I am so glad I found this forum. I really needed to find folks who understand.

I am an only child with 2 relatives who live together in their home - in another state. Both have early alzheimer's and dementia – the other congential heart failure. Both relatives are around 90 years of age, most of the time they say they want to stay in their home. Both need care 24/7.

Financially, it's time to do something so they can continue to stay in their home as long as possible. Since there's no lien on the home, I feel like the best choice is a reverse mortgage. A home equity loan is another loan to pay back every month which seems to defeat the purpose of getting the loan.

They have gotten use to the caregivers and naturally since they are still slow-motion mobile, they know their way around their own home. One of them is slightly destructive and whatever you say not to do – she will do – lights, the stove and turning up the thermostat, getting up late at night and leaving water on because she doesn't sleep – (sounds minor but it's not) I just don't know what to do. Even if I quit my job and moved in with them, I couldn't continue to work, and take care of both of them. I am not of retirement age.

I have also been told that within the next 6 months they should probably be in a nursing home due to their increased need of care, short term memory and changes in behavior. I was told that moving them into a nursing home while they are together is better than moving one of them after her condition has deterioriated and the other has passed away.

How do you keep peace of mind?????

Welcome 7447! Boy, did YOU ask the $64 question! I think you have the solution to your dilemma already. Don't wait until Ms. Contrary burns the house down... get them both into a more supervised care situation while they can still adjust to it. The peace of mind comes from knowing that no matter what happens to them, nor how incapable they become of handling their own lives, they have SOMEONE who WILL look out for their welfare and happiness - YOU!
Many blessing to you for looking out for their interests!

7447 welcome in...How do we do it..."One day at a time".
Who ever these people are to you I am guessing they mean alot to you because of your worry for them here. Have you spoken to them directly? Are you their child or??? Who has a DPOA and POA on these two LO's? They do have in home care so Im guessing someone here has an active participation in their care yes? If this is you contact an Eldercare Attorney after you have spoken to them and got their ok to go ahead in this