Hubby and I have been discussing when and if we should move my mother to an AL facility. We found one in particular not too far from here which I fell in love with -- small (30 residents max), family-like, owned and designed by a company which had been lauded in the press and by the ALZ Association for its program. The cost is lower than I'd anticipated -- granted, it's still a lot, but compared to others we've visited, and considering that everything's inclusive, it makes sense.

Of course I'd have to sell the house if I were to place Mom there. I expected that. BUT...

1. What happens to hubby and I? Hubby is an IT contractor who's not been able to take very many jobs because of Mom (he's her primary caretaker). I'm the only one with a FT job which pays OK, but nothing fantastic. We've managed to keep up with the household bills, etc., between my paycheck and Mom's savings, but for how much longer? As I see it, we'd have to move at some point anyway, whether or not Mom stays with us. Thing is...I can't afford anything around here on my salary unless it's a cardboard box *gulp*

2. In light of #1, I suppose the sensible thing to do would be to stay here and hire in-home help. I'm not too sure if this would pan out in the long run, given that Mom's ALZ has made her a "crazy woman" lately. She's becoming more unmanageable, behavior-wise, and I keep thinking that there are others who have the training and experience to deal with her symptoms. Aside from wobbling, she's physically OK.

3. If we did remain here, I can't afford to remodel the house, should she need a wheelchair (very likely at some point) or anything else. Heck, I can't even give her a shower because the entire stall's falling apart. That's not fair to her. There's nowhere to move her bed downstairs.

4. And the one thing that's been preying on my mind...how the hell do I clean out 40+ years of her stuff?

I apologize if I'm rambling. All of this has been foremost in my mind since she started declining back a few months ago. Her lawyer said that the ball's in my court; if I don't wish to keep the house, then start the ball rolling now. But if I decide that, then where do hubby and I go?

Embersmom ~ there is a company that I have come across recently in the Boston area that may be of some use to you.
Website - www.house-works.com
I have heard that they are a good resource if nothing else. Since they are in your area they should know where to direct you. Good Luck! You're in my thoughts.

Way cool EM! tell me how it goes!!! Im feelin excited for ya! Ah the smell of fresh construction in the morn! Wish I was over there with ya I would lend a hand! So so on the plumbing, but construction now thats what I love love love to do!

quote:

Originally posted by Bunnys_grl:
Embersmom, I have a thought since the house is still in your moms name... My mom used to spend her days at a senior center over here in California sometimes the senior centers can refer you to a program that helps the elderly "fix" things in their houses that need fixing...I wish i could remember their name its something like "Christmas in April"??? They came in and fixed my moms deck, front door and the plumbing in the bathroom for free. You might want to go into the center and ask as I remember an episode of "This old house" that featured a simular group in your area...I hope this helps.

I've heard of a group similar to that...don't remember if it was from TOH or from our town's COA, though. Our regional tech school has a lottery for elders in which, if your house is picked, the construction students will work on it for free for their year-long project.

Hmm...I'll call the COA Monday and see if the program's still available. Thanks, Bunny!

Embersmom, I have a thought since the house is still in your moms name... My mom used to spend her days at a senior center over here in California sometimes the senior centers can refer you to a program that helps the elderly "fix" things in their houses that need fixing...I wish i could remember their name its something like "Christmas in April"??? They came in and fixed my moms deck, front door and the plumbing in the bathroom for free. You might want to go into the center and ask as I remember an episode of "This old house" that featured a simular group in your area...I hope this helps.

quote:

Originally posted by Advocate4Seniors:
From reading your post, I would assume the house belongs to your mother and the deed is not in your or your husbands name?

Yep, it's in Mom's name. She refused to turn it over to me before the ALZ, and I didn't fight her.

Her lawyer says that it's now too late to have it changed to my name, given Mom's age and where she's at.

Hi, Mar -- yeah, rents around here are roughly the same (I'm right outside of Boston, btw). If hubby was working FT there'd be no issue, but since he isn't, most of the financial stuff falls on my shoulders. I could swing it if it were just me and nobody else, but with him and the dog...*shudder*

I talked with the folks at Mom's day care earlier this morning about Mom's behavior. They think her anti-anxiety meds either have to be adjusted or she needs to take something else to calm her down. Unfortunately I won't hear from either her primary doc or her neuro until Monday. I've got her Risperdal...I don't know if I should start giving it to her or what...

From reading your post, I would assume the house belongs to your mother and the deed is not in your or your husbands name?

Embersmom, I hear you loud and clear. This is my mom's house too and if we put her anywhere what would happen to my son and me? The cheapest apartments here run $1,000 a month for a one bedroom so that is out of the question. I'm not sure what state you live in but we get help from Catholic Charities and a few other agencies. My mom was very beligerant and would physically lash out to hit people who came to help her. I've been lucky as I've warned them and they knew how to handle her and just when to step away. Even now she still can try to take a swing at people. They even helped us in getting (renting) the hospital bed with an air mattress and wheelchair. It's a lot of paperwork but may be worth it for you to be able to keep the house. When my mom was like this I was ready to pitch a tent in the local park and live! The doctor told me it would change and she would be easier to handle and it was true. He gave me lorzapan(sp) for when she was really bad and it helped to calm her. I think the last one I gave her was around Thanksgiving. It took the edge off enough for her to calm down. I would tell you to talk with her doctor. He may be able to help you by letting you know what agencies are in your area. How about daycare? I did that for awhile and she thought she was going to work and really behaved there. The AL place sounds like a good option but make sure YOU and your hubby can make it first. Keep us updated.