Well after months of recuperation and therapy for my father's broken hip,I had to move him to a nursing home.

His therapy had run out through medicare so he was no longer wanted at this particular place.

Filling out papers for his admission we came to a DNR (Do Not Resucitate). I said this is only if he should have a heart attack. Oh no problem.

Well the first visit he was sick with a cold. I said have you called the doctor? She said I have gotten a prescription for a cough syrup. I said how about a z-pak for the infection? She said she would call the doctor this was on a tuesday. Wednesday I came back and asked how he was doing with his new prescription? She said the doctor never returned her call. I said call his office and I will listen. I went home and waited three hours and called her back she said no he has not returned my call. I said thank you I will give him a call.

After explaining to his nurse that this was the second day without him returning a call for my father I was visibly upset. Anyway he called him a prescription in for a z-pak.

He finished his prescription and he was still breathing very shallow. I asked the nurse to check his breathing out. I don't think she ever did.Signs of pnemonia folks.I learned to late.

Anyway Tuesday morning at 1:30 am I get a call and she said I am ordering your Dad another z-pak? I have put him on oxygen but, he is resting peacefully now. Before I could get to the nursing Home he was gone. There were two ambulances there and of course he got nothing but supportive care. I was furious. My Dad never had anything wrong with him physically he had just broken his hip they let him lay there and get pnemonia and die. Please be sure you follow up on your loved one they are sent there to die.
He was 91 years old and had no memory loss. I found out they had put him on marizpan for depression? I think they don't let you know what they are doing. Don't take their work make sure you know what they are giving them.

Hannah

That's one thing w/LBD, the hallucinations. Mom use to tell me all the time that people were mean to her & yelling at her at NH. Then a little later she would tell me some wild story about one of the other residents. It is hard to sort out what is real & what is created.

MB makes a good point & I did exactly that, visiting at different times/days. Everything was always the same. The staff was nice to her, when they knew I was watching & when they didn't know. I hope this is your situation as well.

Mom needed some type of "stimulation", interaction too. She did best when around other people. Unfortunately most of the other residents on the dementia floor were not capable of giving that to her & yes they slept a lot, roamed the halls in their wheel chairs or sat in the common area listening to music or watching tv.

Have you addressed your concerns w/ the social worker at the NH? The NH Mom was at had activities almost daily & the staff made a point to get Mom involved. Also have you had any type of meeting w/staff about your Mom? Some NH have mnthly or bimnthly "progress" meetings where you talk about PT, OT & her overall care.

I know it all feels overwhelming & emotionally/mentally draining right now but hang in there. You have the stregth inside you, even though it may not seem like it right now.

quote:

How will I EVER be able to tell if something really happened or if it is all in her head?

Get a camera bear for her room. It also helps to kinda "pop in" when least expected and be surreptitious... I remember one caregiver here telling about hiding out in the cafeteria until visiting hours were over then scurrying around the back corridors, etc. She learned a lot on her little espionage excursion. It's tough to do that when one has a job, but making sudden appearances at "off" times is a good idea. Like coming back an hour or so after leaving... The idea is to see what happens not only with your mom but with other patients when visitors are not expected. HOPEFULLY, you will find that everything is going well.

I am so sorry that your mom isn't receiving the kind of personal attention that she needs. I sometimes wonder if people are in there because they are mentally challenged or if they become mentally challenged because they are in there.

"I think an important thing to remember is: once a LO is placed in NH, our job as CG's does not stop. Our duties change but we still need to be their advocates & watch over EVERYTHING that goes on in NH & ask lots of questions."

Mz. Liza,
My Mom has been in the NH for only about a month but I am now getting what everyone is saying about still having to be the constant watcher. I thought NH would be a relief because they would be doing more...but they seem to treat everyone nicely IF they are sitting in a daze in front of the tv or sleeping. My Mom isn't like that. She is bored, frustrated, thinks she is 'moving' everyday or 'going to get a job'. So she requires a little more attention. And actually a little common curtesy and conversation does miracles with her. I've seen her ask a question and they don't respond. Or she asks and they can't understand her so they just walk away. This adds to her frustration and resistance. Lately she tells me certain nurses yell or curse at her. Here is my dilemna...she hallucinates ALOT. She will never remember an incident long. She confuses people. How will I EVER be able to tell if something really happened or if it is all in her head? They are always nice when I am there?????

As for the level 2 'DNR' I do think my brother and I chose the level that Mom would have chosen for herself. So in that I feel ok.

Mzree Sorry for your loss & how mismanaged was father's care was.


Hannah,
Decisions regarding how to respond to situations w/our LO's w/ "terminal" illnesses is heart wrenching. When Mom was placed in NH in late stages of LBD I had to make similar decisions & carried extreme guilt for stating DNR. Then I realized the guilt wasn't because I was following thru on Mom's wishes but that I wasn't ready to consider saying good-bye.

Mom was a proud women & I know there was no "quality of life", no cure and no reason to prolong her misery. Once I understood that, making decisions for her like she would became easier.

I think an important thing to remember is: once a LO is placed in NH, our job as CG's does not stop. Our duties change but we still need to be their advocates & watch over EVERYTHING that goes on in NH & ask lots of questions.

I just got done filling out a nursing home form for my Mom that had levels 1, 2 or 3 for how you wanted them treated in an emergency. (My Mom is only 66, but has severe Lewy Body disease.) I picked level 2 which is 'no' to extreme measures or machines but 'yes' to treating infections and other illnesses. Perhaps I should look again at this issue and take MomsBuddy's advice about not giving them a signed directive so they can decide instead of us deciding on a case by case basis...
Mzree, I am very sorry to hear of the way your father died without you having full knowledge of what was happening. This shouldn't happen to anyone no matter how old they are or how sick. You are right that you should have been fully informed all along the way. My sympathies to you and your family.

When one comes down with pneumonia, there is tell tale signs. The patient will be excessively tired and breathing will be labored. I am not a doctor but even I know what the symptoms are.

In elderly patients, pneumonia is the number cause of death because the body cannot fight off the infection.

My condolences go out to you and your family. I know his passing is causing you great grief.

Dear Mzree: I know, only too well what you went through with the snf on your fathers behalf.

I am so very sorry that it was neglect that caused your fathers condition to worsen. I'm just so very sorry.

Sandy

Mzree, I am so sorry you have to loose your dad this way.I understand as my mother passed all too soon because after 3 months of neglect, a a non careing faclity she was gone.Yes we have to be there as advocates.When my husband has to go to the hospital in anambulance, I try to get there when they do as to make sure all information is correct and I am consulted.
Hugs to you .To those who chose to forget they were responsible for anothers loved one , shame on them.

Mzree, I am so sorry. At 91, your dad had lived a good life and I am sure you knew he WOULD die someday, but none of us wants our loved ones to go because of bungling by the docs & staff. It is hard enough without that added to the burden of emotions.

I have been very careful with Mom's DNR. Even though the hospitals always want a copy, etc., I never have given them one. I have her DPOA and I will decide when to enforce the terms of her DNR in accordance with HER wishes (not the hospital's, the doc's or anyone else's).

I am so sorry for you that these last days with him were consumed with such worry - seems very inhumane and I certainly hope that the doc and the staff are having some sleepless nights thinking and rethinking how they managed (or DIDN'T) his care.

I hope you can find comfort and peace with his passing. {{{HUGS}}}

Mzree My deepest heartfelt condolences on the loss of your father.... (((hugs)))

Mzree, I'm so sorry for your loss. It's true that we have to be the advocate for our parents, just like we would be for a baby. Prayers being sent your way.