a while back. [QUOTE]
I'll Google that and see what I come up with. Her body is fairly healthy so I think she could be around a long time. It's her mind that's shot. She's quite mobile with that walker of hers! A real Go-Go Granny. In fact, the NH put a wander guard on her right away for her wandering. That was a big relief too.
[QUOTE]"Stages of Dementia" can also be found on the internet. Those charts show the progression of the illness, but be aware that the mid stage is the longest, and the final stage can last quite a while, too. [QUOTE]
I'll Google that also and read it over again. She's got some characteristics from late mid stage and some from early final I think. I have to re-read it.
[QUOTE]Breathe easy - you've completed the first round of the race.
That's it - I can breathe now. I accomplished what everyone here told me not possible. Everyone and I mean everyone from the dr's to the ALF's to the Alz. Assoc. lady to the ombusdman told me there are NO medicaid beds at all in the state of SC and that I would never get her in one. It took me a near nervous breakdown to do it but I did it.
[QUOTE]Originally posted by fat, dumb and happy: priscilla, there is no way to know how long this illness will go on or even what direction it will take. [QUOTE]
That's what the dr. said. I hate the idea of her being in a NH just going on and on for years and maybe wasting away. Her body is much better than her brain and it kills me to think of her just being 'trapped' there for years waiting to die. I think she will get to the point of not knowing me because in the last couple months, she didn't know me until I was standing right near her. Then she'd look at me, stare, take a minute or so, and then it would register with her who I was. In some way I really want some selfish time for me now. Yes, this whole deal nearly did break me. I need to re-nourish me so that I can get back to functioning normally. In time I think I will move from here but not for a while yet. She still needs me and I need to be here for her until things change. I'll know when I think. And yes, I'm going to practice breathing! LOL I want to find me again. I've lost me in this whole process. I want my life again and want to start to enjoy things again someday.
priscilla, there is no way to know how long this illness will go on or even what direction it will take. no one knows. no gudelines will help, no one else's experiences, only god knows and he doesn't usually give us the game plan in advance.the mom you know wll live in your heart and your memories. this is not the same person who raised you and loves you. enjoy what time you hae when you can. she may get to a point of not knowing you but these times are about just cherishing the moment. it know you will probably relocate and not be able to see her often but keep her in your heart. you found hera home through love and heroic efforts, god bless you. if you leave the area send her cards and notes. they love getting mail. caregivers can read the same words over and over to them and they love it like the first time. take care in building yourself back up. this deal nearly broke you and i imagine your body and mind need plenty of rest. and remember, the system really sucks in sc but not all the people do. enjoy your friends and take time to breathe again. it really feels great to breathe! it might take you awhile to recognise the sensation, in and out- in and out...there you go, now you've got it keep on keeping on!
Posts: 1329 | Location: mitten state | Registered: May 23, 2007
Priscilla, you have made it through one stressful hurdle.It takes the state mucho time with paper work.Once you have all this settled you will have time to catch your breath and do what needs to be done for you.Once you experience the relief of knowing mom is being cared for and you can do what you need to do . Do not concern your self with how much time mom has left.One never knows and will not serve you well to think about it.It is a waste of valuable time.Take it one day at a time. We all think once our loved ones have gone things get better.It does not always happen as such.We are left with so many emotions to deal with.Many , not pleasant.At this time you may not realize you will have memorable moments with mom.Moments that will be so valuable as her time comes to an end. Take many deep breathes, get your hair done, go to your job, Think of this time as one of the many challenges you have faced .It will give you the strngth to face other challenges.Treat your self to something you love to do.Take advantage of each day as you can never recapture what you have missed.Allow your self to go forward mentally and physically. Once mom is situated and all is done you will see light at the end of the tunnel.
Posts: 2108 | Location: home | Registered: August 02, 2005
First off, I'm so glad you found a place for your mom. That was some mess you got through! There is just no way to predict how long she will live. Medical staff still can't do that unless there is a terminal illness involved, and even then they can't be totally accurate. I had a website that "predicted" time from NH admission to death, but dropped it from my list a while back. You can probably find it too if you search with those terms. I'm not sure how accurate it is, but it was interesting. "Stages of Dementia" can also be found on the internet. Those charts show the progression of the illness, but be aware that the mid stage is the longest, and the final stage can last quite a while, too. I wish I could be more helpful, but I know others will be here shortly. Breathe easy - you've completed the first round of the race.
keep on keeping on!
