It went as planned. I had the home care caseworker, Erin, come to our home (my 89 y.o. dad lives with my husband and I) and the three of us sat down together and discussed the situation and his needs. Erin told him that he now needed 24/7 coverage and that she couldn't come up with more than 5 hours a day of care for him, so I had to provide the other 19 hours a day and it was too much for me. I told my dad that I didn't have a daughter who was going to care for me in my old age and needed to earn money now to save up for my retirement. I had to work evenings, we couldn't afford to pay for the care ourselves, and the state wouldn't provide it. I reminded him how he freaked out one day and ran across the street to Harborview the market, yelling "Help, help, call the police." I told him that Adult Protective Services will step in, if I leave him alone and take him away to an institution that he might not like. I told him that he'd be on the first floor and wouldn't have to use the elevator (which is really important to him, he felt like he was in prison in the last nursing home because of the elevator).

Then I got his Christian Science Practioner, Dorothy, on the phone and that allowed Erin to leave. Dorothy convinced him that God was with him all the time and all would be right. Dorothy and I spoke and she agreed to try to find someone locally who would go visit him in the NH so that he can talk Christian Science to another person who believes in it.

We then went to his neurologist, who asked him about his understanding of the situation and he said, "They want to get rid of me." I didn't take it personally. Dr. Wollman filled out all the paperwork and I brought it to the NH.

While my dad was visiting my mom in the NH, I asked him if he wanted to tell her what was going on and he said, "You tell her." So I did, in front of him. She gave him a hug and told him he would be alright. Then his aide took him home.

My dad and I sat out on the front porch this evening and he said he loved sitting out on the front porch and would miss it. I'm crying as I type this. What can you do? Sometimes life is really sad. I wish my dad could live out his last days enjoying life in my home on my front porch, but I have to earn a living and I have to prepare for my future. We are going to sink so far into debt if I have to keep paying for caregivers in the evening and so much of my business occurs in the evening, because that's when people are off from work. My husband is almost 70 and his social security check doesn't go far.

I will call Admissions in the AM and hopefully they will have a bed and we can move through this and onto the next chapter of life. It's a heartbreak.

I just thought I would share how I handled this as it may help someone else. It takes a lot of planning and forethought to get the right conversations going that lead someone to the conclusion that going in the NH is the right move. He has Lewy Bodies dementia, not Alzheimer's, so it is a bit different. As he said to the doctor today, if I wasn't able to think so clearly, this wouldn't be a problem.

Hi Bobcat,

Thank you. I'm just hoping that my experience can help some others. It was hard to figure out how to have the right conversations to bring him to the point where he agreed to go. I've been approaching the topic generally, letting him know that I was trying to keep him in a home care situation rather than residential care, but that it might come to this at some point. I didn't want to lie to him or trick him into thinking that he was just going in for a short time and then coming back home. My parents and I have always been honest and straightforward with each other and I couldn't live with myself if I didn't follow that path to the end. It's hard now to do it this way, but in the long run, it will work out better.

GailSusan, Big hugs to you, I can feel how hard this is for all of you. It is a strange phenomenon that we try to "freeze" life in a good place for our LOs. It just can't happen, life is change, good and bad. No change is not possible for them or us. Just not possible. You have done and are doing good work for your folks. Just come back here any time you need me to remind you of that.

It was a big change to move to Conneticut, this is not so big. I can understand why you are crying.